The grass was soft beneath my bare feet. I could see Father with his stallion, Heatholaf, as I came over the hill. He always goes to the stables when he needs to think. He says the horses calm him, that their simplicity unclouds his mind. The sun was warm on my shoulders and the tip of my nose. It made me squint. The plush grass turned to packed soil as I neared Father. I patted Heatholaf on the nose. He whinnied at me. I captured Father's hand between both of mine and tugged down until he lifted me up with his strong arms. He laughed that deep, hearty laugh that I love and set me back down, my legs tucked underneath me. My tutor, Aestrid, always scolded me for being too informal with Father; she thinks I ought to be more like my mother, more like a proper lady. "My dear Thea," Father said, his smile fading. I stood up and matched his gaze. He brushed my cheek with his fingertips and said, "you have grown to look quite like your mother did at thirteen. She and I were married by then, you know." Heatholaf, no longer attended by Father, trotted off to find nearby shade. "We were lucky enough to grow up together, to fall in love," he continued. "Lucky, yes. But if that were not the case it was still my duty to find a wife and her duty to find a husband." My throat felt dry. I tucked my long, unbound hair behind my ear and pushed at the dirt with my big toe. He studied my face, brows knit together.
"I know, Father. As it is my duty to find a husband whom I love the way mother loves you," I said. The sun was high and my mind wandered to the creek in the woods. I grinned up at Father, teasing, "Is that why you sent for me, father? Are you afraid for my prospects? Do I not have enough suitors? Will you-"
"Wealhtheow! You will hold your tongue," he snapped, the concern gone from his face. "You will not speak to me in this way. Keep your peace." Father rarely used my full name. I bit my cheek until it bled, stood up straight, and bowed my head. "Wealhtheow. You are of the Wulfings. You will behave as such. You will carry out your duty and no less. So must we all. I inherited the burden of rule from my foolish brother upon his death, and command of an army fighting a needless war—a war I intend to settle without more bloodshed. I did not wish for this, but it is my duty." My throat was burning and my mouth tasted salty. I did not move. "I have no quarrel with Halfdane, nor he with I, yet our clans fight for the sake of honor, to repay grievances in crimson too rich for the offense." He sighed deeply. "I did not call for you in concern of your eligibility. You will need no suitors. Halfdane's second son, Hrothgar, will soon be in need of a wife. The marriage would bind our clans for generations. He has offered me peace, Thea, and I am inclined to take it."
I looked down, keeping my welling tears from spilling over. I tried to protest but the words caught in my throat.
"Halfdane will send with his men his youngest, a daughter about your age, to accompany you on your journey to Denmark. They should arrive within the week. In the meantime, Aestrid will verse you in their Danish customs," he said, his shoulders tense and his posture pained.
"I should like to be alone now, Father. If it please m'lord."
"Yes. Of course. I will have Aestrid told your lessons need not begin until tomorrow."
"Thank you, m'lord. Excuse me."
I could hear father call for Heatholaf as I walked away, keeping my shoulders back and head high. The sound of galloping hooves fading away released me from my act. I stopped fighting my tears and let them flow freely to join the few others that had escaped my tightly pressed lids. I dropped to my knees and curled up on the ground. The grass and warm sunshine enveloped me in an embrace as I sobbed.
I must have cried myself to sleep. I woke as the last rays of the setting sun peered into my window. One of the serving men must have carried me back to my chambers. I lay silently in bed, not wanting to move just yet, replaying my conversation with father in my head. I wasn't sure why I had gotten so upset earlier. I always knew that my marriage may be arranged, this was not a new concept to me. It's not as if I was in love with another and could no longer have him; all the men I have found handsome were just warriors I have seen passing through. My father has received proposals for my hand but refused to accept or deny any of them until I was a woman grown, of child-bearing age. Perhaps I had hoped it would be a man I knew, not a foreigner. Though I suppose that I, not he, will be the foreigner in this new place. I am loathe to leave my home, my family, but the adventure of a new land intrigues me. I had heard tales of this Hrothgar, heard that he is skilled in battle and that many women sought his favor. He was a more than suitable match for me, and our marriage will bring peace to our land. The great Helm trusted Father, his nephew, to lead the members of the clan in the south, and now I too must trust his rule. Father led the Wulfings well. He was bold and loyal and willing to sacrifice anything, even the company of his beloved daughter, for his people. My people. I am to be both Lady of the Helmings and Lady of the Scyldings when I wed Hrothgar.
