i wonder if the WLFs were homophobic, since they're basically paramilitary and these settings tend to be more conservative. if i remember clearly, there's a collectible (seattle day 1 as ellie, before the TV station if i'm not mistaken) where a woman says something about "passing notes in a stadium" and wanting to stop hiding and finally sharing a bed with her girlfriend. so maybe they ARE homophobic ??
of course surviving/territorial conflicts with the seraphites were a priority for them, but we have seth as an example that even with the world totally fucked up there's still bigots.
though, i don't think salt lake crew were ever judgmental about others' identity/sexuality (abby was always respectful towards lev and so was owen and mel). maybe because they were fireflies and the group seemed to be more human in my opinion.
idk this has been on my mind lately. especially cause i looove analysis about abby and i wonder how others (WLF in general, not necessarily her friends/lev & yara) would react if eventually she got a girlfriend
musician!ellie who always plays you her music before it’s released. well the acoustic versions at least. she sits you down and strums away at her guitar. and you're listening but she looks sooo pretty all focused.
musician!ellie who’s face is rosy the entire time. every time she sings to you she can’t help the blush that rises to her cheeks. playing to 30,000 screaming fans? easy. singing demos with dina and jesse at the studio? she doesn’t think twice about it. but she can barely sing one note to you before she goes tomato red. and she knows it’s because your opinion is the only one that truly matters to her. who cares what anyone else thinks as long as you like it.
musician!ellie who wears loose, low sitting jeans and white t-shirts on stage. maybe no bra if she’s feeling crazy
musician!ellie who loves a well tailored suit. she likes to add little quirks so she doesn't fall into the "all suit wearers have the same boring outfit" stereotype. fun colors, patterns, funky ties. she's absolutely tearing up a bolo tie (inspired by joel of course) instead of a traditional tie.
musician!ellie who does a chicken shop date and manages to out awkward amelia. they kind of end up matching each other's freak though and the interview comes out really funny.
musician!ellie who looks like she's the one meeting her fans in pictures. she's cheesing with her arm wrapped around their shoulders, acting like she's not the one with four grammys.
musician!ellie who posts on tiktok like she's not famous. videos of her playing the guitar, harassing joel with stupid prank trends, maybe a thirst trap or two
musician!ellie who likes to leave insane comments under her super hot, also famous girlfriend's (you) posts. stuff like get me pregnant, just came, i’m hard. her pr manager has threatened to revoke her password privileges if she keeps doing it.
musician!ellie who keeps eye contact with the camera while performing on late night shows 1. because she’s overly aware that it’s there and doesn’t know how to not look at it 2. likes the fans’ reaction (it may or may not inflate her ego)
musician!ellie who doesn’t live in nyc or la, she probably just lives in jackson or some other small town and the locals dgaf about her fame. sometimes though the occasional tourist will spot her on a late night gas station run
musician!ellie who loves to involve her band in her shows. while dina is playing the bass ellie likes to wrap a casual arm around her shoulders so the mic is in dina’s face, urging her to sing with her. dina hates (loves) it. jesse gets away with no singing because he plays the drums but he does like to do the ba bum tss noise after ellie makes a dad joke on stage
musician!ellie who is so down to do the stupid skits on snl or late night talk shows. she’ll go all out, accents, wigs, costumes, you name it.
musician!ellie who one time did an ad for a men’s clothing line and it royally pissed off conservatives. she thought that shit was so funny and kept reposting the ads on her story to ragebait
musician!ellie who owns a cat with a dumbass name like binkus mcstinkus and not only does ellie adore this animal but so do the fans. there are fan accounts for the cat (and binkus mcstinkus is an absolute asshole)
musician!ellie who ends up as one of those tiktok reaction photos after jesse took a .5 of her looking two apples tall
musician!ellie who does one of those ellie williams reading thirst tweet videos and edits up bright red and slightly horrified by her fanbase by the end of it
musician!ellie who has to FIGHT to keep up her cool girl persona when someone finds pictures from her 14 yo emo phase. think side bangs, bad eyeliner, hot topic jewelry
musician!ellie who likes to do covers of songs that no one would expect like very “straight girl music” but she eats it up and blows the internet away
musician!ellie who doesn’t take shit from anyone. those conservatives that had a problem with her menswear ad? she’s @ them on twitter and asking if they’re upset because she looks better in a suit and tie than they do
content: smut obv, fluff, sort of sub!top ellie? idk, bottom reader. intentional lowercase. this is based on like jackson ellie before shit went down - the loser we all know and love. friends to lovers. ref to s*th’s quip. cheeky angst at the end.
after kissing at the winter dance last night, and seth’s stupid interruption, ellie ran off. you were upset, you were. upset and confused - but hopeful. you understood why she run off after seth’s harsh words, but not her temper after joel shoved the bastard.
➳ ❥‧
ellie however, sat at her desk, morning light pushing through the curtains, her hair still wet from the shower she thought would clear her mind. it didn’t. she had to write.
“Last night was crazy. I feel scared. Elated. Anxious. Just have to brush it off, before I hopefully see her again. Or Joel.
Fuck.”
she dropped her pencil down with a sigh, closing her journal and getting up from the wooden desk. she grabbed her jacket from the chair and slipping it on, then her converse, and pulling out her switchblade from the small table beside her door. with a final deep breath, she opened her door, heading out into jackson.
a few of the townspeople gave her the cold shoulder, not wanting to get involved (yet still wanting to gossip). she ignored the looks, warming her hands over a small campfire that had been lit. until she heard her own name.
in your voice.
“ellie..morning.” you said, getting beside her, warming your perfectly fine hands. she nodded in greeting, her green eyes darting, trying to concentrate on the amber burn of the wood, embering slowly. the others around the fire patted their thighs and walked off, still staying within earshot, of course.
you kept your voice quiet, gently nudging her. “hey i know i was drunk last night but-“
ellie shook her head, shrugging her shoulders. “it’s fine. you were drunk, it was a mistake.” she brushed it off, feigning nonchalance. but your heart dropped. she thought you didn’t mean it- the kiss that warmed your heart so deeply, made you feel so free and right. “ellie..that’s not what i was going to say.”
her eyes widened momentarily, slow enough for you to catch. “what-? there’s people around…” she said, now nervous. what was last night to you? so you shook your head, grabbing her gloved hand, and began walking her back to her garage.
she was confused and anxious, yet followed you like a puppy. as you reached the smaller streets, the streets quiet and asleep, you began talking. “just because i was drunk doesn’t mean i didn’t mean it.” you said, sure in your words, making sure your nerves wouldn’t come through. you looked back at ellie, her eyebrows furrowed. “you meant it? you don’t- really fucking regret it?” she asked, her eyes finally looking at yours, as you still pulled her through joel’s back garden now.
“yes i meant it ellie. did you? do you regret it?”
“no…no- as in yes i meant it. and i only regret it if you do.” she whispered, her hand already twisting her garage door, and you slipped inside, locking it behind you.
“then i don’t regret anything” you said quietly, watching her eyes, now only in the soft light of her room, still stuck by her door, those eyes looking quickly from your eyes, down to your lips. “and i meant it so if you want to-” ellie cut you off.
her cold lips quickly warmed up, crashing against yours, both with soft whimpers and a breathy laugh as you both heard your head hit her door. she kissed you again, gently rubbing the back of your head as she kept kissing you, her hesitant tongue gently touching yours, then swiping over, as she shrugged off her jacket, discarding it to the floor.
you both almost subconsciously walked back over to her bed, and you gently shove her shoulders down, sitting on her lap, you spotted her shaky hands holding your arm and waist, you both pull away with a gulp. “do you want to..?” you ask quietly, your forehead against hers. she nodded quickly, reassuring. “i’m sure- i’m just fuck..don’t know what i’m doing.” she said, laughing quietly at herself, and you nodded, letting her talk.
“i want it to be perfect..with you.” she said, her shaky hand holding your cheek, and you simply smile, pushing her shoulders down, so she laid flat on the bed with you on top of her, and she finally relaxed. you both giggled as she fell back against her one pillow. her hands twitched at the bottom of your tip as your tongues touched, chests puffing quickly together.
you took the lead, slipping off your top over your head, kissing her again, she whined softly against your mouth, pulling away to look in awe at you, as you adjusted your bra strap over your shoulder hesitantly, ellie pulled off her hoodie, leaving her in only her sports bra underneath, her calloused fingers carefully pushed your bra strap to fall down your shoulder, looking into your eyes for permission. as you nodded, revelling at her fair freckled skin, she fidgeted with your clasp behind you, waving a hand when you offered help. “no no- i got it….see?”
you just laughed, letting it fall down, and her breath turned heavier, trying to keep her gaze respectful, but she smiled ear to ear. she kissed you again, letting your hand guide hers to your tit. she pulled away to look down, at your nipple rolling between her ring and middle finger, only to softly gasp and kiss you again, her hands tangled in your hair. she rolled you over, one arm kept over your shoulder and your legs tangled together. she caressed you until her hands slid down slowly, reaching the button of your jeans.
“please..” you whispered, and she looked in your eyes for any hesitation, and after finding none, she opened your jeans, kneeling on the bed to pull them down your ankles, and she kissed her stomach, trying to keep her eyes up and fixated on yours, yet looked back down, feeling your cotton panties, you lifted your hips, and she pulled them down. her eyes so full of complete satisfaction and neediness.
“you’re wet..” she whispered, running her pointer finger up your slit. “..oh my god.” she said, her voice no longer wavering. just soft. you took her tattooed wrist into your grasp, gently leading her fingers through your folds, spreading open just enough to show her your clit. she whined, kissing you, while her other hand began to gently work on you, spreading your warmth throughly across your cunt. her lips detached from yours as you gasped, her finger tip making subtle swipes and circles over your clit.
she kept going, thriving off of your reactions, her eyes trained on your expressions, as she dipped a finger in and then two. watching the way your hips rolled as her flexed hand meets you.
she pumped them slowly, her thumb still swiping your clit. her jaw dropped open as you grabbed the back of her neck for stability, trying to focus with the pressure building inside of you so quickly. she placed one kiss on your cheek, before heading down to get her head in place between your thighs.
she kitten licked over your pussy, the palm of her hand resting under her chin as she kept pumping into you, her lips latching around your clit. the sensation was all too much, and she only went faster at the way you moaned her name, as if praying to her.
your high came crushing through you, and she held your thighs with her forearms as they spasmed, licking up every drop she could get. “oh my god..ellie. fuck…” you say, resting your head back on her pillow, and she finally pulls away, smiling softly and kissing on your hip bone.
“i do okay?” she asked, coming up to your level and you nodded, kissing her cheek, nose and lips once again, running your fingers through her short locks. “that was..fucking amazing, ell.” you whispered, breathing to recover from the shock that had coursed through you.
ellie buried her face into your neck, kissing it softly, but you lifted her chin, as your hands traced over the stitches of her beige sports bra, her fingers beginning to trace an old scar on your shoulder… “where’s this from?” she asked innocently, and you smiled softly, turning to look at her properly. “uhh, some army kid who shouldn’t have been given a bow and arrow.” you laugh. and so did she. her cheeks a pinched pink. this all felt so right. to be with her. she rubbed the scar gently with her thumb, when you looked down at her arm.
“your turn. where’s this from?” you asked, feeling the bumps of that nasty scar you were oh so curious about.
“fuck. right. that one…”
AN: hiii! i hope u all liked this one!! i think it’s pretty cute. don’t know how ellie is going to explain that last bit though but that’s a problem for me another day lmao. and her too ig. lmk if you want to be tagged!
୨ৎ Summary: Entering your third year of college and getting a new roommate can end in many ways, especially when your roommate is a bright-eyed girl with amazing musical tastes... or Abby discovering that her life can turn around when she agrees to listen to her heart and live a freaking movie.
ⓘ Warnings: +18! Friends to lovers!!! Reader is a lesbian <3 mention of Owen! Angst? Not really, but some miscommunication. Fluff!! We love soft abby <3 This is very much abby discovering her sexuality, idk if there's anything questionable here lmao, no proofread!
Word count: 20k!
mlist ao3
Abby couldn't explain what she felt the first time she saw you. She could still remember that moment perfectly, your bright eyes looking at her and that sweet smile on your face that made her stomach turn.
Abby thought that sharing a dorm with someone would be an agony, she enjoyed her privacy more than anything, but with you there was no such awkwardness or discomfort, it was as if you both had adapted perfectly.
When you first saw Abby you were convinced she was a jock in every sense of the word. Her confident posture, her sports team jacket, those huge headphones dangling from her neck, the perfectly messy hairstyle, everything about her screamed that she was probably the type of girl who made embarrassing comments in class and laughed with her friends about other people's sexuality.
You expected a judgmental look for your clothes, a tease about the pins in your backpack, or something like that, but instead you found sweet eyes looking at you and giving you a smile, asking your name and if you minded if she put some posters on the wall.
She offered to help you carry your bags up, made a silly joke about the old elevators and when she saw you put your records on the shelves, her eyes lit up as if she had just discovered something secret about you that fascinated her.
