new years eve 2018 (2017 still)
i’ve got two minutes until midnight in california. new york has already shot off fireworks, had all their new year kisses and sips of champagne. i sit on my sister’s couch, here in Pacifica, watching amateur fireworks go off over the hills and next door. i meant to sit and write down my resolutions earlier but this is as a good a time as any seeing as we just rang in the new year in the Pacific Standard time zone. everyone but me is asleep, including the new baby.
i’m not sure who told me this or maybe it was my mother. but i’ve always believed, whatever you want for your next year, you must do on new year’s eve and/or new year’s day. so today, i woke up, did a super-intentional yoga while listening to a motivational speech by matthew mcconaughey that was so good i listened to it multiple times. i’ll have to remember to include a link. i got one of the best massages ever by Vearn at Ocean Yoga and spent the rest of the day at home with my sister, her new baby and our Italian in-laws. we planted her placenta with a meyer lemon tree in the front yard. i realized then, that they only kept the placenta because i asked them to. so i felt i needed to explain a little about why it was important to me, for us. much of how i feel about birth, western birth, and traditional births stems from my recent training as a doula. it’s the reason i’m here in california with my sister now. as soon as her water broke (2 weeks early!), i got on a flight and flew out that same day. that was december 6, 2017. julian hunter pavan was born december 8. it’s now finally january 1, 2018.
my outlook and understanding on birth has been given a new light. i watched my sister have a cesarean and saw the baby being delivered. there’s a lot i’ll need to write down later and dedicate an entire essay on my experience in order to provide some sanity. i thought seeing her baby being born would make me know for sure if i wanted one or not. this is not the case. i still don’t know, but do...but don’t.
so resolutions...there are many. to start, i am going sober. of course they say one day at a time but i’ll put it out there that i’m shooting for a year. i’ve never gone that long but i really want it this time. how much more can i achieve if i didn’t waste so much time on things like drinking. i already don’t watch tv or pay any attention to the news but i do spend too much time on social media. so that leads to my next resolutions: less social media. what exactly does that look like? i’m devising a plan as i type, but here it goes. no checking social media first thing when i wake up. give myself until i get to work or at least an hour if i’m off. i did that a couple times and liked how that felt, a lot. it gave me my control back. it got me to work on time. i just need to figure out what to do when i need to post for work and then i’m golden. i also want to do some time where i completely delete all apps from my phone for say, a month. big goals, i know. but it’s nothing in the grand scene of time. i can do it.
resolution #3: i’m going vegan. no meat, eggs or cheese. for. a. month. i won’t smoke either because sometimes when i quit drinking, i’ll replace it with smoking. so i’m just not gonna smoke or eat meat. man, i wish that was permanent. well, you never know. cheers to new beginnings and happy fuckin new year motherfuckers! make it the best yet!
