Icarus takes a fa-a-a-a-a-all!

Fourteen. Female, I'm too lazy to write a description. What do you even write here?

[bestlols-deactivated20140726]

[provendermalkin]

There’s a new “horror” movie coming out, and the premise is that a female diver gets stuck sitting on a rock 200 yards from shore in what looks like maaaaaybe 30 foot deep water, with a great white “circling” nearby.

It is very stupid looking.

I could make all kinds of arguments about how there are only a few documented cases ever of sharks intentionally going after humans, about how we’re already trying to hunt them to extinction because people are terrified of them for no logical reason, about how the creator of Jaws regretted the shark phobia his work inspired for the rest of his life and became an extremely staunch defender of sharks as important ocean wildlife. I could say how pissed I am that yet again someone is making a “horror” movie whose premise is animals are evil and malicious and go after humans for no reason, nature and man are inherently at odds.

But instead I’m going to leave these pictures here and make the case that this is going to be a very inconsistent, confused film about a big angry fish who apparently changes size off camera.

Here we see the shark doing a Sea World style backflip in order to eat a guy right off his surfboard. (It then chases down guy number two, gets his legs in its mouth, and then… swims backwards? to dramatically pull him away from the rock?)

Aaand here we have a perfectly circular bite in the main character’s leg where the shark apparently shrunk way down, bit in deeply enough to leave a perfect circle of ouch in her flesh, and then let go. Either that, or she’s a giantess and her thigh is as big as a man’s entire torso.

Sharks, even great white sharks, really don’t give a fuck about humans. We are not food for them. They attack divers because they have relatively poor eyesight, and from below, a human paddling out into the water on a surfboard looks like a very fat, slow, awkward seal floundering on the surface. Sharks who do attack humans generally attack only once before realizing that this is not what they expected. That’s why there are shark attack survivors; the shark doesn’t try to eat the rest of the person they just bit. Great white sharks and tiger sharks can be dangerous, but so can any large animal. More Americans alone are killed by chairs, cows, deer, dogs, and vending machines (each, not added together) than are killed worldwide by sharks even on a very unlucky year.

Please be kind to sharks.

[ruthlessamor]

Be nice to Jaws.

Jaws dont want you.

[myreptiles]

Omg thank you for this post.

[icarustakesafall]

parents: come here

me: okay

me thinking: oh my god they know everything i knew this would happen i should have deleted everything i knew it fuck im done for

parents: how do you send this email

[thecommonchick]

I hate when ppl ask what I’m doing tomorrow like no offense but I don’t know what I’m doing right now

[toddmonotony-deactivated2016033]

Some of my favourite linguistic developments

‘Is that a thing?’ for ‘does that exist?’

Deliberate omission of grammar to show e.g. defeatedness, bewilderment, fury. As seen in Tumblr’s ‘what is this I don’t even’.

‘Because [noun]’. As in ‘we couldn’t have our picnic in the meadow because wasps.’

Use of kerning to indicate strong bewilderment, i.e. double-spaced letters usually denoting ‘what is happening?’ This one is really interesting because it doesn’t really translate well to speech. It’s something people have come up with that uses the medium of text over the internet as a new way of communicating instead of just a transcript of speech or a quicker way to send postal letters.

Just the general playing around with sentence structure and still being able to be understood. One of my favourites of these is the ‘subject: *verbs* / object: *is verb*’ couplet, as in:

Beekeeper: *keeps bees* Bees: *is keep*

or

Me: *holds puppy* Puppy: *is hold*

I just love how this all develops organically with no deciding body, and how we all understand and adapt to it.

[toloveviceforitself]

Man but the current usage of “is that a thing?” is not just standing in for “does that exist?” or it wouldn’t be nearly as interesting. It can, depending on context mean:

“Is that a thing (that exists)?” “Is that a thing (that people do)?” “Is that a thing (that’s considered normal)?” “Is that a thing (that’s possible)?” “Is that a thing (that’s significant)?”

In a lot of cases “a thing” is standing in for the much more archaic phrasing “the done thing”, as in “is bringing host gifts to a summoning ritual (the done thing | a thing)?”

And that’s interesting in and of itself but it also encompasses all those other meanings with very few miscommunications. Despite the multipurpose phrasing we almost always understand what someone is asking when they ask if something is a thing, and that’s *really cool*

[icarustakesafall]

My future child: Will you read me a book?

