nododyisgoingtosurivethis

she/her 19!! doesnt like hp anymore but oh well

[idespisebabanas]

starting to realise that if I want to see fics in the world I gotta write them 😓😓

[hotdogmacaroni-deactivated20260]

aot fans saw all of this and still decided to make the most popular ship eren x levi (a 15 year old and a 30 year old btw)

they just wanted to see the ocean together ☹️

[idespisebabanas]

im so locked in today guys (she says to an empty room)

[idespisebabanas]

i’ll finish it later

[idespisebabanas]

Wonder why I've named her Eve??? 🤔 ❓️❓️

[idespisebabanas]

and wonder why that they never soothed your fevers?

[idespisebabanas]

praise me i’m the lord!

[idespisebabanas]

I feel so incredibly sick right now like I was dropped in some fucking dystopia and everything that was once good is now distorted and gone and I don't know how things were suppsoed to be but it wasn't meant to be like this.

[idespisebabanas]

Me and my friends sat outside today at break because it was sunny. It was nice, everyone was in visibly hight spirits because of the unexpected sunlight we've been treated to this week. I couldn't help but share that excitement too. The moment felt like something out of a coming-of-age novel truly, something that should be internally encapsulated in time.

But undercurrent in the back of my mind, is the knowledge that it shouldn't be sunny at this time of year. It never happened. Last year around March it snowed. For reference I live in England, where it is renownedly, always cold. It shouldn't be sunny. But it is. And while I enjoy the light, I know the reason why it's here is sure to doom us all

Also art!!!!! Yay!!!!

[idespisebabanas]

Once I learnt to animate I swear it will be over for you bitches.

Anyway ocs since the song brutus has been rattling around in my head for two years and I news to draw something to it

[idespisebabanas]

[idespisebabanas]

Youthinasia - The Skin Cells

[mzumonograham]

I need them all

[idespisebabanas]

I should probably finish this.

[idespisebabanas]

Im actually so upset I can't even draw. I'm 13 and my drawing have gotten a little attention and that makes me feel estatic. But I feel like I can't draw anymore? Like ik realistically it's just temporary but idk. I feel sad. Everything is just ick. I'll probably feel normal tommorow morning and delete all this lmao im being really fucking edgy

[idespisebabanas]

The night sky looks at me with the affection of a friend. I do not fear it when it swallows me whole. There is a special kind of warmth in being hurt, in being consumed. Does blood not run hot? When it seeps out of a wound can't the one bleeding out feel the warmth emmited from it? Does it feel like a hug? Does it feel like home? Would I even want to know? If I came across it at an intersection would I be able to tell the difference? Do you even care? I'm bleeding. Can you see it? It is warm, sticky, red. Do you even care?

The urge for a blade across skin has lasted for years. It has not left me. I suppose it never will. I feel sick when I think of cuts. That never used to happen before. I wonder if there is a connection between comfort and disgust.

[idespisebabanas]

I fr cnat do shit lmao. Can't write or draw or talk to anyone as an outlet. God scares me. I'm scared of my friends leaving me, my family is nt an option. I just have to sit here and cry. Everytime. Its exhausting. I can't even make something beautiful out of the suffering because my hands are to clumsy too partake in the act of creation when I'm sad :((

Fuck.

Ill try writing about it in a bit just let me recover rq