Ian Gallagher

"You can't fix me, because I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed okay? I'm me!" Ian Gallagher || Indie || Semi-selective || Seasons 1-7 || Sideblog

[yourcrazymuses]

Wake up With Amnesia: Mickey&Ian

[ianxgallxgher]

yourcrazymuses:

Mickey huffs when his cigarette is taken from between his lips and he looks at Ian for a moment, he could tell the red head was uncomfortable and hurt even it seemed. Listening to the guy talk about what got them here made Mickey cringe a bit, “I broke outta prison? Wha’ the fuck was I in prison for?” he knew a multitude of reasons he could have been from drug dealing or anything really though he would’ve never guessed it was for attempted murder. He slowly gets to his feet and swipes his cigarette back from the ginger and begins getting dressed though he struggles a bit and he groans a few times cus his head is in pain. “Ian….I see where your comin’ from wantin’ to stay away from all tha’ shit I do, but I gotta….I gotta go back, How are we supposed ta do shit if I don’ remember anythin’? I need…I need familiarity…” he was trying to be logical and hope the other male understood. He shrugs into his jacket before he leans over getting face to face with the red head while he puts his cigarette out against the table and flicks the butt aside not caring where it lands. “Do me a favor….” he breathes out testing waters as he rests his forehead against Ian’s. “Kiss me….before I change my mind,”

“My cunt of a half-sister said you tried to murder her even though she chased you with a gun. So I don’t know how that shit worked out but yeah.” Ian explained with a shrug. He honestly didn’t know much about Mickey’s trial or conviction because at the time he was being a bipolar dick and pretending like he didn’t need Mickey in his life. 

He knew it would be easier, better for Mickey to have familiarity, but Ian still didn’t want to go back to that world and that life. “Yeah I get it Mick.” Ian replied, shaking his head. They got all this way, were so close to being free, even made it across the border and now they were going back. Ian was surprised however when Mickey told him to kiss him. He’d hardly been expecting that. When Mickey lost all his memories, Ian had been expecting to have to deal with the in the closet version of Mickey. He didn’t waste the opportunity though, and so leaned in to kiss the other male. 

[yourcrazymuses]

Wake up With Amnesia: Mickey&Ian

[ianxgallxgher]

yourcrazymuses:

Wife? That sounded entirely un-Mickey-like and his eyebrows knit together as he exits the gallery and finds himself staring at the wallpaper. “Well I’ll tell ya one fuckin’ thing, I ain’t fuckin’ married if ‘m kissin’ you like tha’,” he utters before he finally lifts his gaze to look at the red head and he lifts the phone to show Ian the wallpaper to prove his point. “I dunno why……or wha’ you’ve fuckin’ done ta me Gallagher but somethin’ is tellin’ me to trust you..but whatever the fuck we’re runnin’ from….I don’ wanna fuckin’ run,” Mickey had pride, a ton of it and he knew he was one for running but he wanted to go home, no he needed to go home the only way he was going to get back to any sort of normality was to be in familiar surroundings. He had a feeling they were running because he himself had fucked up, Ian Gallagher didn’t fuck up, at least not in Mickey’s mind.

“You can still be married and fuck other people Mick.” Ian replied, taking the phone back and slipping it into his pocket. It was the one thing Ian was most bitter about, that Mickey was still married to Svetlana. He hated it, knowing that his boyfriend and the man he loved was married to a woman. It was somewhat reassuring to hear that Mickey still trusted him even if he’d forgotten everything. But Ian still didn’t want to go home, nothing about Chicago made him want to return. Sure he’d miss his family, but honestly, none of them had been supportive of Ian for a long time, only Mickey. “You broke out of prison Mickey, we escaped to Mexico to have a life, a fucking fresh start and to forget that shithole. What have our families ever done for us huh? Besides shit on us? We were gonna get out Mick, be fucking free.” Ian spoke as he shook his head, taking Mickey’s cigarette and smoking it. If Mickey really needed to go back, Ian would but he’d fucking hate it.

