〈 i l u x i a 〉

(no longer a) 20-something ✦ globetrotter ✦ booknerd ✦ old fandom shipper ✿ Kia eats lots of sweets, reads lots of things, sleeps like a fat cat, and has been known to write fic once every now and then. She intends for this place to be where she embarrasses herself waxes poetic about life. This blog may include a fair bit of medical talk, speculative navel-gazing, and the occasional scream of rage. [ questions? ask away! ]

[iluxia]

(something like) an introduction

*creeps in, adjusts glasses* ... Since more and more people are finding me through the fics, I figured another introduction was overdue.

Hello, interwebs! You may call me Kia. In my 30s now (sob), still some variation of Asian, and still a sucker for sweet things. I used to post on FFN & lurk around on dear old LJ back in its heyday. I have a Twinness, I call her Tria (aventria): she is my partner-in-devilry, that lovely sibilant voice in my head, always & forever a hopeless enabler. Together we swim the lush oceans of many fandoms. I can get rabidly loyal to certain ships once the idea latches. I have a thing for geniuses, particularly when they’re cute and litte, especially when they’re chaotic. Writing is something I should really be doing more often; when I do, Tria hacks apart mutilates makes my manuscripts bleed. This has been our life for the past decade twenty years; we worldbuild together, I do 99% of the writing, and Tria acts as my editor.

When not online (gasp! blasphemy!) my time is occupied by doctorly adventures in medical school residency fellowship, wherein I am lost on the road of life at some indeterminable point between my specialization training and my research dreams. I have plenty of hilariously gruesome, disgusting, exciting, impossible, and outrageous hospital stories to tell, so if you get off on that sort of shit, I can fix you up.

I’m iluxia @ AO3, where you can find all of my fics. I also keep a (very long) list of fanfics I’ve read & liked over the years (be warned it’s a huge list), so if you need some reading recs, there you go. A few more things:

• Yes, if it’s posted on my account, then I am still writing it, albeit slowly.

• No, unfortunately I don’t have a fixed updating schedule, given how my work shifts, call schedule, postgrad schedule, and other responsibilities outside of that also exist. I don’t like keeping a fanfic updating schedule because that just stresses me out, therefore making me write less.

• At this time, I’m not taking writing commissions. I have enough on my plate, I think... 

If you found me through my fics, thank you for taking the time to stop by & I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Happy reading!

[raylangivins]

[badwolfbadwolf]

I think I am officially Fandom Old. I am so worn out from the arguments on who's the top or the bottom (who cares), what is allowed to be written (anything you want, bejeebus), what is Problematic (I know, just tag it), what other people Should Do (they Should live their lives free of judgment). There isn't a Right Way to do things. Tag your stuff appropriately, don't read stuff you don't want to read, and leave other people (me) alone.

[leeshajoy]

There is nothing quite like the freedom of having gone through all of the Discourse and come out the other side into the promised land of Not Giving A Fuck.

[randomslasher]

The three keys to the promised land are “Block, Unfollow, and Do Not Engage” 

[yingui]

我如何温暖你我的爱人？

[eirene]

Zojoji Temple, Shiba, 1925 Kawase Hasui

[iluxia]

what’s the grossest or most astounding case you’ve ever seen at work?

also any tips for time management? how do you balance your life with your career? (i’m esp curious about what it was like in med school and residency!!)

I have seen some truly gruesome and unbelievable stuff, but one that still haunts me in my dreams is that one patient with fungus growing in their eyesocket and eating their eyeball. Yeah, I know; real life Last of Us grossness. Now, if you wanted a funny story instead, we also had a patient who had a meet-cute in the downstairs lobby with another patient, and they hit it off so well they decided to bring the party to the girl's room. Yep, two patients having intercourse. The poor nurses had to break them up, it was most unfortunate.

Aha, time management! It is tricky and different for everybody, depending on how you like to work, but... probably my best advice is to be honest with yourself and work with your brain's natural propensities. If your brain cannot focus for 3hr stretches, build a break in there. If you need to move to think, get up and walk around every hour or get a walking pad. If you are a night owl and your best brain hours are from 1-4am (like me), maybe work a night shift job or ask to have offset hours that start earlier and end earlier. This way you aren't wasting time fighting against your own body's preferences.