No, Abby was not what you expected. She was much better. You felt comfortable around her before you even noticed. And, although it would take you time to admit it, from that first day you knew that something in you was already burning for Abby.
With you, Abby didn't have that initial stage of awkwardness, no, from day one you seemed to light up the room, making her feel in total comfort, asking her about the sports team posters on her wall and listening to her talk about her career.
Abby was not far behind either, she was fascinated by your music collection and loved listening to you talk, usually she considered talkative people somewhat irritating, but with you it wasn't like that, it was as if your voice brought some life to the bedroom.
From the moment you both started unpacking you both were already smiling and stealing glances at each other, your dorm room was not divided right down the middle, maybe it was at some point, probably only the first week, because after that Abby's books were already on your desk and your records on her bed and in her cd player, there was no division between you both, it was one room, sometimes you had trouble finding your own stuff but it didn't matter.
Soon morning greetings before school turned into nightly chats talking about anything and everything until you fell asleep.
The dorm no longer felt like a boring, awkward place where two strangers lived, no, to Abby it was a cozy place where she could come after school to unwind and chat with you.
Your schedules were a little complicated because medicine was not an easy career and Abby didn't want to be less than the best, but somehow you always managed to have moments together, moments where Abby felt more alive, where she laughed like with no one else, the dorm seemed to come alive with your presence.
The dorm room soon started to look more cozy, with little details here and there that made it more like you, you soon started to put flowers in the previously empty vase in the room, it was in the window next to some books, you believed that flowers made the room look and smell better, abby couldn't agree more.
Between the two of you an unwritten agreement was formed where the vase was always full, as soon as the flowers started to dry out one of you would put some fresh new ones in, usually being lilies, you had discovered that they were abby's favorite flower and you had to admit they were beautiful.
Their nightly talks continued night after night, well, when abby wasn't exhausted from school, being with you abby lost all the filter, she could talk about whatever she wanted without feeling judged or criticized.
It always ended with a bottle of booze and genuine laughter, there was no filter or embarrassment, abby lost all shame when she looked into your eyes and saw that sparkle, she lost all reason, there was no judgment or mockery, it was just you listening to her attentively.
Her career was definitely taking its toll on her, you could tell by the dark circles under her eyes and the way her eyes would close tiredly in your late night talks, yet Abby never said anything, she liked talking to you and she liked listening to you talk even more, it was the only time where she didn't feel pressure and it was just you and her.
Abby didn't know if it was tiredness or what it was due to, but on one of those nights she ended up so tired from her homework that she ended up dozing on the floor against your bed with her head on your shoulder.
“We should go to bed” You muttered under your breath, afraid Abby might hear your heart beating too loudly in your chest.
“No, keep talking... I want to listen to you” Abby replied sleepily, making no effort to get up or move her head away from your shoulder.
Needless to say, you had already forgotten what you were talking about, probably about some new song or the camera you bought, but Abby's presence was to say the least, distracting, yet you did your best to keep talking and Abby lulled herself to sleep with your voice, sleeping better than ever.
That night you didn't move from her side, you weren't going to disturb her sleep, so you ignored the discomfort and pain of sitting on the cold floor, taking the nearest blanket and covering you both.
In the morning you were surprised to not feel the cold floor beneath you, instead you were in the warmth of your bed, no, abby's bed actually, you recognized her damn scent on the sheets.
“I thought you'd be uncomfortable on the floor” Abby mentioned softly later that day, when she saw your confused face as you saw yourself in her bed.
This became a recurring thing for both of you without noticing it, some nights when either you or Abby were too tired you would end up asleep sitting next to the bed, her head on your shoulder and your bodies warming each other.
Other nights you would offer to braid abby's hair for her and at some point her head would end up in your lap, with you stroking and playing with her blonde locks until you were both asleep.
But each of those nights you never woke up on the floor, you always woke up feeling the warmth of the blankets under you and instantly recognized Abby's scent in the blankets, other times you were not so lucky and woke up wrapped in the blankets of your own bed, but not once did Abby wake up next to you, whenever you woke up she was already taking a bath or making herself some breakfast, you couldn't help but wonder if she had slept next to you and you hadn't noticed, which seemed impossible because of her build and because you were sure you would notice if you had abby anderson sleeping next to you.
In those nights Abby discovered how much you loved to talk, you were quite open with your life, she loved to put on a good record from your collection and get down on the floor to talk about school, romantic anecdotes, or anything that came to your minds.
The blonde was more than a little surprised when she heard you mention an ex, her stomach turning at your words.
“She was pretty cute but I guess we just didn't quite hit it off.”
Abby stopped listening to what you said next, your words repeating over and over, she was pretty cute, she, she, she, she.
That night she didn't say anything about it, you had said it so normally that she didn't think it was appropriate to mention it, you liked girls, it wasn't a big deal right? Yet for some reason something moved inside her.
Abby soon understood that in fact for you it was no big deal, she seemed to be the only one unaware that you were a lesbian, when she told Manny about her new roommate he nodded normally.
“Ah yeah I know her, I've seen her at a few parties, she always goes with the prettiest girls.” Manny said with amusement, maybe exaggerating things a bit, but a knot was in Abby's stomach, she never mentioned you again in front of Manny or any of her friends.
Abby tried to hide her emotions, believing that it was just jealousy of friendship, she had never had such a close friend, she didn't want to have to move away, besides it seemed ridiculous, you were just friends, she had no right to complain to you, so she swallowed her words and acted normally.
Abby never questioned her sexuality, of course, when she was young she found one or two girls pretty, but that was normal, wasn't it? It was just envy, Abby never thought she was the prettiest, so she thought maybe it was just envy, that's why she kept looking so much at that girl in her class, her wavy hair, her lips, her hands… it was just envy, yeah, that's all.
She thought that feeling was too far gone, she hadn't felt “envy” for any girl in a long time, she had Owen and he loved her as she was, of course in his own way, showing her off to his friends and flattering her — almost always in sex — but it was still flattery, wasn't it?
Despite this, that damn envy came back with you, more specifically after finding out that you like girls, for some reason that envy was in all its splendor, Abby could not stop looking at you, admiring everything about you, but of course, it was just that she thought you were pretty, right? There's nothing wrong with admitting that your friend has pretty lips and angel hands, right?
Abby didn't have much time to question such things either, the semester was always heavy being in medicine, team practices added to the fire and questioning whatever it was that was stirring for you was just another burden, her body was at its limit and she was never one to like to rest, so it went on and on and on until it finally happened.
That afternoon the dorm was strangely quiet, which was usual when Abby went to soccer practice, but it was a strange silence when you walked in and noticed Abby was in the dorm, her shoes were in the doorway and her training bag was lying on the floor, that was strange, Abby was organized and never had the room quiet, there was always music playing.
“Abby?” You called softly, approaching her bed and noticing her figure covered by the blankets up to her head.
“I'm not here” Abby murmured, her voice sounding strange and tired. “Tell everyone I died.”
You couldn't help but smile with tenderness, instantly noticing what was going on, in her night wick were Kleenex and boxes of medicine, your suspicions confirmed when Abby peeked one eye out from between the covers. Her cheeks were red, not from embarrassment, but from fever, and her tangled hair gave her a more disheveled air than usual.
“I feel like I got hit by a train...and then the train regretted it and reversed.” Abby murmured, bringing a hand to her head that seemed intent on exploding.
You couldn't help a chuckle, sitting down next to her on the bed and bringing your hand up to her face, removing her hand and gently touching her forehead and cheeks, watching her look at you with an expression you couldn't quite make out.
She definitely had a fever. Her skin burned under your hand, and yet Abby didn't pull away, nor did she make one of her typical evasive comments to play it down. She just looked at you, half buried in the covers, eyes narrowed and a strange mixture of defeat and relief painted on her face.
“Since when did you feel this way?” You asked softly, as if you feared causing her head more pain if you spoke louder.
Abby shrugged, but the gesture was so weak it barely moved the fabric of the sheets.
“Since yesterday, but I had to go to training and then exams...” Abby said softly, not giving it a thought.
“You went to training like this?” you asked with some disbelief and abby felt like she was being scolded.
“Couldn't miss it, we'll have a game soon” Abby mumbled without looking at you at all, she was used to ignoring the pain, she wasn't someone who got sick often and when she did she just ignored the discomfort and carried on, but now she definitely felt like she had been hit by a train.
You sighed heavily, feeling a little annoyed with Abby for acting this way, so tough, like she was invincible.
“You could have told me” You murmured softly, not as a complaint, just a comment, reminding her that you were there, for her.
Abby didn't respond, just pursed her lips, sighing lightly and closing her eyes as a twinge of pain shot through her head.
You stood silently, walking into the dorm's tiny kitchen and pouring hot water from the coffee pot onto a plate, taking one of those instant soups, definitely nothing amazing, but Abby needed something to eat and it was the best thing in the dorm.
Abby watched you silently, her brow slightly furrowed, she couldn't quite see what you were doing when your back was turned, she only noticed when you approached the bed with a bowl of soup in your hands, her eyes widened with some surprise and even some disbelief.
With a single glance from you, Abby sat up in bed, her body protesting her tiredness.
“Eat this, then you can take the medicine and get some sleep” You said softly, your tone calm and gentle, as if taking care of her was something totally normal.
Abby watched you with a frown, but soon her gaze softened, she was never someone who enjoyed being cared for, she was more vunerable than she wished to show, but for that night she wanted to allow herself this, she wanted to lower the barriers a little and accept being cared for one night.
You stayed with her while she ate her soup, giving her the medicine afterwards and tucking her in when sleep overtook her, abby only murmured a soft thank you before falling asleep, but for you it was enough, that abby let you take care of her was enough for you.
The nightly talks continued, it was a moment between the two of you, a moment where Abby and you could talk about your day and forget the stress of college.
Your nightly talks were about everything and nothing at the same time, they usually started with you wanting to help Abby study her books, but the topic soon faded into the background and the words came out of your mouths non-stop, Abby found it especially easy to open up to you, you always listened attentively and never interrupted her, letting her tell you anecdotes with her father or about her classes, well, that was until she touched on a certain subject.
“You have a boyfriend?”
The words came out of your mouth harsher than you expected, somewhere between confusion and disbelief.
Abby was silent for a second, blinking before nodding, she couldn't understand the meaning of your words — or your tone of voice — nor the feeling that settled in her, perhaps some...insecurity? Maybe.
“Yeah, his name is Owen.” Abby said, her voice less enthusiastic than before, with some insecurity, a thousand ideas running through her mind, the tone of your voice making her feel strange and confused, did you not think she had a boyfriend? You didn't think she was pretty enough or interesting enough?
Her mind got the worst ideas, where you thought she didn't have a boyfriend for some horrible reason, that you thought she was ugly or boring, a knot in her stomach settled at this.
Abby had always been quite unsure of herself, from her image — which men found unattractive — to her often hostile and defensive personality.
“Oh...that's nice.”
Was all you said, your voice sounding more subdued and even somewhat irritated, Abby clearly noticed.
“What about you? do you have... anyone?” Abby asked, trying to ignore the knot in her stomach at her own question.
“No, I've always been unlucky in love” You murmured softly with some sarcasm in your voice, even some bitterness.
It didn't take you long to change the subject, you didn't want to listen to Abby talk about her ridiculous boyfriend — who you didn't even know existed — preferring to listen to her talk about medicine and terms you didn't understand one bit.
That night the talk ended more abruptly than before, both obviously uncomfortable and tense, for totally opposite reasons.
In the morning Abby still had a strange feeling running through her, your behavior didn't help, Abby could feel something, there was a distance between the two of you, a distance that Abby couldn't explain.
Abby couldn't explain it but there was something different, you didn't seem so animated when you spoke or you didn't seem so close to her, it was as if something had changed and she hated it.
Despite the thousand ideas running through abby's mind none of them were true, they weren't even close, it would never cross abby's mind that you were jealous and even a little guilty when you found out she had a boyfriend.
You thought you were hiding your feelings well but it was impossible for you to act the same as before, Abby could feel it, things were awkward somehow, you were still acting like friends, you treated her like the rest of Abby's friends, but Abby didn't like it, because you had always been closer than her friends, you had always done more than the rest of her friends.
Your mind was no better than Abby's, a thousand feelings were eating at you and among them was guilt, the idea that you had gone too far and now Abby was upset with you, you hadn't even done anything wrong, you hadn't even kissed or anything like that, you just did things that all friends did, but maybe deep down you felt guilty because you never did things just as friends.
Despite this Abby couldn't stop thinking about you, she found herself watching you as she studied, she noticed every little detail about you and your expressions, she knew you were tense by the way you were biting the inside of your cheek or when you were tired because you started scrunching up your eyes.
At night Abby had trouble sleeping and you were not much better, Abby would go over each of your conversations together looking for what she had done wrong, what she had done to make you put that distance between you, but she always went back to the night where she told you she had a boyfriend.
Abby without noticing it put more distance between both, the school consumed her completely and when she could talk to you it was short talks, nothing like before, the night talks were not the same, you avoided completely the romantic anecdotes and Abby didn't even notice it, she only wanted to talk to you, about anything, even if it wasn't the same.
