𝒛𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒂

this is where i have my mental breakdowns | they/them

[steadyhabits]

Cobie Smulders Flannel Shirt Appreciation Post

[iloveyellowflowers]

Fear

I love her.

I love her, I love her, I love her,

I love her – I can’t say that.

I can’t tell her that,

What if it scares her?

What if she leaves me?

I’m too clingy,

I love her too much–

What if I don’t say it enough?

What if she leaves me?

I need to say it more,

She needs to know

Just how much she means to me.

She didn’t say it back the same way,

Does she love me the same?

Does she love me less?

Does she love me more?

What kind of girlfriend am I

If I don’t love her the same.

Did she only say it because I said it first?

What if she doesn’t mean it–

What if she does mean it?

I’m not deserving of her love,

I’m not worth it,

She should leave,

Before I can hurt her,

Before I run away,

Am I running away now?

Why am I like this?

Why did they make me like this?

Why can’t I just love her like a normal person?

[iloveyellowflowers]

Spoiler alert, she ghosted me

[iloveyellowflowers]

HOW am i meant to do that >:[

hmmmm maybe i'll just have to reveal myself

perhaps i'll do it when i send a drawing of emily which i might do

[iloveyellowflowers]

LMAO IT IS ME I FOUND U

AHAHAH LMFAO FINALLY !!!

but can you find my main account i interact w u on

[iloveyellowflowers]

👁️👁️

oh heyyyy :))) U FOUND ME

unless this isn't u

[wishuponastarion]

"oh sorry, i guess i was infodumping again" - sad, shy, apologetic

"you sly dog, you got me monologuing" - cool, strong, confident

[iguanastevens]

What to do when you don’t like a fic: a step by step guide

Step 1:

[reiner-is-back-bitches]

Amazing tutorial I recommend to everyone!

[izhunny]

Works flawlessly every time. Highly recommended.

[iloveyellowflowers]

Fear

I love her.

I love her, I love her, I love her,

I love her – I can’t say that.

I can’t tell her that,

What if it scares her?

What if she leaves me?

I’m too clingy,

I love her too much–

What if I don’t say it enough?

What if she leaves me?

I need to say it more,

She needs to know

Just how much she means to me.

She didn’t say it back the same way,

Does she love me the same?

Does she love me less?

Does she love me more?

What kind of girlfriend am I

If I don’t love her the same.

Did she only say it because I said it first?

What if she doesn’t mean it–

What if she does mean it?

I’m not deserving of her love,

I’m not worth it,

She should leave,

Before I can hurt her,

Before I run away,

Am I running away now?

Why am I like this?

Why did they make me like this?

Why can’t I just love her like a normal person?

[iloveyellowflowers]

Solder, Poet, King.

She never wanted to be The Soldier,

She just wanted peace, justice,

It came with the burden,

The sword with a hilted blade,

Which she was forced to pick up,

They fought her, so she fought back.

She took her love,

And turned it to a strength, a weapon,

She fought against them,

With all the anger of the dead,

And despite the price she had to pray,

She won.

The Poet saw beauty,

She saw beauty in the pain, 

She painted hills with the blood,

But never forgot the lives of those lost,

She told the forgotten stories,

And sang the songs of the hopeful.

She saw strength in others,

But never in herself, 

Pain is art, she says,

Because at least then,

There will always be something to create,

Maybe she could create some ground to stand on.

Born to rule, The King,

She didn’t choose the path,

But it is the one that led her,

To the people who needed her,

Where she stepped forward,

To fill the absence of a leader.

She offered support to her people,

Back broken from the weight,

With no-one to share the burden,

But The Soldier at her command,

And The Poet by her side,

Soldier, Poet, King.

[scherbatskyelle-deactivated2022]

We don't talk enough about the fact that Maria canonically draws doodles on agent's files, remember that one scene in AOS when they were reading Grant's file:

Phil: under people skills she drew... uh... I think it's uh a little poop. with knives sticking out of it.

