inner monologue

24 and destined for so much more than this

[nameless-omens]

That face

[rylandgraces]

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode

[pansyfemme]

yes im addicted to attention and orgasms and food and shiny jewlery and 7$ Iced Lattes. does that really not sound like an awesome lifestyle to you

[demolitiondanchipsversion]

Eehmm, I umm, I just!! I FUUUUUUCK 💦

@gretavanlace 🫣

credits to owner

[flickrhorses]

wild horses

[dsireland86]

Yeah.... I'm good... totally fine.... 😳😳😵‍💫😵‍💫🤯🤯

[letterful]

[quotespile]

“How do writers and readers find each other under such dangerous circumstances? Reading, like writing, under these conditions is disobedience to a directive in which the reader, our Eve, already knows the possible consequences of eating that apple but takes a bold bite anyway. How does that reader find the courage to take this bite, open that book? After an arrest, an execution? Of course he or she may find it in the power of the hushed chorus of other readers, but she can also find it in the writer’s courage in having stepped forward, in having written, or rewritten, in the first place.”

— Edwidge Danticat, Create Dangerously

[kosmogrl]

[fromhersoul]

[ilyas-left-nut]

this altered my brain chemistry

(no i’m not this talented) got this off twitter https://x.com/sosaneitsinsane/status/2037685760799760847?s=20

[uwhe-arts]

. . . | uwhe-arts

[mercymaker]

you're on the reblog website. reblog things.

[elisaholies]

15 HR fic recs

Leave a divot for your eye by @passageofspring | 5.9K | Ilya Rozanov regularly gets called out on fighting his husband’s battles. He thinks people should be glad it’s him they’re facing.| I am very much against the extreme woobiefication fandom inflicts on Shane very frequently. This fic is the perfect antidote for that. Shane gets into a fight. And I agree with Ilya, its HOTTT. 

Apogee by @opal-apparition | 50K | Shane Hollander is the youngest Commander in ISS history; straight-backed, closeted, and so tightly on his own leash that seven months in orbit with Ilya Rozanov have not produced a single crack in his composure.Ilya Rozanov is the Russian cosmonaut who should have had his job, won’t stop bouncing a tennis ball off the walls, and is still looking for a fissure. Thankfully, a solar storm finds it for him.| I don't think anyone needs me to rec this, because it's OpalApparition, one of the BNF writers in this fandom for a frigging reason. And the reason is that they're an amazing writer. I'm a completionist, though, I have to rec all the fics I truly like, so I can't leave one out just because everyone is bound to have read it already...I'm normally not one for AUs where neither Ilya nor Shane is a hockey player, but I'd trust OpalApparition to take me to hell and back. And this story is fantastic. 

I'll be Jane | 7.1K | After a social media trend mocks Shane's sexting skills, he tries to improve them. It goes about as poorly as you'd expect.| This is hilarious and in character. 

A Well-Organized Life by @409-conflict 11.8K | Shane Hollander is a man who thrives on structure, routine, the solid ground of a ten-year plan. Ilya likes that about him, likes the embracing squeeze of having a life organized in tandem with Shane. No one would call Ilya a man who thrives on structure. But it’s there, if not in his DNA then in the patterns of his brain. A call-and-response of: they do this, I do that. When Ilya’s life is flayed open for the world to dissect, how will they push-and-pull their way back towards what was once a well-organized life?| I normally don't rec WIPs, I'm making an exception for this because I was familiar with the author from The Pitt fandom, they are extremely talented, and I love their characterisation of Ilya especially here, it's so full of details, and his voice is perfect. I think this fic needs way more kudos and comments than it currently has. Go forth and make the author feel the love!

Influential by @409-conflict | 6.1K| The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lover’s mother who despises his very existence, so be it.| Yuna becomes Ilya's manager is probably one of the subsets of the 'The Hollanders adopt Ilya' fan favourites that I enjoy the most. I like Yuna's competence being unleashed on poor unsuspecting Ilya, when it's obvious he needs to be taken care of from a business point of view too. Well, this goes at it from the completely opposite persepective: it's Ilya (pre-Cottage) who tries to convince Yuna to become his manager. Hilarious. And in character! 409_conflict really has one of the best Ilya voices out there. 

A Neighborhood of Voluntary Spies by @gorgeousundertow| 6.8K | So fuck yes Hayden was a little jealous, shit, he was only human. But he was secure in his position as Shane’s best friend. Rozanov was a shiny fellow hockey god, but he was also an Olympic-caliber asshole, and Shane had spent his entire adult life hating him. He’d get bored of talking about how much he hated Reebok soon enough, and he’d make his way to his usual seat by Hayden’s side and he’d treat himself to one of his vegan cookies, and everything would be as it should be. Hayden leaned back in his seat, stretched his legs into the aisle, and waited. Or: Hayden Pike is slow on the uptake| This is the sequel to Half Agony, Half Hope, an excellent Jane-Austen-Persuasion-inspired AU in which Ilya is traded to Boston, which I'd recced ages ago. I think it can be enjoyed just knowing this simple fact. It's another take on Hayden grappling with Shane's sexuality and the Rozanov of it all and it is so much fun. I love external POVs on our guys, and I like clueless-but-loyal Hayden a lot. 

the art of long-term cohabitation | 5.5K | “Sometimes, I wish he was a worse person,” Ilya admits one night, while he and Yuna are doing the dishes. Shane and Ilya had come over for chicken parmesan, and it had been a lovely dinner, right up until David, clearing the plates, mentioned that he had met a guy at the store the other day who was a big fan of Shane’s, had a kid who idolized him. David asked if Shane could sign a piece of merchandise for him, maybe record a video. Shane said yes, because he had a rule, about doing things for child fans. Now, Shane was off shooting a video while Ilya did the dishes, and Ilya already knew the way it would require Shane to drag his public face up from the depths of his stomach, the work it would take him to shed it afterwards, the way it would taint this evening.| The summary doesn't really do justice to what I feel is the strength of this piece: it delves into the negative side of being in a committed relationship, the fighting, the difficulty in adjusting to being with another person who is, fundamentally, very different from you, and also how clinical depression might factor in from both sides. I'm making it sound boring and/or sad, when it's not. It's just so real and thought-provoking. And it has great characterisation. This anonymous author has such an excellent grasp on how Shane and Ilya work.  

let's make a deal | 7.1K | Shane wants to talk about Ilya's move to Ottawa. Ilya doesn't want to talk much at all.| Shane wants to discuss the practical details of Ilya's move to Ottawa, Ilya doesn't want to, so he tries to distract him with sex. Fantastic character voices and also very hot. 

MINE MINE MINE | 3.6K | “So,” Yuna says, as she polishes off her third glass of cabernet. “When are you boys going to get started on kids?” Shane chokes on his tiramisu. Or: Maybe Shane doesn’t want kids.| Fandom consensus seems to be that Ilya and Shane are just waiting for retirement before starting their family and quite often they get handed a baby even before that (Ilya has a one-night-stand that results in an accidental baby he somehow gets saddled with and/or decide to raise on his own; or even more often, he ends up having to raise his niece). And it's fine if people are into that! One of my all-time favourite fic of any fandom is a baby!fic in Generation Kill where a former marine and an active-duty marine still manage to decide to co-parent an accidental baby...I just can't see Shane wanting kids. Also, the beauty of queer romance is seeing a relationship free from heteronormative societal expectations (says the straight woman who is a mother of two, lol), so I want any parenting choice to be, well, a conscious choice...And if our guys decide to go for kids, I'd like the messy side and difficulties not to be handwaved with a fantastic live-in nanny (which they'd have, fo course, they're multi-millionaires). Anyway, this is sadly the only example of fic I could find where they decide against kids. And it's so well-written and in character. If you guys know of any more, please let me know!

Deep Misunderstanding | 9K | Hayden has always been the guy Shane joked with, the guy he trusted to feed him without mocking him, the guy he roomed with on the road, and Shane is the only man who has ever seen Hayden cry, and Hayden loves Shane. He fucking loves him. They are like brothers, and they have been for almost ten fucking years. He’s always been Shane’s guy, Shane’s best friend. Except all along, maybe that wasn’t true. Ilya Rozanov, apparently, had been the guy. Before Hayden had ever met Shane, Ilya Rozanov had been there. And Hayden had never even noticed. Shane is all over every inch of Hayden’s life. Hayden thought that was reciprocal.| Again, I don't think I need to rec this to anyone, because it's some1_around, but I just love Hayden angst! And this so good. 

licked by fire | 5.1K | “You know, there are a lot of kids that look up to you—“It’s the refrain of Shane’s life. Everything circles back to this: a lot of kids looking up to you. That’s why you need to spend your summers doing ad campaigns. That’s why you need to let a social media manager handle your every interaction online. That’s why we need to sit here after family dinner with flash cards rehearsing the different ways you’ll answer reporters’ questions after you face Boston next week, and, oh, when we’re done, let’s do some French vocabulary flashcards, too, because it’s important to the Francophone fans that you’re thinking about them. There are lots of Asian Francophones in Quebec, Shane. Almost 13% of primary schoolers are of Asian descent, compared to less than 4% of hockey players. Isn’t that pathetic? As if Shane doesn’t know that it’s pathetic. As if Shane doesn’t know what he fought through to get here. Abruptly, Shane is furious.| Look, another one for my not!woobiefied Shane folder! And what a cracking one. It's probably me projecting onto Shane, but i find his anger issues in this one are so relatable and plausible and well-handled. 