[yourcrazymuses]

Wake up With Amnesia: Mickey&Ian

[ianxgallxgher]

yourcrazymuses:

Mickey spots his cigarettes on the table by the bed and he grabs them putting one between his lips and lighting it but as he inhales he starts coughing when he hears Ian say he actually does have a kid. “Wha’ the fuck…..where the fuck is my kid then?” Mickey takes another long drag as he hears Ian saying they need to leave soon. “The only place ‘m fuckin’ goin’ is back the fuck home Gallagher…..I need ya to take me home…” he utters, he obviously didn’t understand he couldn’t go home, but then again with the amnesia and the injury if they could produce the documentation to the courts they may dismiss things due to the trauma. He snatches Ian’s phone from him though and he opens the gallery begins looking through pictures of Ian and himself and a child in some and then a woman. “Whose the bitch?”

Ian thought about taking the cigarette from Mickey and telling him he couldn’t smoke in here, but he didn’t. “Back in Chicago.” He answered. There was a small part of Ian that had wanted to be able to take Yevgeny with them but honestly, he’d just wanted to be free with Mickey, to start a life together, just them with none of that painful history. It was completely selfish, Ian knew but he hadn’t cared. At the mention of going home, Ian wanted to give all the reasons why they couldn’t. He didn’t want to go back to Chicago and all that shit, they had been fucking free. “If that’s what you want...” Ian replied, clearly not happy with the idea. He let Mickey take his phone and look through it, not ashamed of the wallpaper he had of the two of them kissing. It was the single most couply picture Ian had of them and he didn’t care. It was his favourite. “Your wife. She’s the kids mom.”

[yourcrazymuses]

Wake up With Amnesia: Mickey&Ian

[ianxgallxgher]

yourcrazymuses:

Mickey didn’t mean to but when Ian sat beside him, he scooted a bit away from the red head, afraid of what would happen if he got too close, he remembered not being able to be honest about his sexuality, about how he had actually had a thing for Ian for awhile, even before he fucked with Mandy. He listens but is still pretty confused, how had he ended up “with” Ian Gallagher? He shakes his head a bit, “This is a joke righ’? Next thing your gonna fuckin’ try to tell me is I have a fuckin’ kid or some shit,” he utters as he digs his palms into his eyes. “My head fuckin’ hurts….” he breathes out without thinking much about what he’s saying before saying it, he never used to admit to being in pain or weak and yet for some reason he hadn’t stopped himself from being honest and showing the slightest bit of weakness.

Ian was about to tell Mickey that it wasn’t a joke when the other’s joking comment reminded Ian of a very hard fact. Mickey did have a kid, and Ian had no idea how to break that news about a very rough part of their lives. “You uh...you do. Have a kid.” Ian replied, voice drifting slightly as if he was almost afraid to say it to Mickey. “I can try and explain the last...five or so years to you if you want Mick or I could give you my phone and you can look through it. I’ve got all our messages on there, pictures, maybe something will jog your memory. Or we can just...I don’t know start from the beginning? Either way we’re gonna have to split from this hospital at some point because I can’t pay and we were supposed to be heading on anyway.”

[yourcrazymuses]

Wake up With Amnesia: Mickey&Ian

[ianxgallxgher]

yourcrazymuses:

He heard the approaching footsteps and for some reason some how he knew those footsteps were Ian’s but he didn’t know how he knew that. Hearing Ian’s voice, so soft and worried? it made something inside of Mickey react, like he cared what the other man had to say, why did he care? Mickey narrows his eyes a bit, not understanding why he was feeling these different things about the red head, his memories may have been gone but his reactions, his emotions weren’t.

“Wha’…..Gall–….Ian….wha’s goin’ on?” he could tell time had past just by looking at Ian and himself. “H-how…how old are you? Wha’ the fuck…why don’ I know how we got here….or more importantly….why are you here?” he moves passed the boy and sits down on the hospital bed with legs dangling off one side as he leans forward resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands now as he groans, pain ripping through his body.

Ian sighed. How was he supposed to explain any of this? He gripped his phone tight, knowing that on it was some evidence of their relationship, past pictures of them together, text conversations that Ian could use as proof if Mickey didn’t believe him. He sat next to Mickey on the hospital bed and tried to find the right words. “I’m twenty-one Mick. I think you suffered some memory loss from the head trauma. Our car got hit as we were making our way further into Mexico, I broke my arm.” Ian explained, showing his cast and slung arm. “I’m here with you because we decided to leave Chicago behind. It was a fucking dead end for us anyway. We’re...together Mickey.”

