ilikepengiuns

I like big pengiuns and I cannot lie

[thedivinemagnet]

Definitely a contender for funniest peanuts strip

[nextchapter]

sure heated rivalry has enemies to lovers but interview with the vampire has enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers to

[okoyestrainee]

Yuna realizes that Shane and Ilya are in LOVE love when she hears singing coming from the kitchen.

“Chopping carrots with Ilya,” Shane sings under his breath. “Making salad with Ilya.”

Yuna smiles softly from the dining room. This is one of her favorite things about her son. From the time he could (barely) talk, he made up little songs about anything and everything. The first time he’d done it, he’d been strapped into his car seat and watching cars go by. When he’d caught Yuna’s eye in the rear view mirror, he’d smiled with all 8 of his little teeth and waved.

“Dwiving,” he’d sung, all of 18 months old and barely able to say the word properly. “Dwivin’ wi’ Mama. Wuv Mama.”

Yuna’s not sure if it’s Shane’s way of processing the world around him, just A Thing some people do, or something special about her baby boy. All she knows is that from the first time he’d made up a little tune about Driving With Mama, everything turned into a song. When he’s comfortable and feeling at ease, Shane turns little things around him into music.

Learning to tie his shoes? “Daddy’s teaching me to tie my shoes. One lace over the other. Make the bunny ears!”

Gearing up for practice when he was 8? “Going to practice. Gonna be great. Gonna score a goal!”

Studying for a science test? “Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Everyone says it because it’s true. Moving on—organelles and cell walls.”

Gearing up for his first Metros game as captain? “Taping my hockey stick. Going out on the ice. Gonna kick some ass.”

It’s something so uniquely, adorably, perfectly Shane.

Today, though? As Shane’s in the kitchen preparing a salad for lunch? For the first time, someone else sings along. For the first time in Shane’s life, someone hears the tune and lyrics that only exist in his head and joins in.

“Making salad with Shane,” Ilya croons along, hooking his chin over his boyfriend’s shoulder and wrapping strong arms around his waist. “Preparing lunch with my love.”

Shane smiles and sings back as Ilya nuzzles his neck. “Being domestic with my boyfriend. Thinking of boring things we can do together.”

Ilya laughs and kisses his ear before finishing the song. “I love to be boring with yooouuuu.”

It’s the best song Yuna’s ever heard.

[okoyestrainee]

…okay, that’s a lie. It’s a tie for the best song Yuna’s ever heard. Maybe. It’s definitely at the top of the list.

Shane pauses on the other line, breath catching as he holds back overwhelming emotion.

“Mom,” he croaks. “I…fuck.”

Yuna stays calm. She mentally takes stock of the situation. Ilya’s fine—he just texted her, a few seconds before Shane called, to warn her of the incoming storm. David’s fine—he’s sitting right next to her, confused and alarmed as their son has some manner of episode on the phone. She’s fine. So what’s—

“—wi’ Dada!”

…oh. Oh.

It’s soft at first, but picking up in volume. Tiny pit-pats in the background accompany the most beautiful little voice Yuna’s heard since Shane made up his first song, Driving With Mama, from his car seat all those years ago.

“Eating,” the little voice sings in the background. It’s garbled by what Yuna assumes are half-chewed remnants of an afternoon snack; probably organic peanut butter on apple slices. “Eating wi’ Dada. Eating wi’ Papa. Dada on phone! Who on phone, Dada?”

There’s wet laughter in the background, further from the phone. “Oh God, Shane. It’s genetic. She’s a little you!”

More tearful laughter, this time from Shane. “That’s not—she’s adopted, Ilya.”

“I don’t care what the papers say. She is you. Listen to her, she is perfect. She must be part you, sweetheart.”

Driving With Mama. Making Salad With Ilya. Top three songs for sure, as far as Yuna’s concerned. But this one? Eating With Dada and Papa, written and performed by her granddaughter for a live audience? A platinum hit. Give this baby a Grammy.

[fangirlingpuggle]

Apothecary diaries AU/fic prompt where Lakan leaves and Fengxian is about to give birth and freaking out not knowing where Lakan is and why he's not here when Luomen finds and about the baby.

He buys her out of her contract and takes her back explaining about what happened and suddenly Fengxian is no longer freaking out she's strategizing.

Fengxian: So his father sent him away I see

*Somewhere in the La clan estate there is deep feeling of dread*

She goes full master strategist mode and basically takes over La clan (she makes it look like her Lakan are married she knows he'll agree and neither of them will want a big wedding so it's all good)

Lakan returns back only to be welcomed as head of the family with Fengxian there handing him a baby, HIS DAUGHTER like 'Welcome back, do you want to play go?'

He nods eventually it's a slow game though as he keeps just staring at Maomao in awe and gaping like a fish he has completely blue screened and is so confused. Fengxian doesn't mind she's waited 3 years for this game and they have many more years of games ahead of them he can take his time.

Bonus Lakan finds out about all her plotting and planning and is just more smitten

Lakan:Marry me

Fengxian:Technically we are already married

Lakan:oh

Lakan:Can we get married again?

(Bonus her seeing Jinshi pine with Maomao and taking him aside Jinshi thinks this is going to be a shovel talk and it is... but also

Fengxian: My daughter takes after her father

Jinshi: I mean not much thankfully ah -No disrespect I-

Fengxian: In the sense she is oblivious willfully or otherwise of any feelings and will not realize unless you are completely upfront

Jinshi: I-

Fengxian: Lakan did not seem to fully understand my feelings until I handed him our child

Jinshi:...

