IT’S JUST A SHAME, THAT’S ALL — THROUGH THE LENS OF CORTIS
➪ pairing : ot5 cortis x 6th member reader
➪ summary : a continuation to part one and part two. cortis tries their best to continue living normal lives without the core part of their group. can they manage without you ?
➪ other notes : my god this part drove me insane. i like it overall and oh my days you guys are so funny in the comments, i love yall. any asks pertaining to part two will be answered later, very sleepy rn, gn everyone, enjoy :))) and creds to @/martiny.e , @/cortis.mp3 , and @/sa7easoee on tiktok for the analog horror imagery.
keonho stares down at his phone, sighing as he sends you another text. it’s been three months since you’ve “disappeared” and you still haven’t answered a single message. this isn’t like you at all, you wouldn’t just up and leave everything and everyone behind. guilt writhes in his stomach every time he thinks of the cctv. if you quit, maybe he could have talked you out of it. and if something else happened ? …he would have stopped it.
james tries to piece everything together but nothing makes sense. you left the group without any reason to, and yet the cctv shows differently. the company said something else. and the more he thinks about it, every conclusion leads to five questions. as the oldest, he tries to shoulder everyone’s emotional burden. but what about him ? how can he rest when questions continuously fill his mind. you would have been there to help him.
juhoon took it the hardest. you were the first person who accepted him into the group without hesitation, and in a blink of an eye, you’re just gone ? even though he has four other people to rely on, he feels so incredibly lonely without you, without his twin flame. there’s many nights where he silently cries himself to sleep. and with every day that passes, the pit in his stomach only gets deeper.
seonghyeon feels like a swan without its cygnet. even though you were older than him, he tried his best to take care of you no matter what. he always wanted a big sister, and at some point you became that. he still buys your favorite snacks from the corner store you always complained smelled like ass. he just can’t figure out if you miss them too. if you do, then why do you never answer the phone ?
about two months ago, staff came in and took all of your things. they ripped your bedsheets off of the company’s bed, something keonho tried his best to fight, which only earned him a harsh scolding. your notebooks that were alphabetically placed in the shelf above your bed were all trashed, your thoughts, ideas, and feelings going with them too. most of your clothes were shoved into storage boxes before staff labeled them as ‘emergency.’
“what the fuck are they doing,” seonghyeon curses outside of the dorm, biting his nails. “they’re taking her stuff…all of it, they’re acting like she never lived here,” keonho frowns. juhoon stays quiet, his fists clenching repeatedly. james tries to reason with the situation, “what if they’re just storing it until y/n comes back for it ?” he winces at his own words, what kind of explanation is that ? “that’s bullshit and you know it,” seonghyeon snaps.
“everything’s in those books,” juhoon finally speaks up. “she wrote songs in those, y/n would want to keep all of them,” he continues, looking away from the open front door of the dorm. “something’s wrong, i-“ “okay that’s enough,” martin claps his hands and interrupts. “guys i know this has all been hard for us but the company already said y/n left and we…have to understand that,” martin becomes the voice of reason.
“y/n never answers my texts, i just want to know if she’s okay,” keonho whispers, voice cracking at the end. “let’s just give her as much space as she needs, i’m sure she’s trying to keep a low profile for a while,” martin reassures him, a wobbly smile forming on his face. “that’s not who y/n is, she would have at least told us.” a scowl forms on seonghyeon’s face.
james sighs, he obviously doesn’t agree with any of this but he’s also unable to do anything. about an hour later, everything that represented you, was now suddenly gone. the empty space only grew. the mug that james uses every morning before practice. the clothes that seonghyeon ‘accidentally’ stole from your side of the closet room. the bed that keonho laid on when he missed you. the presence that juhoon longed for every day.
when james glances over to martin, the taller boy is just staring ahead. a smile is on his face but there’s no real emotion behind it. as much as james hates to admit it, martin’s been weird. not his typical weird, a weird that james has been logging for the past month. his rushed explanation for how he left you alone to go to the bathroom the day everything happened. the way he reacts when someone mentions you.