But at the end of the nights it wasn't the same, you didn't end up sleeping on the floor together, too close to be friends, many times you didn't even sit close to talk, each of you talked from your bed, looking at the ceiling, because you both knew that if you looked into each other's eyes everything would change, they say that eyes never lie and abby could prove it, she was sure that if you looked in her eyes you could see everything about her, all of her feelings made a chaos and this terrified her.
“Are we fine?” Abby asked in a whisper on one of those nights, her gaze fixed on the ceiling.
You felt your chest tighten, because even at the sudden question you knew what she meant, you knew she sensed the distance between you.
“Yeah, we're fine” You mumbled back, taking the courage to look up at Abby from your bed, only to find her turning her back to you.
Neither of you mentioned it again, neither of you dared, so you went about your daily lives, concentrating on school and feeling your conversations last less and less time, watching the flowers in the window fade and neither of you making an attempt to put up new ones.
Sometimes you used to see each other in the halls of the school, just giving each other a polite smile, Abby could feel her stomach tighten when she saw you talking to some girl in the halls, laughing at her jokes as you laughed at hers, you couldn't help but feel nauseous when you saw her with Owen, the boy always holding her or with his hands on her body, you always thought he touched her too rough, not gentle as she deserved.
Your mind was still in chaos, you couldn't concentrate on anything, you needed to clear your mind, or maybe occupy it with something other than abby, so what better idea than to go to a campus party, there's nothing better than a party full of drunken idiots and the smell of weed!!!! — notice the sarcasm —
Manny had definitely exaggerated with what he told abby, you didn't go with a different girl to every party, at least not to sleep with them, many times they were just your friends or girls you walked home or chatted with, but for manny and the rest of the guys it was impossible for a lesbian to have female friends and not sleep with them.
Abby wasn't a fan of parties, not as much as you, she went to some when Owen asked her to, but she didn't see the point in drinking beer with strangers while music she hated was playing, so when you offered her to go to the party with you she refused.
You thought that this party would be your opportunity to try to fix things with Abby, you thought that going alone would not do much good if Abby was still on your mind, so inviting her was your best option, you could apologize to her for being so distant and maybe after a while at the party things would get better between the two of you and everything could be like before.
But Abby's refusal changed all your plans, the blonde told you that she had to study and finish some work, plus she didn't feel like going to a party, which you automatically assumed was that she didn't want to go with you.
Trying to ignore the pressure in your chest you simply nodded and didn't press any more, if she didn't want to go you weren't the one to force her, you could fix things later, couldn't you? You hoped so.
While you were getting ready Abby couldn't take her eyes off you, no matter how hard she tried to avoid it, of course she wouldn't let you notice her but she just couldn't help but gawk at you changing and putting on that damn pink lipgloss that made your lips look amazing.
When you left the room Abby gasped in frustration, what the fuck was she doing? Why wouldn't those fucking feelings go away?
The party was in full swing, half the party was already drunk or stoned, dancing ridiculously to the music and some kissing when they thought they weren't seen, spoiler, they were.
Still you just couldn't change your mood, you were on your third or fourth glass of a dubious punch to which you had added some vodka, but the party seemed more boring than ever, your friends were chatting and dancing, you smiled slightly seeing them, but you didn't share their happiness, so you stayed at the back, drinking boredly from your cup and wishing that by some miracle your night would change for something more interesting.
But the universe definitely wanted to screw you, because instead of some cute blonde girl falling into your arms all you got was a drunk guy crashing into you and making you spill your punch on your blouse, your white blouse, great.
“Watch where you're going!” You said with annoyance, trying to wipe your shirt with a napkin, but the guy didn't even look at you, he was too drunk to offer an apology or walk straight.
Great, absolutely great, your night was already going to shit a while ago and now your only white blouse was covered in a pink stain.
“That's definitely not coming off.”
You had to restrain yourself from turning your head abruptly at that voice, that voice you knew perfectly well.
You didn't have to turn around because the girl appeared in front of you, looking as spectacular as ever, without saying a word Abby took the napkin, standing in front of you and wiping some of the punch on your blouse and neck.
“I thought you weren't coming” You muttered under your breath, your voice a little strained from the alcohol, but you weren't even thinking clearly enough to care, the words were already coming out without you wanting them to.
“Let's go to the bathroom, we'll see if something can be done” Abby replied, ignoring your question and gently taking your wrist, making her way through the crowd of people to the bathroom, which by some miracle was empty.
Abby walked into the bathroom with you, closing the door behind her, still with her hand on your wrist as if she feared you were going to stumble, which was definitely a possibility, at what point did you get this drunk? A few minutes ago you were fine and now the alcohol hit you hard.
“You said you weren't coming” You repeated with a frown, had she changed her mind?
Abby didn't say a word, she just motioned for you to sit on the edge of the tub while she took a washcloth and wet it, coming over to you and sinking between your legs, gently wiping the stain on your shirt, her touch careful as if she was afraid to make you uncomfortable.
Your gaze was fixed on Abby, you felt your heart pounding so hard it would pound out of your chest, Abby looked spectacular, she always did, but the alcohol made your thoughts drift further away.
Your gaze was fixed on Abby, on her blonde hair and her look of concentration as she cleaned your blouse, soon your mind began to wander, thinking about how good Abby looked between your legs, so close to you.
No! No, no, no, no.
You couldn't think those things, not about your friend, not about Abby specifically, as soon as the thoughts came you shook your head trying to push them away.
It's the alcohol, you said to yourself trying to convince yourself, but everyone knows that alcohol just brings the truth to light, but you couldn't admit that.
“Owen invited me, he wanted me to come with him” Abby's voice snapped you out of your thoughts, reminding you that you had brought up — twice — that you thought she wasn't coming, that was her explanation and you instantly frowned, the mere mention of Owen made a knot in your stomach and reminded you why you had put that distance between the two of you, a bitter feeling settled in your stomach, the idea that she had agreed to come with Owen but not with you made a feeling of jealousy settle in you, probably your expression of bitterness was very obvious, so you were grateful that Abby was still cleaning your blouse and did not see how you rolled your eyes at Owen's mention.
"I was hoping I could see you here... be with you" Abby's voice was quieter, not looking you in the eye, as if saying she wanted to see you was a confession that shouldn't be heard.
Your heart flipped in your chest and as if you were a teenager in love, your face flushed, yet the alcohol made you think too much and the words were out of your mouth before you could think clearly.
“But you're with Owen” You mumbled, Abby knew you were talking about the party, that she had come to this party with Owen, but a part of you and her knew you weren't just talking about the party, Abby was with Owen, he was her boyfriend.
“He just keeps smoking with his friends, he won't even notice I'm gone” Abby murmured softly, standing up and extending a hand to you, which you took gently, you felt a rush of electricity run through your body almost instantly, as if something had clicked.
“I told you it wouldn't come off” Abby's voice snapped you out of your thoughts, now realizing that she wasn't even taking your hand anymore and instead was looking at your breast, no, your blouse, which was stained red and showing through a little.
Why the fuck did you have to wear a white blouse to a party? Now it seemed like the worst idea in the world.
“I can lend you my sweater, I'm wearing a shirt underneath” Abby said, trying — and failing — to avert her gaze from your now transparent shirt, she didn't want you to go out like that, for anyone else to see you like that.
Abby didn't even wait for an answer, removing her sweater and thank god the sweater covered her face for an instant because she would have seen you staring at her abs that were revealed as she lifted her shirt, damn it.
“Here” Abby said softly, but instead of handing it to you she walked over to you with the sweater in her hands and you got the message instantly, raising your arms and letting her put the sweater on you, her hands lingering a little too long on your waist before she pulled away nervously, looking anywhere but at you.
“Come on” Abby murmured somewhat nervously, grabbing your wrist and pulling you out of the bathroom onto one of the couches, sitting next to you still with some distance, fearing that if she touched you again that rush would return.
You felt like you were in some kind of dream, like you were floating, you didn't know whether to blame it on the alcohol or the smell of Abby in her sweater, you loved her damn perfume, you could smell it all the time in the room but being surrounded by it was a totally different experience.
Both stayed on the couch for a while, making fun of the idiocies that people did and talking about anything, as if the rest of the world didn't exist, at some point the words ran out and you ended up sitting without saying anything, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, not at all.
Your head was leaning back on the couch, looking at Abby sideways with a smile on your face, you didn't even try to hide it, your gaze ran over every detail of Abby's face, your eyes practically glowing at the sight.
Abby felt your gaze, how could she not, you were staring at her, when she turned to you, she thought you would look away, but you didn't, those bright eyes were still locked on her, looking at her as if she was the most beautiful wonder in the world.
For some reason Abby couldn't take her eyes off you, watching every detail of your face with admiration, you both laughed, you didn't even know why, maybe because of the stupidity of the situation or the way your heart was beating too hard in your chest.
You both remained sitting on the couch, looking at each other with a smile, your hands were so close on the couch that abby only needed to move her pinky a little and she could have you in her hands, as if a force was pulling you, but as always, that same force that attracted you so close, in an instant could pull you in the opposite direction.
“Come here baby!”
You didn't even have time to blink before you felt Abby being lifted off the couch, her weight suddenly disappearing and that force pulling you away, that force called Owen.
The boy grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet and hugging her from behind with a goofy grin as he moved to the music, obviously too drunk and stoned to notice Abby's discomfort let alone yours.
Abby stirred in his grip obviously uncomfortable, the smell of weed making her stomach churn, but she didn't dare move away, all of owen's friends were watching them with a smile, some girls whispering about how they wished they were in abby's place, this was the right thing to do wasn't it? So what was that damn knot in her stomach?
For some reason you didn't dare to look away, even as that pressure in your chest continued to grow, your gaze was obviously uncomfortable and Abby could feel it digging into the back of her head, she didn't dare look in your direction, afraid of what she would see on your face.
For Abby it was the longest song in the world, she was grateful for the moment when Owen reached out for a cigarette because she was able to walk away and sit next to you again, a little closer this time, her happiness was short lived as Owen sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer to him.
It was probably the alcohol that made you so direct, because you couldn't stop yourself from looking at abby and owen bitterly, your gaze going from owen's arm on abby's shoulders to owen's lips on abby's jaw and neck, it was disgusting.
The guy did nothing but cause that reaction in you, nausea, if you could use one word to describe him it would be douchebag, he didn't even notice you were wearing Abby's sweater, was he too drunk or was he always like that? You didn't give a shit.
The rest of the night was bitter for both you and abby, your only fun was seeing how many cups of vodka punch you could drink before you passed out and drowned the fucking butterflies in your stomach, but abby didn't agree with your fun.
“Okay that's enough” Abby said firmly but with a certain gentleness when it came to you, taking your wrist and taking the cup from you, helping you to your feet, taking you by the waist with gentleness and embarrassment, as if she was afraid to touch you.
“Where are you going?” Owen asks with some annoyance, looking at Abby and you with a frown.
“To the dorm, she's too drunk to stay here by herself” Abby said with some obviousness, holding you tighter when she felt you wobble.
Owen let out a bitter laugh, looking at you from head to toe as if he didn't quite believe Abby's words.
"And you're going to leave me here? One of her girlfriends could take her to the dorm" Owen spat with annoyance, as if leaving him alone at the party was a horrible thing to do. Abby had to ignore the pang in her chest at the mention of your “girlfriends,” Manny's words coming back to her mind, but she forced herself to calm down.
“I'm her friend and we share a dorm, besides I'm tired” Abby said, it was a lame excuse, but in a way it was true, she was tired, she hated parties, she had only come because she felt guilty about your disappointed expression when she told you she wasn't going.
Owen scoffed, rolling his eyes bitterly and lighting a cigarette without looking at Abby.
“Do whatever the fuck you want” Owen spat before disappearing into the crowd, obviously annoyed with Abby and the fact that he had ruined his plans to spend the night with her.
Abby ignored the bitter feeling that settled in her stomach and kept walking with you, or rather staggering, as you were too drunk to walk upright.
Abby let out a sigh of relief when you finally reached the dorm, helping you sit on the bed, taking one of your hair ties and making a messy ponytail, just so you wouldn't be bothered by the hair in your face.
“Are you okay?” abby asked softly as she noticed how quiet you had been all the way, you didn't respond, your gaze went all over her face, it looked like a work of art.
Before you could think about it your hand was already up, holding her cheek gently, your thumb caressing her cheekbone and getting a little too close to her lips.
“You're so pretty, abby” You muttered under your breath without looking away, abby thought she would die right there, her mouth opening and closing several times, trying to say something, but to no avail.
A smile spread across your face as you watched her cheeks flush, your thumb gently stroking her cheek.
Abby felt as if a force was pulling her to you, her gaze went to your lips and for the first time she allowed herself to think about how they would feel, if they would taste like that cherry lipstick you always wore, if they would be as soft as she imagined, if they would feel as good as she wished.
“I-I'll get you some water” Abby murmured snapping out of her trance, pulling away almost suddenly, as if she feared that if she stared at you a little longer she wouldn't be able to turn back.
Abby went to get water with trembling hands, trying to calm herself.
She's drunk, she doesn't know what she's saying, we're just friends, this isn't right, I have a boyfriend.
Abby repeated those words over and over again, trying to engrave them in her mind and in her heart.
Abby tucked you into bed after making you drink enough water and was thankful you were an easy sleeper, because she couldn't bear to see your shining eyes one more second without her heart bursting out of her chest.
Even if it was two in the morning Abby had to take a shower, trying to calm the heat in her body that had been tormenting her since the party, since the moment she was between your legs while she was cleaning your blouse, since her hands touched your waist when she put her sweater on you.
That fucking sweater, Abby wanted to die when she put it on you, it was like an image from a dream, she hoped you'd never give it back, she wanted to see you wearing it forever, she wanted you to be surrounded by her scent all the fucking time.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Abby said in a sigh, turning on the cold water even more, the guilt she felt for her strange feelings was already too much, touching herself thinking about her best friend wearing her sweater was crossing the line.
Abby tried to calm herself, showering and ignoring the shivering of her body against the icy water, the words “this is wrong” repeating over and over in her head, how something so wrong could feel so damn amazing?
Her mind couldn't help but start to wander, going back to that moment when she was between your legs cleaning your blouse, that moment when she was about to blow it all away, that moment when she had smelled your delicious perfume and had been closer to your boobs than she had ever imagined.
Even the cold water couldn't stop a warmth from settling in Abby's stomach, her hand mindlessly going between her legs, trying to relieve the heat that was growing by the second.
A breathy moan escaped her mouth as her hand finally made contact with her clit, her head leaning back against the icy tiles of the shower.
“You're so pretty abby.”
Your words repeated in her head and made her thrust her hips against her fingers, letting out a low whimper.
You, the prettiest girl abby knew, thought she was pretty, the very thought made abby's legs shake, she knew you were drunk, that it was just a compliment on the air, but the way you said it sounded so sincere and sweet that abby couldn't help but replay it in her mind, wishing you really meant it.
Abby bit her lip trying to hold back her moans, her fingers moving in a slow and gentle rhythm, wanting to stretch this moment out as long as possible, but trying not to give herself away with her sounds, the last thing she wanted was to wake you up, the idea terrified her, what would you think of her? That she was a disgusting creep?
The thought made her movements stop completely, what would you think of her if you knew her feelings? Would it disgust you, or maybe you would think she was a freak?
A bitter feeling settled in Abby's chest and made all the warmth in her body disappear.
You were her best friend, she had a boyfriend, you were both girls, she didn't even know if you had feelings for her, this was wrong, there were a thousand reasons why this wasn't right and yet Abby clung to only one, the way her heart seemed to come back to life when she was with you.
Abby slept to say the least, terrible, she got out of the shower frustrated but just couldn't finish when so many thoughts wandered through her mind, so now she was both emotionally and sexually frustrated, great.
In the morning Abby couldn't even look you in the eye, remembering that she almost came the night before thinking about you made her whole face turn red, and you could clearly tell something was up.
“Is something wrong, Abby?” You asked softly as you prepared breakfast for the both of you, the hangover was killing you and while some chocolate bagels weren't the healthiest thing, they were what would get you through the morning.
"Oh? Umh no nothing, why do you say that?" Abby stuttered nervously, again avoiding your gaze, which only made you more confused, yes you had been drunk the night before but it wasn't that bad right? You hadn't done anything stupid as far as you could remember.
“I don't know, you're... weird” You said softly, but not unkindly “I did something ridiculous last night didn't I?” You asked with mock exhasperation to which abby laughed nervously, shaking her head, it was she who had done something stupid, not you.
“No, you were just a little drunk but I got you home before you could do something really stupid” Abby said, trying to keep her tone nonchalant and sarcastic, which caused you to chuckle.
“Yeah, thanks for that...sorry for ruining your night with Owen” You said softly, you could remember owen's annoyance when Abby offered to take you to the dorm, you knew owen was anything but happy, especially when it came to you, you couldn't say he hated you but you were definitely not to his liking.
“Oh no, never mind” Abby said quickly, you had no reason to feel guilty “You saved me a bit, I was tired and I just wanted to come to sleep” Abby admitted without looking at you, it was her more subtle way of admitting that she preferred to spend the night with you.
“Oh yeah?” You repeated with some surprise, “Owen seemed really annoyed.”
“He's always annoyed” Abby added quietly, taking a sip of her coffee, the way she said it was...strange, as if she had already accepted that her boyfriend was always annoyed and irritated
Your heart for some reason squeezed at this, why did Abby have to be with Owen? How could Owen always be annoyed with someone like Abby by his side? It seemed illogical in your eyes.
Neither of you dared to say much more. Breakfast passed in silence, but not the awkward one of the past few weeks, but a warmer one, full of things left unsaid for fear of breaking something that was just starting to heal. Both were thinking about the same thing: the night before, that party where you looked at each other more than you should have and talked less than you wanted to.
Both felt that so much had happened at the party and nothing at the same time, neither spoke as much as you should have, but those glances and moments between smiles seemed to mean more.
You both repeated it over and over again, as if you wanted to keep even the silences. As if they both knew that, perhaps, that was as close as you could get.
“Do you want me to walk you to your class?” Abby asked, her voice low, a little softer than usual.
Her voice snapped you out of your thoughts, and you nodded almost immediately. After so many weeks loaded with tension, half-glances and doubts, you needed a moment of calm by her side, without that lingering awkwardness that had been separating you.
You walked through the campus without rushing. It was early and the sky was cloudy, there were almost no students yet, and that gave the moment an intimate air, as if the world had paused a little just for the two of you.
Abby walked beside you in silence, and everything about her felt... calmer. Not like before, but not like in recent weeks either. The tension was no longer creating a knot in her stomach, now it was just her hands anxiously playing with the sleeves of her jacket.
You couldn't say everything was okay, because something inside you kept holding you back, reminding you that Abby had a boyfriend, and the last thing you wanted was for her to see you as someone who expected something from her. You didn't want to cross that line.
So, like other times, you kept telling yourself that you were friends. Just friends. And if that was all you could have from her, that was enough for you. You had to convince yourself that it was enough, even if it hurt.
You decided to bury everything else, to ignore all those feelings as if they didn't exist, you hid it as best you could, talking with that normality you missed, pretending there was nothing between the lines.
The conversation flowed smoothly. You talked about classes, about nonsense, about what you had missed in those weeks that felt longer than they should have. None of you mentioned the awkwardness of the past few days or last night's party.
Abby seemed calmer and more relaxed, laughing at your jokes and telling you things with ease. She was still the same Abby you missed, the one who made you laugh until your stomach hurt, the one who made the talks feel smooth.
The blonde couldn't help but watch you, the way you laughed and talked so relaxed, the way you always watched her as she spoke, listening and paying attention to her, not just ignoring her as if her words were background conversation.
When you arrived in your classroom neither of you dared to say goodbye, you simply stood awkwardly in the doorway, as if you feared that when you parted things would be awkward again,
"Do you want to have lunch together? We can go to that coffee shop you like" You asked timidly, you didn't want Abby to think you were going to walk away, you wanted to comfort her, to remind her that you weren't going to walk away, that her friendship was important to you.
Abby barely took a second to nod, a smile appearing on her face instantly “Yeah, sure” Abby stammered instantly “I'll see you when classes are over.”
Her smile was genuine. One of those that you had missed more than you dared to admit.
“See you then, Abby” You replied with one of those smiles that made abby melt.
And before you went inside, you looked at her one last time. You didn't say anything else. But Abby stood there in the hallway, watching you walk away with her heart pounding so hard she had to lean against the wall for a second.
Things were definitely better, they felt better, everything would be better, right?
The next few days things definitely felt better, you both went back to talking to each other like normal friends, telling each other about your day and chatting about anything, Abby would walk you to your classroom almost every day, when she wasn't staying with Owen.
Oh and there was the other thing, neither of you dared mention Owen, neither boyfriends nor relationships, it was an elephant in the room that no one bothered to mention.
It seemed like a forbidden topic in the bedroom, when Abby went out with Owen or stayed in his dorm she never really mentioned him, she would just send you a text and that was it.
I won't make it to the dorm tonight, lock the door and rest well <3.
That was all you had, you didn't have to be a fortune teller to know where she was spending the night, yet you stuck with your plan to bury your feelings as deep down as possible, to keep your friendship going, so you ignored that knot in your stomach and acted normal.
“Okay, take care abs :]”
Simple and no questions asked, partly because you didn't want to know the answer.
Abby still didn't fully understand what had happened between the two of you, but from the way you reacted, she assumed you just couldn't stand Owen or had a bad relationship with him.
It was a simple excuse and it worked in your favor, you didn't have to listen to her talk about him and Abby didn't ask you any questions. The excuse was actually very good, it made sense to Abby, she had never seen you talk to Owen much, your bad mood started when you told her he was your boyfriend and at the party you kept giving him dirty looks, so you hated him right? All this had nothing to do with how much you hated him specifically for being her boyfriend, right?
Those nights that Abby did stay in the dorm were probably the best, sometimes you would have a simple dinner in the dorm while you did your homework, which meant listening to Abby try to learn a thousand medical terms you didn't know, but you always tried to help her by asking her questions and even let her draw the muscles of your face so she could remember them, Your face ended up full of drawings that simulated the muscles and a tiny text with the name of each one, you spent half the time laughing at how ridiculous you looked but it was all worth it when Abby came back the next day with a perfect grade on the exam.
"That's great Abby! I'm proud of you" You said cheerfully, the words coming out of your mouth with an ease that surprised Abby, but mostly it made a warmth spread in her chest, you seemed genuinely happy for her.
“As a thank you today dinner is on me” Abby said softly, it was the least she could do after keeping you awake the last few nights while you accompanied her to study.
You nodded faster than you could think but soon your excitement abruptly cut short, your happiness fading a little.
“That would seriously be awesome but I can't today” You said with an apologetic grimace “I volunteered for the student club fair.” Despite the sorrow, your voice carried a note of excitement that you couldn't quite disguise. You loved that fair. Every year the school held it as a fundraiser for charity -a children's activity, games, face painting, raffles, a small celebration with a big purpose. And even though you did it for the cause, there was a part of you that also did it for the smiles of the children, for that warm feeling that the whole day left you with, because you always felt your heart more alive when you saw the children laugh.
You expected a look of disappointment on Abby's face. Maybe a joke, a shrug, something that said she wasn't happy. But her expression didn't change for a second.
Instead, a slight, sincere smile graced her lips.
“I can go with you” Abby said, as if she didn't need to think about it, a thousand ideas running through her mind telling her it was a bad idea, she didn't like fairs, not in the least, but then she saw your eyes light up just hearing her say it all the noise inside her faded away.
"Really? That would be awesome! I'm going to be at the face painting booth so it'll just be for a little while and then we can eat one of those crappy hotdogs" You said cheerfully to which Abby laughed and nodded, at that moment everything felt so much simpler.
The fair was something out of a teen movie, colorful balloons, blankets on the grass and makeshift wooden stands filled the sports field. Student volunteers had set up everything from a game station to a homemade dessert booth. Some teachers walked around with cameras, others helped coordinate the students, while others kept the teens from making a mess, alcohol was prohibited as it was a family event but everyone knew that many didn't care.
Abby was not a fan of fairs, not at all, there was a lot of noise, a lot of people crowded together and she would never admit it out loud but she was traumatized after seeing Final Destination Three, but here she was now, at a student fair just to see that damn beautiful smile on your face.
You were the first to arrive, a while before Abby, you told her you had to set up the booth and that was boring, so Abby arrived a while later, even a little before the fair started, wanting to help you a little but not wanting to look intense.
Abby stood for a few moments looking at you before she approached, just admiring you, you looked genuinely happy, arranging your booth and putting up a sign with funny letters she was sure you had made, her gaze went to your face, where on the right side of your eye was a pretty painted flower, It matched your clothes and made your face come alive, but Abby didn't care about your booth or the flower on your face, what stood out to her was your smile, your bright smile that made her want to spend all her time next to you and make the stupidest jokes just to keep that smile on her face.
When Abby accepted that it was enough time staring at you and that she was definitely going to look like a creep if she kept standing there, she finally walked over, her footsteps echoing on the grass and making you look up, smiling instantly and approaching Abby to greet her.
“I'm so glad you came, you really shouldn't have bothered” You said softly, not wanting abby to feel pressured to spend her night with you at a student fair, but abby instantly shook her head softly.
“It's nothing, I can help you a little if you want, but I'll warn you that my artistic skills are nonexistent” Abby said with a giggle, sitting down next to you in a little plastic chair.
“I'd really appreciate it” You said softly with a small laugh, finishing organizing the face paints and waiting for the first children to start arriving.
It wasn't long before the fair was full, kids arriving at your booth with a smile on their face, most of them little kids accompanied by their parents, the teenagers thinking they were too cool for such things and just laughing at the sight of your face painting, but you didn't care, you were here for Abby and the kids, everyone else could fuck off.
Child after child approached the little booth, all leaving with a beaming smile and a face full of colors, butterflies, superheroes, tigers, unicorns... whatever they asked for, you made it happen with a few strokes and a smile.
Abby watched you silently, with a half smile that wouldn't go away, there was something hypnotic about watching you work like that, your quiet concentration, the way you listened attentively even when the kids talked to you about their favorite cartoons or what they had for lunch, you nodded, laughed with them, asked them questions as if they were the most important thing in the world.
You had a natural ease with them, and it melted Abby's heart to no end.
She'd never told you, but seeing you like this — so you — melted her completely.
“There, all butterfly” You said with a smile, holding out a mirror to the girl and watching her face light up with a smile, prancing in place.
"I love it! Look mommy how do I look?" The little girl asked animatedly, approaching her mother and showing her the painting on her face with a smile.
“Precious love, say thank you to the girl” Said the woman kindly, to which the little girl immediately came over to you giving you a half hug and mumbling endless “Thank you's” animatedly.
Abby, sitting next to you, saw it all.
And for a moment, she forgot to breathe.
She saw you crouch down to the little girl's level, smile at her without rushing her, gently tuck her hair before letting her run to her mom. And when you turned to her, Abby still had that soft expression, somewhere between surprised and completely soft, for you.
“What?” You asked with a nervous laugh, pulling out a tissue to wipe some paint off your finger.
“You're good with them, with the kids” Abby murmured softly with a sweet smile, you shrugged, a soft smile appearing on your face.
“I just like to see them smile” You said softly, as if it was something simple, to you it was.
“Well you're a natural, all the kids smile at the sight of you like you're a princess” Abby said teasingly, with a softness she only had when she was talking to you.
There was a small silence. The kind of pause that leaves room for something else to come in. And then Abby said it, without drama, without overthinking:
“You'd make a good mom.”
Your fingers froze on the tissue, and so did your heart. The phrase hovered between you until after a few seconds you knew you had to respond.
“Thank you...” You whispered, not quite knowing what else to say.
But Abby didn't answer. She just looked at you for a second longer, as if she had just seen something in you that she already sensed but didn't want to name. As if, for a moment, imagining you in that other role, not just as her friend, but as something more, had seemed too easy for her. Too real.
Abby mentally beat herself up for letting her mind go so far, for letting herself imagine things that wouldn't happen, for letting herself dream more than she deserved.
The blonde stayed by your side for the rest of the fair, she wasn't lying when she said art wasn't her thing, you found that out as soon as she tried to draw a star that ended up looking like a badly made circle, So, for everyone's sake, you assigned her safer tasks like holding the paint palette and applying glitter on the finishing touches. You didn't want any kids to come out crying because their unicorn looked like a swamp monster.
“I want a braid like yours too!” said a little girl suddenly, pointing at Abby with her eyes sparkling with excitement. You were just beginning to paint her little face when you heard the request.
The girl's older brother shot you a quick glance, as if silently apologizing, perhaps fearing that you would be upset to add something else to the job.
But Abby was already smiling, the blonde had a weak heart for that sort of thing, so in an instant she nodded sweetly, knelt down behind her and began to gently braid her hair and the little girl kept looking at her as if she was the coolest person in the world.
You calmly painted the little girl's face, making butterfly wings on each side of her eyes, while Abby gently braided her hair, in moments like this she looked softer, calmer, more her, and you couldn't help but stare at her a little too hard.
“ready” Abby said with a smile, watching the girl smile excitedly at the sight of her painted face and braided hair.
“Thank you!” Said the excited little girl, running over to show her big brother how it had turned out, who smiled softly and murmured a low “Thank you”.
“Looks like you're good with kids too” You said softly with a smile as you saw Abby's warm expression, there was a sparkle in her eyes that made your heart pound.
Abby hummed softly, nodding gently as she wiped her hands.
“You want to have children?” you asked after a few moments, somewhat surprised by your own question, if you were honest you could imagine Abby as a good mother, at times like this laughing with the children, treating them with gentleness, it was easy to imagine her as a good mother.
“Yeah” Abby admitted after a few seconds of silence, a small smile settling on her face as she imagined it “I guess I would like to have them someday, but I don't know how good a mother I would be” Abby added more quietly, a little unsure of herself, she had grown up under her father's care and couldn't ask for more, but she often wondered how good a mother she would be without someone to teach her.
You instantly frowned at her words, somewhat incredulous at her words.
“I'm sure you would be an amazing mum, Abby” You said with a soft smile, your words didn't sound forced or fake, but genuine, even in Abby's insecurity, your words made her heart feel a little calmer.
Your eyes lit up when you saw Abby's smile and an idea appeared on your face, the event was calmer and the children were enjoying the food, so you could take advantage of it.
“Let me paint your face” You said with a smile, not expecting an answer as you were already picking up the color palettes.
“What? What am I going to be? A butterfly?” Abby said sarcastically, but not stopping you as you approached her.
“Trust me, I let you paint all the muscles on my face” You said with amusement, sitting down in front of Abby carefully brushing her locks out of her face and tucking them behind her ears.
“Yeah but no one saw that” Abby replied, feeling a shiver as your hands touched her face, holding her still.
“Don't worry, you're going to look beautiful” You said with that same tone of voice you used with the children, making Abby laugh slightly, but finally resigning herself.
Your hands gently cupped Abby's cheek, your brush tracing figures with ease, your gaze going from time to time to Abby's eyes watching her stare at you with a smile, your heart just pounding at this.
“Don't move” You muttered under your breath, even if abby didn't, it was you who was trembling slightly.
Abby was so close that you could admire every detail of her face, her eyelashes, those eyes that seemed to shine like stars, those eyes that did nothing but melt you.
Abby was looking at you with those eyes that didn't know how to lie. There was sweetness there. And something else you didn't want to name.
You couldn't.
You shouldn't
Because if you did, if you even allowed that possibility to float in the air, you risked losing the only thing you had, Abby as a friend.
After the most eternal minutes for you and the most fugacious for abby you finally finished, a pretty flower ran along the left side of abby's eye, the same color as her hair and with white details, it wasn't anything artistic by any stretch of the imagination, but when abby looked in the mirror it looked like she had seen a marvel.
“Wow” Abby said with a giggle, looking at the drawing with a smile, never in her life would she have done something like that, too embarrassed by what others would think, believing she would look too childish or ridiculous, but at that moment neither of those thoughts were running through her mind.
“Come, let's take a picture” You said cheerfully, pulling your phone out of your pocket and sitting down next to Abby, feeling her hand settle on your back, moving a little until it rested on your waist.
Abby swore that for a moment she felt your body leaning against hers, as you took the picture, that smile shining on your face, at that moment she didn't know if it was her heart or yours that was beating so strongly at the closeness.
For a moment she wished it was both.
When you took the picture you pulled away almost instantly, trying to calm your pounding heart and the blush on your cheeks that you wished Abby hadn't noticed.
Abby wasn't the most observant, at least not with others, but she seemed to have developed a talent with you, because she noticed instantly how your hands trembled slightly as you looked at the picture, how you tried to hold back a smile as you saw your faces on the screen, and she was sure she could see for an instant a glint in your eyes, a glimmer of something more than affection.
And for the first time in weeks, Abby wished you weren't so good at hiding your feelings.
The silence between you settled, soft and full of something unspoken, the fair was slowly fading, the balloons tied to the tables were already strewn across the field, some children were sleeping in their parents' arms, and volunteers were beginning to pick up the last brushes and paint buckets with stained hands and tired smiles, all was quiet and gentle until a familiar voice broke it like a bucket of cold water.
“Shit what did they do to your face?” Said that voice you both knew perfectly well, Owen and his stupid mocking laugh, approaching nonchalantly along with his friends.
Abby blinked in surprise, coming out of her bubble all at once, snapping back to bloody reality.
“It's face paint, Owen” Abby replied, more defensively than she expected.
Owen let out a mocking laugh, approaching abby, as if examining the drawing.
“Looks like you were attacked by a kid with paint” Owen said mockingly, causing a chuckle from his friends and an uncomfortable expression on his girlfriend's face.
“Whose idea was it? Yours or the artist here?” Owen murmured, nodding his head condescendingly at you.
An inexplicable annoyance came over you, you had to restrain yourself from blurting out an insult or something else at the boy for daring to talk like that towards his own girlfriend.
“It was my idea, I did it” You admitted without looking directly at him.
“Ah it shows” Owen said letting out a laugh that made your heart squeeze, your gaze turned back to the brushes, starting to clean them in silence, suddenly feeling like you were left over in your own space.
Abby didn't answer right away. Something inside her shrank when she saw your reaction, you had liked that flower, it was pretty. The calm glow you had a second ago had faded, all because Owen had come in with his empty jokes and his inability to read the room.
“I like it” Abby said without thinking too much, looking at Owen defensively, as if daring him to tease you again.
“What?” Owen said with an incredulous laugh, as if surprised that Abby would be saying such a thing.
“The face painting, I like it” Abby repeated calmly, this time not letting Owen's comments crush her.
For a second, Owen was silent. He wasn't usually at a loss for words, but something in Abby's tone threw him off.
After a few seconds Owen scoffed, shrugging his shoulders in disinterest.
“Whatever you say” Owen said with disinterest and some annoyance in his voice, he was used to Abby taking his teasing or laughing at his passive aggressive comments, not this.
You didn't know if you wanted to be swallowed up by the earth, run or jump, because Abby Anderson had defended you, or something, it didn't matter, you just didn't know what to do, your heart was pounding in your chest.
“I'm done” You mumbled, more to Abby and to yourself, putting away the last of your things and wiping your hands with a rag, you intended to leave, to leave them alone because at the end of the day you had no right with Abby, no right to take her and get her away from her dickhead boyfriend.
But Abby didn't agree with that, so before you could leave she gently grabbed your wrist.
“I'll walk you to drop that off and then we'll go for a walk, I still owe you that crappy hotdog” Abby said softly, as if it was just the two of you, as if her boyfriend wasn't looking at you with a face like he wanted to break your wrist that Abby was holding.
But in that moment, you didn't give a shit if Owen wanted to break every bone in your body, because abby's gentle touch on your wrist showed you that she wanted this and for one night you wanted to let yourself feel it.
“Okay” You said softly, taking one of the boxes as abby took the other, but before she reached your side owen grabbed her arm, stopping her abruptly.
“Since when did you and she become so close?” Owen asked with a hint of annoyance that he couldn't disguise.
“Since a while ago” Abby replied with disinterest, breaking free of his grip and going after you, catching up with you in no time and starting to walk beside you.
After dropping off the volunteer boxes, you walked to a nearby food stand. It was late, and the only place open served the crappiest hot dogs ever, but neither of you cared.
You both ate those crappy hot dogs on a bench that looked like it was about to fall apart, laughing at how they tasted and talking about anything and everything, feeling like it was just the two of you in the world.
Abby glanced at you several times. As if she wanted to say something. As if she was about to.
But she didn't.
And you didn't ask either.
"Abby! Earth to Abby! What are you thinking about?"
Manny's voice snapped her out of her thoughts — plagued by you — and brought her attention back to reality, to the game that was about to begin.
“oh no, nothing, it's nothing.”
Abby stammered, though it was obvious her thoughts were elsewhere, but she couldn't show that now, she had a game, an important one, she couldn't distract herself by thinking about her roommate, who made her feel butterflies and whom she couldn't stop dreaming about every time she closed her eyes.
“Jeez, you can't lie, Owen really has you smitten.”
Manny said with amusement and mockery, believing her distraction was because of her beautiful boyfriend, but Abby didn't laugh at all, Owen, right, her boyfriend, the blonde had forgotten all about him, she hadn't even talked to him much this week — not that they usually talked that much either — Abby had begun to find him especially irritating, the boy constantly wanting to go to parties and ignoring Abby's intense career, calling her a killjoy when she refused to go.
“Yeah, right, Owen.”
Abby said in a sigh, trying to prove him right, she couldn't tell it was someone else who was in her head.
The game soon started and Abby tried her best to concentrate, as always giving her best at the match, that was until her gaze wandered slightly to the stands, seeing Owen sitting in the stands, to say he looked bored was an understatement, his gaze wandered around the field with disinterest, looking too much at girls who were not Abby.
Abby shook her head, trying not to think about it and focusing on the match, failing miserably.
Abby knew it hadn't been her best match, her mind was distracted, so by halftime the match wasn't going in her favor.
"You seem a little distracted."
Abby thought she was hallucinating, was she hearing your voice now?
"Abby?"
Well, she definitely wasn't dreaming, you were standing in front of her, looking at her with that stupid smile that made her melt, looking damn amazing.
“Oh hey.” Abby stammered, cursing at her nervousness. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in class?"
Abby asked with some confusion, taking a sip of her water and wiping away the sweat, shit her arms looked damn good.
Focus!
“Ah yeah, I finished early and thought I'd come see you.”
You admitted with a smile, your class hadn't actually finished early, but you weren't going to miss the chance to see Abby play, looking damn stunning.
“Oh well, thanks.”
Abby murmured and you swore you could see a little blush on her cheeks, she wasn't going to admit it but your presence somehow calmed her nervousness .
"I'll watch you from the stands, yeah? Good luck, you can handle it, abs."
The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them, it was as if you needed to say them, and you couldn't be more grateful because the smile that spread across Abby's face was priceless.
“Thanks dove.”
Abby felt as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders, you were here, watching her play, watching her from the stands and giving her a thumbs up when she turned in your direction, she thought maybe she was crazy, but she swears she saw you wink at her. Owen completely disappeared from her mind, her gaze only turning to you whenever she had the chance.
The game went smoothly, Abby seemed much more focused and relaxed, her movements fast and precise, soon the score was in her favor and with a final shot from one of her teammates the time was up and they won the game.
It hadn't been Abby's best game but shit, she felt amazing, adrenaline was pumping through her body and a smile was spreading across her face.
The rest of the team erupted in shouts of happiness, all proud of one more win, soon the people in the stands began to approach, showering the players with congratulations and laughing, everything seemed perfect.
It seemed, past.
“Congratulations I guess, you know I don't lie, your plays weren't the best, but you still won” Owen's words made Abby's heart sink.
She wasn't asking for much, a congratulations, a simple “You did good”, but for the guy it seemed like a lot to ask.
“Oh... I was a little distracted” Abby mumbled not knowing what else to say, her heart still squeezed tight in her chest, she hated how a few simple words could ruin her mood.
"Too distracted thinking about me? You're a flirt abby" Owen said with a smirk, not noticing the blonde's discomfort one bit.
Abby had to force herself to laugh, because not for a second did that joke strike her as funny, she just felt her discomfort growing, that need to run consuming her.
“Let's celebrate your game, we're going to a party tonight and it's not up for discussion” Owen said, the last words more of an order.
Abby had to hold back the urge to scoff, just a few seconds ago he was telling her what a lousy game she had played and now he wanted to celebrate with a party? Ridiculous, he didn't even care about the game, he was just looking for an opportunity to drink and show off his “enviable relationship”, pure bullshit.
“Oh sure, I'll see if I have time, I've got exams-”
“Don't be a killjoy abby” Owen interrupted with irritation “You should be excited that we're going to a party after this lousy game, it would be a miracle if my friends don't laugh at me”
Owen scoffed, rolling his eyes at Abby's less than cheerful expression.
“I'll see you at nine o'clock, get yourself together, will you?” muttered Owen, looking Abby over from head to toe with a certain amount of condescension, before leaving with his group of friends.
Abby felt a knot in her stomach, the last thing she wanted right now was to go to a party, she didn't want to deal with her drunk boyfriend and at that moment the desire to sleep with him was non-existent, as was her desire to socialize.
“He's lovely.”
Abby's gaze shot up, looking at you with surprise as she saw you sitting on the bleachers just a few feet away, had you been here the whole time? What the fuck had you heard?
Abby's mouth opened and closed several times, unable to say a word, in the end she just sighed, she didn't know what to say, how could she defend her boyfriend who had acted like an ass? Simple, she couldn't.
“How can you tolerate him?” You asked with a frown, not understanding how Abby would let them treat her like that. “He doesn't know what he's talking about, you were amazing.”
Abby felt the color drain from her face, but it quickly returned in a rosy blush to her cheeks.
“Oh umh thanks...but he's right, it wasn't my best game.”
Abby didn't even get to finish, because a scoff from you stopped her.
"Are you seriously going to believe the words of a man who spent half the game on his phone? Please abby " You said with amusement, standing up and approaching her. “I saw the whole thing and I assure you, you were amazing” You said softly, giving her a smile, a genuine smile, and abby swore she was going to melt right there.
“You think so?” abby asked with some disbelief, she had never been one to doubt her abilities, not until this moment.
“Mhm, I wouldn't lie to you abby, it's not my style” You said with a small smile, abby knew perfectly well, you were more than straightforward.
“Thank you...it means a lot coming from you” Abby didn't know where she got the courage to say those words, but she didn't regret it for a second when she saw the smile that appeared on your face.
“You didn't look too convinced about going to the party today” You said with an amused smile, showing how you did notice all of her expressions.
“Umh oh that, I have exams and I don't want to stay up all night—”
“Abby your exams finished last week, you told me” You said with amusement, revealing her lie.
Abby's mouth dropped open in surprise, how did you remember? It's not that she thought you didn't listen to her, but she didn't think you paid that much attention to what she said, let alone things she barely mentioned between conversations.
You couldn't help but laugh slightly as you noticed abby's embarrassed expression as she revealed her lie, it was so cute.
“If you don't want to go to the ridiculous party you don't have to” You said softly, your voice more sympathetic and understanding. It was surprising for Abby to hear you say that the party was ridiculous, when more than once she had seen you at these parties. “If you want we can...have our own party.”
You suggested somewhat hesitantly, doubting a bit the reaction abby might have to your proposal, but you swore you saw a glint in abby's eye, so you continued,
“I'll buy food and we'll watch one of those thrillers you love” You suggested with a smile and abby had to restrain herself from nodding instantly, if she had a tail right now it would be wagging non-stop. “I'll buy the good alcohol, not the shitty beer they give out at parties.”
Abby swore her heart was going to burst out of her chest, she had to do everything in herself to act casual.
“Yeah, that sounds good, I like...the idea” Abby said, a small blush growing across her cheeks. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the party? You always go and I know you love those parties" Abby said softly, a little unsure, thinking that maybe you might feel obligated to stay with her.
“I like being with you more” You said softly and simply, abby swore her heart stopped, she had to be misreading things, her heart was playing tricks on her.
“Oh y-yeah, I like spending time with y-you too” Abby stammered, mentally beating herself up over this, she couldn't understand how you could make her feel this way just by existing. She felt like a teenager with her first crush. It was ridiculous!
“It's done then, you should take a shower while I go to the bedroom and get everything ready, we don't want all that grass on the bed” You said with amusement, looking at abby with those sparkling eyes that made her melt.
"Oh yeah, sure, I'll see you there, do you want me to bring anything? Chips, sweets-"
“With your lovely presence it's fine abby, see you in a bit” You said softly, feeling your heart flip over as you watched abby blush and bite her lip in embarrassment, nodding before disappearing into the locker room.
“You're messing with me, aren't you?” Owen muttered with disbelief and some annoyance, looking at Abby with a sour face.
Abby was regretting all her decisions at that moment, at first she thought texting owen would be enough to cancel her going to the party, but owen never read her messages, so she thought about coming to tell him at his dorm, terrible idea.
“I'm serious, you know I hate parties, all the smell of weed makes me dizzy” Abby admitted without daring to look Owen in the eye, she hated that reaction in herself, Owen wasn't even intimidating, but his look and words made her feel incredibly weak.
“Abby don't be ridiculous, do you know how I will look in front of my friends?” Owen spat with annoyance, as if Abby had offended him. “I'm your boyfriend Abigail, do you have something more important tonight?”
“Yes” Abby replied without thinking, causing Owen to scoff incredulously ”I'm spending the night with yn-”
“You're telling me you're having a sleepover” Owen scoffed bitterly ”How old are you? Ten years old? Aren't you a little old for that?”
Abby could feel the annoyance growing in her, she shouldn't have come with owen, she should have gone straight to the bedroom, but no, abby and her damn weak heart wanting to give her boyfriend an explanation.
“I don't even know why you're friends with her, you know she's a fucking dyke right—”
“Don't you dare talk about her like that” Abby interrupted with annoyance, she wasn't going to let Owen talk about you like that.
“Please Abby, don't tell me you're going to defend her now” Owen scoffed with annoyance, something in him believing abby was joking, but her expression said otherwise. “You're not going to cancel on me for her” Owen said firmly, more as an order than a suggestion. “I'm your boyfriend Abigail, do you prefer her?”
Abby didn't answer and silence spread through the room, Owen's face changed completely, fury and total disgust, the boy took a step forward, practically towering over the girl.
“Speak the fuck up Abigail” Owen spat in irritation, grabbing Abby by the arm, as he used to do whenever he was annoyed, but this time Abby didn't stay still and ignore the pain, no, this time she pushed him away, his hand slipping away from her arm.
“Yes, I prefer her, a thousand times over you” Abby said firmly, not taking her eyes off Owen, for the first time telling the truth.
Abby had always let others choose for her, she had never chosen for herself, from letting owen pick one of his ridiculous movies at the movie night, to dating him because her friends said he was the one, but not anymore, abby wanted to choose for herself, she wanted to choose who to love, for the first time abby chose, she chose herself.
“My god” Owen muttered in disbelief and disgust. “I should have known, I always knew there was something wrong with you, you— you´re a bloody dyke.” Owen spat in disgust, starting to pace around the room. A knot grew in abby's stomach, but she forced herself to ignore it, she wasn't going to let him continue to manipulate her.
“You've been cheating on me this whole time haven't you?” Owen accused with annoyance, making abby frown instantly, but abby couldn't even speak. “You were always hanging out in your dorm, that's why you didn't want to go out with me, you were sleeping with that little—"
“Shut up” Abby said with annoyance, she wasn't going to let Owen finish that sentence ”I never cheated on you, not once.”
“You think I'm a fool? Since she arrived you stopped hanging out with me, you spent all your time in your dorm and you didn't even come with me to parties” Owen said with irritation, Abby had never seen him so annoyed, but this time she didn't back down, she didn't let him intimidate her.
“I stopped going out with you because you kept humiliating me in front of your friends, you know I hate those damn parties, you always ended up drunk and only looked for me to get laid” Abby spat, she wasn't going to let Owen manipulate things, that boy preferred a thousand times to blame you for his problems with Abby than to accept his responsibility.
“I put up with too much because I thought I loved you” Abby admitted lowering the tone of her voice, almost sounding hurt. “I can't take any more of this, I can't take any more of you.”
Silence filled the room, neither of them dared to say a word, at that moment Owen knew there was nothing he could do, he had never seen Abby so sure of anything.
“Then leave” Owen said, he didn't shout, he didn't even look at her. “If you're so sure of what you feel, just leave, you know what you're doing.”
Abby felt a pang in her chest, something knew that when she walked out that door everything would change, Owen would soon tell everyone that she like girls, she didn't know what her friends would think, her family, Abby knew that everything would change, and although this terrified her, something in her wanted it, she wanted a change.
Abby left the room without another word, her mind was in chaos, her heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she was sure it would burst out of her chest, but for the first time she felt alive, for the first time she had made a decision for herself, for the first time she had decided to follow her heart and it felt damn good.
Abby stood for a good 10 minutes outside the dorms, she felt her heart pounding in her chest, she knew it was the right thing to do, she wanted to believe it was the right thing to do, but that didn't make it any easier, Owen, as much of a jerk as he could be, had been part of her routine, part of her life and Abby wasn't good at letting go, she never had been.
Holding on to what she knew had always seemed safer than facing the unknown all at once.
Now she was alone, again. And though something inside her tensed at the thought, another part felt incredibly light. As if she could finally breathe again.
Still, she felt the burning behind her eyes. As if the weeping was there, waiting for the slightest carelessness to come out.
But no. Not that night.
She didn't want to cry, didn't want you to see her cry, didn't even want to tell you she was done with Owen, didn't want your night —her night of celebration after the game— to be ruined with the weight of a breakup.
Because that night wasn't about him.
It was about the two of you.
About being with you, not thinking about what would come next.
So after a few more minutes of trying to calm herself, she anxiously adjusted her sweater and hair, entering the bedroom with her best smile, instantly capturing your attention.
“Abby! You 're here!” you said cheerfully. The room was made into a movie theater, blankets on the floor in front of her small TV, plates of popcorn and a bottle of alcohol, candy you knew abby loved and the dvd's you definitely hadn't taken from abby's shelf.
“You set all this up?” Abby asked with some disbelief, as if you had done something impossible. “You shouldn't have-”
You didn't even let her finish, taking her hand and pulling her into the room, closing the door behind her.
“It's just popcorn and candy abby, I didn't make a huge thing.” You said with a chuckle, seeing that abby still looked incredulous, because to her it was a big deal, she had never had a movie night with owen or anyone for that matter, no one knew her favorite candy, no one did these things for her, no one except you.
Abby entered the room taking off her jacket and looking with a smile at the blankets on the floor and the candy, plus her dvds of her thrillers.
“We don't have to watch that if you don't want to” Abby said in a soft, almost shy voice, referring to the thrillers stacked next to the player. She said it like someone expecting rejection. She was used to hearing they were boring
“But I want to” You replied softly without much thought “I've never seen one of those movies and they must be good if you love them so much. come on, turn off the light.”
Abby just paused for a moment to smile as she watched you sit on the floor in front of the TV with the blankets, you looked so calm and relaxed, so you, and abby loved every second of it.
The room sank into a soft gloom, illuminated only by the blue flicker of the screen. Abby sat next to you, very close but not touching you, wrapping one corner of the shared blanket around herself. For an instant, she didn't look at the TV. She looked at you.