Jinshi:...fuck)

[swiggityswooty1221]

"ilya fell first" this, "shane fell harder" that… you are all wrong. they fell at the same time and bonked their helmets, then fell on their asses. hope this helps!

[nextchapter]

ohh i'm daniel molloy. i sold millions of copies of my best-selling novel. i'm a beast at bowling. i've got the french bengali smokeshow pinned against the wall. man fuck you

[dontcallmeanythingplz]

After their beautiful summer at the cottage, Shane's gonna come back to pre season training with his clothes smelling a little like cigarettes and Hayden's gonna ask him about it.

He'll have to lie and say he hooked up with a smoker girl. A girl one. Definitely not a boy smoker. A girl.

[giveemhales]

Counter: he’s so gay atp that he forgets that’s even an option so he says it’s his. Yes. I smoke now. For the stress. And Hayden is 🤨 so shane tries to smoke a cigarette in front of him to prove it and almost hacks up a lung. And he’s just like no, yeah, that happens every time, I think that’s just part of the experience. I love smoking. Yay lung cancer 🙂

[dontcallmeanythingplz]

Infinitely better than my idea. Shane is so gay that he forgets he can pretend to be hooking up with girls.

[jameslongforjimshortforgabriel]

me when i watch the fucked up and evil vampires show and they're actually fucked up and evil

[snowsmoked]

The longest ongoing argument between Shane and Ilya is who made the first move. Their friends and teammates have learned to never ask that question or they'll argue about it for hours.

"So, how did you two meet?" That was fine, safe territory.

They both answered the same way, "a parking lot in Saskatchewan when we were 17."

But, the question, "so who made the first move?" Unsafe territory, turn back now.

"You introduced yourself to me!"

"That wasn't making a move! You organized a whole photoshoot."

"You shook my hand, twice! You looked me up and down!"

"I did not!"

"You had a crush on me."

"You had a crush on me!"

"You called me a hot player to watch."

"I did not and you know that, Rozanov."

"My English wasn't good."

"You - okay, draft night?"

"What about it? Oh, when you kept staring at my cock?"

"No! When you kept touching my hand and had your legs all spread in front of me!"

"You were staring at me."

"You winked at me."

"You took water bottle."

"Because you told me to!"

"Well, you were blushing on photoshoot."

"You called me pretty, twice!"

"You were laughing!"

"So were you!"

"Because you kept looking at me like - like that!"

"You told me you organized the shoot!"

"You agreed to it! You wanted to see me again."

"You starting jerking off at me in the shower!"

"Only because you were checking out my ass!"

"I was not!"

"Yes, you were! I would not do that if you were not checking me out!"

"You asked for my room number!"

"You waited for me to come out of the shower - I gave you time to leave!"

"I was drying my hair."

"You were waiting for me."

"I was not, I just wanted to talk!"

"Talk! You wanted to talk to hot Russian you invited to your room at night?"

"Yes!"

"You were on your knees in five seconds!"

"You kissed me!"

[ilikepengiuns]

@graveyardpumpkin

[mandrake-arya]

This is exactly their dynamic isn't it

[synth3xanh]

Clingy-ass dog 🙄

[phoebewritess]

I feel like everyone talks about how great of a father Ilya is gonna be because he's so good with kids so often, that we ignore Shane has THE most dad energy I've ever seen. He's standing beside his kids while they watch TV, claiming he's not watching because he has stuff to do. He's up at 7am on a saturday mowing the lawn or fixing stuff in the bathroom you didn't even KNOW needed fixing. His kids come home from practice and he's watching the most niche ass hockey stats breakdown video on youtube and he is SAT and focused for all 40 minutes. Oh you mentioned you like something? He's picking several up from the store DONT comment on it. All of his texts have periods, are straight to the point, and include either "OK" or "👍"

And he's the best dad a kid could ask for.

[exhausted-undead]

tried out apothecary diaries the other day, got inspired to do a study, redrew jinmao as Gustav Klimt's "The Kiss", died

ive been sick for a while so excuse the messiness

now available as a print under the cut! (AAAAAH thank you guys so much for the lovely words!)

Jinmao Kiss - Gustav Klimt Redraw, an art print by Boxes

This is a gallery-quality giclée art print on 100% cotton rag archival paper, printed with archival inks.

[neo--queen--serenity]

Maomao, every time she looks at Jinshi:

[doorp]

maomao is not the bisexual representation the people asked for and honestly she is not the bisexual representation the people needed, I really dont know what that thing is but no one living or dead has the power to stop her. She showed the emperors concubines elicit porn. She met a woman with tits so huge that she completely ignored everything the woman was saying for a full minute to stare at them silently. She put her androgynous boytoy in a dress and made him dance. Grabbed his dong and called it a decent sized frog. And she did all of this while practicing medicine illegally. Feminism wins

[totearup]

Cliff can't believe he didn't figure it out sooner. The strange move to Ottawa. How happy he's been. And most damming of all, "Jane", it fucking rhymes!

He watches a highlight reel of Ilya celebrating with his line and realizes he's just going to have to accept it.

Ilya was in love with Zane Boodram.

[billymayslesbian]

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

[torchichate]

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh