The Depression Train Is HERE
I think we’ve all hit some level of depression the last few months, but mine JUST NOW arrived and, girl, the train is in the station. She came in fast, she came in late, and she is disruptive AF. The past week or so I just have no energy to do things like answer emails or cook or go do our grocery shopping or do anything else I normally love doing. I’m also a weird mix of over-emotional and like dead inside? Like I finished The Big Flower Fight (10/10 recommend, btw. Like British Bakeoff but instead of baking they made giant floral arrangements) and I CRIED EVERY EPISODE. But yesterday I got accepted to a really good grad school program (yet again) AND had a really really good job interview, and I feel like I couldn’t care less.
The other annoying thing with this is depression food. Usually, my depression meals are just like fries, boxed mac, and if I want something healthy then just like carrot sticks and ranch, or precut fruit. However, this quarantine has really fucked with my GI tract and IBS. I haven’t been eating very well, which over time makes my bathroom trips very frequent if I don’t eat specific foods (not exactly Low FODMAP, just specific meals). And it just so happens that none of the okay specific foods are something I want/have the energy to make during a depression bubble, and I think my stomach feeling like shit makes my depression worse. It’s a stupid cycle.
Usually with these cyclical things I can snap out of it pretty well, but for this I either need to sacrifice my physical health and just keep eating shit until my depression is gone, or sacrifice my mental health and push myself to continuously make more nutritious meals and actually eat them for a while to rebalance my insides. I’m not sure what track I wanna go with yet so I’m just here, sitting in bed, eating dry Cap’n Crunch and a ton of water. Somewhere in my noggin that is a good balance? Not sure how but whatever.