the way martin has continuously gotten snappier after you disappeared. there’s just something…odd about him. james hates himself for entertaining a darker idea of involvement. because how can he even think of pointing the finger at martin ? martin isn’t like that, if anything, he’d blame himself for going to the bathroom instead of just going with you to the corner store. martin cares about you. he loves you.
present day, the dorm becomes more glum as days pass. the boys are good coworkers, they hype each other up during dance and vocal practice. they put on a happy face for the camera whenever they film vlogs. they continue to work as just five. but as soon as the dorm’s door shuts closed, silence fills the air. martin really tries to get everyone to hang out, maybe watch a movie, play games, do anything. it never works.
between james and juhoon, juhoon tends to take the first shower as james cools down in their room. keonho and seonghyeon play around before they retire for the night. to martin, it feels like everyone has their duo except him. he’s lonely and he hates it. with no one to hang out with, martin starts walking around at night right before midnight. hoodie over his head, a face mask on, gaze tilted to the ground.
every time he goes out, he ends up in the same place. the fence behind that one thai restaurant you used to love. he never goes in, he just leans against the fence and looks up at the moon, wondering if you’re also thinking of him. despite what happened, martin loves you and he likes to think that deep down, you’d still love him too. but that’s just what he believes, it’s the only way he can sleep at night…
one night, juhoon wakes up at around three in the morning. he tosses and turns but nothing works. with a frustrated sigh, he sits up, staring into the darkness. across the room, james is sleeping peacefully, juhoon envies him. with no way to sleep again, juhoon quietly gets up and heads for the living room. since you disappeared off the face of the earth, someone has started leaving the light on, no matter the time.
no one admits to it but juhoon has a sneaking suspicion it’s james. he even heard him say under his breath “just in case y/n comes back.” whatever the reason may be, no one turns it off. juhoon flops on top of the couch, grabbing the remote. he immediately clicks on netflix, grip tightening when he notices your profile isn’t on there anymore. did the company delete it ? isn’t that a little too much ?
he huffs, clicking his own profile. he flips through various movies and shows before stopping at one, when life gives you tangerines. your favorite show, the same one you watched with juhoon when it first came out. he remembers holding back tears whilst you cried like a baby in every episode. juhoon presses on it, leaning back against the couch as the soft melody of the opening theme starts.
but even before it can finish, he closes his eyes. it felt almost like a spell, luring him to sleep. it’s weird, he never felt sleepy when you guys watched it. but his grip on the control loosens before he falls into the arms of slumber. his dream is just a flash of different pastel colors, muffled voices, and some visible faces. he dreams that the six of you go feed ducks but his feet end up turning into duck feet.
everyone fades out except for just you and him. you’re laughing so hard that you pee on yourself. you end up crying and when juhoon goes to comfort you, he tumbles over himself with his new feet. your laugh returns as he falls face first into the ground. he can’t help but laugh too but then, your laughter just stops. he looks up at you from the ground, you’re not there anymore. where’d you go ? in real life, juhoon’s eyelids flutter, catching small glimpses of his blurry surroundings.
he squints at the bright tv screen, blinding colors enough to make him look away. his vision keeps drifting in and out of focus until it lands to something motionless. martin is already standing in the hallway. just watching him. “shit,” juhoon curses, jolting himself completely awake. his eyes go wide, heart immediately accelerating. “oh sorry,” martin apologizes, walking closer. “how long were you standing there ?” juhoon rubs his eyes.
“only like five seconds,” martin answers, a gentle smile forming on his face. “i thought i heard the tv and wondered if someone forgot to turn it off so i just came to check,” he explains himself, pointing at the tv. “oh…okay…” juhoon rubs his eyes, he knows of martin’s nightly walks and sleep problems, it makes sense. “go back to bed, maybe you can sleep again,” martin encourages him. “yeah, i’m going,” juhoon mumbles, grabbing the tv remote.
he pauses when life gives you tangerines, noticing it’s only been 12 minutes since the episode started. juhoon’s barely been on the couch, did martin really just arrive right now ? juhoon shakes off any thoughts, turning off the tv before walking away. martin follows behind him, turning off the living room light. “oh leave it on,” juhoon stops in his tracks, pointing to the light switch. “why ?” martin raises an eyebrow.
