[idkxwriting]

carry you masterlist

Your world is ripped away from you, turned to dust after the snap. You turn to the only person who could possibly understand what it’s like to love and lose Bucky Barnes.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three**

Chapter Four**

Chapter Five**

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven**

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

**indicates nsfw 18+

[idkxwriting]

carry you masterlist

Your world is ripped away from you, turned to dust after the snap. You turn to the only person who could possibly understand what it’s like to love and lose Bucky Barnes.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three**

Chapter Four**

Chapter Five**

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven**

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

**indicates nsfw 18+

[buck-i-stan]

Did you make us wait for 4 years on purpose??? To almost mirror how long they had to be without Bucky???? You monster!!! (But the good kind, like Elmo 😅)

Omg omg omg chapter 9 had my hands shaking and my heart beating out of my chest and I was desperately trying to stay in the moment and not skip ahead to see what would happen….

Yasssssssss!!!! Fucking thank you for this beautiful culmination to all the heartbreak and yearning & all of them wanting the best for each other!!!

Don’t stop believiiinnn … cus y’know, journey. Anyway, can’t wait to see this new dynamic and see where the journey takes us… them? Them.

[idkxwriting]

i just had to get into Bucky’s headspace before writing and the only way I could do that was to disappear for years 🙂‍↕️

I am determined to finish this fic though annnnd I know my hiatus means I lost a lot of readers, so thank you sooo much for 1. Still reading and 2. Taking the time to comment because it truly gets my hyped to write more 🥺

[idkxwriting]

carry you - chapter nine

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!Reader, Bucky x fem!Reader, Steve x fem!Reader x Bucky

Word count: 3k

A/N: Thanks for reading, and extra thank you to anyone that commented and/or reblogged because it means a lot! No taglist, please follow @idkxwriting-taglist​ and turn on notifications to be alerted of new chapters :) Also, I'm sorry apparently tumblr took the page breaks away!? eww.

comments, feedback, likes and reblogs give me life <3

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

Steve wouldn’t have bothered coming in any other circumstances. He’s sure Bucky wanted to be there even less than he did, these things, parties, fundraisers, the crowds, they always made his friend feel like he was suffocating. But he wants to support Bucky, and if he’s going to run for Congress, if he’s going to revamp his image, he has to play the part. So Steve shows up for Bucky.

The fact that you may attend may have encouraged him a little more.

But as he moves through the ballroom, he thinks it was all a bad idea. He can’t relax, like he’s searching for you with every movement, not sure if he hopes to find you or not. He has conversations with guests, all while he stumbles over the words he wants to say to you over and over in his head.

He finally spots you from across the room, and it steals the breath from his lungs. You don’t see him, but smile softly at something someone says, and it’s like falling all over again. All the months of missing you culminating into this moment, the burden of heartbreak lifting with the corners of your mouth.

Until you shift and he sees your date place his hand on the small of your back. He says something, making you laugh. He shoves the jealousy simmering in his chest further down, smothers it with reminders of why you are no longer together. 

“You doing okay?” Bucky’s voice cuts through his thoughts.

His jaw tightens as he nods. “I’m fine,” he reassures him.

Bucky follows his line of sight and pauses. “Is she here with someone?” He asks incredulously.

Steve doesn’t bother trying to explain it away. “She looks happy,” he observes instead.

“You can’t be okay with this?” Bucky asks.

“Of course I’m not okay with this,” he runs a hand across his face. “But she asked us for time.”

“Yea, to figure things out with us.”

Steve nods, biting the inside of his cheek as his own frustration bubbles up. 

“She’s had six months,” Bucky reminds him.

Is that all it had been? “It feels like a lifetime,” he whispers, his eyes never leaving you.

“Then let’s go get her,” Bucky is fired up.

Steve shakes his head. “And say what?”

“Tell her this is ridiculous, to come home.”

“If she wanted one of us, she wouldn’t be here with another guy. We have to let her make her own decisions, even if it’s not us. It’s the right thing to do,” Steve repeats the words he has said to himself every single day since letting you go.

He waits for validation. For his best friend to remind him that their misery is a small price to pay. But the words never come. Bucky says nothing, the silence stretching between them.

Steve doesn’t fill the silence as he walks away. He needs to clear his head, forget the vision of you, vibrant and beautiful, with some guy. What has been the point of the last few months if you are still here, floating in their orbit, just out of reach?

He makes his way to the bar, chasing thoughts of you with shots he knows won’t be able to keep up. 

Another shot and he feels no different, so he weaves his way through the party-goers, smiling politely when people whisper about seeing Captain America up close. He pretends he doesn’t hear it, pretends he doesn’t hate that they just see a symbol, and remembers how even from day one you had only ever seen him.

It stings in his chest, and it’s too warm, too crowded, too loud. He finds himself on the balcony, inhaling the icy cold air, the sharpness of it claws at the inside of his lungs, but at least it’s something.

He rests his arms on the rail, looking out at the city lights for a moment before hanging his head with a sigh.

He’s survived worse, he thinks, but then he’s not sure.

Because it didn’t feel like this before. Not when he thought he lost Bucky, or when he put the plane into the water. Not when he woke up again all those years later to find he was robbed of a lifetime, or at the Battle of New York. He has broken bones, been shot, stabbed, beaten within an inch of his life, and every time the serum worked through his blood, piecing him back together again.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget he isn’t invincible, and there are some things even a super serum can’t heal.

“Hi.”

It’s a salve to his wounds.

He lifts his head slowly, shutting his eyes for a moment to try to recall everything about you, hopes that when he turns to find you, he realizes he’s romanticized the whole thing, built you up so high in his mind that it’s impossible for you to meet him there.

He takes a steadying breath, turns slowly, and when his eyes finally meet yours he realizes it was the memories that could never do you justice. You’re perfection before him, cheeks flushed and eyes bright. You’re wearing that same soft smile from earlier and he thinks it might be the death of him.

“Hi,” he manages to whisper back.

You bite your lip nervously as you step up to the rail, choosing to get lost in city lights instead of him. He watches you closely, memorizing every line of your face. He decides if he will spend the rest of his days haunted, at least he’ll have this. 

“How are you?” You ask.

Miserable. He wants to tell you how the last few months have been excruciating. How he hasn’t been sleeping, he’s lost his appetite. He’s working himself to the bone just to avoid being alone with his thoughts because when he’s alone he forgets why he has to forget you. He leaves on missions so he doesn’t show up at your door. He wants to tell you how many times he’s thought of calling you, but stopped because he doesn’t know how to talk to you without confessing he regrets every moment without you. He wants to tell you that he hoped you’d be here just as hard as he hoped you wouldn’t show, because he doesn’t know how to do this - not with you.

“I’m good,” he says instead. “Really good.” You nod along, and he wonders if you can see through him, too. He keeps the conversation going though, not giving you a chance to dwell on the lie. “You looked like you were having fun in there.”

You let out a breathy laugh. It’s awkward and uncomfortable, but even stumbling through is still moving forward so you try. “Might as well try to enjoy it, right?”

He shoves his hands in his pockets when you shiver softly as the chill in the air whips around you both, because you aren’t his to keep warm anymore.

Another silence settles over the two of you, and you both try to break it at the same time.

“It’s good to see yo-“

“How’s work goi-“

He cringes at the thought that the two of you are reduced to small talk.

“Sorry,” he mutters, and dives in because if he can’t do this with you, if all that’s left is small talk and pleasantries, he’s not sure he’ll survive. “Does he make you happy?” 

You quirk one eyebrow up at him. “Are we really doing this?”

He doesn’t know how to answer you.

You let out a heavy breath, and begin to shiver again, crossing your arms over your chest to try to hold in any remaining warmth.

He knows it’s not his place, but he can’t help it as he strips off his suit jacket, placing it around your shoulders, his hands lingering a little longer than they should when he presses the fabric against your arms. 

“Thank you,” you pull his coat around you.

“Answer the question, doll.” Bucky finally steps outside, his eyes meet yours and you shift uncomfortably. Still, he locks his gaze, and you can’t help the heat that floods your cheeks. “You’re dating?” He asks, his tone accusatory. The anger is rolling off of him in waves. 

You wonder if he misses you as much as you miss him, even only a few feet apart. You could ask, probably should. You should at least say something, because you can tell that he’s waiting.

