Hii! this is my first Ningselle fic. I hope you enjoy it!
[Tags] angst, alcohol, drugs, school au, homophobia
Ningning knew it meant nothing. It never did. Yet, she kept coming back. Back to that spot behind the school with the unkept greenery, and wall they'd always sit against. The spot with the cigarette buds all over the ground from the many times they've shared a smoke.
The spot with the overflowing trashcan that never gets emptied because the world seemed to have forgotten about it. The spot where she shared her first, and many kisses with Giselle.
They'd always find each other there when they felt bad. When the world felt like it was going to shit. When they needed a cigarette and a person to speak to.
She knew it wasn't healthy. They only vented to each other and made out with no strings attached. Giselle barely even acknowledged Ningning outside of that spot.
Whenever they'd both walk in the hallway, Ningning would try to strike up a conversation. All she ever gets back is a nod or Giselle using her hand to gesture smoking, to get her to their spot.
She knew that Giselle was just using her. Giselle wasn't even out.
Yet, Ningning found herself at the spot. She's holding a pack of cigarettes. The pack barely even together anymore, yet it manages to hold three cigarettes and a lighter inside it's bent and ripped walls.
Giselle is sitting there, legs spread out on the hard concrete ground and her head leaning back against the wall.
Her black hair is framing her face in a way that makes Ningning's heart beat a little faster. The way she looks.. especially those eyes that are staring back at Ningning.
The way the corner of her mouth twitch up when she makes eye contact.
Ninging walks over and sits on the ground next to her, leaving a small gap between them. She takes out a cigarette and hands one to Giselle.
She tucks her hair behind her ears to prevent it from falling into the flame of the lighter as she brings it to her lips and lights it.
She takes a drag and looks at Giselle, not wanting to be the first to say something. Giselle stares into her eyes with that look. A look that says so many things, yet nothing.
Ningning has never been able to figure out what it meant. She'd just stare back into those eyes, lost in them.
Giselle moves closer, breaking the distance, and placing a hand on Ningning's thigh. "You look cute". The words leave Giselle's lips and enter Ningning's heart in a way no one else's words can. Ningning smiles softly before responding,
"You always say that". Giselle doesn't waste a second with her response, "Because it's always true". They've said these exact words a million times.
"Jae keeps bothering me", Giselle starts her vent. "Constantly texting me, begging me to take him back". She rolls her eyes and takes a drag from her cigarette before pulling out her phone and showing the texts.
"Dumbass thinks sending shirtless pics will get me running back to him. My friends keep pestering me about it as well, telling me to take him back. It's fucking annoying".
Giselle would often talk about her ex, Jae. They were once the 'it' couple. Everyone wanted to be them. Now, since they've broken up, everyone seems to want to get them back together.
Back when they met for the first time back here, she talked about anting to break up with him. She explained what a dickhead he was, how he constantly took her for granted and that she thought that she wasn't even into guys anyway.
Even though Ningning knew it was wrong, they made out that day. She shouldn't have. They were still together, and it was obvious that Giselle wanted a rebound.
"Just block him. Easy", Ninging responds.
She'd love for more than anything in the world to have Giselle block him. But, she never does.
Giselle lets out a chuckle a puts her phone down on her lap.
"Imagine the drama that would come out of it".
Her free hand goes to tuck a strand of hair that had left Ninging's ear. "You say that about coming out as well", Ningning responds.
Giselle presses a soft kiss against Ningning's lips, then pulls away to look at her. "Coming out is even worse".
Ningning let's out a little hum before responding, "It would fix the Jae issue".
Giselle lets out a chuckle. "Ning, you know damn well he'd come begging for a threesome".
"He's disgusting", Ningning says with a sigh.
Giselle tilts Ningning's head and presses her lips against hers.
Ningning's hands come to Giselle's back, running over them in the way she's always loved.
After a couple of minutes, they pull away, catching their breath. Giselle looks down at their burnt out cigarettes on the ground. "What a waste".
Ningning looks down at them and lets out a chuckle before looking back at Giselle. She gathers all the courage she has and looks at Giselle.
