Jokewishes

[ihareyhis]

Spideys as incorrect quotes pt2

Hobie: *Kicks the door down*

Pavitr: What did you do?

Hobie: Nobody died.

Pavitr: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

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Miguel: What do you call disobeying the law?

The Squad: A hobby.

Miguel: *crosses their arms*

The Squad: That we do not engage in

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Pavitr: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this?

Hobie: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

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Pavitr, pointing at Hobie: Are they a Freak (derogatory)?

Pavitr, pointing at Gwen: Or a Freak (affectionate)?

Miles: Why not both?

Pavitr, to Miles: You’re so right, Freak

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Pavitr: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Hobie: *crouches down*

Gwen: *kneels down*

Miles: *sits on the floor*

Pavitr: I hate you all

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Miles: How do Hobie and Pavitr usually get out of these messes?

Gwen: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

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Gwen: Hey Pavitr.

Pavitr: *punches Gwen in the stomach*

Gwen: What the fuck?

Pavitr: You are one of my very best friends. And I cannot stand by and watch you throw away your life like this. You're too young....YOU'RE TOO BEAUTIFUL!

Gwen: What the fuck are you talking about?

Pavitr: I'm talking about the baby that's growing inside of your belly right now.

Gwen: I'm not pregnant!

Pavitr: Well, not after that punch you're not. I've been taking muay thai classes.

Gwen: I was never pregnant, Pavitr!

Pavitr: Are... you sure?

Gwen: Yes I'm fucking sure!

Hobie: I'm sorry, but why the fuck is everybody yelling over here?

Pavitr: Oh, I found this positive pregnancy test and—

Hobie: *punches Gwen in the stomach*

Gwen: AW, MOTHERFU–

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Gwen: Today at 7 am, Pavitr poured a Monster energy drink in his coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.

Hobie: I watched him brew his coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think he ascended into the astral realm.

Miles: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me

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Miles: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Pavitr: Put spaghetti in it.

Miles: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.

Hobie: Put spaghetti in it.

Miles: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.

Gwen: Put spaghetti in it.

Miles: I am no longer taking suggestions.

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Pavitr: What’s up with Gwen? she’s been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Hobie: She’s just a little overwhelmed.

Pavitr: Why?

Hobie: Miles smiled at her.

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Hobie, Gwen & Miles: *screaming*

Pavitr: *runs into the room* Miles whats wrong?!

Hobie: Wait, why are you asking Miles that when Gwen and I are also here?

Pavitr: Because Miles wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

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Hobie: What’s your biggest fear?

Gwen: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Miles: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Pavitr: Zombies.

Gwen: ...

Miles: ...

Pavitr: BUT they can open doors.

[havingrevelations-deactivated20]

shaking six year old me by the shoulders YOU WERE RIGHT. YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT LOVE AND ABOUT FAIRNESS AND ABOUT SHARING IS CARING. YOU WERE RIGHT. THE ADULTS DON’T KNOW ANY MORE ABOUT TRUTH THAN YOU DO. KEEP BELIEVING IN THE FAIRIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GARDEN. NOTHING IS “JUST THE WAY IT IS”. I AM SORRY THEY EVER CONVINCED YOU TO FEEL SHAME. YOU ARE REAL AND A PART OF THIS WORLD. YOU WERE RIGHT.

[ihareyhis]

Spideys as incorrect quotes

Pavitr: That's ridiculous, Hobie doesn't have a crush on me.

Miles: Yes he does.

Gwen : Yes he does.

Hobie: Yes I do

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Miguel : I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!

Hobie: You left me, Gwen, Miles, and Pavitr in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.

Miguel : I did that on purpose, try again

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Gwen : How is the most beautiful person in the world?

Miles: *blushing* I—

Hobie, butting into the conversation: Pavitr is perfect, thanks for asking

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Peni: What’s it like being tall?

Miles: Is it nice?

Gwen : Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Noir : We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

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Peter. B, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.

Miguel: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

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Miles: Who's in charge here?

Peter. B, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest

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Miguel: *speaking Spanish*

Peter. B: I know, I know.

Gwen: You speak Spanish?

Peter. B: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Miguel speaks.

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Gwen: Peter,  what are you doing?

Peter. B: Making chocolate pudding.

Gwen: It's four in the morning, why are you making chocolate pudding?

Peter. B: Because I've lost control of my life.

Peter. B: Here's your pudding, Miles.

Miles: Oh that's okay, I'm not hungry anymore.

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Miles: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Gwen a little bit.

Pavitr, holding Miles's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Miles: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Pavitr: My mistake.

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Hobie: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry.

Pavitr: Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.

Hobie: You have to teach Miles how to drive.

Pavitr: ...put the band-aid back on.

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Pavitr: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?

Gwen: *raises hand*

Hobie: *puts Gwens hand down*

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Miles: Everyone synchronise your watches.

Pavitr: I don't know how to do that

Gwen: I don't wear a watch.

Hobie: Time is a construct.