ikilledit

A weblog focused on: running, fitness, healthy living, & other. Mostly running. Co-creator of http://nabokolia.com/

[ikilledit]

My Demon Self

This post is going to be about me letting out some thoughts and emotions on the past few weeks. If that doesn’t interest you. I don’t give a fuck. 

If you follow me on twitter you’ll know that two weeks ago I fell during one of my runs and landed on my face. I broke a tooth and ripped up my upper lip, bruised the side of my body and my hands. I’ve since recovered and await my subsequent dental surgeries. Many people have been quick to point out that it could have been much worse, and they are correct. But it still does not lesson the pain or the frustration that has come with this injury. 

It was important to me to start running again as soon as possible. For a number of reasons: 

I don’t like the idea of something like this defeating me. 

It is autumn and this is my favourite time of year to run. I don’t want to let an injury ruin that joy. 

Running is my way of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. 

Some things that I’ve noticed on my recent runs. I’m running cautiously and slowly. And this frustrates the hell out of me. I’m hyper aware of the ground beneath me. I’m thinking too much about the concrete, about the crunch of my face hitting the side-walk. It is this horrendous loop that replays itself in my mind. It’s the backdrop to every one of my runs. 

I’m guessing that with some time I’ll forget and some sense of normalcy will return. But in the mean while I am frustrated by this. It feels very traumatic and I realize how trivial this might sound but it’s something I think about every time I lace up my runners and head out for a run. 

My root canal is scheduled for next week and two more follow-ups for the ceramic crown that will eventually be placed on my broken tooth. I imagine by the end of October or early November to have my tooth fixed and back to my semi-normal half-smiling self. Maybe I’ll feel less afraid once I have my smile back. Until then, each run is a little bit traumatic, a little bit fucked up, a little bit of me facing some demons. But that’s ok. Sometimes we have to face our demons, ourselves. Maybe it makes us stronger. 

This is me, killing it. 

G.

[ikilledit]

It is interesting to note how my running has changed and evolved over the years. I was once all about the numbers. Now I’m all about running free and not keeping track. I used to run without any technology. Now, I find myself needing a podcast, some background chatter to keep me focused. I used to blog about running constantly as a way of reminding myself to stay motivated and focused on my running. I can go months without this blog and that is ok with me. I know its there and I’m still finding a reason to hit the road four to five times a week. It makes sense that my running would change. I have changed. I’m still working through a lot of mental health stuff. I’m still trying to figure it out. The road is long. I’ll keep on killing it. 

[ikilledit]

[ikilledit]

This past week was a solid running week. And I’m making better food choices too. So that’s also a plus. I tend to snack and while I’m not overweight, I am trying to cut back on my belly fat and as they say: abs are made in the kitchen.

[ikilledit]

Still running. It feels good to run free without worrying about numbers or metrics. Find your own run. Kill it.

[ikilledit]

I ran today. I didn't yesterday. The plan is to run tomorrow. 

[ikilledit]

Still running. Music, podcasts, & audio books have been added into the mix. As someone who for the longest time ran without any audio, it’s a bit refreshing to have something to make the time go faster. There are still times that I enjoy running “free” as I call it, without distractions or gear. But its also nice to have a beat or a story to listen to. 

[ikilledit]

It is the two year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing. If you do go for a run, or even if you don’t. Take a moment of silence. Think of your family, friends, loved ones, and those that lost and were lost during that attack. Every run you take is one that another was not lucky enough to complete. We should all be grateful. Make yours count. Run hard. Run happy. 

<3

[ikilledit]

Still running. Not much else to report. It’s slow and steady. The weather is better and it has made for better running moods. I feel more inclined to get out there. It feels good to breathe in that fresh air. To soak up the sun and the blue skies. 

Keep moving. 

[ikilledit]

Tell Someone

You’ve probably heard this one: How do you know if someone is a runner? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you. Hahaha...get it, we’re pretentious mouthy douche bags. No wait. We’re mostly just passionate though I am sure there are some douche bag runners out there in the world. 

