I’m 32 and only now I’m really starting to understand and appreciate all my dad did when my was got cancer and had to be in and out of the hospital for years and when she was home she was mostly bedridden…
My partner had their bottom surgery two weeks ago and has not even been home for 10 days and I’m already mentally through with it…
To think that my dad also cared for my mom for multiple years, while also taking care of three kinds under 18 and going to work 5 days a week… I honestly don’t know how he did it…
I love my partner to death and I take care of them with all the love I have in me, but boy is it exhausting to do all the chores, cook diner, do the laundry every day (yes we have to because of blood stains on the towels, so I have to wash them every day and we already bought a shit ton of them, so yeah) and work 4 days a week.. At least I can work from home so that’s a plus I guess!
I think the hardest part is feeling like I can’t relax.. my relax spot is on the couch, binge watching a tv show while my partner is either at work or doing something else.. but the spot I do my relaxing in is the best spot for my partner to be laying on… so the spot’s been giving away to my partner (with love!!). But that also means I don’t have my relax moment since my partner is with me on the couch.. and I love them, but my Audhd won’t let me watch the show I want with someone else in the room…
It’s not about my partner not letting me watch it.. it’s about me feeling perceived at all times… and I also can’t fully relax because my partner might need something which would mean I need to get up in the middle of the doing the thing I do to relax (whatever it is at that point)
This is just a rant to get it all out because my mind needs to get it out at 11:45pm at night after crying in my partners arms for 15 minutes… now I’m just downstairs with my cat on my lap, because I just couldn’t get myself to calm down, laying in bed… really felt like I had a bit of a panic attack/meltdown and it kind of scared me a bit…
Also maybe the absolute worst part is seeing my partner have so much pain every day and not being able to do anything about it… we’ve been waiting for this surgery for 4 years and they’re still so happy they had it!! But the pain that came with it was something we both underestimated.. and the lack of information from the hospital about what could be happening… they keep saying ‘yeah that should be normal I guess’ WELL AT LEAST YOU GUESS IT’S NORMAL, but how about making sure everything is still okay….
