not my circus. not my monkeys.

Dojack. fortuity is defined as "an instance of great luck or good fortune." Doctor of Physical Therapy Board-Certified Pediatric Specialist

[graham-cracker-guillotine]

stolen off instagram but i laughed so hard when i saw this

[iguanamarina]

[allsadnshit]

Just because you genuinely care about something does not magically give you the energy for it

[kosmogrl]

[dienothemink]

sometimes i say “i think” but actually i know. on account of being the knower.

[kosmogrl]

“is it weird to do this alone?” “is it pathetic to do that alone?” every day I pray you guys realize that sometimes doing things alone is the best way to do them

[yourpsychicadvisor]

[snugglebull-deactivated20160725]

choose your character

[starless-planet]

Me, age 10, doing an essay on the pharaoh’s curse for school: huh. So this archeologist that died and everyone thought it was because he disturbed the pharaoh’s tomb actually died because he used a rusty razor to shave and it infected a mosquito bite. I can see how people could come to that conclusion, but it is a bit silly

Me, today, shaving my mosquito bite-ridden legs: I must tread carefully lest I incur the pharaoh’s wrath

[syn4k]

i like the phrases "it's not for me," "it's not my thing," and "i'm not the target audience" because they're the most concise way to express "this thing that you enjoy has merits but idgaf about it" without being aggressive

[yesterdaysprint]

[vaporwavesimulator]

any of you ever stand with your hands kinda touching together sorta like this

[lazypoststhings]

[vaporwavesimulator]

you’ll be reduced down to a single atom once im done with you

[killz0ne3-deactivated20250521]

Some of you guys have never burned a CD and it shows

[killz0ne3-deactivated20250521]

Some of you guys don't even realise I don't mean setting a CD on fire

[girl-dot-tzt-deactivated2026042]

Every single time someone mentions police role-playing in a sexual context I think of this tinder interaction and I instantly become absolutely stricken with laughter

[szczekaczz]

Henriëtte Ronner-Knip, A dog and her puppies

[zvaigzdelasas]

[khanuckle-deactivated20250628]

There

[jgdfjjggh-deactivated20250520]

[no-more-dead-dogs]

okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

[noodles-07]

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

[heroineimages]

Mental illness is all in your head in the same way that prostate cancer is all in your ass.

[noodles-07]

this person wins everybody else go home

[kitsnicket]

The biggest “your experiences are not universal” thing I feel is whenever anyone talks about the universality of girls planning their weddings since childhood because. Well. Not me. God bless