I Have the Speaking Ball

"Welcome to the New Republic." indie blog for Vanessa Kimball | multiverse | multiship [Please read rules first!]

[icearmor-blog]

loksenna‌:

“Oh yeah, great guy, he’s funny, charming, can’t do poetry worth a damn and he’s an absolute pain in my goddamn ass, the kind of guy who menaces me in my own apartment until I take his Empathy 101 course, His name is Apollo, great guy,“ also a god. an actual fucking god. but that was a story for another time, if there was another time. “You’d probably like him,“ he flashed a smile but the actual gesture was lost by the cover of his helmet.

Felix remained silent for a good moment, wracking his brain for what to think or what to maybe feel at that moment. Surprise? Shock? Sadness? Anger? There was something there, something like disappointment? For what, she’d acted exactly how he expected her to, so where was that coming from? “Well, I know it’s me, if you want me to remove my helmet just to be sure, I can do that,“

“As for why I’m here…..“ he pointed to the wall. “That. Apollo is really good at what he does and thanks to him, I actually woke up one day and went ‘Oh god, what have I done,’ and I tell you what, there is no worse feeling than understanding exactly what kind of devastation you caused.” Felix started pacing as he talked. Arms animated with his words. “Can you imagine that Vanessa? Waking up one day with so much guilt that you were willing to personally apologize even if you knew that someone is very capable of killing you and the only thing you have is a shit gun that causes you personal harm when you use it and a knife that’s afraid of goddamn heights,“ he paused and looked over at kimball. “Please don’t ask, that’s an even longer story and very much Apollo’s fault,“ Felix said with exasperation.

“My point is Vanessa, if you want to arrest me, I’ll do my time, I can’t exactly agree to letting you kill me though, I shouldn’t be alive and I’m not going to waste that,“

Apollo? Kimball’s incredulous stare is hidden by her helmet. There are a few dozen questions that she could ask, but she doesn’t have the patience for that. And she’s still hesitant to believe a single word out of Felix’s mouth. Why should she? The fact that he hasn’t killed her is... worth something. Though it’s not much. Hardly the standard she wants to hold people to. 

Her gaze follows the gesture, brow creasing as she frowns. Slowly, she stows her gun. Felix’s rambling about his apparently useless weapons means less than nothing, but she’ll have to take that chance, if only for a moment. Shifting her weight, she crosses her arms over her chest, watching him pace like a caged animal. 

“I can, actually,” she says, tone clipped. “Realizing half the reasons I’d been waging a war were built on false pretenses does lead to a fair amount of guilt, so yes, I can imagine. But you still haven’t given me a reason to believe you. I don’t know who this Apollo person is--if he’s really made you see the light, I suppose I owe him thanks, but how am I supposed to trust that? Going on and on about someone I don’t know and feelings I can’t believe you have isn’t going to convince me. Everything you’re saying is still about you, just like it’s always been.”

She regards him for a moment, half tempted to call for reinforcements. But sticking Felix in a cell is only going to be satisfying for about five minutes. Maybe ten. So she sighs, squaring her shoulders. “As much as I would enjoy having you rot in a cell... that won’t let you fix anything. If you really want to make amends, you can’t do that from prison.”

It’s a terrible idea, but she takes a step forward, then another. She still leaves a few feet of distance between them, not willing to let Felix that close just yet. “I need proof. You have to give me something that proves you’ve changed, or that you’re trying to. And I don’t want some... bizarre trinket from your counselor. You need to tell me something I can believe.”

[icearmor-blog]

andersmiths‌:

“Of course.” He’s not about to turn down coffee from the general, as long as they’ve both been around, it makes him a little more relaxed.

Andersmith follows her lead, then. “Don’t…get me wrong, sir, I’m normally okay sharing space with everyone else. I’m used to it. I just, um…needed a break.”

Kimball keeps her hand on Andersmith’s arm as she walks along at his side. This isn’t the time to have him trail along behind her.  

“I can understand that,” she says, with a nod. “It gets to be a bit much for everyone now and then. We’ve been in close quarters for so long, it only makes sense that you’d be feeling this way. If it would help, I could assign you some solo patrols, or give you more private quarters.”