[yourcrazymuses]

Wake up With Amnesia: Mickey&Ian

[ianxgallxgher]

yourcrazymuses:

Mickey was about to answer Ian’s question when the nurse returned with a doctor and the man approached Mickey’s bed side and shined a light in his eyes and began asking questions. Mickey lifted his hands, “Hold the fuck up alrigh’? I dunno where the fuck I am okay? the last thing I remember is chasing this fucker because he hurt my sister’s feelings….but clearly somethin’ else is goin’ on what the fuck is goin’ on?” Mickey had answered Ian’s question and the doctor pulled Ian aside. “Sir do you know what your boyfriend is talking about? We need to know in order to properly diagnose the situation, we think he may have suffered traumatic damage in the accident,” the guy is explaining as Mickey is now trying to get out of the hospital bed and trying to pull his IVs out of his arms while the nurse is telling him to stop but he isn’t listening.

Mickey manages to get out of the bed and free of the wires connected to him and he gets up, stumbling a bit at first and walks into the bathroom looking in the mirror. He was clearly older, years older. “What….the fuck….” he utters loudly as he becomes filled with more confusion and worry.

Ian was a little relieved to see a doctor arrive and hoped that maybe he could shine some light on the situation. He was starting to freak out a little on the inside but kept it bottled up so as not to potentially freak Mickey out any more than he seemed to be already. When the doctor pulled Ian aside he went somewhat reluctantly. “Yeah I know what he’s talking about but it happened like four years ago when we were kids growing up, before we were even together.” Ian explained. Ian’s frown only grew when the doctor explained Mickey must have some head trauma that he’d suffered in the accident that had caused memory loss. 

The very fact that Mickey had forgotten everything about them, their whole history, cut Ian to the bone. Their shared history together had defined them, shaped them and built them into the strong couple they were now. Ian wouldn’t have run off to Mexico for just anyone. But now, it was like a clean slate, none of the baggage between them, Ian’s mistakes, the porn, the cheating, the breaking up with Mickey, Trevor... It was all gone, but so was Mickey’s coming out, his love for Ian. Mickey was back in the closet and now he only knew Ian as the guy who’d upset his sister. He turned to Mickey and walked over towards him a little hesitantly. “Mick, I think maybe we should talk.”

[yourcrazymuses]

Wake up With Amnesia: Mickey&Ian

[ianxgallxgher]

yourcrazymuses:

Mickey looks around the room highly confused for a long moment and then back to Ian. Something was different, way different, Ian wasn’t as young as Mickey recalled him being and as he looks down at himself, shirtless because of the bandaging they had on him, his eyes widen at the tattoo across his chest with the red head’s name. “Did you do that? Is this a fuckin’ joke?” he points to the tattoo but then narrows his eyes a bit, if Ian looked older….what day was it? No…what year was it? Mickey began to panic, heart rate increasing, the machines beside his bed beeping at an alarming rate.

“Where the fuck did you say we are? what’d you do kidnap me?” a nurse walked in checking the machines and Mickey looked at the woman, “Do ya fuckin’ mind?” he snaps and she rushes out of the room to go retrieve the doctor. His head was pounding and his eyes hurt because of it as well. “Is this pay back for me beatin’ your ass cus you hurt my sister?” that was the last thing he recalled with Ian Gallagher was hunting him down because he had hurt Mandy’s feelings.

Ian watched Mickey carefully as he seemed to take in the room, himself and Ian. He could see from the confusion growing on Mickey’s face that something was definitely wrong. At the question about the tattoo, that definitely signalled to Ian that something wasn’t right. “No, you did it, you asshole.” Ian quipped back before the beeping of Mickey’s heart rate monitor got louder. 

“Kidnap you? This was your fucking idea, you dragged me along for this ride.” Ian argued before he looked at the nurse, hoping she might be able to shine some light on the situation. Had Mickey forgotten everything? He clearly knew who Ian was but he clearly didn’t remember where they were or why they were here. When Mickey mentioned Mandy, it all seemed to snap into place for Ian. Mickey thought it was back when they were kids, when Mickey had been chasing him around the South Side looking to beat his ass. Well shit, that was certainly going to complicate running from the feds. “What’s the last thing you remember Mickey?” Ian asked, his eyes turning a little sad. Mickey had forgotten everything, their whole history. 