Alligator Bites Never Heal by @flawlessassholes| 72K | Remember when Sidney Crosby caught a puck with his jaw? That doesn't happen to Shane. That happens to Ilya.| One of my fave AUs is finally complete! Definitely on a par with 'Concussion Protocol'. Superb! I'm sure you all know it already, judging from the number of hits, kudos and bookmarks. 

Toe Drag | 5.4K | Shane and Ilya take advantage of the cottage's private rink. Or: Ilya's always wanted control over his life. It feels like he's getting it for the first time thanks to Shane.| This is your regular dose of McShrug's steamy stuff. Hot damn. 

Ticket Stubs and Your Diaries by @lavenderprose| 2.5K | A moment in time at the end of an era. Ilya helps Shane pack up the Montreal apartment.| Great vignette, totally feels like canon and excellent Shane characterisation. 

It Takes a Village | 13.4K | An exploration of the first few months of Ilya and Shane’s “official” relationship, featuring Shane’s extremely supportive parents who do not do anything by half measures. Starts in September 2017.| More for my 'Ilya is adopted by the Hollanders' collection. What is notable about this one, other than the excellent characterisation for all, is that it has my fave kind of Yuna-momagers-Ilya trope. 

[stormsthatrage]

Heated Rivalry AU where Ilya dips out early from a post-game party with Boston, and someone gets the idea to put on a Hollonov compilation as a joke.

The whole team settles in with rapt attention, ready to roast the shit out of Roz over it via group chat, only to see. Well. It's a series of interview clips over the years. It's made up exclusively of three things. One, clips of Hollander "stealing" linguistically challenging questions that the whole team knows Rozanov hates. Two, clips of Rozanov derailing questions that are about Hollander's "representation of his community," which gossip on the street says makes Hollander uncomfortable. Three, Hollander and Rozanov commenting individually on the rivalry, with vicious comments such as. "He's of course a great player, but he'll find us difficult to beat." Such fire in Rozanov's comments are especially damning, given his whole chirp-king-schtick. The video editor, with all the obsession and perception of a true fangirl, makes sure to circle every instance where you can see the shadow of Hollander and Rozanov pressing their feet together - and in one instance holding hands - beneath the interview table. (You wouldn't see it unless you're looking for it - or unless someone circles it in red for you.)

The video finishes, and the team sits in a kind of shocked silence as the next video auto-plays. This one is a compilation of Rozanov chirping Hollander on the ice. Here, the editor has helpfully drawn an arrow to Hollander's face whenever he blushes. The editor has also inserted text overlays with comments like. "Look at how fiercely Rozanov insults his rival." And then puts smaller arrows pointing to Roz's body language, with helpful texts like "excited wiggle indicating absolute fury," and "besotted grin indicating deep hatred." The sarcasm is distressingly accurate in its point.

(Listen, the whole team knows what Roz looks like when he's chirping someone. This - this is not it. This is not it at all. This is him when he's being silly with people he really likes. What is going on.)

The video finishes, and this time someone has the presence of mind to stop the auto-play before another mind-breaking thing comes up.

Someone else, trying to lighten the silence with a joke, and maybe dismiss it all as a fever dream, says, "Montreal Jane? More like Montreal Shane, am I right?"

And. Well.

Once it's out there, there's no coming back from it.

Cliff asks aloud, to no one in particular, "Are we just stupid?"

[mimivisb]

I've been reading Heated Rivalry fics since December and I thought today was a good day to look through my bookmarks and recommend some of the best One-shots I've read in this Fandom.

Below are 16 recommendations to honestly incredible fics, some of them are really popular and you might already know them but we have over 20K fics in this tag (insane) so I think this list might still be useful for someone.

(Some of these might fit in more than one category, but I choose the one that I belive better represented the fic)

☆ Character study

Compatible by jewelledfoxes

Explicit / 18K / One-shot

Ilya’s blood has always run hotter than Shane's.

Or: Yay Hollanov free use! Everybody cheered!

(It's about sex but it's also about their relationship and I have read it several times totally recommend it)

The Performer by toxotes

Explicit / 14K / One-shot

Sometimes they're curled up on the bed together afterwards and Shane runs his hands up and down llya's body, rhythmic and smooth, touching just to touch. Ilya stunning in the literal sense of the word: Shane is paralyzed by him, struck dumb. Desire may never be a problem here, but understanding is: Ilya feels distant and incomprehensible to Shane.

A cross-section of Shane Hollander's sex life

(It deals with a lot of complicated feeling about sex and attraction and Shane growing up and accepting himself)

Us until You by chaentics

Mature / 10K / One-shot

you, plural.

or: Svetlana has Ilya, and then she does not.