“i- i don’t know, just in case, you know, y/n comes at the crack of dawn or something,” juhoon shrugs. martin pauses before sighing “if you say so.” he passes by juhoon, going into the bathroom. juhoon swears he saw martin roll his eyes, it can’t just be his imagination. but with nothing else to do, he returns to his and james’ room. he quietly pushes the door open before shutting it closed.
james stirs, making juhoon wince, he didn’t mean to wake james up. but juhoon takes advantage of this moment, “james ?” he whispers. james hums, turning over to face juhoon. “can i talk to you about something ? hasn’t martin been weird-“ james suddenly pressed a finger to his lips. juhoon albeit confused, stops talking. james lifts his finger and points at the gap underneath the door. juhoon faces towards where his older friend is pointing.
the shadow of a pair of feet. not moving, just standing on the other side of the door. juhoon feels his heart skip a beat, waiting to breathe. eventually, a small shuffle can be heard before the pair of feet are no longer in sight. juhoon exhales, chest hurting. “was that ?” james nods. “he’s been doing that a lot lately, just making rounds around the dorm,” james bites his lip, obviously disturbed. juhoon realizes that maybe an eye roll isn’t must to report on.
a few days later, the five of them are in a practice room. there’s not much going on so seonghyeon decided to mirror his phone the projector screen. “oh my god bro delete that !” james laughs at an embarrassing picture of him sleeping with his eyes open. juhoon chuckles at the selfies he took on seonghyeon’s phone. keonho keeps trying to take seonghyeon’s phone, wanting to scroll through the whole gallery. martin watches his friends, happy that they’re smiling.
eventually seonghyeon clicks on an old dance practice video. you’re falling asleep standing up, only taking one little stumble, keonho’s giggles can be heard in the background. “i remember y/n swore she was just resting her eyes,” james smiles at the video. “she needs a good sleep schedule, all of us do,” juhoon adds. “guys can we stop talking about y/n ?” martin interrupts everyone. seonghyeon turns back to face him, “why ?”
“because it makes me uncomfortable,” martin shakes his head. “but why ?” “because it feels like every conversation we have leads back to y/n, it’s already been three months,” martin lets out a frustrated sigh. “three months is nothing compared to years of friendship, y/n’s our best friend and nothing is going to take that away,” seonghyeon scoffs, disconnecting his phone from the projector.
“y/n was my best friend too, and i loved her a lot, but even i have to admit she wasn’t a saint,” martin twists the subject. “what are you talking about ?” juhoon joins the conversation, now baffled. “it’s like…we talk about something, it leads to y/n, and then we talk about how amazing she was without acknowledging the times she made our lives hard,” martin explains himself. “what times ?” james asks, furrowing his eyebrows.
“she argued with everyone, are you guys forgetting that ?” martin insists, thinking everyone’s had amnesia. “no she didn’t,” keonho defends you. “she literally did, it was always y/n starting arguments with staff,” martin throws his hands into the air. “no she didn’t martin, she never started anything, yes she argued when we were being treated unfairly but y/n wasn’t…aggressive.” james shakes his head, confused by what martin is getting at.
“and what about the time she got into a physical fight with our choreographer ?” martin doubles down. “are you forgetting the times he’s hit her ?” seonghyeon makes a face at martin. “you’re remembering her wrong,” juhoon states but it only makes martin roll his eyes. “am i ?” he sarcastically laughs. “yeah, because none of the things you described represents y/n.” keonho answers without hesitation. “sure, disregard me like you guys always do,” martin ends the conversation, leaving the practice room.
about a week later, keonho groans when he opens the fridge, a whole lotta nothing. “there’s never anything in here !” he slams it closed. “there is, you just don’t want to cook,” juhoon says, mixing in a flavor packet into his buldak noodles. “do you want me to make you something ?” seonghyeon’s standing over the stove, making a few fried eggs. “no, i miss y/n’s cooking, your food tastes like ass,” keonho makes a disgusted face.
“you still eat it though,” seonghyeon gives him a look. keonho pouts, opening the fridge again. “nothing’s going to magically appear keonho,” james shimmies behind him to sit on the counter. “i’m so hungry,” keonho whines, almost ready to throw a tantrum. “well how about we order takeout,” martin enters the kitchen. “first time you have a good idea,” keonho immediately agrees with martin.