But here’s the thing though, talking about running is often a good way to stay passionate about it. The same for vegans and weight-lifters. Or for anything really, if you love something that much, its something you’re happy to talk about. 

This blog and the reason I tweet so frequently about my running is because it keeps me focused. It keeps me driven. I’ve struggled with this the past year. So tell someone. 

It’s as simple as telling someone you’re going for a run. Why is this important? Why is this important to me!? Because it keeps me honest. If I tell someone I’m going to do something and then I don’t. Well, I’m just a goddamn liar. And that’s not right. 

I was at Starbucks earlier this morning picking up some bagged coffee and the barista on the other side made a comment about how shitty the weather was, to which I sort of mumbled and hurumphed: “Yeah, tell me about it, I’m about to go for a run.” And then on the drive back, I thought to myself: “You have to go now, no matter how lousy or grey the day may be. You’ve told someone you’re going for a run. So go and do it.” 

It’s as simple as that. Keeping your word. Telling someone. Keeping it on the brain. 

So tell someone. Don’t be an asshole. But don’t feel bad about sharing what you love with another person. It forms a connection. It keeps you honest. 

I’m telling you. 

[ikilledit]

The temperatures have  been warmer and I've been running quite a bit the last two weeks. The belly-fat that I’ve been trying to lose has reduced. And I’ve cut back on the amount of snacking that I’ve been indulging in for the majority of this winter. All in all, my health habits have improved. I am so glad that January and February are over. I keep on keeping on. 

Kill it. 

[ikilledit]

I ran. 

It felt good.

[ikilledit]

Lost, then found.

I lost running the last couple of months. And if I'm being honest with myself, I didn't really enjoy it throughout most of last year. I'm trying to change that. I'm learning to find that passion again. 

Mental health, winter, snow, cold, depression, lack of motivation. I guess you could call them excuses. It doesn't really matter what term you use, it was me not running. And while I'm still in decent health and haven't experienced any significant weight gain, my body was not where I wanted it to be.

This last week the temperatures have gone up, the sun has come out, and I'm seeing the colour blue. Something I had not witnessed throughout the months of January and February. 

I've discovered running again. I missed it so much. I find myself waking up earlier to go out for a run. And I come back feeling refreshed. I'm still working through mental health things but the running is helping. 

It feels good to feel good again. I realize how silly that sounds but I'm learning to love running again. 

I'm also thinking that blogging about running again will help to keep me motivated. This blog has been neglected for far too long. 

If you still read this or follow, keep an eye out for more. If not, it's all good. As I've said from day one, this blog exists mostly for me. 

I can't wait until tomorrow. 

Kill it. 

[ikilledit]

Giving Up on Numbers, Giving In to Passion

Numbers are a key part of running: 5 min. 10 min. 5k, 10k, 21.1, 42.2, etc. It's how we set goals: time, distance, pace. Numbers do matter. But maybe they shouldn't, at least not as much as I once thought. 

Let me be clear. If numbers work for you. Good. They've kept me motivated and inspired. But lately I'm starting to realize that it's not just numbers. Sometimes its just getting out there and running. 

The last few weeks I've unplugged from my runkeeper account. I'm still running and I have a good sense of my distance travelled during any particular run. But I've stopped keeping track of them. Instead, I just go out for a run and come back feeling good. If I'm tired, I turn around. If I feel like I can keep going, then I keep on going. 

I'm not worried about meeting any kind of expectation or goal. I'm just running free. Maybe this won't last. Maybe I'll become obsessed with beating my 5k pace record. But for now, it is nice to just run for the sake of running and not worry about the numbers. 

Hope you find your passion. 

Kill it. 

[ikilledit]

Still running. Not as much as I'd like. But I'm also doing more planks, push-ups, etc. 

Trying to work on my gut. Keep on keeping on. 

[ikilledit]

“What are you running from?” my mother asked one night over dinner. I had moved in with her temporarily after the breakup. “No,” I corrected her. “It’s something I’m running to.”

[ikilledit]

I heard a woodpecker today. 

Spring.

That is all. 

Run more.