The way you cocked your head as you browsed the menu. The way your fingers absently fiddled with an edge of the blanket. The half-smile that still wouldn't leave your face.
Abby could notice every detail about you, every detail about you that made her heart warm and made her feel like she had made the right decision.
“Ready” You murmured softly, turning the movie on and grabbing one of the popcorn bowls, placing it between you and Abby.
You were both so close, just inches apart, inches that got smaller every time you shrank in place as a suspenseful scene approached.
Abby couldn't help but let out a chuckle when the first scare came and you jumped in place, pulling your knees to your chest and hugging them, you squeezed the blanket tighter between your fingers, and though you were trying not to look too nervous, Abby could tell. She noticed it in the way you stared at the screen without blinking, as if anticipating the scare before it came.
“We can watch something else if you want” Abby murmured softly, she was tempted to put on some ridiculous rom-com just to get you to relax a little, but but you just shook your head, and instead moved closer to her, snuggling up next to her, as if that would calm your nerves a little.
“No, I want to see it” You murmured softly, you weren't going to be a skittish in front of abby, and the blonde could only laugh lightly, her arm going to wrap around your shoulders naturally, without thinking about it.
For a moment abby could feel you tense under her touch and expected you to maybe pull away, but you didn't, a few moments later you relaxed and leaned your head on her shoulder.
The movie seemed less scary with abby by your side, abby definitely noticed because you seemed less tense, by the middle of the movie you were just jumping around in some scenes and cuddling more towards abby.
When the movie ended abby looked at you expectantly, as if wanting to know what you were thinking, you just stared at the screen for a few more seconds.
“What did you think?” Abby asked timidly.
“I loved it” You admitted softly before letting out a giggle. "Why didn't you make me watch it before? It's amazing!" You said sincerely, turning slightly to look at Abby.
Abby couldn't hold back a smile, genuinely happy that you liked the movie, it was a simple thing, but at least you had something else in common.
Abby's gaze couldn't help but go to your lips and you definitely noticed, you were both so close, your bodies touching under the blanket, you could feel the heat emanating from Abby's body, hear the background music from the end of the movie, but most of all you could see Abby, see all of her, every part of her that made your heart skip a beat.
Abby didn't know where she got the courage, but she slowly moved closer, as if she was afraid to break the moment, as if she was afraid to ruin everything.
Her lips brushed yours softly, just a touch, as if asking for permission, as if asking you to let her.
You allowed yourself to enjoy it for a second, enjoy the feeling of her lips on yours, before pulling away suddenly with a lump in your throat.
"A-Abby what about Owen? He's your b-boyfriend, I-i cant—" You stammered in panic, with guilt, mentally beating yourself up for forgetting, for allowing yourself to feel more than you should have.
But Abby wasn't going to let you sink into that spiral of panic, her hand went gently to your hand, holding it gently, keeping you in reality.
“Not anymore” Abby murmured softly, simply.
“What?” You asked in disbelief, blinking as if you didn't believe it, as if it was a figment of your imagination.
“I broke up with him, before I came here” Abby explained softly, not looking away from your eyes, she could spend her whole life lost in your eyes.
You didn't even dare to think about it too much, you didn't want to, you were afraid it was a dream from which you would wake up soon.
Your lips met again, this time it was you who came closer, surprising Abby a little, but in just a few seconds her hands were on your cheeks, bringing you closer.
Abby tasted like heaven, you couldn't even describe it, it was like touching heaven with your lips, her hands held your face close, as if she feared you would disappear under her touch, her other hand went to your waist, pulling you closer.
Abby could taste your cherry lipstick and the vague taste of strawberry soda, you tasted like glory and she was sure.
Abby moaned softly into the kiss as you bit her lip gently, opening her mouth and letting your tongue in, she was practically melting under your touch.
Without thinking Abby grabbed you by the waist, pulling you into her lap, pulling you as close as she could, and placing her hands on your waist, fearfully.
There were a thousand things on your mind at that moment, your heart was pounding so hard you were sure Abby could hear it, neither of you had any breath at this point, but neither of you made any attempt to separate, you didn't want to, you seemed to want to melt into each other's mouths.
It didn't take you long to notice abby's fingers squeezing your waist, as if wanting to go lower but hesitating, so you pulled away slightly from the kiss, your noses brushing, a giggle coming from you as you saw abby whimper at the distance, seeking your lips again.
“You can touch abby” You murmured softly, placing your hands over abby's and placing them on your hips, feeling her lower them to your thighs.
“God you are divine” Abby said in a breathy gasp before kissing you again, her hands squeezing your thighs hard but gently, the last thing she wanted was to make you sore.
Your mouth went to Abby's neck, leaving soft wet kisses from her jawline as far as her shirt would allow.
Between kisses you couldn't help but murmur praises, Abby deserved every one of them, you couldn't help but thank the gods for letting you hold that girl in your arms.
"You" kiss "are" kiss "So" kiss "Pretty"
To say that Abby was blushing was an understatement, every word made her body burn with need, she had never felt this way, never needed anything as much as she needed you now.
Your hands went to the hem of Abby's shirt, pulling away from her neck for a moment to look at her.
“Can I?” you asked softly, abby was silent for a moment, not hesitating, but admiring how fucking amazing you looked in her lap, waiting for her permission as if you really didn't know abby was willing to give you the whole world. When she seemed to snap out of it Abby nodded softly, helping you take off her shirt, and god.
Abby was wearing absolutely nothing underneath, you swore you were going to die right there, you were drooling over the girl and her first instinct was to blush and try to cover up.
“Don't look at me like that” she whispered, with a nervous giggle, arms crossing insecurely out of pure reflex, but you didn't let the thought last, because your words came out without even hearing Abby's.
“You're beautiful...how did I get so lucky?” You murmured with a smile, kissing abby again and making her forget all her insecurity the moment your lips touched hers and your hands went to her breasts, cupping them gently, making abby let out a whimper into the kiss.
Abby cursed under her breath in between the kiss, her hands squeezing your thighs and pulling you closer to her if that was possible, your pajama shorts were bumping into her pants and it was killing you, every breath and every movement made your bodies brush and a moan come out of your mouth.
Your mouth ran softly down abby's chest, leaving kisses on her clavicles and on her breasts, there were no hickeys, no marks, because you didn't need to mark abby as your property, you both knew, she was already yours without the need for a mark.
Your hips lifted a little to bring your hands to her waistband, when you looked up to ask her if you could take it off you found she was already looking at you, her frown slightly furrowed and her hands holding your hips tensed a little, you instantly noticed all this, pulling your hands away from her pants and cupping her cheeks between your hands.
“Abby what's wrong?” You asked softly, thinking maybe you had gone too far, maybe you had pushed abby too soon, a thousand ideas running through your head. “We don't have to do anything abby, we can keep watching movies and—”
Abby didn't even let you finish, now it was you who was babbling panicked, her hands went to your waist, gently caressing the skin under your blouse.
“It's nothing like that” Abby said softly, hesitating for a moment before continuing. “I've never done this with a girl, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I don't want to ruin it.”
Her words made a weight lift from your shoulders, you couldn't help but let out a sigh with a smile at abby's sicnerity and innocence.
“There's no way you'll ruin it abby” You said softly, stroking her cheek with your thumb. “Just do what feels right, you don't have to prove anything to me, it's just you and me.”
“Just you and me” Abby repeated softly, looking into your eyes. Your mouths joined again in a kiss, this time much softer, sweeter, a promise that it was just the two of you.
“Let's use my bed, this floor is uncomfortable to death” Abby murmured, pulling you away from her lips and you laughed softly at the simplicity of her words. It was what you loved about Abby, what made this moment different than any other with another girl, Abby was your friend first, it wasn't some perfect impossible movie where you were both doing the perfect thing, you were both doing what felt right.
Abby lifted you easily off the floor, carrying you up onto the bed with you in her lap, there was still that familiarity between the two of you that made you laugh at the awkwardness and give each other pecks to ease the tension.
Abby leaned back against the top of her bed, her hands going to your thighs, stroking them gently.
“Can I?” Abby asked this time, grabbing the edge of your blouse and pulling it off the moment you nodded.
Abby's eyes practically glowed, her hands going instinctively to your ribs just below your breasts, her thumb gently caressing the fabric covering your breasts, and that was enough to make you shiver.
Abby didn't even know what to say, you looked like a work of art in front of her, every sound, every expression of yours, made her feel in heaven.
One of Abby's hands went to fiddle with the elastic of your pajama shorts, her brow furrowing slightly as she caught a glimpse of your underwear.
“Your underwear match?” abby asked in a giggle, to which your face turned slightly pink, abby's underwear wouldn't remotely match, she'd take whatever she could find first.
“Don't laugh,” you said, unable to contain a smile yourself. “Some people find him incredibly attractive and you're here laughing” You snorted in mock annoyance.
“Oh believe me, it's attractive, you could be wearing an ugly nightgown and you'd still look gorgeous,” Abby replied, her lips moving to your neck, leaving wet kisses that silenced any of your ideas.
The room was flooded with the sound of kisses and moans and the heat of your bodies, the only light being the blue glow of the now-ignored screen.
Your hands went to Abby's belt, looking at her for a moment, and she responded with a nod and a smile as she watched you struggle to unbuckle her pants.
Her hands went over yours, helping you unbutton them between giggles. You lifted your hips slightly so Abby could take off her pants with your help, throwing them at the foot of the bed where they wouldn't get in the way.
You were practically drooling over the sight of Abby. Her panties had a clearly visible wet spot that made your own body wet.
Your hands went to Abby's thighs, caressing them gently while your mouth traveled down her neck, slowly lowering, your lips enveloping her nipple and earning you a moan and a hand in your hair, pulling you even closer if possible.
Your hand moved closer to her core, without lifting your mouth from her body. Your thumb gently brushed against the fabric where her clit was, causing Abby to let out a breathy sigh and her hips to move against your hand in search of contact.
“Lie down" you whispered softly, leaving a kiss on Abby's lips and helping her lie down comfortably on the bed, moving until you were between her legs, your lips leaving soft kisses on her stomach and slowly moving down to her thighs.
Abby was sure she could see your lips marked on her skin with the shine of your cherry lipstick, even if at this point your lipstick was completely smudged and gone after your kissing session.
Your lips left soft kisses on Abby's thighs. You weren't going to tease her, you weren't going to make her wait. You had already been very patient, and making her wait would be torture for both of you.
Your mouth left a soft kiss on the center of Abby's underwear before gently removing it, throwing it who knows where.
Abby could see your face from where she was, and it was worthy of a work of art. Your eyes sparkled, and your lips left soft kisses on her thighs. Your hair was slightly tousled, and your lips were swollen after so many kisses. Abby was sure this was heaven, it had to be.
The moment your lips touched her core, Abby lost all sense of reason. A moan escaped her lips and her hips rose up against your face, her hand instinctively reaching for your hair, not pushing you, just holding you there, as if she needed something to keep her grounded, to prove to herself that this wasn't just another one of her wet dreams about you.
Your eyes were fixed on Abby as your tongue played with her clit, watching her every reaction because you didn't want to miss a second of her flushed face and half-open mouth from which only moans and whimpers escaped.
Your hands remained on Abby's thighs, caressing them gently and making sure she didn't close them. Not that you cared if she suffocated you in them, it would be a dignified death, but you didn't want to move away for a second.
Abby could feel absolutely everything. It was as if her senses had been maximized. She could feel your tongue playing with her clit and then teasing her hole, being there but not quite entering, making her bite her lip hard.
“Please,” Abby whimpered, her cheeks flushed, causing you to lift your face and look at her with a smile.
“You don't have to beg, love,” you whispered softly, leaving a kiss on her clit before finally moving your hand toward her hole and gently pushing one of your fingers inside, causing her to moan. You would definitely love to see Abby beg, but not today. Today, you wanted to see her melt beneath you.
Abby was the most beautiful thing you had ever heard in your life. You could feel her squeezing your finger so hard, your lips stuck to her clit, switching between kisses and licks that made her grab your hair tightly.
After a few moments, when you were sure Abby was ready, you added another finger, moving them gently, causing Abby to moan loudly, her hips moving to the rhythm of your fingers.
Abby was sure she had died and was in heaven. She had never felt this way before. Sure, Owen had gone down on her a few times, but she could count those times on one hand, and to say it was wonderful would be a lie. She was sure he only did it out of pure courtesy, but you, damn it, you seemed starved for it. You knew where to touch and where to suck. It seemed like you knew Abby's body better than she did herself.
Abby's brain felt like mush, only your name came out of her mouth in whimpers, her hand held your hair and this time she did start to push you a little, feeling that knot start to form in her stomach. It didn't annoy you at all, Abby knew her body and knew where she wanted you, you were more than willing to let her use you.
Your fingers curved just right and your lips sucked her clit so perfectly that Abby felt that knot in her stomach explode.
“F-Fuck, I'm g-gonna—” She couldn't even finish her sentence. You could see her eyes close tightly as her legs squeezed your head, her hand still holding your head and keeping you close.