[yourcrazymuses]

Wake up With Amnesia: Mickey&Ian

[ianxgallxgher]

yourcrazymuses:

@ianxgallxgher

They had been running, running from the law, running to Mexico but what they didn’t expect was a car to hit them on the way, flip their car and all Mickey could recall was pain and flashing lights and the sound of sirens. He was injured pretty badly, a few broken ribs, a pretty serious head injury, but days had passed, nearly a week or two before he woke up. Eyes blinked open to greet blinding lights of a hospital room but what jolted him up was the sight of a red haired boy with his head rested on the bed, sitting in a chair next to Mickey.

He sat up, pain ripping through him from a bandaged up ribcage and nearly ripping his IV from his arm with such a quick motion. He looks down at the boy and the face was familiar but he didn’t understand why the hell Gallagher was sitting beside him. “Yo, carrot top wake the fuck up,” he utters as a hand reaches over to shove the boy’s face off of his bed. “What the fuck are you doin’ here?”

When their car had flipped, Ian had thought that had been it, the end for the both of them. Waking up in the hospital a few hours later had been a surprise, but the first thing he had been concerned about was Mickey. Was he alive? Ian had taken the least amount of damage, broken one arm and a few superficial scrapes but Mickey had been far worse. He stayed beside his boyfriend’s bed the whole time not moving for anything unless it was a nurse or doctor checking on him.

When Mickey finally woke, stirring Ian awake he blinked, rubbing his tired eyes. “The fuck Mick?” Ian complained about the shove and frowning at the other. “I stay by your potentially dying ass and that’s the wake up I get?” He spoke before Ian’s frown deepened at the question. “What do you mean why am I here? We’re stuck in fucking Palomas hospital while I dodge questions about insurance and who we are.” Ian explained.

[dxstinedtofail]

Hurt So Good

[ianxgallxgher]

dxstinedtofail:

Mickey feels a little relaxed, watching the smile rise to his boyfriend’s lips. He really did intend on calling Svetlana in the morning, and maybe…maybe then he could prove to Ian that he wasn’t fucking going anywhere. He knew that sometimes Ian got irrationally paranoid, but he wanted nothing more than for Ian to believe him. He had stuck it through all of this and he wasn’t just going to throw that away. Ian brought out the real Mickey and Mickey didn’t want to say goodbye to that version of himself. “Yeah well I ain’t below it. Not anymore.” Mickey grumbles, pressing a soft peck to Ian’s lips before returning to his spot on the couch. 

“Now are you gonna c’mere?” He pats the space beside him, eyes never once leaving Ian-trying to gauge his next actions. He didn’t want to push him too far, he just wanted everything to be okay which was hard with the heavy topic of their earlier fight. His marriage and Ian’s disorder were heavy topics that were both extremely sensitive to talk about. 

Ian felt himself continue to relax as they fell back into that natural routine they had established years ago. “Good to know.” He chuckled, returning the soft kiss, finding it brought an almost goofy smile to Ian’s lips. Whenever Mickey kissed him, or did something so casually romantic and gentle it made Ian smile like that because sometimes he still couldn’t really believe this was Mickey kissing him like that. But it felt good, so fucking good every time.

Ian moved over to join Mickey on the couch after shrugging out of his coat and boots. Their earlier fight was still in the back of his mind but for now Ian was happy to let it lie and just try and move forward, enjoy their evening together. He flopped down next to Mickey, twisting so that his head could lay back on Mickey’s lap while Ian’s long legs draped over the arm of the couch. He always liked sitting like this with Mickey, especially when those tattooed fingers he loved so much ended up carding through his red tresses. 

[damnnmilkovich]

[cvmpeach]

damnnmilkovich:

“Miss me?”  “Mickey?”

[dxstinedtofail]

You Left

[ianxgallxgher]

dxstinedtofail:

“You got a lot closer than most people. You are a lot closer to me than most people. I’m tryin to let ya in.” Mickey admitted, although he. knew he wasn’t doing a good job. “I’m trying to open up, to be better, but I’ve spent my entire life closed off and I can’t just flip around one day. It doesn’t fucking work like that. Growing up I wasn’t really allowed to keep anyone close Ian, not without getting hurt or hurting them. This is all fucking new to me.” Mickey muttered, blue eyes falling down to take in the tattoo on the back of his knuckles. 