[icearmor-blog]

loksenna‌:

Felix was lined up for a shot. ‘You’ll make right bogs o’ yerself if ya do this boyo,’ came the voice of his current assigned companion. A talking knife with a clippy Irish accent, meant to keep him good on his word and a personal gift from Apollo. “Thanks cricket, just shut up I know what I’m—” as if in response to Kimball’s trap comment, he pulled the trigger.  In response, there was a loud party sound, the clack of the gun hitting Felix helmet and Felix helmet hitting the wall he was standing next to for hiding. It also felt like something popped in his hand and caused some pain and discomfort. 

“FUCK,” peeled out of Felix with the force of a man in pain. Mack the knife said a few things that Felix didn’t catch as he was recovering from his momentary daze. He held his gun tightly. He hadn’t actually intended any harm to kimball, he just wanted to test and see if what Mack had said about the gun not allowing him to use it for unjust purposes was true. Yes it was and this was a bad time to test that.  After a moment, he put his gun back in it’s holster and walked out into broad daylight and Kimball’s line of sight. ‘–I wonder why Lord Apollo even tries with you,’ mack said. Not that anyone besides Apollo could here the smartass knife currently cradled in a holster on Felix’s hip.

 “This isn’t a trap Kimball, trust me, even if I wanted to kill you… my, uh, counselor really wouldn’t allow that to happen. Besides, i don’t want you dead….though, now I’ve really got to know, why you even agreed to meet me, I’m a bit shocked that you’d even consider it,”

At the first strange noise, Kimball has her gun in her hand, eyes scanning the area for the source. It’s... honestly slightly surprising when Felix walks out. She can’t remember him being the type to give his position away so easily. Maybe he is changing. Still, it’s far too soon to make a call on the matter. She lowers her gun, but she doesn’t return it to the holster at her hip just yet. Her fingers itch for the trigger. 

“Your counselor?” Nothing about that sounds reassuring. Particularly with what she’d gathered about the Freelancer’s old counselor. This can’t be the same person. It’s not possible. Then again, Felix standing in front of all shouldn’t be happening either. Eyes flicking over Felix, she takes a breath. Calm, she has to stay calm. 

“I had to see if it was really you.” It’s not a lie. Hardly her only reason for being there, but after the call, she hadn’t been able to let the curiosity go. “If I’m being honest, at first, I wanted to kill you. Then I considered setting a trap of my own to bring you to justice, but I couldn’t put any of my men in danger for my vendettas.”

She takes another slow breath, fingers drumming on her gun. There’s too much distance for her to be able to get off a clean shot. And it wouldn’t feel right even if she did. Though it might be somewhat satisfying for at least a few days. No. No, she can’t sink to his level. “I had to figure out what your game was. If it’s not to set a trap for me, then what? Are you here to make a deal? Or threats? What do I have to do to make sure I never see you again after this?”

[icearmor-blog]

The ruins aren’t generally open to the public. But being president has its perks. Kimball takes a long look over the rubble before turning to wave her escort off. She hadn’t meant for them to come along, nor for them to drop her off this close. Of course, when she hadn’t been able to provide an adequate reason for them to let her go alone, she didn’t have much room to stand on. The driver of the jeep salutes before hitting the gas. They’ll be circling the city until she’s done, but they won’t enter unless she gives the signal. 

She doesn’t plan to. 

Taking a breath, she squares her shoulders. The coordinates are in the middle of the city, right at the base of the monument built after the war. Maybe not the most secure place for a meeting, but it seems right somehow. Knowing Felix, he’s probably already been waiting nearby for quite some time. His trap could be set, ready to spring. It probably is. Nothing else makes any sense. 

Hand already resting over the pistol at her hip, Kimball marches forward, head held high. Here eyes sweep the desolate, wrecked streets. No sign of movement. Maybe he really did come alone. But she can’t afford to get her hopes up. 

Kimball stops at the base of the monument. Her fingers trail over the never ending list of names as she sighs. Eyes still on the letters, she clicks on her radio. “I’m here, Felix. If this is a trap, I’d appreciate you at least making it quick.”

@loksenna

[icearmor-blog]

loksenna‌:

“There you go, doesn’t that feel better?“ Felix almost purrs. I mean at least she wasn’t getting herself into knots over it. She might, but right now that’s not what he’s after. He was on a holy quest. He thought back on things that happened in Armonia and let out a sigh. There was a choice to make and for once, he wasn’t planning to take advantage of the situation.