It’s not lost on you that the two people you are closest to, the two people you love the most in the world, the ones that are taking up the majority of space on the small balcony - are the very ones you feel furthest from.

The silence is deafening.

“Are we ever going to talk about this?” Steve asks when you offer them nothing.

You clear your throat. “I just need time.” You chance a glance at Steve, but it’s not any easier. Where Bucky’s eyes are fire and impatience, Steve’s are full of heartbreak and longing. You’re not sure what’s worse. You shift uncomfortably. “Maybe it’s not the time or place…” you suggest, hoping they’ll let it drop.

Steve clears his throat, and Bucky knows he’s willing to let it go to keep the peace. He interjects. “I think this is exactly the time and place, because we’ve been patient. For months.”

“Buck…” Steve sighs.

Bucky ignores him, and you take a step back as he marches over towards you. “No, I’m done being patient.”

Steve moves between you, puts his hand on Bucky’s chest, his jaw set in warning.

“I love you,” he says to you over his friend’s shoulder. Steve releases him then, suddenly feeling torn between offering the two of you privacy and confessing his own feelings.

Bucky either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, continuing his outburst. “It’s been months, and I know I said to take all the time you need, and if more time is really what you need,” he sighs. “I’ll do it. I will. Because I love you, and I’d wait forever for you, if that’s what you want.”

You’re speechless, wanting to tell him you love him, too, but it doesn’t change anything because you still love the man beside him. 

“But please, we can’t take the silence. Just come home to us, doll.”

“Come home?” You manage to whisper.

Steve’s eyes meet yours again and he nods solemnly.

Bucky glances back at his best friend. He considers for a moment, and takes another step toward you. “Tell us,” he says. “If you want Steve, I’ll walk away. If you want me, he’ll walk away.”

You glance at Steve, and again he nods in answer, silently telling you that whatever it is, it's okay.

Bucky rushes his next words out, afraid if he doesn't say them now he never will. “If you want us both, we’re in this.”

“What?” You ask.

“There you are,” Barker steps out onto the balcony, drinks in hand. He glances between the three of you, his brows furrowing. “Am I interrupting something here?”

“Yes,” Bucky and Steve answer in unison.

“Are these guys bothering you?” He asks. If it were any other situation you’d laugh at the thought of Barker defending you against Captain America and the Winter Soldier.

“Who are you, exactly, pal?” Bucky turns a cold hard stare.

“Buck,” Steve warns.

“I’m her date, who are you?” 

You sigh because while yes, technically it’s a date, it had been unintentional (at least on your end) and you had planned to let him down gently. 

“Her boyfriend,” Bucky answers.

Barker looks crushed when he turns his attention to you. “You have a boyfriend?”

You want to say no, to deny that’s what Bucky is to you. You want to say he’s so much more, but you can’t give Bucky a title, let him stake a claim, without demolishing Steve.

And demolishing Steve would be devastating.

“Technically two…” you manage to mutter. 

“Maybe we should give you two a minute,” Steve suggests, placing his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky shakes it off. “No, she’s had enough time. This is ridiculous, come home. Look, it’s complicated, sure, but I’ll be damned if we have to share you with what’s his name…”

“Barker,” your date supplies.

“Barker. What is that? Barker…do you want to share her with some boy named after the sound a dog makes?” He asks Steve.

Steve shakes his head, and almost feels bad for the kid, but remembers his hands on you and his sympathy dissipates.

“Then we go and hash it out…the three of us. I love you,” he confesses again, turning to you. “But if it’s Steve, if he’s what you want, I’ll step aside.”

Steve nods, because he knows he’ll do the same. Not for Barker, but for Bucky? He can live with that, even if it does tear him to pieces. 

“What if I can’t decide?” You ask quietly. Because you’ve tormented yourself for six months, tried to separate yourself into pieces, box away feelings for each of them so the lines would stop blurring.

Bucky swallows nervously, because it’s a thought he’s been running with all week. “Then I’m okay with that, too,” he says quietly.

Steve’s brows furrow as the words sink into him.

“I know it’s not conventional,” he adds. “I just want you to be happy, and Steve’s the best person I know. If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t even entertain the thought, but with you?” He turns to Steve and shrugs. “You love her, and I love her, and I’m okay with that.” 

“Buck…” 

“Besides,” Bucky adds. “It’s not like I haven’t been sharing her with you since the beginning. I’ve always known how she’s felt about you.”

Steve lets out a humorless laugh at that. Bucky had been a constant, at the root of his relationship with you since the beginning. 

Hadn’t it been the three of you this whole time?

Still, the reality of what Bucky was proposing was complicated and messy. Could he tamper his jealousy and really share you? And not only emotionally (hadn’t he always?), but physically. It meant not just openly acknowledging your feelings for his best friend, but seeing you with him. How would it feel to see Bucky’s lips on your skin, or you in his arms? What would it be like to see his hand in yours?

He let his mind drift, to imagine a world where the three of you could have it all. A world where Bucky held your hand and he waited for the jealousy and hurt to creep in. Instead, he thought of what it’d be like to be on your other side, your fingers intertwined with his own.

He thought of Barker, his hand on the small of your back in a crowded room. The jealousy and hurt settled in his gut instantly.

It wasn’t conventional, and in practice probably still complicated, but complications he could work out with the two of you, complications he found himself wanting to work out.

He blushed, confidence leaving him as his eyes met Bucky. He wasn’t sure how this would work, or even if it was a possibility. Maybe you really did prefer to start fresh, to leave them both behind. He’d give it to you though, if that’s what you wanted, because he would do anything to give you what you needed.

“Could this work?” He asked.

Bucky shrugged. “I’m not sure,” he answered honestly. “I just know that with the two of you I’m willing to try.”

“I’m sorry, I feel like I’m missing something here,” Barker interjects again.

You barely register his voice, laser focused on the conversation in front of you that just happened. “What are you saying?” You breathe.

“I’m saying I’m really confused here,” Barker answers.

“Read the room,” Bucky snarls over his shoulder.

You turn your attention to him, along with Steve and Bucky. “Barker, I’m sorry, I don’t think this is going to work out the way you had hoped. You’re a great guy, but I…” you glance between your two super soldiers. “My heart belongs to someone else,” you admit. You turn to Barker once more, take a step towards him and offer a sad smile. “I hope we can be friends.”

Barker looks offended, his brows pulled together as he searches the three of you for clarity. “Whatever,” he finally says, throwing his hands up in frustration. “I don’t really do complicated. I’ll see you around,” he turns and leaves.

You take a moment, watching Barker’s retreat before dropping your eyes to your own feet. You take deep breaths, trying to steady yourself, because surely you’re dreaming.

“Sweetheart,” Steve calls. You turn and find both men looking at you, waiting for an answer to a question you never dared dream.

“Is this what you want?” You ask him, because Bucky has done all the talking.

He watches you for a moment, gauging your reaction, can all but see your heart pounding because everything you’ve ever wanted is right there, just out of your reach. He sees the hope in your eyes and there it is. His answer. Because all he wants, all he’s ever wanted, is for you to be happy. “I want you,” he says. “And the reality of our situation is it’s always been the three of us.”

You want to cry, because you feel so damn selfish. “You deserve more,” you admit. “You both do."

Bucky shakes his head. “What more could we want?” He asks.

“All of me,” you cry. “You want all of me, and I can’t give it to either of you.”

Bucky takes a step forward and his hand caresses your face, wiping the tear rolling down your cheek. “This is all of you,” he says. “Steve is a part of you, just like I am. And it’s more than enough for me.”

You clear your throat, eyes finding Steve, and your cheeks flush. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you want this,” Steve begs. “Choose us.”

You nod, emotions overwhelming you. The tears won’t stop now, and Steve moves because damn, he’s missed you. 

They hug you tightly, both breathing in relief, lips pressing into your hair. It feels natural, having both of them wrapped around you. You feel like after all this time you’re finally home.

[idkxwriting]

100% yes. Notifications turned on and still getting excited when you pop up on my phone. 💕

I'll still say yes even if it's been a lifetime.

Love you. Miss you. I hope all is well with you and your little family 💚

-xxwritemeastoryxx

THIS IS SO OLD BUT ILYSM IDK IF YOU'RE STILL ON HERE!?

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THE NOTIFICATION!

Here, kinda but here. Lmaooo

[idkxwriting]

We’re aliiiiive

[idkxwriting]

100% yes. Notifications turned on and still getting excited when you pop up on my phone. 💕

I'll still say yes even if it's been a lifetime.