(Svetlana POV on ilya during the whole hollanov situationship)

My 30-Days of Anon HR Freak Shit by Anonymous

Not a One-shot but a series of One-shots (kinda)

(It's really filthy but has really good writing and there's delightful character studies in most of the fics)

☆ AUs that explore Shane and Ilya's relationship with a slight twist (might include magic)

don't leave me this way by frenchleaves

Mature / 36K / One-shot

ilya gets hit on the head during the emergency landing in Tampa and thus begins his week-long stint as a ghost. whatever bad thing that can happen, the proceeds to do so. it's definitely not fun for ilya, and definitely not fun for shane either.

(It's a lovely read and the summary explains it pretty well, you should read this)

for the bible tells me so by vividblossom (dirtymudblood)

Explicit / 17K / One-shot

Shane Hollander struggles to reconcile his faith with his undeniable attraction to a man.

Or a case study in Lust.

(Shane featuring Religious Guilt because why not?)

☆ Time travel (yes it has its own category)

fall in love again and again by Ehlihr (ehlihr)

Mature / 24K / One-shot (kinda)

Chapter 1: Shane wakes up on the same Tuesday over and over again after leaving Rozanov in a rush. Tuesday is his second least favourite day of the week, so he's not really happy about it.

Chapter 2: Ilya notices Shane acts strangely. He just never remembers

(Not a fan of the groundhog day trope but this fic made me reconsider that)

circle back season by Anonymous

Teen / 9K / One-shot

At the cottage, Shane and llya meet eighteen year old Shane Hollander. This is really only a surprise for one of them. Everyone handles it as well as can be expected.

(The time traveler's wife AU basically)

nothing's ever the way that i remember it (i don't want a violent end) by queenofseventeen

Mature / 31K / One-shot

Quietly, in a voice that couldn't disguise his pain, Ilya said, "I already chose you, Hollander." Then so silently that it was barely different from breathing. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't.

(a.k.a llya expresses regret about choosing Shane and Shane gets sent back in time to fix it only in this universe Ilya never came onto him at all.)

(Shane time travels and decides to choose ilya in a different universe)

☆ Hollanov getting outed in different ways

for richer or poorer by lowkey_existential_despair

Explicit / 14K / One-shot

There was a twitter post. A video. The caption said #pissgate. The video started playing automatically, and Ilya saw the nondescript white tile of the Metros locker room, and then the camera peered around a corner, and there he was. There Shane was. It played just long enough for llya to hear himself-say it-and Shane- piss on me. please-before his phone fell from his nerveless fingers and shattered on the concrete.

(I was put off by the watersport tag for a long time until I finally read it and all I have to say it that it deserves to be read even if you aren't into that)

me and my wild boy, and all of this wild joy by colacatenjoyer

Not rated / 4K / One-shot

All in all, it could have been worse.

It's not like you can measure the full length of Shane's dick, or see the exact moment that llya swallows down the mess of spit and his own cum from Shane's mouth after he sucked the life out of him.

It's just, well, everything else.

(A video gets leaked and they deal with the aftermath)

☆ Cute and hilarious and kinda weird (in a good way)

a load of lies by badmetaphors

Gen / 5K / One-shot

BREAKING: Local man gets pavlov'd by the KonMari method, more at 11.

(Featuring Centaurs and Ilya's laundry kink)

Baby By Me by Anonymous

Teen / 7K / One-shot

In which a single misunderstanding spirals into becoming the MHL's greatest secret: Shane Hollander is pregnant.

(Exactly as described in the summary, hockey boys are incredibly stupid in this and it's hilarious)

Teenage Dirtbag by Nullevoy

Teen / 5K / One-shot (but it's part of a series)

Clips and photos of llya's teenage years in Russia get leaked

(Teenage ilya is a menace that wears tracksuits everywhere)

Impacto by ilyacruzeirense

Mature / 16K / One-shot

When Canada's hockey star, Shane Hollander, is your twin brother, it's expected that llya Rozanov becomes part of your life; just not in the way that the public may think.

Or, 5 times that Hudson, Shane's twin, notices something more than a rivalry was happening + 1 one time Ilya finds out that Shane has a brother

(Super weird concept but absolutely fantastic fic 100% would recommend)

Dinner Tonight? by FriPie

Explicit / 15K / One-shot

There was nothing standard about Shane and Ilya's relationship, so it really shouldn't have been so surprising that they had their first date over a decade after meeting each other.

It also shouldn't be surprising that it took roughly five minutes before it turned into a competition.

(It's just them having a first date after everything, so it's really cute)

[muppetyaoi]

ilya rozanov outside the bar: *lighting a cigarette* "when i got drafted to boston you were 9 isnt that weird"

luca haas, so drunk he cant stand straight: "can yuo put that out on me"