“what’s everyone in the mood for ?” james asks the busy kitchen. “well i was the first hungry one, so i say thai food,” keonho nominates. “ugh no i’m tired of thai food,” martin rolls his eyes, earning a side eye from junoon. “we haven’t eaten it in months, i’m down for some thai,” seonghyeon ignores martin’s complaints. “so am i,” juhoon agrees. “anything’s good for me,” james shrugs, leaving martin the odd one out.
“so my opinion is worth nothing ?” martin frowns, crossing his arms. “ummm it’s 4/5, and if y/n was here, it’d be 5/6, democracy wins, sorry mr dictator,” keonho teases him. “this shit is so unfair…” but no matter what their leader says, the boys still order thai food. once it arrives, it smells like heaven on earth. they crack the lids open on every container, some food even spilling out. soon enough, things settle down, food filling their mouths instead of words.
james suddenly snorts, earning weird looks from his friends. “sorry i just remembered the time martin ordered kebab and everyone was ready to jump him but y/n said she’d eat our portions even though she hates it, just to make martin feel better,” he shakes his head as seonghyeon and keonho snicker. juhoon smirks, shoving some food into his mouth.
martin groans, rolling his eyes. “you guys might hate me but y/n was always my right hand, she was funny,” he laughs. “you mean is,” keonho corrects him. martin looks at him, nodding, “yeah, is, that’s what i said.” “no you didn’t,” seonghyeon shakes his head. “okay is this ‘ride martin’s ass as hard you can’ week or what ?” martin drops his chopsticks angrily. “they were just correcting you martin,” james tries to defuse the situation.
“no it’s not correcting me because y/n’s gone, she’s not here and she’s not coming back,” martin angrily states. “how the fuck would you know ?” seonghyeon points his chopsticks at his leader. “because…because, i just know,” martin shrugs, attempting to calm himself down. “what does that mean ?” keonho pries. “it means that she left and that she left us, can we just stop talking about this ?” martin pushes away his bowl.
“martin, i think it’s good that we talk about y/n,” james looks at him. “no hyung, it’s not, it’s so…not good and it’s been three months so can we let the y/n topic go already ?” martin frustratedly runs his hand through his hair. “she’s not a topic, she’s a person who was our best friend since we were both 12 and lived with us,” seonghyeon furrows his eyebrows. “exactly, so why are you acting like talking about her is a crime ?!” keonho supports his maknae duo.
martin scoffs, feeling cornered, “because nothing is going to change regardless and…” he trails off, not finishing his sentence. “says who ?” seonghyeon challenges him. “says me, okay ?” the room becomes quiet, food long forgotten. with a shaky sigh, james speaks up, voice trembling as he does so. “martin, do you know something about y/n that we don’t ?”
the only thing that can be heard for the next few seconds is the whirring of the AC. “do you think i do ?” martin asks james, no malicious tone behind his words. james hesitates, this isn’t something he can turn back on, an accusation so grave. and yet, he admits it. “yeah, i think you do.” juhoon, seonghyeon, and keonho snap their heads to james, confused, shocked, and in disbelief. martin’s gaze turns to his unfinished food, making him nauseous.
martin doesn’t know how to answer. he knows he can lie, he knows that but at this point, would it mean anything ? “martin ?” james asks again. martin keeps staring at his food, unable to face anyone. “bro are you good ?” seonghyeon‘s voice wobbles. “did something happen that night ?” keonho asks and it’s martin’s final straw. his shoulders shake as he starts crying, tears dropping onto the table. “i…” he starts but he’s unable to finish before he hiccups out a sob.
james leans forward in his seat, “martin, i need you to tell us the truth, did something happen to y/n that night ?” martin squeezes his eyes shut, lip quivering. “…yeah.” for a second, nobody reacts, nobody says anything, nobody breathes. “what ?” a lump forms in seonghyeon’s throat. “i…i can’t…i tried…i didn’t,” his hands go up to his hair, tugging at it harshly. “did you do something ?” keonho whispers, martin immediately shakes his head.