Me: *pulls out entire Harry Potter series* I thought you'd never ask.

[maggie-stiefvater-deactivated20]

If the five main trc characters were Disney princesses which ones would they be?

Dear panzyparkinson,

I’m a little surprised that you would ask this question, as the answers seem too obvious to require inquiry. Still, I press on. 

Gansey is clearly Ariel. Ariel is a heroine defined by her cultural dysphoria; all day, every day is Human-Time. Although she possesses absolutely no reason to believe that she’ll get her wish nor any peers who share her desire, Ariel wants nothing more than to be a human. And although she’s given a lot of crap for being naive, the truth is that Ariel is kind of the foremost human expert under the sea. Maybe there is something the matter with me, she wonders, as Tumblr often does in the tags, even as she longs to be part of a different world. And when she does get a shot at being something more than mermaid, she fumbles benevolently. She fails at being human because she has studied rather than practiced, and her every misstep is characterized by her admiration and love for the culture. Gansey, you noble land mermaid.

Adam Parrish is obviously both Belle and the Beast. I want much more than this provincial world, he sings in a piercing number that takes place in the carport behind his parents’ trailer. Belle wants something out of this world, and moreover, she’s got the tools and logic to make it happen. She’s well-read and self-assured; she’s curious and brave. As Belle, Adam could really do anything, if he didn’t spend at least six hundred pages of the series cock-blocking himself by being the Beast. She’ll never see me as anything more than a monster, he thinks sadly, while throwing a table against a wall.

Ronan Lynch is Pocahontas. For starters, she’s the only princess who even begins to play compellingly with magical realism, and she’s the only one with a talking tree buddy. Pocahontas also faces what seems to be an impossible either-or choice: responsibility or the desires of her heart. Does she attend Aglionby/ marry Kocoum, even though both of them are pretty square? Or does she see what’s just around the river bend? Throw in the fact that she also has a host of animal friends and falls in love with a white guy, and it’s pretty obvious to me that Pocahontas = Ronan.

Blue Sargent is not a Disney princess and she rejects your gd gender expectations. She is Mike Wazowski. Mike is unlike any of the other monsters/ psychics around him: he is not scary/ psychic. Deprived of this essential monster trait, Mike is forced to find a different way to become successful in a world that prizes something that he can never be. It turns him resourceful, hard-working, bitter, wryly funny, judgmental. He makes friends with Sully, who embodies everything Mike can’t be, because the other option is to hate him. Ultimately, Mike finds a way to succeed that no one else has, all while being a lot shorter than everyone else in every scene. Really the only difference is that he has one eye and Blue has two as of the time of me writing this blog post.

I couldn’t think of any dead Disney princesses to be Noah. Mufasa? They both died from blunt trauma. Do any of the puppies die in 101 Dalmatians? He could be one of those.

urs,

Stiefvater

[byamylaurens]

They both died from blunt trauma AND BETRAYAL. Never forget the betrayal. 

[maggie-stiefvater-deactivated20]

IT GOT BETTER

[restingshadesemojiface-deactiva]

things i do in conversation that will annoy the shit out of u

stop talking and just fucking stare into space

answer your one word question with five minutes of prologue, appendix, seven sequels, & movie adaptation of what could have been a one word answer

“what was i saying” every two sentences

answer your one word question by just staring at you blankly

try to tell u a really great story about a thing but i forgot 90% of the details so u just get 2-3 REALLY enthusiastic sentences to compensate

not know what expression to react with about a thing you said so i default to laughing & it turns out u were being dead serious

literally just not talk at all

try to make a joke, get embarrassed about the joke halfway through the sentence, and just completely trail off

walk away in the middle of the conversation

lie about my weekend because u asked how it was and i cannot for the life of me remember what the fuck i did

generally not remember basic personal info like “how old r u” “??“ “what’s your favorite song” “????????“

[baby-harpseal]

AU where magic and unicorns and mermaids and dragons exist and people read cool fantasy books about taxes and dishwashers

[castieltherebel-deactivated2020]

arthur weasley

[24ozsteak]

me: i need to save money

me: (gets paycheck)

me:

[t-shrit]

for a satire news site they hit the nail on the head

[teenytigress]

I asked my brother for a glass of water and he brought me back a cup of ice and said “wait”

[just-shower-thoughts]

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

[clockworknite-deactivated202103]

.