“You should bring someone with you, even if they are ruins, you never know who could show up– well, besides me, Bitters is a good shot and a lot stronger than he likes to show, I’d ask him to come with you or Andersmith,“ he looked over the coordinates that was sent to him. This was an easy mark, he could easily take her out. He brought his hand to his mouth for a brief moment. Time to choose between habits and what new lifestyle he was trying to accomplish. Choices. “I know you don’t trust me and I know you, so at the very least take the time to prepare yourself until you feel comfortable, I’ll see you tomorrow,“

“Oh shut up,” Kimball snaps, irritation rising again. Of course even now Felix is as smug and insufferable as ever. How had she ever thought they were friends? “Don’t pretend you give a damn about how I feel. Don’t talk to me like you care, Felix. I don’t care how death has changed you.”

Gritting her teeth, she sucks in a sharp breath through her nose. If it was coming from anyone else, she might listen. It’s not terrible advice. But from a source she can’t bare to listen to. “If you think I’m putting any of my people in the line of fire, you must have come back with half a brain. I’ll take care of myself, Felix. You at least taught me how to do that much.”

And with those sharp last words, she cuts the call. Now only time will tell what tomorrow might bring.

[icearmor-blog]

loksenna‌:

Felix honestly wasn’t sure what he’d said to set her off, but it surprised him how quick she was to threaten him. He was silent for a few stunned seconds. “what? I’m– what? the war, I was just  saying that you couldn’t have known what the future would have held so you can’t blame yourself, Sorry, was I not clear about that?” Felix tone was baffled as he fumbled over his words in his surprise as though he hadn’t expected her to get upset.

“You don’t. There is nothing I can say or do that would promise your safety, I could explain that I don’t have the money or resources to pull shit like that, I could tell you that I have someone who can vouch for my change of heart, but it wouldn’t make any difference, so, here’s a different offer…I’ll come out to a place of your choosing,“

“If I had known you were manipulating me, I would’ve stopped the fighting as soon as possible to prevent further casualties on both sides, you complete asshole!” She needs to punch another wall. She needs Felix to materialize in front of her so she can tear him to shreds with her bare hands. She needs a coffee as tall as her. Everything is too much and not enough and she just wants this to be a bad dream she can wake up from. Gritting her teeth, she takes a few more deep, calming breaths. “I didn’t know what the future held when I thought you were on my side. That’s not my fault, it’s yours. So thank you, Felix, I won’t blame myself. I’ll blame you.”

The offer... it’s something at the very least. It still sounds like a trap, too good to be true now. She should turn it down, deny him completely. But she’s always had a sense of morbid curiosity. Felix can’t see her, but it doesn’t matter, her squared shoulders and head held high aren’t for him. “If you want to meet. I’ll be at the ruins of Armonia tomorrow... at these coordinates. I should be alone for a few hours at least. I’m going there to pay my respects and I can’t stop you from joining me in doing the same.”

And before she can think better of it, she sends the coordinates as well. 

[icearmor-blog]

loksenna‌:

Felix remained silent as Kimball said her piece. “If you had known what was going on, maybe things would have been fixed sooner or you would have kept on your civil war until everyone died, hindsight is 20/20, but that doesn’t mean you could have predicted or known what the future could have held,” He remembered saying some similar things when he acted as her right hand. it almost felt like a very distant memory then. Part of him wondered what kind of face she was making on the other end.

“I did ask if you wanted to meet face to face and you said you didn’t want to see me so, not entirely my fault, besides you really beefed up security and it’s really difficult to get to you,“ he glanced over to the other side of the room. Two reminders of his quest to be a good boy sat there.  “I want to make amends, I want to fix what I can, but I’m going to leave it up to you, I’ll send you my location and you can do what you want, but if it even remotely looks like I might be in danger, I’m bailing,“

Jaw clenching, Kimball’s hands curl into fists. The gloves she’s wearing are the only things that stop her nails digging into her hand sharp enough to cut. Of course. Even now, he doesn’t truly want to make peace. She can’t bring herself to be surprised. Fine. So be it. “Don’t,” she says, barely lower than a yell. “Don’t you dare talk about the war. You have no right. After everything you did--”

With a noise that’s almost a growl, she cuts herself off again, turning to drive her fist into the nearest bit of wall she can reach. She barely feels it as she shakes out her hand. Damn it. Damn him. Another breath, then another, until she feels a bit less like screaming. “You’re a coward, Felix. You always have been. Calling out and asking me to take a chance on you when you offer nothing in return--how can you expect me to believe you’re not going to walk me into a trap? Give me one good reason, Felix. One reason. And don’t you dare say that we used to be friends. We never were, you made sure of that.”

