Contrary to popular belief, I am not an elk

Don't accuse me of being an elk, I'm not one of those. Elks are quadruped with hooves, whereas I walk on two legs and use fingers to type. 

[pixie-wizzard]

When will y’all learn

[someoneiwasnt]

[Image ID: Tweet by Pearl 3: peal (@/PearloLesbo): “Bro trust me my exclusionism is different bro no where are you going no trust be bro its good this time bro I swear this time they’re actually harmful trust me bro this is good bigotry bro I swear bro this time it’s different and justified bro” /End ID.]

[f1rstperson]

I watched trans discourse to nb discourse to bi discourse to ace discourse to aro discourse to any person without a full label discourse to any kinky lgbtqia+ discourse to queer discourse to intersex discourse to pan discourse

I am not lying when I tell you it is. Literally. All. The. Same.

“Secret disgusting straight group is trying to overtake us and lying about being  a part of (label I conveniently dislike)! Every other group we shit on before is actually okay but this group is REALLY SERIOUSLY SECRET STRAIGHTS TRYING TO DESTROY US!!”

There it is. the discourse for the next decade. Packaged with a bow just for you. When you see it tell them it’s literally just EVERY DISCOURSE I SAID UP THERE repackaged. Because it is. <3

[queeranarchism]

Subchapters:

They’re ‘appropriating’ our language. Not because ‘coming out’ is something that accurately described their experience but because they’re evil secret straights who want our stuff.

They want our ‘resources’, because acceptance and support are not available in unlimited supplies and going to support groups that you don’t need is something evil secret straights do.

They have ‘privilege’. Unlike us, who are not all a combination of axis of oppression and privilege because of the many aspects of our identity. We’re 100% oppressed all the time in every way.

They don’t ‘suffer’ like we do. Because it’s totally okay to demand that people publicly expose their traumas in order to be accepted by us. That’s not ‘bullying others the way we have been bullied’ at all.

[thunderbolt]

[bsaka7]

the football analysis we all need

[ankle-beez]

Would you rather have a Phineas and Ferb summer or a Gravity Falls summer?

would you rather have endless fun forever or have satan attack you every day

[sexhaver]

lmfao the Scots in town for the World Cup have made a pilgrimage to Boston's world-famous Cop Annihilating Slide

[getrealprim]

Me: “Why does the cop get flung out but everyone else I see just go down it normally? What did the cop do?”

Me: “Ohhhh ☝️ it’s because the slide is alive and hates cops. This is good.”

[flyin-shark]

I feel cheated. no one on Reddit told me that tumblr is a serotonin factory. Keep liking and reblogging my posts please thanks

[felixcloud6288]

Just don't fly too close to the sun.

[flyin-shark]

Throw me to the sun and I’ll get it pregnant

[strangehorse]

he understands the website your honour

[latinotiktok]

[escarabangel]

Translation: "Chancho! I'm leaving now dude, i'm leaving to go work now dude."

"If someone breaks in dude, you beat the ever-loving shit out of them real hard dude, you beat the shit out of them, Chancho, you hear me?"

"You just beat the shit out of anyone who breaks in!"

translation notes:

The dogs name is 'Chancho', a slang word for a pig. Basically, its like the dog is named 'piglet' 🥺

[aspec-woomy]

I fucking can't with his little face

[littleguysdaily]

[thememedaddy]

[kingcatnine]

guards! read me my bedtime yaoi

[seven-oh-four]

my liege if you keep having all of the guards come to your bedroom to read you bedtime stories, there will be no one to actually guard the castle during that time!

[kingcatnine]

any intruders are welcome to join us for story time

[cvntkisser]

my liege the enemies to lovers yaoi is affecting your perception of the danger of real enemies.

[kingcatnine]

when will it be my turn.

[o-kenki]

[kingcatnine]

holy fuck

[kingcatnine]

happy one year to bedtime yaoi

[pangur-and-grim]

all books should be written by deeply damaged autistic perverts

[cherryaire]

Says the person who made all their sex scenes fade into black.

[pangur-and-grim]

hey I’ve listened and learned and grown as a person! in my new book, a giant spider holds a small man down and anally penetrates him! okay? and you see it all. I imagine everyone will be very happy with me now.

(link to pre-order sites and also a nice drawing of the spider)

[teaboot]

I was too busy laughing to take a picture but my son answered the door last night ready for an adventure 😭😭😭

[teaboot]

IT HAPPENED AGAINNN

[demonprincex]

on principle i'm completely with the tumblr users who wanna mock folks who don't listen to rap/hip-hop/jazz/country/etc but some of the discourse on the subject on here seems to indicate that people think merely consuming media is like an act of social justice or some shit and thinking about it like that is just as fucked. you're not like, doing a favor to Black people by putting on jazz records you know

[shutyourmoustache]

*whispers* holy shit people are amazing.

[yellow-cat]

witness her

[yellow-cat]

i see y’all appreciating her so have some more

[yellow-cat]

more! more!

[yellow-cat]

ok but i’m gonna run out of funny pictures soon

[pearlwingdraws]

Kind of enraptured by her

[itsjunetime]

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling

[wordproblemapoligist]

tom nook is NOT a landlord!!! he is a construction worker! he SELLS you a WHOLE HOUSE! He is not CHARGING YOU however many bells a month to live there! You PURCHASE a HOME that he BUILDS FOR YOU and then you PAY HIM FOR HIS SERVICE. He charges no interest he sets no time limit it is a relationship built on trust. the only penalty you get for not paying off your home is that he won't build more home until you pay him for the first one. A guy that builds you a house wherever you want him to and then charges you for the cost of construction is not a landlord you own the fucking home

[brennacedria]

He is, however, in the mafia

[pangur-and-grim]

wait I have one more story. there's a group of anti-abortion protesters who often set up by the Ethiopian cafe I hang out in, and when I was waiting to cross one of them held up an aborted fetus sign and said "how does this make you feel?" and I said "hungry", and then I was so satisfied by my own cleverness that I missed the lights and stepped off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic

[pangur-and-grim]