You could feel Abby squeezing your hair, but you didn't stop, pushing her until her orgasm subsided, until her hands pushed your face away from her core and her legs were shaking around you.
You left one last kiss on Abby's center before pulling away, sitting between Abby's legs and bringing your fingers to your mouth, watching Abby's eyes open wide, her cheeks completely flushed.
“You— G-God” Abby stammered when she saw you. You looked like something out of one of her fantasies. She couldn't even think.
You could only laugh slightly at her reaction. It was totally adorable. Abby didn't even have words. Her head fell on the pillow, trying to think of something.
“That was wow... damn, you’re amazing,” Abby babbled, leaning on her elbows to look at you. You looked divine in front of her.
Abby extended her arms toward you, and as if by some force, you were in her arms in a second, her lips on yours and her hands on your waist.
Abby pushed herself against the headboard with you in her lap, her hands grabbing any part of your body, gently squeezing your breasts over your bra and touching your thighs as far as your pajamas would allow.
The blonde pulled away for a moment, her forehead against yours, her breathing heavy and the heat making Abby's hair stick to her forehead.
“Please don't hate me... but I have no fucking idea what to do,‘’ Abby admitted with embarrassment, causing you to laugh. Abby had that virtue of making every moment more real, more you.
“It's not funny, it's pathetic,” Abby said with a small pout, burying her face in your neck. She didn't dare look at you. Her need for you was too much, and she felt pathetic for not knowing how to make you feel good.
“It's funny, Abby, you're adorable.” You said softly, cupping her face in your hands and running your thumb over her pouty lips.
“Have you ever touched yourself, Abs?” You asked gently, without mockery, a genuine question, and yet Abby's eyes widened and her face flushed completely. If it weren't for your hands, she would have hidden in your neck, but your gaze was so sincere and sweet that she could do nothing but answer you with the truth, nodding slightly, causing a hum of approval from you.
“How do you do it?” You asked softly, your thumb gently caressing Abby’s cheek.
Abby couldn't blush any more, unconsciously biting her lip, her hand tracing imaginary patterns on your thighs.
“I... uhm, I use my fingers or... o-or my vibrator,” Abby admitted shyly, feeling like pudding under your touch and gaze. Abby definitely remembered that moment in the shower when she almost came thinking about you, but she decided not to say it out loud, she wasn't going to add to her embarrassment.
You nodded gently, your panties getting wetter at the mental image of Abby riding her fingers or pushing her vibrator against her clit. You wondered if she had ever done it thinking of you. Little did you know.
“Mhm, so, do the same thing you would do to yourself but with me. Don't worry, I'll let you know if I like it.” You said softly, trying to comfort her and calm her nerves a little.
Abby nodded softly, sucking her lips and looking at yours. At times she forgot that she no longer had to imagine and could simply kiss you, so she did. She left a soft kiss on your lips, her hands caressing your hair before pulling away, rubbing their noses together affectionately.
“May I?” Abby asked softly, her hands playing with the elastic of your shorts and helping you take them off when you hummed and nodded, lifting your hips slightly and letting her remove your pajamas and panties together.
Abby's eyes sparkled when she saw you, her hands running over your waist, your abdomen, your thighs, until she reached your center, two of her fingers running over your folds and giving you goosebumps, her fingers opening your lips and exposing all your wetness and your hole clenching around nothing.
Abby tried to remember what she did to herself, her gaze fixed on you, watching every reaction to see what you liked. Her hand soon found your clit, she knew by the way your mouth fell open in an O shape and your hips moved against her.
“Does it feel good?” Abby asked softly, her fingers moving in circles against your clit. She already knew the answer, but she needed to hear it from your beautiful lips.
“Yes, f-fuck yes—” you murmured, your hips moving against Abby's hand, seeking more.
Abby smiled, somewhat proud of herself, her mouth moving to your breasts, leaving kisses on your exposed skin, without stopping her movements with her fingers.
Her lips captured yours just as Abby pushed a finger inside you, swallowing your moan. Her fingers were large, much larger than yours, and damn, they worked magic. Her finger curved perfectly with each movement, and her palm bumped against your clit gloriously.
“God, Abby— p-please, more.” you babbled into the kiss. You could feel Abby smile into the kiss, acting almost instantly, pushing another one inside, causing a moan to escape your mouth and making you pull away from her mouth, burying your face in her shoulder and your hands digging into her arms, surely leaving marks.
You could feel Abby's fingers stretching you, more than your own fingers could, moving perfectly and hitting that spot that made you see stars. How could Abby doubt her skills?
“You feel amazing.” Abby murmured, her thoughts coming out loud.
You could only respond with a moan, your face buried deeply in Abby's neck, moving your hips against her hand, feeling her fingers hit deep inside you and her palm rubbing your clit with every thrust.
You felt that familiar knot forming in your stomach. At another time, you would have been embarrassed to be so close so soon. It was never like that, but you had never done it with Abby. That was the difference. No one had ever made you feel the way Abby did.
Every movement of her fingers made a moan escape your lips, your hands squeezing tightly the arms you loved so much.
"A-Abby, please— Abby, don't s-stop" You whimpered, and Abby knew perfectly well that you were close from the way you squeezed her fingers, your legs trembling with each thrust of her fingers.
“I wouldn't dream of it, love.” Abby replied, moving her fingers in that perfect rhythm, her free hand going to your face, pulling you away from her shoulder. She needed to see your face, she needed to see how you melted under her touch.
You didn't protest, burying your cheek in her touch and looking into her eyes as you felt that wave of pleasure wash over you.
Abby wished she could take a picture of you at that moment because you looked beautiful, your cheeks flushed, your mouth half open, only moans of her name escaping.
You felt that wave of pleasure wash over you, your vision going white for a moment, your hands squeezing Abby's arms until you left marks.
Abby didn't stop, prolonging your orgasm as long as she could. If it were up to her, she would have continued for hours, just to see the look of ecstasy on your face, but when your legs began to twitch and your hand reached for her wrist, she stopped, gently caressing your thigh and leaving soft kisses all over your face.
A smile spread across your face at the sweetness of her actions, her gentle touch, and her sweet kisses. After all, she was still Abby, your Abby.
Abby held you gently in her arms, her gaze still fixed on your face, on the smile that made her melt and on the sparkle in your eyes that reflected the stars. Abby knew it at that moment, she had known it long before but had always refused to accept it.
She was in love.
“I love you,” Abby whispered softly, as if afraid to break the moment. Your heart stopped for a second, your gaze met hers for a second, her eyes looked at you with such sweetness as if you were the only thing in the world. Her words sounded sincere and sure, because Abby had never been so sure of anything as she was of her feelings for you. A soft smile spread across your lips before you left a soft kiss on Abby's lips and whispered softly.
“I love you, Abby.”
a/n: Umh hello??? I know it's been a long time, I know! This is really long, and I hope it was worth it if you read it all. Please tell me what you liked the most! I love reading your comments. I loved writing this even though Tumblr deleted it a bunch of times. I know some things are really cliché or cheesy, but that's the beauty of it, right? I hope you like it, and please like and reblog it, xoxo.
i genuinely understand and love every tlou main character with all my heart, but i'll always defend abby 'til the end. you can not convince me she's mean or sadistic.
the way she looks back to check if ellie's was following her to the boats even after everything that happened? ellie killed her fucking friends, the only family she had left, and yet she still let her go? the fact that she left everything behind to save two kids she didn't even know?
my love and appreciation for her slowly increased as i understood her as a person. when she killed joel, i used to hate her SO MUCH, but at the end of the game? i was GENUINELY concerd she was going to die.
she's one of the most interesting and complex characters on the whole franchise. dare i say, even more than joel. i could go on and on about her, she's my favorite topic.
do i like to read fanfics about her to feed my delusions? yes, absolutely! but most of the time i'm over analyzing everything to get to know her more and more.
synopsis: you and ellie are constantly getting into fights. she leaves at night and when she comes back in the morning she’s too drunk to even have a conversation with you but you still keep coming back.
notes: this is the first thing i’ve written on here. it’s short and kinda rushed and i have no idea if this is good or not but i hope whoever comes across this enjoys it.
warnings: mentions of alcohol, angst, slight swearing, kissing.
wc: 811
you loved ellie, you truly did, but it was hard to when your nights were filled with yelling and tears. her leaving the house at unholy hours to do god knows what. she would come back just before dawn, slip into your shared bed with her day clothes still on, her breath smelling of alcohol. she’d tuck your hair back, whisper a slurred “i love you” before drifting off into sleep.
it scared you, not knowing when her mood would shift. one moment she could be the happiest she’s ever been, laying in bed with you — giggling about things you wouldn’t even remember tomorrow — and the next she’d be screaming at you, her tone worsening as her voice rose, sending shivers down your spine.
countless times she had held you in her arms, telling you that she’d never leave, that nothing she said was true, but it was just a matter of time before she’d do it all over again.
it was unreasonably late, the moon shined in through the curtains. you lie in bed, irritability clouding over you. you were exhausted, yet the restlessness only deepened with each passing minute. it was getting harder to fall asleep. sometimes you reached out for the warmth of ellie’s body but you were just met with the cold shadow of what once was.
just when you were drifting off into sleep you heard her. you heard her close the door with a soft click, like she was trying her hardest to be as quiet as possible, but it didn’t help. you could hear the sound of leather boots stomping on the wooden floor. you tried to pretend you were asleep, that is until she settled into bed next to you.
she nudged you with her hand, soft, gentle, a stark contrast to the way she yelled at you that morning.
“ellie?” you muttered, pretending that you just awoke from a quiet slumber.
“baby.” she whispers, her voice warm and inviting. it was almost enough to make you forgive her.
she didn’t have an acrid smell of alcohol sticking to her clothes, the kind of scent that clung to your throat and made your eyes water. she smelt like pine and cedarwood, how she always did before her fits of drunken rage. it was like she tried her hardest not to drink tonight, to not disappoint you.
she traced patterns along your arm and gooseflesh formed under the padding of her cold fingertips. she smoothed her hand down your arm in an attempt to get rid of it.
“i’m sorry…” she spoke, her voice trailing off slowly, cracking a bit — like it always did when she tried to apologize.
you rolled your eyes, unsure if she could see in the darkness of the room.
“sorry for waking me up or sorry for being an asshole?” your tone was harsh, unforgiving, even though you desperately wanted an apology from her.
“both.” she said, continuing to trace patterns on your arm before stopping abruptly and looking up to you, trying to read your expression.
“it’ll be different this time, i promise.” she said softly, almost as if she was trying to convince herself.
you sighed before rolling over, hot tears welling up in your eyes, your back being turned to her. with ellie there were always broken promises. you just didn’t know whether or not to give in to them. for once you just wanted her words to be true.
you didn’t realize how tense you were until ellie wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you in closer, desperately trying to gain your approval. a soft gasp escaped your lips as she pulled you in. when was the last time the two of you were like this? legs tangled in bed, a comfortable silence filling the air instead of an awkward one.
for a moment — just for a moment — you slipped into a peaceful bliss. the warmth of ellie’s skin against yours was enough to make you forget about all the pain she’s caused you.
you turned over and her eyes fluttered open, like she was just starting to fall asleep and you startled her awake. you just stared at her for a little while, not wanting this moment to end — even though you knew it eventually would.
your eyes flickered between hers before your lips met suddenly. it was unexpected, you didn’t think you’d be kissing her after everything that happened between you two but you just wanted to feel her touch against yours again.
you pulled away from the kiss, hands gently grazing the side of ellie’s freckled face.
“you promise me it’ll be different this time?” your voice wavered a bit as the words left your mouth.
“promise.” she whispered, taking your hand in hers and kissing the base of your knuckles.
you didn’t believe her — not really — but you wanted to.
When a woman builds her body, she's faced with a brick wall of criticism and cruelty. Support usually only comes from other people in the gym, or a small handful of open minded people and even then, you'd be surprised how often we're still shoved into a box.
She looks like a man.
Nah, she's too bulky.
She's not feminine anymore.
She's juicing for sure.
Gross.
Unnatural.
Why would anyone want to look like that?
She's gone too far, that's just not attractive.
Her boobs disappeared, no thanks.
No way she looks like that without steroids.
And some truly grotesque insults I won't bother repeating.
Let's not even get into the way we're often misrepresented when written into fanfiction and other forms of media.
Can you imagine if Abby was petite in the boat scene? Let that settle for a minute. It only went down like that because Abby's character is bigger. She's muscular, so being rough with her without established consent? Totally acceptable and overlooked. Think I'm wrong? Hit me up when Season 3 comes around. We'll see if that scene is treated differently.
Anyway. Mad love to Abby Anderson from TLOU II. I hope we see more powerful women in media in the future.
that's SO real!! when i first got into tlou i told my friend (who's a long term fan) that abby was one of my favorite characters and the most attractive one, she just laughed and said "idk, she's too big..." and i was mad as hell. yes she is, that's what makes her so pretty and being strong is LITERALLY part of her story.