"So, uhm.. What are you doing tonight?". A simple question, but to Ningning it risked getting her heart broken, and the last bit of hope she has stomped on.
Giselle stretches a little. "This dumb party that all my friends are going to". She looks at Ningning and smiles, "You should come. We could sneak off somewhere and make out".
Jackpot. This is exactly what Ningning wanted, more time with Giselle. Especially outside of this goddamn spot. A place where Giselle would publicly acknowledge her.
Giselle pokes Ningning's nose. "Get there yourself, dumbass. I'll text you the address".
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There she was, in front of the house with the loud music. There's people sitting on the lawn, drinking from different types of cans and bottles.
The front door is open and there's a lot more people in there. Ningning slowly makes her way inside, having to squeeze past people she didn't know.
It was her first ever party, and she already hated every part of it.
She was never invited to one before. She's not exactly.. positively seen by others.
It as probably one of the many reasons that Giselle didn't want people to know about their little situation.
Most people thought she was this quiet loser that hung around with other weirdos.
Others didn't think she was relevant enough to form an opinion on her.
Giselle on the other hand is popular. She has the perfect body, the perfect face, and the perfect personality.
People loved being around her. Not like Ningning could blame them, she loved it too.
Giselle always has people around her, not matter where she goes.
That dumb little spot that no one but them knows about. That's when she's finally 'alone', finally herself.
Ningning looks around the place, trying to spot Giselle.
Not being able to find her, she just sends her a text and decides to go get a drink. When in the kitchen, looking at the liquor, she realises just how out of touch she is with the rest of the school.
She grabs the nearest bottle, bacardi, and pours it in a cup.
She takes a sip and coughs.
Just then, she hears a soft laugh. "You're supposed to mix it".
Ningning turns around, the bacardi in her cup almost spilling with the speed she moves.
There she is, in a short dress, looking as perfect as ever. Giselle grabs the cup and pours half of it in another.
"I was already wondering where you were. Took you long enough to get here".
Ningning watches as Giselle pours sprite into the cups.
"I, uh.. I thought people come late at parties".
Giselle hands her the cup and responds with a smile, "Only in movies. You're adorable".
Giselle downs her cup, so Ningning does the same, unaware that Giselle is just trying to numb herself.
"I guess all my party knowledge is from movies..", Ningning says with a chuckle.
Giselle pours them another cup, making it stronger this time.
It's like 3/4th bacardi and 1/4th soda.
"So, uhm, are you drunk?". Giselle lets out a chuckle and hands Ningning the cup.
"I guess you can say that. Just not drunk enough to kiss you out here, though".
Ninging once again follows Giselle and downs the cup. It tastes like hand sanitizer. But, it's enough to make her feel light headed, and she supposes that's the point.
Giselle looks around before grabbing Ningning's hand and dragging her with her.
Ningning follows her, letting her get dragged around into some random place with other people.
"Here", Giselle says while handing Ningning a small chocolate cookie.
Ningning looks at it and takes a bite.
Giselle eats one herself and then winks at Ninging. "I'll be back in an hour", she says before disappearing.
Ningning takes a seat on a random empty chair.
She watches Giselle from across the room, watching her laugh with her friends and random guys.
Ningning knew that Giselle probably wasn't even into guys, but it still irked her.
She's completely zoned out, watching Giselle interact with everyone.
As time passes, she starts to this weird feeling in her body. It starts with her hands and then it slowly moves.
She closes her eyes, letting the feeling take over.
It starts to feel like her entire body is floating in water.
Just then, she feels two hands cup her face. She opens her eyes. They feel heavy.
Giselle is looking at her with a smile. "Come", she whispers.
Before she knows it, she's in a random bathroom with Giselle. The door is locked and Giselle is on her lap, kissing her neck.
Her body feels weird, and her heartbeat feels distant.
"Giselle..?", Ninging mutters out.
Giselle looks at her after she said that. "I know, that's part of it".
Ningning looks at her, her eyes half lidded. "Part of what?".