[heartsinsync]

Ron’s anxieties and senses of inadequacy… are the inspiration for some of Rowling’s best writing across the series. Not all of these fears stem from being the rather more ordinary best friend to someone who is Chosen. Ron is ashamed of his family’s financial limitations, which leave him with broken wands, hand-me-down pets, and ragged dress robes, all of which stand up poorly to Harry’s magical tools, his beloved Hedwig, and his sleek party outfit. The moment in Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire when Ron discovers that the gold he used to pay Harry back for the Omniculars Harry purchased for him as a treat at the Quidditch World Cup vanished, and that Harry didn’t notice because he has so much money, is one of the sharpest depictions of the awkwardness of financial inequality in a friendship that I can remember. Their gap in Quidditch skills is another area of friction. And the scene in Deathly Hallows in which Ron, having made tremendous efforts to return to the friends he abandoned, confronts his terror that Harry is more desirable than Ron in every area, whether as a son to Mrs. Weasley or a potential lover to Hermione, is a beautiful illustration of how difficult it is to love someone who constantly eclipses you.

What J.K. Rowling’s Ron And Hermione Bombshell Tells Us About True Love And ‘Harry Potter’  (via remuslupinvevo)

[brittany-murphy]

[tulipgoth]

[stuhiddlesarmitagepunkgates]

WRONG SHORT PERSON IN A FANTASY FILM. WRONG ONE. WRONG.

[maakomori]

[dwagunlily]

My whole family owns/operates/works in Chinese restaurants so lemme tell you: -We chop all our vegetables FRESH -We butcher our own chicken from whole chickens (we strip the breasts/tenders from the torso; we debone the thigh meat) -We use the bones to make chicken stock for our soups -We roast our own pork/ribs in an in-house smoker -We peel and devein all of our shrimp BY HAND (this is what i did as a kid) -We make our own dumplings/wontons/egg roll/spring rolls/breaded shrimp BY HAND (none of these are frozen) -We used to make our own dumpling dough from scratch, but it was a lot of work and we switched to premade but many other places still do this -All sauces and marinates are made by hand (no premade/store bought) -All gravy is made by hand from scratch -All soups are made from scratch -Egg Foo Young takes FOREVER TO MAKE (there are like 7 different steps and you can only make one order at a time) -An average take out restaurant has 3-6 employees (oftentimes family) -Most employees work 6 days a week/60-70 hours a week -Many employees live with their employers, sometimes very far away from their families (ie a father sending money back to his wife and kids in China) -Owners (such as my parents) usually work 7 days a week, 364 days a year (we close on thanksgiving) -Oftentimes kids will be helping out/hanging around bc they can’t afford childcare (I’ve been cashiering since i was 10) SO WITH ALL THIS IN MIND, it’s really hurtful when someone complains about our prices. Averaging $5-$10/person (which is FAST FOOD LEVEL PRICES), the food you get has fresh vegetables, fresh meat, no weird preservatives—all cooked to order. “HOW MUCH did you say this cost??? WHEEEEW!” “You’re taking all my money!” “(Asks for extra thing) Why does that cost extra?” “So what do i get for free for spending $20?” “How’s your pork made? It ain’t dog meat, is it?” —all hurtful things I’ve personally heard and had to grin and bear For some reason, it seems people don’t respect Chinese restaurants. You would never treat a Western-owned restaurant like this. Even places like PF Chang and Panda Express (who DO NOT use fresh ingredients) can overcharge out the wazoo but no one complains because they’re oftentimes being served by Western faces. It really hurts for people to act like my family’s hard work isn’t worth anything to them. Treat your locally owned business with respect. Treat your Chinese restaurants with respect. Really think about the food you’re getting and all the work that goes into it. Think of all the hard working people behind bringing you this meal you’re about to enjoy, a meal you didn’t have to prepare (this goes for fast food too). Above all else, TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS WITH BASIC DIGNITY.

[thiccthighs-n-brows]

^^^ all of this. Read it.

[justdjata-deactivated20180301]

Much Respect

[britt-on-that-bullshit-deactiva]

Wow I never knew all of this