Love you. Miss you. I hope all is well with you and your little family 💚

-xxwritemeastoryxx

THIS IS SO OLD BUT ILYSM IDK IF YOU'RE STILL ON HERE!?

[idkxwriting]

Heyyy! I'm going to a TVD Con soon but I haven't really thought about the show too much so I've been rereading old Elijah fics I like to get me in the mood lol let's just say I'm ready. Thanks for never deleting old fics. I've been hurt by going to find some on other blogs but they're gone.

how was it!?

And it makes my heart happy anyone is still reading (re-reading!?) thank you!!

[idkxwriting]

i i dont know if you are still active but i just wanted to say how much i appreciate your writing. 🙏😭

I don't know how old this is, but thank you so much!! I'm attempting to finish up my WIPs and try to dust things off...I haven't had much time to write, so I'm a bit rusty, but I'd like to write more!

[idkxwriting]

carry you - chapter eight

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!Reader, Bucky x fem!Reader, Steve x fem!Reader x Bucky

A/N: Thanks for reading, and extra thank you to anyone that commented and/or reblogged because it means a lot! No taglist, please follow @idkxwriting-taglist​ and turn on notifications to be alerted of new chapters :) Also, I'm sorry apparently tumblr took the page breaks away!? eww.

comments, feedback, likes and reblogs give me life <3

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

Wakanda - Before the Snap

“You’re in the most beautiful place in the world, and yet I don’t think I’ve seen anyone who looks so sad in my life.”

You turn and offer a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes, but it still makes his chest ache. “Just a lot on my mind,” you say.

Bucky nods silently and watches the crowd beneath you. King T’challa was kind enough to include you both in the festivities, but he prefers the sidelines, observing. He realizes it’s a test, building trust, but he’s still on edge.

Your company is comforting, and he can’t help but notice that even in his silences you don’t feel uncomfortable. You give your trust freely. You see only him, not a weapon.

You sigh and turn towards him, your back leaning against a pillar and a drink in hand. “You know, you don’t exactly look happy either,” you observe.

“Me? Oh I’m thrilled,” he says dryly.

You take a sip of your drink. “You forgot to tell your face.”

He chuckles at that, relaxes a little more. “I’ll try to remember for next time.” He leans on the pillar opposite you, his eyes holding yours. “Steve’s my best friend…”

You glance away, taking another sip of your champagne.

“And I love him,” he continues, treading lightly. “But sometimes he’s a little thick headed.”

You laugh and nod. “What makes you say that?”

He doesn’t mention the fact that it’s obvious you’re hung up on his best friend, that he knows you’re only here with him because Steve asked. “I know you’d rather be anywhere but here, and I’m sorry.”

You bite the inside of your cheek and he knows you understand, but he lets the secret slip away, discarded and buried where you leave it. 

You shrug this time, eyes meeting his once more. You smile softly, blushing under his gaze. “It’s not so bad here,” you admit quietly.

He can’t help the elation that builds in his chest at your admission, and wonders if maybe you’ve felt it too. He pushes off the pillar, stepping into you and taking your drink. He sets it down on the ledge and offers you his hand.

Your eyebrow raises in question, wondering what he’s got up his sleeve.

“Come on,” he says. “Let’s get out of here. Crowds aren’t really my thing.”

Bucky isn’t sure what it is, he’s only known you for a few weeks and most of your time together is spent in silence, but he finds himself seeking you out anyway. More than that, he trusts you.

You take his hand, and let him lead you away from the party.

You end up in the field by his hut, a blanket spread out in the grass under the stars. 

He’s often quiet and stoic, but for the first time in years he feels like himself. Not like the soldier, but before Hydra. Before brain-washing and manipulation. His walls crumble down around you, as if they stood no chance to begin with.

Conversation flows easily and when you smile his heart flutters wildly in his chest and he decides he’ll do anything to keep you smiling like that.

He lays on his back and you follow as he points out constellations and makes up ridiculous stories behind them until your sides hurt from laughing.

“I swear,” he laughs as he wraps up another silly tale.

You shake your head catching your breath. “I took astronomy in college,” you giggle.

“Astronomy is science, this is astrology,” he quips.