[icearmor-blog]

agt-arkansas‌:

Ark had been feeling anxious about this since the moment she’d called him to her office. Paranoia regarding his performance haunted him every day, it was no stretch of the imagination to think Kimball thought he was slipping. Maybe he was. He’d gotten hurt last week. But he hadn’t let it impact the mission, nor had he let himself falter on any work after the fact. He was doing the best he could. 

His face is tense when he goes to sit down, and his shoulders never fall an inch as she speaks. He doesn’t let his eyebrows knit together either, doesn’t let himself frown, but he can’t stop the clenching of his jaw behind his closed mouth. 

And then he can’t stop himself from protesting. Because he owes them a debt. They brought him back to life. They gave him a home and a purpose. Because if he’s not Kimball’s best man, he is not trying hard enough. “General,” he blurts, “Ma’am, I can’t– I think you are overestimating my injuries. They have healed. I am more than capable of carrying out this mission. Have you been unsatisfied with my performance? I can fix that. I can do better.”

Eyes shutting for a moment, Kimball takes a breath, fighting the urge to sigh or pinch at the bridge of her nose. Perhaps she should. Show a little weakness to make Ark more comfortable showing his own. But instinct and habit are difficult things to fight. They’ve both been in combat for far too long. Maybe that’s why she likes him so much. 

She offers a small smile as her eyes open again. “I’m more than satisfied with the work you’ve been doing here, Ark. You are an invaluable asset to our cause. And that’s why I’m asking you take a bit of time to let yourself rest. That... and the fact that I’m concerned. I see the way you push yourself, day after day, and for a war you crashed into by accident. It’s incredible--you’re incredible.”

Leaning forward a little, her eyes scan his face. He looks tired. Then again, she’s fairly sure he’s looked that way since he arrived on Chorus. And he’s far from the only one. “The people of the New Republic owe you a debt that I’m not sure we can ever repay. So... this is something I want to do for you. I want to make sure you’re being taken care of properly, and that includes making sure you take care of yourself. Because you aren’t just another soldier here, Ark, you’re one of my people, and I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

[icearmor-blog]

andersmiths‌:

Smith jumps at the approach. “Ah- Mom! I mean– General mom, sir! I mean-” 

He buries his face in his gloves for a moment, breathes, and then straightens back up. 

“…sorry, General Kimball. I, um…haven’t been sleeping again and you startled me and I was spacing out and-” 

John, you’re rambling again. He clears his throat. “…I don’t know, I just wanted the time away from everyone else, really, today.” 

He just gave her fifty different things to unpack, and that’s not even normally his style. He’s very sorry, but he doesn’t like apologizing too much either…

Mom? Kimball blinks a few times at that. She’s been called quite a lot of things by the people who serve under her, some less pleasant than others. That, however, is a new one. And not something she knows how to feel about at the moment. 

“It’s... it’s fine, Smith,” she says, voice a little softer than usual, her hand moving from his shoulder to his back. “I can understand wanting a bit of space. I doubt anyone will be in the mess hall now. Come get some coffee with me.”

Lack of sleep ticks several warning boxes, but it’s probably best to get him at least a little less tense before tackling that. 