For the most part, the alcohol had worn off. He could still feel it buzzing around the corners of his mind a little bit, making certain things fuzzy as his thoughts tried to organize themselves. He wanted to give Ian something, let him have something that he could hold onto. Maybe it was some form of hope that he was trying to give the other with is next sentence. “Mandy knows.” It was quiet, so quiet. “I didn’t have to tell her…she just figured it out,” Mickey said gently, unable to look up at Ian in this moment, afraid of what he might see. If he ever had to see Ian’s green eyes look at him the way they did before he left then he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop himself from crying this time. “If ya need someone I know how much she means to you and she knows.” Even though he wasn’t exactly sure how much she knew, he assumed it was maybe even more than he did at this stage. 

He finally lets his gaze rise, in time to see Ian nod. Part of the fear that was gripping his chest so tight slides away. He was trying to get to where Ian wanted him to be, but it wasn’t so easy. Ian might not see it, but he had already come a long way from where he had once been. The next question doesn’t catch him off guard He had been anticipating it. His natural reaction would be to. throw it in Ian’s face that they were only two guys that were fucking. Only he knew that it was a lie, Ian was more than a warm mouth to him. His voice is steady when he answers, small and soft, but steady like he’s sure of what he’s saying. 

“We’re together.”

“I know that Mick, I’m not stupid. I know you have to keep your shit on the down low because of your dad, I know what your family is like, I’ve seen them, spent enough time around them. Mandy is my best friend. I know having feelings isn’t the tough man South Side thing to have, it’s fucking gay. And I can see you’re trying, I’m just saying it’s hard for me sometimes, always having to wait for what I hope I might get and then get kicked in the teeth for it later.” Ian replied with a low sigh. He didn’t want to belittle Mickey’s efforts to change, and he certainly didn’t want Mickey changing for him. Ian wasn’t sure what he wanted half the time, he was still a kid trying to figure that all out. He just knew he wished he could have something normal with Mickey.

Hearing that Mandy knew gave Ian pause for a long moment. Part of him was relieved to finally have someone he could talk to all of it about that wasn’t just Lip, but instead his best friend. But Ian wasn’t sure how Mandy would take it, how they would talk about it. He’d honestly feel a bit weird talking to her about how he loved to fuck her older brother. 

Ian waited, honestly not sure what answer he was going to get. His gut told him it would be what he didn’t want to hear. After all, more times than he can count Mickey had done everything in his power to prove that he and Ian were nothing special, just a couple dudes that fucked. So when Mickey actually said they were together, Ian blinked. He was so taken aback, that for a moment the redhead was left speechless. “Really?” Ian asked, voice small as if he was afraid that asking might make Mickey take it back. But he had to be sure that he wasn’t just dreaming or had misheard or something. 

[dxstinedtofail]

You Left

[ianxgallxgher]

dxstinedtofail:

Mickey never even thought about how his struggle with his feelings might have affected Ian. He never wanted to hurt the redhead, but he had been pretty focused on how much he wanted to beat the shit out of himself and finally give in to his wants with Ian. Licking his lips, he looks down at his lap. It wasn’t an excuse, he had wanted to ask Ian not to go, not to leave him. But it was like the war was still going on inside of him. The new Mickey and the old Mickey were both gripping a side of him so tight. On that day the wrong side had won and Mickey had suffered because of his stupid decision. 

“You were never just a convenient fuck Ian, not even when I was telling you that's all you were to me. I was only telling you that because the way I actually felt fucking scared me.” Somewhere in the conversation, he had gotten his wits about himself. He could still feel the warm buzz of alcohol in his stomach eating away at him, but it seemed to have set his mind free for a few minutes so that they could have some kind of discussion. Even if Mickey was running out of sappy things to say and all he really wanted was to feel Ian’s arms around him again.

Sitting down on the couch he blinks slowly, letting everything roll over him. He was scared of a lot of things, and that alone was enough to drive him crazy because Milkovich’s weren’t supposed to be scared of anything. Having his heart on the line was scary, the way he felt for Ian was scary, and the thought of losing Ian was scarier than all of that. 

He wouldn’t call us a couple. Mickey’s mind is spinning because if he was asked to say something out loud that is what he would have said to, but were they? This wasn’t something he was used to but maybe they could take more steps than just one tonight. 

“I haven’t seen anyone else either Ian, I just. I want that for you. But, this-us? It’s good enough for me. Your the best part of my day man and I’m not ready to share you with anyone just yet. I need this to be…just for me…just a little bit longer. I’m still trying to figure out…”

“Yeah well, sometimes it’s really fucking hard to know what’s going on inside your head Mickey. You’re not the easiest guy to read and you try really hard to keep me at arms length.” Ian replied. He knew that the idea of feelings must scare Mickey, but Ian didn’t know how to help that or change it. He couldn’t just bottle up how he felt all the time because that was easier, Ian wasn’t a guy who hid who he was, not completely. He might wear his feelings a little closer to the chest than his siblings sometimes but Ian didn’t want to be like that, he’d just gotten used to it because he thought it was the only way to keep Mickey around. 

Ian didn’t want to pressure Mickey into anything or make the other boy feel like he had to do or say things just to appease Ian. He wanted to hear and feel those things with Mickey naturally but maybe that was asking too much. Maybe they were both just so fucking damaged that they’d never be in something close to a normal relationship. Ian had never wanted a relationship before and sometimes he wanted to kick himself for wanting that with probably the last person in Chicago who’d ever be able to give it to him. 

He nodded when Mickey asked if they could keep whatever they were a secret for now. It would be easy enough given it was what they had been doing for all this time anyway. “Like I said I don’t need to tell anyone Mick. Guess I’d just like a little piece of mind for myself. I just wanna know one thing. What are we Mickey? A couple or just two guys that fuck? I don’t...I don’t want to be the other man Mick and I know to you your whole wedding didn’t mean shit but it did to me.”

[milkgifs]

cute peach boy

[dxstinedtofail]

You Left

[ianxgallxgher]

dxstinedtofail:

Mickey knew what he wanted, losing Ian had proved that to him but taking seven steps forward was scary for him. He needed Ian to let him get used to the fact that he loved him in private before he was screaming about it to the whole god damned world. He needed Ian to let him breathe because before the ginger had entered his life he had been pretty sure he wouldn’t ever love anyone. He had been positive he wasn’t capable of it. He needed Ian to understand that he had already changed for him so much and come so far from the person that he used to be. 

He had started showering regularly, changed the clothing he wore so that he would be cleaner, could be better. Then he had turned into this new Mickey. Only new Mickey wasn’t actually new at all. He was the Mickey that had been so hidden away because of years of oppression, and Ian had freed him. Ian had brought back that Mickey and the Mikovich had ruined that boy a lost cause a long time ago. He was still trying out how to have feelings, how to care about someone that he wasn’t related to. How to be in love, how to be gay despite being raised thinking it was utterly and completely wrong. How to listen to his heart instead of to his instincts. It wasn’t as easy about going out and screaming out loving the boy from down the street, maybe someday, but right now-in this moment, he needed Ian to put up with the fact that he had just admitted it to himself. He was no longer afraid of Frank knowing, or even Ian’s siblings. It all came back to Terry and his brothers, and he needed five fucking minutes for everything to settle within him. 

“My dad’s in fucking jail right now Ian. He’s not gonna be out for awhile. Can we just, can you just take it for a minute. Just fucking accept that I am here in front of you saying I care about you that I fucking missed you when you were gone? You wanna hear that I whined like a bitch because I wanted you back? Fine but I can’t…” He shakes his head, shaking hands rubbing his eyes before anything can get out. “I know I hurt you, but you hurt me too.” His voice is a mumble. “I’ve never given anyone that much power before. If you need to tell your family tell them, but respect that I can’t tell mine, just…not yet” and right now it was the only way Mickey knew how to explain to Ian that he loved him.

Terry was always in and out of jail that Ian could hardly keep track these days and whenever it seemed like Terry had gone back in, he was coming right back out again, so hearing that didn’t mean much to Ian. After all they;d been caught fucking because they thought Terry was gone for a while and then the fucker just pops up at the most inopportune moments. 

Ian didn’t know what he wanted to hear. He did like knowing that Mickey had missed him and that he’d wanted him back, but it didn’t ease all of the ache from the fact that he hadn’t tried to stop Ian from going in the first place. 

“Maybe that was the point Mick. I hurt you to make you realise you needed me as much as I needed you. Because it always felt onesided, like I’m the one with all the feelings and to you I’m just a conveinent fuck. And when you didn’t stop me from going, it felt like I’d finally gotten my answer and it wasn’t the one I was hoping for.” Ian replied, turning to look up at Mickey. 

Ian was surprised when Mickey said he could tell his family, he knew how big of a step that was for Mickey, how much trust he’d put in Ian to let him do that. And Ian knew why Mickey couldn’t tell his own, in all honest Ian didn’t want Mickey’s family to know because they didn’t deserve to know the best side of him, because they’d done nothing for him in Ian’s eyes but hurt him and put him down. “I don’t need to tell them, I just want... I wish we could have the same respect that Lip and all his girls do. Like he’s never been in a serious relationship that has lasted a long time and he always finds a way to fuck it up with whatever girl he’s seeing. But us? I mean I wouldn’t call us a couple or anything but, it’s not like I’ve been seeing guys on the side ever since we hooked up Mick.”

[dxstinedtofail]

Hurt So Good

[ianxgallxgher]

dxstinedtofail:

“No jackass, I love you.” He mumbles the words affectionately into Ian’s body, nuzzling his head there. He always hated it when Ian left in the middle of a fight. He hated how much it worried him even though he told himself that he shouldn’t. The fight had drained out of him now, nothing felt resolved, but they needed to talk about it another day. Both of them had said harsh things and both of them had apologized. Emotions still hung over each of them, but Mickey wanted to move past it. He wanted to act like a grown-up for once, he knew he didn’t do enough of that. “Even though the sex is good…” He mumbled afterward as he pulled back, easily being able to tell the smile on Ian’s lips to be fake. 

“I didn’t mean it, alright? It’s hard. I know I don’t know shit about how hard and everyday you get outta bed I’m proud of ya, alright?” He ruffles his boyfriend’s hair. “Can’t ya just…smile at me? A proper Ian smile, I’ve been missing those, they always make me feel better and I ain’t below tickling you”

“Guess you do.” Ian replied with a small, brief chuckle that was more an exhale of air than an actual laugh. He knew Mickey loved him, the proof of that was the fact that they were still together even after all Ian’s shit, but Ian was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. He couldn’t shake that feeling that one day Mickey would wake up and realise what a huge mistake he’d made in sticking around with Ian, or Ian’s medication would stop working or he’d stop taking it and he’d go manic again and fuck up worse than ever before.

Ian wanted to say he was proud of himself too for making it out of bed, but he hated that people had to feel proud of him for all that. He just wanted to be fucking normal, like he’d been before the bipolar had presented himself. He wanted to go back to those days when people weren’t walking on eggshells around him. He tried to let it go like he tried every day and give Mickey that smile he wanted. 

“Never thought I’d hear the day Mickey Milkovich threatened me with tickling.” Ian replied his smile a little wider this time, more natural and less forced. 

[dxstinedtofail]

You Left

[ianxgallxgher]

dxstinedtofail:

Mickey could hear the anger lingering in Ian’s voice. Maybe the two of them weren’t meant to be as they were before, Mickey knew he had royally fucked up this time. He wanted to be mad at Ian for not understanding, for walking away, for not seeing that Mickey didn’t have a choice. If he cared at all about keeping Ian safe he had to do things he didn’t WANT to do. It seemed like a small price to pay after he realized that he did, in fact, care about the freckle-faced boy. 

“You think I don’t want to be with you?” Mickey’s hand falls from Ian’s chest, his face twisting into hurt and confusion. “You think that I just…that I fucking ask just anyone to stay?” Mickey whispered, shaking his head. “I didn’t have a choice. Not if I like breathing and you like haviin’ all your limbs. You don’t know shit about my dear old dad.” A small amount fear leaks into Mickey’s voice, he’s usually good at keeping it out but he wasn’t in his best conscious. 

HIs head spinning, the words Ian had said to him spinning over and over again in his mind, making his heart rate pick up. Ian just said he loved him. Mickey hadn’t ever heard Ian use that word before, they scarcely talked about feelings and it terrified him. He wanted to say it, he just didn’t know how and not like this. Not when his head couldn’t form a coherent thought and all he wanted was Ian’s strong arms wrapped around him again. 