“not me…” martin mumbles, starting to sit straight in his seat. “then who ?” james pressures him, making martin cry even harder. “them, the company, everyone knew,” everyone stiffens, martin’s known something for three months, and still said nothing ?! “did you know something was going to happen ?” james continues, attempting his best to remain his cool. martin nods, “but i…i t-tried to warn her b-before the concert.”
“warn her about what ?” seonghyeon slams his fist against the table, making martin flinch. “that they were going to take her away,” martin rushes his explanation. “take her where ?” keonho asks, chair scooting back with a loud scrape. “i don’t know, they didn’t tell me that !” martin sobs, becoming obviously overwhelmed by the swarm of questions. “is she okay ?” james asks, eyes full of worry. a pause comes as martin freezes “i don’t know…”
juhoon, who has been quiet this entire time asks a single question. “is she alive ?” martin finally looks up, meeting eyes with juhoon. “i don’t know…after it happened, they never said anything else,” martin’s eyes are full of remorse as juhoon’s eyes fill with anger. “what happened martin, after you left with her, what happened to her ?” juhoon’s voice rises, clearly tired of martin’s tears.
martin’s breathing becomes uneven, his vision becoming blurry. he can’t hide, he can’t run, he’s ruining everything. he wipes his snotty nose, realizing that the earth can’t just suck him whole into the ground. “i…i led her down to the parking garage…and i wanted her to leave…and i tried, i swear i tried to help her…but they saw us and she tried to run but they caught up to her…and just put her in the back of a van,” martin blurts out, ending his statement with a suffocated gasp.
nobody says anything. james covers his mouth in shock, seonghyeon stares at martin in disbelief, keonho looks down at his trembling hands, and juhoon shakes his head, tears filling his eyes. “so she’s just gone ?” keonho looks up, breaking the silence despite being scared of the answer. “i don’t know,” martin whispers. “stop fucking saying that, you were the last person who saw her !” seonghyeon’s voice breaks.
“i know ! don’t you think i feel guilty that i didn’t help her ?!” martin cries before realizing what he said, his eyes widening. “what do you mean you didn’t help her ? you could have helped her ?” james questions him, “no- i mean like, no i did-“ martin stumbles over his words, attempting to find a quick explanation, a way to defend himself. seonghyeon slams his hands on the table, “don’t you fucking lie to our faces martin, either tell us the truth or i swear to god-“
martin takes a deep breath, looking at his members one by one. an uncomfortable expression forms on his face before he closes his eyes. “none of you get it. i…i wanted to help, i swear i did, but i thought about the five of us, of our effort and hard work. and i realized that if one person could take the fall, we would be okay.” keonho scoffs in his face, “the five of us ? it’s either the six of us or none of us. why do you get to decide whats right for the group ?”
“because it’s my job as the leader to look out for the group keonho. i won’t allow anyone to hurt us,” martin tries to use his authority. “but you won’t protect us as individuals ? just the group’s reputation ?” seonghyeon bitterly laughs. “no, that’s not what i meant, i’m saying that instead of us getting ruined by someone, i chose the route where our hard work wouldn’t be just ripped away from us !”
“y/n is apart of us martin, she trusted you and you still didn’t protect her or even at least tell us,” james scolds him, face contorting into disgust. “what would that have done ? y/n is gone because it was a sacrifice the company and i had to make for the greater good.” martin reasons, now refusing to back down. “say that again,” juhoon stands up, hands clenched into fists. martin grinds his teeth, “it was for the greater good.”
with that, juhoon launches himself across the table, crashing straight into martin. martin falls back on his chair, thudding loudly on the floor. juhoon starts throwing punches into martin’s face. “you lied to us-“ punch “you lied to her mom” punch “you lied to the police” punch. “juhoon stop !” james pleads, attempting to pull him off of martin. seonghyeon and keonho almost immediately backed away from the scene, not knowing what to do.
“he fucking deserves it !” juhoon yells, feeling martin’s nose break under his knuckles. “s-sop phluse,” martin begs, spitting out blood, weakly thrashing from under juhoon. but juhoon only continues, grabbing martin’s collar to smash the back of his head onto the hardwood floor. “you let them do this to her, you fucking asshole !” juhoon screams, struggling against james’ grip. and suddenly- CRACK.
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