[icearmor-blog]

loksenna‌:

 Felix was silent for a good moment before he responded. He wanted to be smart with his next handful of words. This was, after all, him putting a serious effort into trying to turn his life around. “It’s good to know that some things never change, your still just as feisty as I remember and you care so much, that’s always been very admirable,“ 

He drummed his fingers on the tabletop for a moment. “Because you deserve it, nothing more, nothing less, I did a lot to the people of chorus, but I wasn’t friends with them, I was friends with you.” His voice was mostly even, there was maybe a bit of emotion behind his words, more a sound like he was exhausted than anything as if this conversation took a lot out of him. “Not that their lives were meaningless, but now that I have nothing left, I realize it really wasn’t worth it,”

 He wondered if he should show Kimball the place he’d been revived at. “I’m not going to say that I’d change it if I could go back in time, but I’ve been put on a path to make up for it, or at the very least turn my life around and never do anything like that again,“ He smiled, though kimball couldn’t actually see it since this was a phone call. “You don’t have to forgive me, I won’t make you either, that’s not what I’m looking for, I’m not saying sorry so you’ll welcome me back like some lost sheep, I’m saying sorry because at the very least I know you didn’t deserve any of what I did, Vanessa, who knows maybe one of my two regrets in life will grow to regretting everything, but right now, I just regret ruining what chance I had at being friends,”

That means nothing. Kimball can’t let it register. Nothing he says can be trusted or believed. Felix is a monster, no amount of soul searching will change that. She’s fallen for his act once. Never again. “And you’ve always used that against me. Why should I believe this is any different? Apologizing for the mind games doesn’t make me forget they happened.”

Friends. The word burns. Because she can’t deny it. That’s what they were... or that’s what she thought at least. Felix feeling the same should mean nothing. Less than nothing. “So you’ve figured out that murdering an entire planet wasn’t worth whatever you were being paid? Really? Have you ever heard the expression ‘too little too late’?”

She wants to scream at him, but hell, at least she believes that he wouldn’t change things. That’s Felix all over. It’s familiar. Somehow that makes it worse. “You can’t make up for this. Don’t you understand that? You can’t fix an attempted genocide!” Forcing herself to stop, she takes a breath. Shouting won’t help. “You have your regrets, and I have mine. If I hadn’t trusted you--if I had thought for a second... but I didn’t. And here we are. We will never be friends, Felix. Not now. But if you want to make amends, do you think you can do that from a distance? Hiding on the radio?” 

[icearmor-blog]

loksenna‌:

“Yeah, I figured as much,“ Felix couldn’t help but smile at how little she’d changed after all this time. It was almost heartwarming to hear her get so worked up. “Well, then you’re going to only hear this once, I’m sorry, for everything, the mind games, the war, for everything, I’ve had a lot of time to think and reflect.” not exactly by his own will, but he wasn’t going to get into specifics. 

“My biggest regret came after realizing that if I’d chosen the right side, maybe I could have had what I’d always wanted, a home, friends, sappy shit like that, but I was too far up my own ass to see the kind of friends I had around me and instead used you all for my personal gain,” he closed his eyes and breathed slowly “I thought I only needed one person in my life and so long as I had him, I didn’t need anyone else…. and I even drove him away. I ruined literally everything good in my life and I can’t make up for that, I can’t make it up to you or him and I can’t bring back the people that died… but, from the bottom of my heart Vanessa, I’m sorry,” 

Eyes shut, Kimball sucks in a slow breath through her nose, hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. Felix--wherever he is--is too far away for her to put them to any use. She needs to keep her head. When she speaks again, her voice is brittle and made of ice. “Why are you doing this? Why now?”

There’s too much about this that doesn’t make sense. Felix talking to her shouldn’t be happening at all. And yet the apology is almost more baffling. She knows Felix... or she thought she had once. Sincerity doesn’t suit him. It never has. Now, just a hint of it makes her sick. 

“You wanted me dead. You killed so many of my people--good people, innocent kids who just wanted the war to end! Why in the hell do you think I want to hear any kind of apology from you? I will never forgive you. There is nothing you can do to make this better. Do you understand that?”

[icearmor-blog]

loksenna‌:

@icearmor​ // src

“This would be an apology,“ Felix said calmly over the com. He was sitting on his table as he made this call. “It was a pain in the ass to try and get a secure connection to you, you really amped up security Vanessa, nice,” he said with a slight inkling of pride in his tone. “But, as much as I’d like to gush over how proud I am, that’s not what I’ve called for. I’ve been living on Chorus for a couple months now and I’ve been working on fixing the damage I caused, We can talk in person or you can listen to my apology from here– personally, I’m not looking forward to dying again, so I am hoping for the one that leads to the lowest chance of me being shot,”

“An apology?” Kimball repeats the words, voice heavy with disbelief. This can’t be happening. She doesn’t believe any part of it. “How are... when did...” She cuts herself off, taking a breath to get her voice steady. “Why in the hell do you think I want to listen to an apology from you? You think you can fix things? Whatever you have to say to me, you should say it now, because if I ever see you again, I’m going to put you in the ground and make sure you stay there this time.”

