Doing a series where I shuffle my playlist and the first song that inspires me I write a short story about
If you want to request a song you can
Currently streaming: Tally - twenty one pilots
Fanfiction:
I’m multi fandom and prefer writing original work so this is going to be very inconsistent so I may not always have a fanfiction brewing and if I do it likely won’t be out for a million years, however, who knows, maybe inspiration strikes me that day
Currently brewing for: Interview with the Vampire, Life is Strange
Fandoms brewed and still brewing: Baldurs Gate 3, Squid Games
Always working on poems
Masterlists:
Fanfictions Masterlist
Tracklists Masterlist
Poetry Masterlist
Other original works
My interests:
Favourite musical artists: Sleep Token, Stray Kids, twenty one pilots, Ghost, Nirvana, Green Day, Slipknot, LINKIN PARK, My Chemical Romance, Poppy, Paramore, Deftones, Biffy Clyro, Girl in Red, NOAHFINNCE, Hannah Bahng, Blackpink, Ateez, Blink-182, itzy, Nmixx, etc.
Favourite films: Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas, Scott Pilgrim vs the world, Nosferatu, Majority of Studio Ghibli’s films, Sinners, Kpop demon hunters, Coraline, Corpse Bride, Cornetto Trilogy, Parasite, Train to Busan, The Dark Knight, Lilo and Stitch, Tangled, Your name, Beetlejuice, Star Wars, The Cabinet of Dr Calligari, Scream, etc.
Favourite Books: Thirst, Interview with the vampire/The Vampire Lestat, Carmilla, The Girl made of ink and stars, Girl in Pieces, They both die at the end, Cinderella is dead, legends and lattes, etc.
Currently reading: Dracula, A Dowry of Blood, Queen of the Damned, My Dark Romeo, always reading manga and comics, etc.
Favourite TV shows: Arcane, Gravity Falls, Anne Rice’s interview with the vampire, Given, The Summer Hikaru Died, Friends, Skz Code, All of us are dead, Ouran High School Host Club, Gilmore girls, The Owl House
Currently watching: Squid games, My Demon, Demon Slayer, Twin Peaks, The Good Place, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, etc.
Favourite games: Baldurs Gate 3, Life is strange series (specifically the second game), Batman Telltale (specifically the enemy within), The Sims, Batman Arkham Knight, Danganronpa (specifically goodbye despair), Detroit become human, Coffee Talk, Sally Face, etc.
Currently playing: Persona 5, Date Everything, Final Fantasy 7, Projekt Sekia, etc.
Other random facts: favourite animals are bats and cats, I play guitar and ukulele, I collect funko pops, I love musical theatre, Autumn is my favourite season, favourite colours Yellow, black and red
Credits:
Banners made at: https://www.canva.com/
Images are from https://uk.pinterest.com/ (Tell me if you want link for a specific image and I can share)
Credit to my driving instructor because he said he wanted to be credited in all my work and I don’t think this is what he meant but who am I to deny his wishes. So cheers John.
writers really will spend twenty minutes pacing around the kitchen thinking “this scene is genius” and then sit down to type and suddenly remember approximately three words and one emotional vibe
You don’t understand I must finish this tv show I need to write fan fiction for it I need to ship these two best friends and make it gay I need to write fluffy yaoi and doomed yuri I need to rewrite an entire character arc I need to rewrite a whole b plot so the girl get more attention then the guy you don’t understand I need to put the bisexuals in a scenario I need to read about the bisexuals in a scenario you don’t understand
if you ever doubt that your ao3 comments matter or mean something: i have been struggling with my writing for 6 months straight, crying myself to sleep afraid that i will never be able to write again, that the thing i love most in the world has left me, that my writing is just gone
this morning i got this comment:
and after i stopped blubbering over it, i picked up my writing notebook, and re-read all my fic research, and opened up my document again for the first time in weeks without being afraid of it
you have no idea how much writers treasure every single comment we get. you have no idea how big an impact you can have. sometimes, just sometimes, your one "insignificant" comment changes everything
it’s not weird to find fanfiction from 2021, or 2017, or 2014 that you’ve never read and actually taking your time to read it.
it’s not weird to love it and comment and leave kudos because the author will probably still see it someday and it will make them happy.
it’s not weird to like said author’s work so much that you want to go look for other fics from them.
it’s not weird to go through the authors profile and look for other fics from the ships you like (or maybe some that you’ll give a chance because you liked the author) and maybe bookmark them for later.
it’s not weird to read these other fics and like them too and comment on them because you actually like them and you want to let the author know.
it’s not weird to read fanfiction from 5, or 8, or 10 years ago and actually enjoy and engage with it because it’s perfectly normal to relate to something that’s less than a decade old!
let’s stop treating fanfiction like they’re instagram posts that stop being interesting in 24 hours! fanfiction is NOT social media, fanfiction is art!!! and art doesn’t get old in one day, one year, or even a decade!
read fanfiction! write fanfiction! comment on fanfiction! let’s not let fanculture die people!!!!!
Summary: Young-mi wakes up crying from a nightmare; thankfully, Hyun-ju is the first to hear and goes over to comfort her before anyone else can reach her.
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, sort of ambiguous ending (I'm delusional)
Tags/Warning(s): (NOTE WARNINGS MAY BE SPOILERS) insomnia, mentions of dehydration and hunger, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, spiraling, nightmares, talks of death, trauma (specifically around watching someone die), brief mention to surgery, pet names used, blood, implied transphobia, references to paranoia, mutual attraction but no one initiates romance, forehead kisses and cuddles
Author notes: I've been crying a lot recently (watching squid games) and have been missing my doomed lesbians so cooked this up. I didn't mean for it to become as self indulgent as it did but insecurities have been screaming in my face as well recently so. Yeah. This takes place the night before Mingle game when Hyun-ju comes back from the bathroom btw <3
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Hyun-ju just couldn't sleep for the life of her. Even after she went to the bathroom, she was dehydrated, hungry, had more blisters then she'd like to think about and the worse headache she's ever experienced. Not to mention the beds here seemed to be made from rocks and likely the bones from all those that died before her. She repulsed from her own dark thoughts the but the flashes of gunshots echoed in her ears and the blood pooling by her feet flashed in her eyes before her as she stares down at the man she tried to save with Gi-hun, his lifeless corpse showing all their futile efforts and attempts. Will she end up like him too? Everyone dies one day, and in this place, it's designed to kill you. She knows she should vote to leave but she just needs a few more. She needs to pay off debt, get the last remaining surgeries and move to Thailand. Just a few more people to die. Just a few more gunshots. A few more corpses. A few more dead eyes staring back at her. A few more parents children, a few more children's parents, a few more siblings and spouses, a few more lives gone so she can live hers.
She sighs. The heaviest exhale she could have possibly let out. She blinks her tears away as she turns over for the eleventeenth time this night. She tries listening to the sounds around her as a sort of distraction, hopefully that will help her sleep, or she can eavesdrop on strangers talking in their sleep. Guilty pleasures are just pleasures in a place like this, she doesn't have the energy to care about it anymore. She faintly hears the sounds of breathing: ragged, slow, pained, the lot. She hears what she thinks to be Gi-hun quietly mumbling in his sleep, he does that quite a bit. Thanos and Nam-gyu were 'whispering' and cackling on the other side of the room. Geum-ja was snoring in her sleep. The normality of it all, like they were children at a school residential, was as sickening as it was relaxing. Hyun-ju finally feels like she's about to doze off when she hears the faintest of sniffles around her. It's small at first, but she doesn't ignore it; just in case. It grows a little, coming more often and louder: not like someone fighting off a cold but like someone fighting off overwhelming sobs. Hyun-ju closes her eyes and sighs once more, feeling the sympathy like a pain in her chest. She recognises her voice.
Young-mi.
She thinks about leaving it, too paranoid to expose a weakness in a place like this, especially when that weakness is a person, but the sobbing continues. Hyun-ju can hear how Young-mi is trying to hold back the tears, muffling them through her pillow, but it's still not quiet enough. Some people in here are crazy, and Hyun-ju feels her chest tighten at the thought of what some of them might do if they overhear her just to get her to shut up. The consequences that would follow that too. She lets out a third sigh, more like she is preparing herself, and slips out of her bed, not even bothering to tiptoe.
She hears Young-mi gasp as she kneels on her mattress to pull back the sheets, but Hyun-ju immediately shushes her. "Shhhh, shhh, it's okay." She's louder then she necessarily has to be, not yelling but making it clear where she is to everyone who may be listening. There are a limited number of people in this place that actually respect her but there is an even smaller number of people who would actually try it with her physically; they may be assholes but even the dumbest tool wouldn't want to go one on one with her. So even if she just risked exposing vulnerabilities to the room full of contestants, at least Young-mi would be safe. "It's just me, Young-mi, it's just me." She continues as she gently joins her under the covers. Young-mi lets out a breath of relief that is accompanied with another sob.
"Unnie." She cries out as Hyun-ju pulls her into her chest, letting her lay on top of her so she can hear her heartbeat; hoping it will do something in relaxing her.
"It's alright, I'm here, Unnie's here, I'm right here." She was just doing whatever she could to soothe her, wrapping her arms around her, holding her like the precious thing she is, stroking her hair. Despite how badly the state of all their hairs are in right now from not being able to shower for lord knows how long, Hyun-ju felt really relaxed feeling Young-mi's hair under her chin. Young-mi's sobs were now muffled in Hyun-ju's chest and her hand rubs up and down her back, but there still isn't a halt in her sobbing. "What's wrong, my love?" Hyun-ju gently asks, looking down at her. Young-mi lip wobbles as big drops of tears roll down her cheek but she stays quiet. Hyun-ju can't help but gently smile at how cute she looked despite the tears. "Bad dream?" she asks, gently probing. Young-mi nods. "Did it scare you?" She asks again. Young-mi nods once again. Hyun-ju tilts her head as she smiles down at her, "Oh my darling, it's okay, it wasn't real, it was just a dream." she uses the rinsed and recycled line thinking it would help comfort her but Young-mi shakes her head this time.
"No, no, it was real." She says, and before Hyun-ju can interrupt she continues, "It was all of them. All of their faces." She didn't need to elaborate, the way Hyun-ju instantly stilled beneath her told her she knew exactly what she meant. "It's like I watched them all die again. All of them. They all looked me dead in the eye as they died. It felt like they were all screaming 'This should've been you. This was meant to be you.' They were just unlucky and I was just lucky." Before she realises it, Young-mi sobs increase and her voice rises; Hyun-ju snaps out of her daze, clenching her jaw and swallowing back the lump in her throat, her hands rubbing up and down her back again but Hyun-ju doesn't interrupt her. Not yet. It's best she gets this all out. Plus she isn't loud enough to draw too much attention. Yet.
"Those people had families they probably needed to tend to, someone could have been a parent- or a newly wed. Or maybe they even had engagement plans, or- or something or…" Young-mi falters slightly as she speaks, Hyun-ju's hands never once stopping rubbing her back.
"It should've been me, Unnie."
The way she speaks, so broken, so gentle, so innocent, it feels like a deep burning pain in Hyun-ju's heart, as if she can physically feel it stop beating for a second.
"No, Young-mi, no." Hyun-ju is so careful with her voice, making sure she stays quiet with a firm tone but her voice can't help but wobble and crack. "Don't say that." she whispers.
"It should have been me." Young-mi repeats, louder this time. "How many childless parents, widows and orphans are there now purely because someone tripped or fell behind? How many people lose someone important to them because I just got lucky. This isn't fair Unnie. More important people then me die and I get to live for what-"
"You're important to me." Hyun-ju gently interrupts. Young-mi pauses for a second, taking a breath like her words were a bullet to the heart. Then she continues her spiral.
"You have something more to fight for. You're so beautiful and have a life and future out there, I'm just scared and stupid and got into debts based on my own stupidity, no one's even going to miss me when I die in here, no one's even going to care-"
Hyun-ju gently holds both of Young-mi's cheeks. She's getting too loud now. People are going to hear and use this to her advantage. Not to mention, she can't stand seeing her talk like this.
"Young-mi," Despite how scared Hyun-ju is right now, she keeps her voice calm for her, "I need you to listen to me right now." She pauses and watches as a few more tears roll down her cheeks into Hyun-ju's hands before she's certain Young-mi is listening. "You're just spiralling right now. You're scared and that's okay. You're allowed to be scared, but you can't let it get to you right now. I need you to be brave for me right now, Okay?" She waits and sees Young-mi nod. "That's my girl. Do you want to breathe with me." She gently encourages her and then takes exaggerated breaths in. In for four, hold for four, out for four, repeat. A silence settles over the room as Hyun-ju completely focuses on calming Young-mi down. After a while, Hyun-ju swears she almost physically feels the change in Young-mi. "Better?" She asks, tilting her head so eye contact is easier and smiles. Young-mi nods and before she can say any more thoughts about death, Hyun-ju kisses her forehead and gently rolls her over so her back is on the bed and she's next to her rather then on top.
"Let's talk about what we'll do when we get out of here, yeah?" Hyun-ju says, still gently smiling at her and locking eyes. "How does that sound?" It's a distant dream. An unrealistic one if you will. Hyun-ju has hope though. Everyone keeps on saying 'just one more game', and hopefully they mean it next time they vote. She certainly does. Hopefully next time they vote, more will be willing and they can all leave together and have that dinner Geum-ja promised. However, there is still a chance that at least one of the two messes up and the other watches their brain splatter across the floor. Hyun-ju is brought out of her intrusive thought by Young-mi's nodding, which she copied with a smile without thinking.