Grant: What?

Maria: ☝️😮 ... ☝️😐 (she just gave up on even trying to explain herself on the spot)

***

Bonus:

Maria: It was a porcupine. it was not a poop.

[benjinoff13]

[denofdreams-writerblr]

Has this been made before? 

[iloveyellowflowers]

My love for her was like the ocean,

Vast and overwhelming,

Calm and beautiful,

Rough and exciting.

My love for her was like the moon,

Familiar and safe,

Light and kind,

Dark and mysterious.

My love for her was like the sun,

Warm and protective,

Bright and blinding,

Harsh and burning.

My love for her was like the stars,

Infinite and intricate,

Unique and intruiging,

Sharp and exquisite.

My love for her was as old as the universe.

And will die with the universe.

[iloveyellowflowers]

i hate endings.

and no i don’t mean i hate to say goodbye.

i mean i hate soft, sappy endings.

when music is passionate and soulful throughout, and resolves with a quiet, happy chord.

when a show builds up to a big ending, and it turns out to be happily ever after.

i don’t want happily ever after.

it’s not real.

i want pain, i want suffering, i want them to cry and scream and shout.

and i hate, i hate, having to end things that way.

so i don’t.

when i play music i leave it unresolved, standing up and walking away, leaving the happy ending unplayed.

the stories i write may get their happy ending, but it never lasts.

there’s always the stray bullet, sudden explosion.

so no, i suppose i don’t hate endings.

but rather happy endings.

because who gets a happy ending really?

we never get happy endings.

if you think you’ve got one, then the story isn’t over yet.

[iloveyellowflowers]

‘if you are born into a burning house you are often led to believe that the whole world is on fire even though it’s not’

it’s a quote i hear a lot,

i hear it used in poetry, in therapy.

well my house was not- is not on fire.

it was not, is not, could never be on fire,

it’s looked after and maintained, what could ever be wrong?

my house was not on fire, but it was warm,

the kind of warm that makes your skin itch and crawl,

the kind that makes you feel like you can’t breathe,

the kind that there’s no point complaining about because it’s just a little heat.

the kind you can’t complain about because, there’s people who’s houses burned down from the heat,

so what right do i have?

what right do i have to feel too warm in my house with four walls and a roof,

my house that looks put together until you look too closely, or step inside,

see the paint peeling, feel the heat on your skin.

it may be warm, but it’s survivable.

so what right do i have to feel like it’s burning?

it’s not burning.

was not, is not, could never be burning.

it’s not burning.. is it?

but then why do i smell smoke all the time?

why do i see flames from the corner of my eyes, that disappears when you move?

why do i feel like i can’t breathe from the smoke creeping through my lungs?

but it cannot be burning, not really, and besides,

other houses have worse fires.

so how could i complain?

[iloveyellowflowers]

i wish i was one of those people,

who have a unique outlook on life.

i wish i was one of those people,

who has others hanging onto their every word,

who’s every word is poetic,

even their breaths are poetic.

but i’m not.

my outlook on life is depressing and plain,

to write takes effort and time,

my breaths are as stale and poluted as the rest of the world’s.

but maybe there’s beauty in that,

beauty in the way we find what we want and take it for ourselves,

the way we manipulate words, create them into this spider’s web of pain and joy and anger,

the way people get caught in this web, and if they get too stuck they may never get out,

doomed to live in this endless web of stories.

and maybe these are the people lost in daydreams,

that girl in the back of the class who’d rather be anywhere but here,

the boy lying in bed every night,

repeating words like magical spells in the hopes he wakes up in these stories,

these are the quiet people we never see, and the confident people you never suspect,

all seeking an escape, living through different lifetimes in books and dreams.

i’m caught in this web so deep i don’t want to leave anymore,

i just want to go deeper.

[illneverletgo]

The Conjuring 2 (2016) dir James Wan.