if you happen upon this

I forgive you & I apologize for all the hurt I caused you. from black ink and hidden notebooks to glowing screens. these writings are strung together out of order. messy like our timeline

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

Forgiven

I forgive you and I forgive me

I forgive the situation

Would you agree?

100 ‘letters’ written in ink

I think i’ve spilled enough

Pour me a drink.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

i’m sorry we can’t be there for each other how we intended to be.

i want nothing more than for you to be happy and find a love so sweet.

i want you to know i never meant to hurt anyone.

but i understand that i did.

xx. 

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

i’m scared about what happened.

i’m scared of what it means.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

far away now i can see parts of you i never saw up close.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

I couldn’t give you the love you deserved, but someone will give you that. there will be someone who sings the same song as your heart and they will be your favorite melody. i know you will find that because you have a dreamy heart and there will be someone who knows how to take care of it.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

maybe that’s the hardest part of it all. learning that people can love each other, but be terrible to each other and the worse thing for them to be is...together.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

I do not regret the good memories we made. I regret letting it get to the point that it did. I still worry about you... way more often than i should. maybe that will fade soon, but i’ll never stop caring about you.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

i do appreciate you trying to help me. but how’d we go so wrong. shit, how’d i go so wrong. how was i so blind. fuck. we broke each other.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

i want to scream when i think about some of the things we said.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

letters, words, jumbled hurt.

ink, pages, no more stages.

just ready to release and finally feel at peace.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

you will achieve all you’ve set your heart to, i have faith in you. you’re determined. you are destined for great things.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

i’m sending you warm thoughts and the feeling of a hug because i know you’re breaking right now and i know it’s not my place anymore, so i’ll just send good thoughts your way and pray something makes you smile today.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

my mind’s a mess and you keep floating in and out of it again. i don’t get it? why can’t you go... i’m trying to leave the past in the past.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

i wish i could take away all your hurt, but i can’t because i caused it.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

you walked away and I knew you were coming back. you explained you had a lot going on, i understood. so i was giving you your space, but the funny thing is... i started to feel better. i found a clarity in your absence. 

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

question mark. my head is full of questions. not necessarily for you. i’m just lost on everything that happened. it happened so fast, yet went on for months. when did we take a wrong turn? we were damned from the start.

[ifyouhappenuponthis]

under starlit skies, can you feel the highs? my hand falling on your thigh, are you ready for tonight? a head rush that comes with trying to keep it low-key cause they’re in the back of your truck and Lorde’s singing about being queen bee. we move into the shadows, I show you how to dance. ‘fuck,’ I think. this is too much romance. But it’s just being silly and having some fun, right? maybe i could end up in your bed for the night? if that’s alright with you.