"Good, good… what do you want to do when you get out?" Hyun-ju asked, thinking it was a simple enough of a question.
"Huh?" Young-mi responded. Hyun-ju took that as Young-mi not being able to see past the game, really, she just thought that 'we' meant they'd get out together.
"Well after you pay off your debts and get the leftover money, what are you going to do?" Hyun-ju tries again. "You know, like I know we're planning that dinner with Geum-ja and Yong-sik… but after that." Without thinking, Hyun-ju started softly stroking Young-mi's hair, not looking away from her as she looks up at the ceiling before turning back to Hyun-ju. Hyun-ju takes that as a silent question. "For me personally, I said this before, but get the last remaining surgeries I need and move to Thailand-"
"Can I come too?" Young-mi asked in a way that was such a mix of desperation, fear of rejection and pleading that Hyun-ju swore she felt it herself. "Please…" She adds, "I… I wanna be with you… for the rest of the games and afterwards… if… if that's okay." Hyun-ju blinked repeatedly and smiled as she nodded.
"Of course, Young-mi, I'll happily have you." She leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Young-mi proceeded to stare up at her with those big beautiful eyes as Hyun-ju looked back.
Hyun-ju just smiles and despite Young-mi's disappointment, kisses her forehead once more. It's not that Hyun-ju didn't want to initiate anything more, it just felt wrong. She'd rather not kiss her in a place like this after she just spiralled. She couldn't do that to her, she deserved more. She'll just leave a pin in it for now, and come back to it once they leave.
"… You should get back to sleep now, my angel." Hyun-ju whispered, kissing her head once more and going to climb out of bed to return to her own. Young-mi immediately reached out to her again, holding onto her wrist.
"… can… can you stay? Just in case the nightmares come back…" Young-mi whispered and trailed off as Hyun-ju looked at her. She hesitated-if people woke up and saw the two cuddled up together, what would they do? What they use Hyun-ju against Young-mi; or worse, Young-mi against Hyun-ju? Nevertheless, Hyun-ju nodded towards Young-mi and joined her back under the sheets, pulling Young-mi towards herself.
As she felt the younger woman start to get more comfortable in her arms, she also felt the familiar guilt settle in her chest again. Young-mi was having nightmares and spiralling into dangerous thoughts and risking throwing her own life away whilst she was voting to stay. She was voting for more to die, for just a bit more money. She was making everything worse for Young-mi for herself. Her own selfish wants.
She quickly shook her head like someone else was putting the thoughts in her head. No. Can't dwell on the past. What happened, happened. What is done, is done. She voted to stay, they'll do one more game, and then they'll be on out of here together. Simple. Yet the guilt didn't go.
"… Young-mi…" Hyun-ju quietly whispered in the dark. "… I'm sorry… I'm sorry I voted for us to play another game… You deserve freedom and to live your beautiful life and I'm sorry I'm part of the reason you're still here rather then out in the world where you should be. please-" Before she could finish or continue, she was interrupted by the most peaceful sound on this planet. Young-mi softly snoring below her. She could only smile as a tear rolled down her cheek. She kissed her forehead once more and settled down, hoping sleep will take her herself.
As both of them slept in what might as well be their tombs, they both dreamed of living life with the other beautiful woman in Thailand. Happy and free. A simple dream.
Credits:
My divas deserved better. I deadass wasn't planning on this to get this depressing, I think the more I typed, the more a personal vent came out and I can only apologise.
Written by idk what im doing
Headers made on https://www.canva.com/ (idk why the images are so fried im sorry)
Images found on https://uk.pinterest.com/
Thanks to my driving instructor as always, and you for reading <3
Bro I meant for the fic I’m currently working on to be more fluff rather then angst but then my trauma took control of the laptop and then I knew I lost the battle 😔
I would sooner take weeks onto months to write a single chapter than let a soulless immitation of human creation parrot a mirage of my vision back at me-
Oh and creative integrity aside- suppourting ANY AI includes the enviornmental impact, human rights exploitation, outright slavery??, economic bubble, and about 101 other neg impacts. You cant easily stop all the bad things in the world that you play no part in, but you CAN very easily stop using AI, especially in fandom where it is not welcome.
Idk What I’m Doing @idk-what-im-doing-3 - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
