an adequate theme for this weekend is still pending I guess, but for the former idea to be continued... there were friends. and there was music. as there always should be.
I was hassling a long week with changing visitors, with obligations and long talks in between, I felt I was handling expectations all day long. nothing of it fulfilled myself or helped sooth my own restlessness. I just wanted to close this week, but was traveling to the capital to party.
upon arrival there were more talks, in the way where you have to deliver what people whom havenât seen you in a while want to hear. friends, and family of friends. it was getting weary. but someone saw sparkles in my eyes.
in the morning I stole Frankâs bath robe from the hanger, put it on and jumped on their bed to play Uno with them. no, this is what my children would have done. I waited till Nicola said I should finally sit on their bed. we chatted, I told her whatâs going on. we had breakfast, the English uncle arrived, we went out to do some window shopping. when asked, I tried on those dresses but felt absolutely nothing. I think the week just wore off all my feelings for fashion, too. we had pizza.
back at the house, more family and friends arrived. we drank till I was picked up by other friends who happened to be in town. we chatted, we ran errands, we met with another old friend and his family to finish the dinner they didnât.
we went to the smallest disco ever seen, in a telephone booth, which was fun. we drank more, we smoked weed, we went to the birthday party I initially came for.
I met more old friends there, what a relief to talk bullshit, to not have to pay attention to the well announced band. all those vigorous efforts. more food, more drinks, more talks. no news. no feeling that there might be something happening that can trigger this switch. the one that might lead again to those sparkles in some way.
after leaving the party I shed off that borrowed coat. maybe that was the reason I felt no excitement but automated boredom in my own little world? maybe that coat had protected me from all good that could have happened? nevermind. I took a hot shower and went to bed. Â
the next morning I missed having a hangover and didnât know with what to fill that gap. I just wanted to leave my own mind. handling my self expectations I facetimed with the kids, packed my stuff and went to meet other old friends. one was longing for sparkling news, one was in this peaceful state of mind, the kind you could sit with for hours and say nothing, or have thousand words together that would just fly off. what got me lifted was the 4-year-old who kept asking very personal questions and who seized my heart.
a writing job at the airport occupied my mind and transited the way home.
where visitors were waiting, kids tumbling and cracking, the whoosh of what I had just left behind, started rustling again. where another bottle of wine and the new week waited to be kicked off.