[artsyorangeykay]

it’s fine though because later bitters will be singing an eeeever so quiet rendition of striped sweater when he thinks no one is listening

also i adore @creatrixanimi’s idea of matthews’ facecanon basically being luke skywalker

[icearmor-blog]

“ it’s me—wait! …please don’t hang up. ”

The voice on the other end of the radio makes Kimball’s blood run cold. Her hand is curled around her gun before she has time to think about it. She shifts slowly, eyes scanning the area around her, every muscle tense. For a second, she nearly dismisses it. It would be easier if it was just in her head, but... no. She knows what she heard. 

“Felix,” she says, spitting the name out through gritted teeth. “What the hell is this? Where are you?”

[sagamemes]

more angst & post angst sentences.    since this is the meme i see the most on my own rp dash, have a part two of sentences indicative of trauma and pain, past or present. feel free to edit the sentences to your own needs as you wish.

“ what happened to her? ”

“ is this it? ”

“ duty before love. ”

“ you were gone. ”

“ i keep seeing you. ”

“ please, don’t tell him. ”

“ i need to get you warm. listen, you’re gonna want to go to sleep, but i can’t let you do that, okay? just stay with me, stay with me—! ”

“ she figured it out. ”

“ you were too late. ”

“ i don’t want you apologies, i want my [relation] back! ”

“ i told you! why didn’t you listen?! ”

“ it’s me—wait! …please don’t hang up. ”

“ they gave me a new life. ”

“ and you believed them? ”

“ don’t… don’t touch me. ”

“ could you, for once, think about everyone you’re gonna leave behind if–/when/ you finally get yourself killed? ”

“ it’s nothing personal. ”

“ you’re going to have to kill me yourself. ”

“ it’s always been just you and me. you and me. no one else. ”

“ the worst punishment for a parent is to bury their child. ”

“ lie to me. ”

“ i already have [name] risking their job for me. i can’t risk anyone else. ”

“ you kill me, you’ll never find [name]. ”

“ he has [name]. ”

“ i don’t care what happens to me. do it to save yourself. ”

“ i—-i can’t breath…! ”

“ if /your/ family was being threatened, you’d do anything to save them. ”

“ i needed to learn how to never be afraid again. ”

“ please—just pull the knife out! ”

“ why do you own a gun? ”

“ i don’t know who to trust anymore. ”

“ you’ll fuck me but you won’t [go out with/date/marry] me. ”

“ we need to stop this. it’s too risky… and i can’t lose you. ”

“ i carried your coffin! ”

“ don’t follow me. ”

“ i’m mad at god. ”

“ none of it was real. i was just doing my job. ”

“ why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?! ”

“ i was the only survivor. ”

“ i never met her. ”

“ you choose your family, but it doesn’t change the fact that i’m still 50% him. ”

“ she’ll kill you if you don’t get out. ”

“ not if i kill him first. ”

[icearmor-blog]

@perpetualxfire liked for a starter

The training area is almost deserted, which is exactly what Kimball had been hoping for. It’s too early for anyone to need her for some small emergency and her first meeting isn’t for hours. Really, she should probably be using the time for sleep, but if she doesn’t get her work out in now, she’ll never get the chance. 

She’s pausing to catch her breath after her tenth lap when footsteps catch her attention. Whirling around, she straightens up, immediately at attention. At the sight of Carolina, the tension goes out of her shoulders and she lifts a hand in a slight wave. “Morning, Carolina. I didn’t think anyone else would be here so early. I won’t be long if you wanted to have the place to yourself.”

[icearmor-blog]

cannonfullofcanons‌:

{ @icearmor }

“Hey there, dude! This is Vic, at 555-VICK, doodly doo! I’m lookin’ for a Vanessa Kimball, duderino. She in the casita?”

“Um.” Kimball blinks, eyebrows rising at the unfamiliar voice. “Yes, this is her speaking. Can I... help you with something?”