Also, prioritization is key to mastering your time. You will never have enough for all that you want to do in life (because we are greedy, hungry souls) so you'll have to decide which tasks and projects deserve your most urgent attention and which don't.

I like the elephants vs rabbits method. Most people get overwhelmed by rabbit tasks (small, easy, sometimes nonsense tasks) that pile up quickly. The tendency is that you want to get all of those done first because there's so many. That's a mistake. You want to focus your fresh brain on the elephant task first - those are your items that require big brain energy, lots of juice, and more than an hour to complete - before handling all the little rabbits running around. Depending on what they are and how urgent, you may only be able to fit one or two elephant tasks in a day.

How this works for me: I usually start with a quick 30min survey of my day's tasks and check my work email (which I use like a to-do list), then I identify my elephant task(s) of the day. I get my coffee in while listening to handoff or catching up on email. Then in the next 1-2 hrs, I just focus on the elephant task, blocking out everything else as best as I can. Sometimes I get interrupted, but usually if I book my calendar wisely, I get good focus time. Then after about 2hrs, my brain usually needs a breather, so I'll get up, find a stairwell, hide in a corner, and read fic for 15-20mins. Then I go back once I feel recharged. The rest of the day may be spent addressing team concerns and doing smaller tasks but then I can relax knowing I've done my big task of the day.

Hope this makes sense and you can figure it out! I also highly recommend Oliver Burkeman's "Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals" which has some good advice grounded in some solid psychology and philosophy in it. Cheers!

[iluxia]

Hey, do you have any recommendations on books or other resources about Japanese culture? I remember you've added lovely details to Hidden Leaves so thought I might try my luck and ask. Also a huge fun of Revisions and loved and learned a lot from the discord server when it was open so thanks a lot!

Yes, I have a handful! Most of these are a blend of narrative nonfiction, history, and politics. There are not as many Japanese authors here, which sucks because I would like to read more from them, but it is difficult to find translated works of strong journalistic and/or academic rigor, and most Japanese authors studying their own culture are not as eager to explain themselves to the rest of the world. (Understandable.) This gives you a starting point though!

Roger Davies & Osamu Ikeno, "The Japanese Mind" - This one is a very good one that goes through foundational philosophical and psychological concepts that drive Japanese society and behavior, including the the twin concepts of giri (obligation) and haji (shame), the roles of women in society, the famous wabi-sabi and what that really means, seniority hirerarchies, and more. This one is a good introduction.

TR Reid, "Confucius Lives Next Door" - Reid was the Tokyo bureau chief of The Washington Post and lived in Japan for 5 years. This book was published in 2000 so it describes an older Japan, circa 1990s, during the worst of the financial crisis that halted their economic miracle; a lot has happened since then. But it still provides a relevant base for understanding contemporary Japan.

Roger Davies & Osamu Ikeno, "Japanese Culture" - This one follows after the first book I listed and delves into the religious and philosophical traditions of Japan. If you want to understand Shinto mythology, Zen Buddhism, their syncretic relationship, Confucianism, and all the rituals that surround how the Japanese approach their spiritual lives, this is your primer. I wish I had this book when I was first learning about Japan because it would have made my life so much easier! (Btw this book will help you catch some concepts at play in HITL.)

Helen Hardacre, "Shinto: A History" - More about this fascinating religion and how it informs almost every facet of Japanese life.

John Nelson, "A Year in the Life of a Shinto Shrine" - Similar to the above except talks more about rituals and why they are done, as well as what shinto shrines typically look like in real life. Very good info to know if you are planning to go to Japan and are shrine-hopping.

Ruth Benedict, "The Chrysanthemum and The Sword" - Benedict is an outstanding anthropologist and here tackles the contrats between US American and Japanese cultures. Although old, this book helps you understand how American ideas about Japan were shaped in the post-war era.

John Dower, "Embracing Defeat" - Perhaps the best historical accounting of the immediate post-WW2 era American occupation in Japan that I have read. This doorstop of a book won the Pulitzer for good reason and is considered a colossal work of scholarship in the field.

David Pilling, "Bending Adversity" - Pilling writes about the Japan we know today, which was greatly affected by the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake amongst other disasters. How has Japan managed to maintain a stable standard of living and social cohesion through a global financial crisis, a nuclear meltdown, terrorist attacks, and natural catastrophes?