Giselle chuckles and kisses her cheek, "Part of the drugs".
That's when Ningning starts to panic.
Drugs? Giselle gave her drugs? Was it that cookie? Why didn't she say anything before giving it to her??
Giselle sees the panic on Ningning's face and cups her cheeks, looking into her eyes.
"Don't panic, baby. That'll make you have a bad trip. Just stay relaxed, feel good".
Ningning lets out a shakey breath. How is she supposed to not panic?
She decides to just close her eyes and enjoy the feeling of Giselle touching her.
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Ningning wakes up, her back and her head aching.
There's a weight pressed on top of her. It takes her a while to remember everything.
She looks down and sees Giselle on top of her, stirring awake.
Her back is pressed against the bath tub in this random bathroom. Her body aches from the position she slept in, and her mouth is incredibly dry.
Giselle stretches and kisses Ningning's cheek.
"Morning? Morning?! That's all you have to say after last night? You gave me drugs without my knowledge and made me sleep in this random ass house. My parents must be worried sick. What am I supposed to say to them?!".
Giselle blinks a few times before getting off of Ningning's lap.
"Relax, we were just having fun. You wanted a party experience, and I gave it to you. Everyone is supposed to pass out somewhere random at least once in their life".
Ningning stands up. "You're fucking crazy, Giselle. I put my trust in you, and this is what you do with it". Giselle now stands up as well and scoffs.
"God, you're just as lame as everyone says you are".
That hurts. That hurts Ningning a lot.
She storms out of the bathroom.
Giselle watches her leave, stubborn, not wanting to admit her fault.
Ningning didn't text her all weekend. Then, when Monday rolled around, she didn't go to their spot.
She spent her breaks in the library, and went home straight after school.
This didn't sit well with Giselle, taking this as their 'breakup' to their not official relationship.
To get back at Ningning, she comes up with a plan. She approaches Jae and touches his arm, finally giving into his advances.
If Ningning won't talk to her willingly, she'll make her. She'll get her right where she wants, to their spot, that goddamn spot. Then, she'll have to talk with her.
She didn't care about how Jae would feel. It's not like he was really into her. He cheated on her every chance he got when they were still together. Besides, she doesn't even like guys anyway.
She knew that Ningning had her insecurities about Jae. That she was scared that Giselle was still into him.
So, she found out where Ningning was spending her breaks.
It wasn't hard, really. There were about three spots she could be. All she had to do was check those without being noticable.
Now all that was left was ask Jae to make out with her in that spot.
She'd never actually go through with it, though.
It was weird. Normally she wouldn't care, and just make out.
But now, with Ningning, she couldn't actually do it.
Ningning is just a girl, just someone to fuck around with. So why did she care?
Ningning is sitting in the library, on the floor, her back against a wall as she reads a novel.
Girls like girls by Hayley Kiyoko.
Back when she was young, the song helped her figure out that she liked girls.
Now there's a book, which is great because she loves books. Especially stories about love.
She's halfway through a page when she gets distracted by a giggle.
She knew that giggle. She could recognise it from anywhere.
Why the hell is Giselle in the library, and why is she giggling?
She stands up, closing the book, and walking over.
Her heart breaks when she takes in the sight of Giselle with Jae. Her hands are on Jae's arms as she giggles at every joke he tells her.
Giselle looks at Ningning and grins.
Ningning walks away, her heart breaking into pieces. What the fuck?
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She's sitting in that god forsaken spot. Her last cigarette burning through her lungs.
She's right where Giselle wants her, and she knows that.
She knows what Giselle is like when she's fighting with someone.
She knows that Giselle will do anything and everything to catch that person's attention.
She just never expected to be the one having to deal with it.
She can hear her footsteps approach, yet refuses to look up from the ground.
"Finally", Giselle says with a sigh. "What do you want?", Ninging asks.
Giselle approaches and cups Ningning's cheek with one hand, making her look up at her, while she uses her other hand to take the cigarette from Ningning, taking the last drag from it before throwing it on the ground and putting it out with her foot.
Ningning lets out a 'tsk' before replying.