“She don’t even sleep in my room. I don’t even see her. She comes for money and I tell her ta fuck off. She…we ain’t no happy fuckin’ family. I want to be with you, Ian.” Mickey didn’t know what else he would say. Ian always wanted him to run a mile, but he had taken more than one step in the few moments they stood before each other. 

Ian shook his head not really sure what to say. Part of him knew Mickey wanted to be with him, but Ian didn’t really know how much. Mickey had never been someone who really opened up, and Ian had done his best to never push or press or ask for too much. He’d always played it casual, pretended like he wasn’t falling in too deep for the other boy because that was easier than admitting how he felt and getting hurt all over again. Ian knew Mickey felt something for him, he just knew because Mickey would have cut tail and run a long time ago if he didn’t. He would have beaten Ian worse than a few punches when Ian confronted him in the abandoned building before the wedding. 

But even as Mickey said he didn’t ask just anyone to stay, Ian still didn’t know if he actually meant something to Mickey that was real or if he was just a good enough fuck. 

Ian hadn’t even been fully aware he’d said he loved Mickey. He’d said it before although he’d been blind drunk at the time and dragged from Mickey’s wedding by his brother. 

“Yeah well, you know as soon as your dad’s around she’s going to be too. You’re just gonna have to pretend and all that shit and I’m out of the picture. I don’t want that anymore Mickey. I don’t want us to be some fucking fags walking down the street holding hands and shit, but I don’t want to be a dirty secret anymore either. I’m sick and tired of always hearing about Lip’s girls or Fiona’s guys, having them talk to me about their people all the time but I can never talk about you. I want to talk about you Mickey, I want to be proud to be with you.” Ian sighed, sitting himself down on the couch heavily. Lip knew about them, not that Ian would tell Mickey that, but Ian’s point still stood, he wanted to be proud of who he loved and who he was with, and he wanted to tell Lip to go fuck himself every time he tried to put Mickey down to Ian’s face.

[dxstinedtofail]

Hurt So Good

[ianxgallxgher]

dxstinedtofail:

Mickey knew that Ian didn’t think his mistakes counted. Like he could just brush them off as not as bad. The mistakes Ian made when he was manic were not his fault, and that wasn’t what Mickey meant as using his illness as an excuse. He simply meant that Ian couldn’t scapegoat that Mickey was implying he was off his meds every time that Mickey got mad at him or told him to smarten up because he was frustrated. He didn’t want to bring it up again, sick of fighting with Ian. He wanted all of it to go away, but he was far from perfect. Terry couldn't be an excuse forever, and when Mickey had hit Ian, Terry hadn’t been there forcing his hand. 

“Good.” Mickey’s voice was soft when he finally spoke, his eyes flicker down to his boyfriend’s hands outstretching towards him. In another life, if he had been stronger willed maybe he would still be angry. But here? In the comfort of their small home Mickey, who had stood up during the dispute at some point, closes the distance between them by walking into Ian’s outstretched arms. 

His arms slowly life to wind around Ian’s neck, he didn’t want to fight anymore. They secure around his boyfriend, in a hug of sorts, his eyes fluttering closed as his forehead comes to rest against Ian’s chest that was still cool from the touch of outside air. 

Ian knew their argument wasn’t really concluded but it was over. Their thoughts were on different things concerning what had happened in the past and perhaps they’d never agree on it, always blaming themselves more than each other. Ian would always feel like he’d fuck up more than Mickey, like he’d never stop apologising for everything he’d done and he’d always have to live with it hanging over his head. Mickey might not make him feel like that, but Ian still couldn’t shake it. 

But for now, it was all said and done.

Ian was a little surprised when Mickey came over to him and didn’t seem to keep the anger, not outwardly anyway. Maybe they had both grown up some in recent years. Ian liked to think he had but he knew a lot of the time it probably seemed like he hadn’t. Ian leaned into the arms Mickey wrapped around him, trying to let himself just relax and let it all go. 

It was hard. He’d always been stubborn, but he was tired of fighting even if the guilt would take longer to shake. “Don’t think there’s anyone out there who could put up with my shit as much as you do. Sometimes I still wonder why you even bother. The sex really that good Mick?” Ian spoke, trying for a playful smile but it was small.