Pico Iyer, "A Beginner's Guide to Japan" - Iyer has lived in Japan now for more than 30 years and therefore is quite qualified to make these observations and provocations about daily Japanese life. Things you ought to know before you go!

Hope that helps! Happy reading!

[iluxia]

Hiii!!! I love your writing sooo much. I am on like my fourth rereading of Hiding in the Leaves and loving it. I found there was a Discord link but it says it has expired. I was wondering if the discord is still active and if you could share a new link?

Hi! Unfortunately, we shut down the server due to inactivity in early 2023. Sorry about that.

[iluxia]

would it be silly to say i grew up reading your fanfics? i think it would be, i was in highschool reading your work and now im in my 3rd year of college !! you're someone i look up to very much :) i hope ill be as cool as you

funnily enough my degree is clincial lab science ToT cheers to being in medicine and loving literature

Totally not silly. I've been in fandom for more than half my life now and it's crazy how time passes, but I've met and inspired and been inspired by a lot of people in the intervening years. Happy to have you along, thanks for reading and stopping by. :)

[iluxia]

Uhm. I have a question.

It's a little embarrassing to admit, but I've been really inspired by one of your Naruto fics called Hidden in the Leaves and I was wondering what are your boundaries or preferences on that? For example would it be okay to take aspects your story and incorporate them into my own?

I ask this specifically because I really like the Genin team make ups and the dynamic Shikamaru has with Naruto and Sasuke. Not to mention even in canon Shikamaru is close to Naruto and all that but I'm getting off topic.

It's not like I want to take their personalities completely! That would be rude as hell and it wouldn't even fit my story but that's not the point. Uhm, it's just that the inspiration comes directly from you and I don't know what the fandom etiquette is for things like this so ah. I don't know?? Is it okay? Would you prefer it if I didnt?

I don't really write fanfic so I'm really new to all this.

If you’re taking ideas and concepts, that’s fine, as long as you give credit via a link in the blurb section to the work that inspired you. I have done the same for fics that have inspired mine. However, if you’re taking entire scenes, dialogues, character backgrounds, or plot progression, that would cross into plagiarism - especially if you don’t credit. 

Fanfic is all about rework and recreation so I’m all about inspiring others. If you feel strongly enough to write a spin-off, go right ahead. You’ve already done the first step of good etiquette, which is to ask. :) Thank you for reading! I’m glad you enjoyed HITL!

[fushiguro]

How it started vs How it's going Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2 OPs

[to00fu]

the coolest kids on the block

[iluxia]

have u ever published professionally? i recently read hiding in the leaves and the way you write is genuinely so captivating, id love to know if you have any original work published or online! u slay so hard :p

I’m published in academia, yes. I prefer to keep my professional life separate from fandom, though. More freedom that way! ... Maybe one day I’ll be published in fiction; one can hope!

[iluxia]

Kia ;----; I have come to you as a ghost from the past, though I do not know if you remember considering just how long it's been (over ten years, I think? I should check the date on your Christmas cards). I used to go by Tsuji! A very long time ago! I am so happy to see you still doing well, writing and buzzing and being your genial self. (You do not have to reply! I am just drive-by-ing like a stranger waving at you from the back of a motorcycle as you try to have lunch at a bistro with outdoor seating).

Anyway, best regards to you (and Tria!!) 💖💖✨✨✨

OMG TSUJI! Yes, I remember you!! I'd love to connect again - how have you been? Omg I'm hyped ☺️ Let me DM you!

[geee13]

blossom.

[iluxia]

Judging by your album on Pinterest, I guess you know Natsume Yuujincho, so my question is, do you know Harunekonya's one shot Worthy of a Name and its sequel The human mask? I think they are beautiful works UwU

It souuuunds familiar... let me check it out. Thank you! 🤗

[iluxia]

I just found you via a firend of mine, and holy shit you're an amazing writer. The amount of work you put into this stuff is incredible. I could never dedicate that kind of attention lol. Also, are you still updating Catalysis? I just finished chapter 13 and I am hooked! Its facisnating the way you write.

Thank you! 🥰 Yes, Catalysis is alive. I will say if I've abandoned it entirely. Appreciate your patience.