"Grumpy? Giselle you fucked things up with me and instead of apologising, you're out here flirting with Jae to hurt me".
Giselle rolls her eyes, "Come on, Ning. It's not that deep".
That just pisses Ningning off even more.
"Not that deep? You're not taking me seriously. I'm really fucking upset with you, and you can't just expect me to turn around and act like nothing happened so I can continue being your pathetic little secret".
Giselle wants to roll her eyes at that, but the last words make her rethink that decision.
It's true, she's been using Ningning and keeping her a secret from everyone.
She never wanted to acknowledge what she was doing. Of course, she cares about Ningning, she just doesn't want to admit it.
Ningning takes Giselle's hand off her cheek.
"I won't come back here again until you come to your senses and apologise. No matter how much you try to hurt me for it. I'm making my boundaries clear to you. If I ever even matter to you, you'll fight for me".
And with that, Ningning leaves.
Giselle is standing there, frozen, taking in every word that Ningning said.
What the hell is she doing? She doesn't want to accept the fact that there's something between them.
That means accepting that she likes girls.
It means coming out and showing Ningning off.
It means the end to her reputation, possibly losing friends or her family.
She can't risk it, regardless of how much she likes Ningning.
She spends the next few days forcing herself to be with Jae.
She's trying to force herself to like boys. It's better that way.
She and Ningning don't talk.
Even though she's always looking at the empty chat between them, her thumbs aching to write something to her.
She doesn't do it, doesn't allow herself to.
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She's sitting outside on one of the many picnic tables on the school grounds.
Her friends are gossiping, but she can't even pay attention to what they're saying.
Her eyes are glued on Ningning. Watching how she's laughing at some girl's jokes.
Watching how she doesn't even look at her once, while Ningning's eyes used to always be on her.
That's when her ears catch something one of her friends says.
"My girlfriend has been soo busy, I barely even see her anymore".
Giselle's head turns quickly,
"Yeah?", says the one that mentioned it.
"Like.. Girl, friend? Or..?".
The friend laughs. "Of course, what else?".
Giselle nods, of course it's not that. None of her friends would ever accept a lesbian.
"But like, what if one of us got a girlfriend? Like a girlfriend, girlfriend?", Giselle asks before thinking it through.
It takes a while before one of them speaks up. "..Do you want to tell us something?".
Giselle quickly shakes her head, "No, no, of course not. I just want to know you guys' stand on it".
They all look at each other before one speaks up.
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A month has passed without contact before Giselle finally texts her.
Just two simple words, but it's more than Ningning ever expected.
Ningning reads it a thousand times, making sure she's not going crazy.
That day, she goes to their spot. I
t feels weird, abandoned, like it did at first.
Giselle is sitting there on the ground, her head in her hands.
Ningning hesitantly approaches. "Gigi?".
Giselle's head shoots up. She quickly stands up and approaches Ninging. "Ning..", she whispers.
They stand in front of each other for a bit, not saying anything.
"I'm.. I'm so, so sorry", Giselle says.
Ningning just stares at her for a bit. "Took you a while".
"Ning, I'm so sorry. I've been a complete bitch. I should've been better to you, in so, so many ways. I used you, and that's not okay. What I did that night especially wasn't okay. I'm so sorry, please forgive me".
Ningning is quiet for a bit before giving Giselle a hug.
She lets out a soft sigh. "At least you know now.. I guess I can forgive you".
"I do not deserve your love, Ning. I put myself and my feelings above you. I fucked up. I fucked up really bad. I care too much about my reputation".
Giselle hugs her tightly, holding her close. Ningning is quiet for a few seconds.
"What are you trying to say?".
"I love you", Giselle says.
"You showed me what it's like to actually be happy with someone, even though I was taking it all for granted. It took me way too long to accept my feelings for you.."
"..I love you, but I can't be with you. I'll lose everyone and everything. My friends won't accept me, and I doubt my family will. I can't risk losing everyone for a girl. Even if that girl is all I ever wanted".
"Giselle-", Ningning gets cut off.
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