boring butch

they call me pants. the way i. wear pants. she/her/he/him. 22

[mousegirlheart]

you're the only one who understands me mr strobbery

[bumblebeebats]

Why is it that every time I google something like "Are olives poisonous to cats" the top results are always like "Fun fact: Cats are carnivores! This means that they eat meat. There is no reason to include olives in a cat's diet. You should feed your cat cat food, which is dry or wet food especially designed for cats. You can purchase this at a store." like is there a single person alive on the planet who's googled "Are blueberry muffins safe for cats" because they're planning on switching their cat to a muffin-only diet??? No, I'm asking because the little bastard somehow popped open the packet while I was putting away the groceries and dragged one under the couch before I could react and now I need to know if I should call the after-hours vet. "Cats should not eat spaghetti." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!! "Try to keep human food away from cats." i live in a studio apartment with a completely silent and permanently hungry apex predator who has the intelligence of a toddler and the desperate Machiavellian cunning of a creature who spent his formative months on the streets. He can already open doors and he is this 👌 close to learning how to open the microwave. He is stronger than me and covered in knives. So im gonna do my best but for the moment i just need you to tell me whether this yoghurt is going to kill my son y/n

[spectralhauntings]

I've been using the pet poison hotline's poison list cause it has a search function. It also tells you whether something is mildly, moderately, or severely toxic which can be very handy! It doesn't contain like everything but it might be a good place to start, it also includes plants for fellow houseplant lovers <3

Explore Pet Poison Helpline®s vast knowledge on poisons by reviewing our pet poison list. Explore our top 10 poison and holiday poison lists

[littlemousling]

For plants specifically, there’s also a wildly detailed set of posts and listings about toxicity on the old, wonderful, Plants Are the Strangest People blog

[duckdotcom]

why don't you agitate the contents of a barrel full of cream for a while then reach your hand inside and maybe you'll feel butter

[duckdotcom]

[energyprison]

every political scandal has to be called ____gate now because 54 years ago a guy named blowjob told reporters there were bugs in the democrat offices

[hirkyy-moved-deactivated2025071]

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

[scamguy]

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street

[imsobadatnicknames2]

We should popularize more hispanized phonetic spellings of classic character names like we did with esnupi

[imsobadatnicknames2]

Citripio y Arturito

[maykitz]

[petruchio]

what if i made a really funny url but it was kind of in poor taste

[petruchio]

[beardedmrbean]

[segamascott]

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

[rhinco]

i love you semicolon. no one look at my 80 word sentence

[litteraeignotae]

Femina Ridens aka The Laughing Woman (1969, dir. Piero Schivazappa)

[bannertanks]

[ghosthierophant]

[hungwy]

We genuinely need to kill and eat anyone who likes music

[thecryptkeeper]

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”