Iām 32 and only now Iām really starting to understand and appreciate all my dad did when my was got cancer and had to be in and out of the hospital for years and when she was home she was mostly bedriddenā¦
My partner had their bottom surgery two weeks ago and has not even been home for 10 days and Iām already mentally through with itā¦
To think that my dad also cared for my mom for multiple years, while also taking care of three kinds under 18 and going to work 5 days a weekā¦ I honestly donāt know how he did itā¦
I love my partner to death and I take care of them with all the love I have in me, but boy is it exhausting to do all the chores, cook diner, do the laundry every day (yes we have to because of blood stains on the towels, so I have to wash them every day and we already bought a shit ton of them, so yeah) and work 4 days a week.. At least I can work from home so thatās a plus I guess!
I think the hardest part is feeling like I canāt relax.. my relax spot is on the couch, binge watching a tv show while my partner is either at work or doing something else.. but the spot I do my relaxing in is the best spot for my partner to be laying onā¦ so the spotās been giving away to my partner (with love!!). But that also means I donāt have my relax moment since my partner is with me on the couch.. and I love them, but my Audhd wonāt let me watch the show I want with someone else in the roomā¦
Itās not about my partner not letting me watch it.. itās about me feeling perceived at all timesā¦ and I also canāt fully relax because my partner might need something which would mean I need to get up in the middle of the doing the thing I do to relax (whatever it is at that point)
This is just a rant to get it all out because my mind needs to get it out at 11:45pm at night after crying in my partners arms for 15 minutesā¦ now Iām just downstairs with my cat on my lap, because I just couldnāt get myself to calm down, laying in bedā¦ really felt like I had a bit of a panic attack/meltdown and it kind of scared me a bitā¦
Also maybe the absolute worst part is seeing my partner have so much pain every day and not being able to do anything about itā¦ weāve been waiting for this surgery for 4 years and theyāre still so happy they had it!! But the pain that came with it was something we both underestimated.. and the lack of information from the hospital about what could be happeningā¦ they keep saying āyeah that should be normal I guessā WELL AT LEAST YOU GUESS ITāS NORMAL, but how about making sure everything is still okayā¦.