“Well. I know a lot about that, too…”

“Are you calling me a liar, doll?” He teases.

The term of endearment slips with ease and he notices the way you still, the way your eyes dart away but not because it’s unwanted. No, the blush in your cheeks and the grin trying to pull at your lips say otherwise.

“No, I guess you’d know better. You’re like what, a hundred years old?” You tease back.

He feigns hurt. “You know, you should show some more respect, I could teach you a thing or two,” he winks before sitting up.

The mood shifts and you sit up slowly. You lean your head gently on his shoulder and the nerves he feels at the simple touch are unfamiliar. 

“Bucky?” 

“Hmm?”

“Do you miss home?”

He turns to look at you, his face serious. “How could I miss it on a night like this?” He whispers.

You don’t say anything for a moment, but he catches your eyes dropping to his lips for a moment.

“What about you?” He asks.

“Not when I’m with you,” you confess.

He studies you for a moment, eyes searching for any trace that it’s all been one sided - that the feelings he’s had have been growing alone, and you’re not really here with him. He doesn’t find it, your gaze chasing the last of the doubts away. He leans in slowly, committing this moment to memory, his breath fanning across your cheek.

When his lips meet yours it’s soft and sweet. His hand cups your cheek and you part your lips gently.

He takes the hint, his tongue sweeping your lips delicately.

For the first time in a long time, Bucky feels grounded. Warmth travels through his stomach up to his chest.

As he kisses you under the stars he knows this is it for him. He’s had a crush since the moment he saw you, liked you from the very first conversation. And now?

He’s loved you since the very first kiss.

*****

Present Day

“James? I asked you a question.”

Bucky is pulled from his memories of you reluctantly, and sighs when Dr. Raynor starts to write in her notebook.

He hates when she writes.

“It’s complicated,” he admits.

Her eyes lift and her pen stops. “Complicated how?” She asks.

He groans internally, understanding that a condition of his pardon was therapy, but frustrated at the way she pokes and prods at him. “Aren’t all relationships complicated?” He counters.

She shakes her head. “No,” she replies in a matter-of-fact tone. “Healthy ones aren’t.”

He shifts at the accusation. “We’re healthy,” he bites.

“Then why is it complicated?”

He sighs. “Because not everyone disappeared in the blip.”

“What does that mean?” She leads him.

He doesn’t want to share you with her, but he resents the implication that you weren’t good for him. Or maybe he wasn’t good for you, which hits him harder because there might be some truth there that he’s not willing to examine. He knows she is chipping away at him, hates that it’s working, but the need to defend you is almost instinctive. “It means some of us had to keep going, move on with life.”

“And did she?”

His eyes narrow at her, and he wonders just how they landed on the subject in the first place. “Yes.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

He shrugs. “Does it matter?”

“You tell me.”

He sighs and his leg starts to bounce as the anger builds. He locks eyes with Dr. Raynor, staring her down and fully intending to ride out the clock again when she starts to write. “Don’t do that,” he snaps. “The notebook thing? It’s passive aggressive.”

She raises her brows, silently giving him the ultimatum - talk and she’ll listen. If he’s silent, she’ll write.

“You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that Doc?”

“So I’ve been told,” she answers dryly. “So she’s moved on, how do you feel?”

“Angry,” he admits.

“Okay, why?”

“Because I would have waited,” he answers quickly, the confession taking him by surprise.

Dr. Raynor places the notebook down and sits back. 

“Because he had no right…”

“Who is he?” When he doesn’t answer she prompts him again. “You say you would have waited. You didn’t ship off to war, James. You were gone. Erased. Turned to dust.”

“Dead.”

She nods. “If it had been her…”

He shrugs because he can’t blame you. He’s not angry with you, not really. “I love her,” he finally says. “And she still loves me. Even after all this time.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Bucky looks towards the window and watches the flecks of dust dance in the stream of sunlight beaming through. “She loves him, too.”

“Relationships aren’t always complicated, James. People are complicated, yes. Most of the time it just breaks down to communication, whether or not we’re brave enough to say what we mean, ask for what we need, be honest with what we can offer.”

He needs you, he thinks. But he needs Steve, too.

“It sounds like this other man is someone important to you, too.” He doesn’t answer, so she continues. “I want you to work on communication with him - work on making amends and forgiving the people that you’ve let into your life, because from what I can tell you don’t trust a lot of people, and if you shut them out, who’s left?”

He rolls his eyes. “I have people.”

“Name five,” she challenges.

He glares and crosses his arms over his chest.

“You’re alone, James. You have a chance here to not be alone. And maybe it doesn’t look exactly as you pictured it, but love rarely does.”

It confuses him, but before he can ask what she means she’s telling him times up.

Just as well, he decides. 

*****

Wakanda - Before the Snap

“Get her out of here,” Bucky growls.

Ayo turns towards you, indicating you should stay. Your eyes flash to Bucky with apology, but you’re not about to challenge her.

“She is safe,” Ayo says firmly.

Bucky shakes his head. “Are you sure about this?” He asks.

He doesn’t think he’s ready, and you feel the doubt radiating off of him. You decide it doesn’t matter, that you’ll believe enough for the both of you.

“I won’t let you hurt anyone,” Ayo says with certainty, a hint of amusement in her kind eyes. 

You’ve seen her in action, and know she’s good for her promise.

Bucky glances at you through the flames of the fire and you offer a reassuring smile.

“Longing,” Ayo begins.

Your body stills.

“Rusted.”

You don’t speak Russian but the words are embedded in your chest.

“Furnace.”

Bucky focuses on the flames, waiting.”

“Daybreak.”

You want to tell her to stop, that he’s in pain, that it’s too much.

“Seventeen.”

But you know he has to do this.

“Benign.”

He can do this.

“Nine.”

He grits his teeth, fighting with everything he has.

“Homecoming.”

Please, you think. Please do this.

“One.”

Your heart stops.

“Freight car.”

The silence is deafening, as if you’re all waiting for the violence, but it never comes.

Bucky begins to cry, his body loosening with each second that passes. 

“You are free,” Ayo looks down at him with pride.

He looks up at his savior in disbelief.

“You are free,” she repeats.

The sobs are uncontrollable now as he drops his head. 

Your own eyes tear up and you want to go to him, but you wait. He’s lived with the Winter Soldier for so long, and for the first time in decades he has a moment to himself. 

You aren’t sure how long you sit there, watching him cry through the flames, but when he looks up and thanks Ayo you move.

She nods, and her eyes meet yours as you wrap your arms around Bucky. 

“Thank you,” you mouth silently to her as Bucky falls into you.

She nods once more before disappearing into the trees.

“Hey,” you brush the hair from his face, fingers chasing the tears away. “You’re free, Bucky. You’re really free.”

He presses his lips to yours in a heated kiss before burying his face into your neck, his arm wrapped tightly around you. “I love you,” he whispers into your skin.

You still for a moment, unsure if you heard him right and he pulls back to look at you. “I’m finally free, so now I can tell you,” he smiles gently. “I love you.”

You lean in and kiss him hungrily.

“I love you, too,” you manage to get out before his lips are back on yours. “Bucky,” you pant. “Take me home.”

*****

Present Day

You blink, realizing you’ve been working on the same line of coding for about twenty minutes. Spacing out was more and more common these days.

You want to blame exhaustion. Between work, the house and running comms for Sam Wilson in your spare time you’re burnt out.

But it’s more than that.

You sigh, your thoughts straying the one place you don’t often let them go these days.

Steve and Bucky.

There’s a sharp pain in your chest, which is different than the numbness you’ve allowed yourself to sink into in your day to day life. 

You fucking miss them.

It’s been six months since the Blip. Six months since you left Bucky and Steve, asking for time. You know they’re waiting, you see the text messages checking in with you that go ignored. You’ve had Sam in your ear, telling you they’re driving him nuts and to just call. Still you’re silent, because you aren’t sure what there is to say. There are no words to fix the damage you’ve caused, no way out that leaves all hearts intact. The best you can hope for is to minimize their pain and take the brunt of it yourself.

You’re pulled from your thoughts when your coworker, Barker, calls your name. You startle to find him at your desk and wonder how long he’s been standing there without you noticing. 

“You okay?” He asks with concern.

“Yea…sorry, Barker.” You shake your head pulling your focus. “Spaced out. What did you say?”

He laughs. “I asked if you were going tonight.”

You roll your eyes. “It’s mandatory.”

“Doesn’t mean it can’t be fun…”

You shoot him a glare. “It’s a tacky excuse for a party,” you mutter before turning towards your computer once more.

He shrugs and crosses his arms over his chest. “We’re celebrating. Things have been hard since the Blip, it’s a chance for us all to stop and appreciate that we’re here.”

You want to tell him not all of us, tell him while you’re glad so many people got their lives back, the fact that Nat and Tony are gone (really gone) doesn’t really leave you in the party mood.

Instead you sigh, because he has a point. Most people are so removed from the sacrifices made. They barely recognize what Nat gave up. They know Tony laid down his life, but they never stop to think about the wife and child he left behind or the friends and teammates that carry the weight of “it should have been me.” At least not really.

You brush it all away, letting the numbness that you’ve become so comfortable with spread through you.  “I’ll be there,” you say.

He grins enthusiastically but you are already back in the file you were working on, dismissing him.

You don’t hear him ask if you want to go together, just humming and nodding along to the buzz of his voice. You don’t notice when he says he’ll pick you up at your place later, your brain in a fog.

“It’s a date.” Now that you do hear. You turn in shock, ready to fill in the blanks, but he’s already gone, a stride in his step as you watch him through the glass windows of your office. Shit.

[idkxwriting]

Is anyone still reading/interested in updates?

Yes

Who are you?

No one is on tumblr why are you here?

Voting ended onJul 6, 2023

[idkxwriting]

HI HEATHER ILY

@hellotvshowtrash ILYSM OMG 🥹🥹🥹 sometimes I think of my tumblr friends and wonder if you bbs are just out there existing and then I see you pop up in my feed AND MY HEART IS FULL ILY

[pollution-of-subterranean-waters]

[idkxwriting]

I say just go with the flow and follow where the story takes you, that can make for some of the best writing in my opinion 😊

WE ARE GOING WITH THE FLOW 💜 thank youuu

[idkxwriting]

Just naturally follow the flow it's taking. Cause either way I'm gonna read it and enjoy it cause you're amazing! 💕

Also I miss you and I screeched when I got the notification for your posts. 🥰

-xxwritemeastoryxx

@xxwritemeastoryxx Bahahaha then I disappeared for another month holy crap ily and I’m sorry. You’re always filling my bucket 😭💙

Okay cause I’m trying to do this whole thing and it’s just not flowing so I think I need to let it go and just write where it takes me 😬🫣

[idkxwriting]

Once again a masterlist because I’m apparently incapable of writing anything shorter?

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 *NSFW 18+

Part 4 *NSFW 18+

Part 5 *NSFW 18+

Part 6

Part 7 *NSFW 18+

Complete**

[iheartbadguys]

😭😭😭😭 Exsquite @idkxwriting

[idkxwriting]

@iheartbadguys 😍😍😍 eeep thanks

[idkxwriting]

Devil’s Backbone Masterlist

It’s getting a little long, so here you go :) I hope you guys enjoy it and stick with it! Thanks for reading!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7 (NSFW 18+)

Chapter 8 (NSFW 18+)

Chapter 9

Chapter 10 (NSFW 18+)

*Complete*

[iheartbadguys]

Finished this and I am absolutely in love @idkxwriting

[idkxwriting]

Thank youuuu @iheartbadguys 💜 what a throwback 💜💜

[idkxwriting]

Omg! I just saw your response to an ask that you just had a baby! Congratulations!! That's wonderful news! 😊💖 If I may ask, what is the baby's name?

Thank you!! I’m not ready to share deets about my favorite dude on the internet yet 🙈 I’m keeping him in my bubble for now. I will say this is the most fun I’ve ever had and he’s literally the best. (We can call him J because that’s what his name starts with)

But literally J is the coolest little man ever and yes, he keeps me very busy…but he also is sooo cute and hilarious already.

Here’s some baby toes though! (he’s not even this little anymore 😭)

[idkxwriting]

Love your writing sooo much. Wish you had a novel I could buy and read over and over again. You do the words soo good. #littlejealous

Me reading this rn 😭😭😭 you just made my day. Even though I’m answering this so so late. I do hope to eventually write a novel I just don’t know how to go about publishing help me I’m dumb but I do the words

Thank you so much 💙