The thought of uniting our clans, of being the bringer of peace, swelled in me. I let this seed of hope push down my fears of failure for a few precious moments. I freed the hairs that were stuck to my cheek and fetched my comb. I brushed the knots and blades of grass from my tangled locks until it lay smooth on my back. Sitting near my window, I pulled my long hair to my right side and plaited it as I stared at the cloudless night sky, thinking of what it will be like to be the friðusibb folca.
I spent hours and hours with Aestrid every day. She is a very dull woman. I learned proper Danish greetings and pleasantries, the names of prominent clan members, and the words to songs of heroes and of kings and of Gorm the Old. A tedious process, really. Aestrid, who took great joy in my discomfort, wore a smug grin as she lectured me, thinking that she was finally able to mold me into the lady she always wanted me to be. Her grey hair never loosed from its tight bun and her deep-set eyes studied my every movement, recitation, and reaction. She fancies herself quite an impressive tutor, but I am smarter than she is. These politics are all an act. I needn't change my heart, only learn how to put on an excellent show.
So, I learned the dances. I learned the histories. I learned the posture and the propriety. Yet my mind wandered to the creek in the woods and the freedom its current carried; my heart imagined the feeling of wind on my face as I clutch the galloping mane of Heatholaf; and as my ears faintly heard the words leaping from Aestrid's mouth, my eyes studied the deep lines that surrounded it. My apparent conformation pleased Aestrid and she bragged to Father about my transformation.
On the sixth day, he interrupted my lessons. He entered looking more grand than usual and with shoulders dreadfully clenched.
"What of the girl, Aestrid?" Father asked.
"I have lead her to near propriety, a few more days and I will have fully turned her to the lady no one thought she would be. It is truly miraculous, the work I have done," Aestrid crowed, bowing deeply.
"Wealtheow, you will come with me now," Father stated, ignoring her conceited geniality.
"My lord, the girl is not quite prepared, I would hate for her to bring shame onto you and your house, if you simply give me-"
Father raised a hand to silence her. "Now, Wealtheow." He exited the room, leaving Aestrid slouched and discontent. I gathered my skirt and hurried after him, allowing myself just enough time to delight in Aestrid's sullen expression.
Father led me to a large guest chamber where seven ladies were waiting and a steaming bath was drawn. Father's eyes looked heavy and the corners of his mouth were tugged down toward his chin. He knelt on one knee to bring his eyes even with mine. It was strange to see such a large and powerful man looking so small. He held me by my shoulders and said,
"Thea, a ship has arrived, the one carrying Halfdane's men and daughter. Your destiny has moored itself in our port. They will rest here for a day or two and then you will depart with them. These moments now may be the last I spend alone with you, as I will need to negotiate with and entertain these men. You are my dearest child, sweet, wild Thea. You have brought me more joy than I thought a daughter ever could, and you will leave me a legacy I could never have dreamt. My duty to marry your mother was one I gladly embraced, my duty to lead our people was one I sorely accepted, and both have brought me challenges I did not expect, but nothing has brought me so much pain as this. You are what I am most proud of in this life, and my heart will weep for you each day that you are gone. Live well, Thea. Find happiness with Hrothgar, and bear children who will bring light to your world. Live long, Thea. Never give in, and fight for every blessed breath. Live fully, Thea. Do not let anyone suppress the spirit inside you that sings for freedom. Silence is not your friend. Make your song heard."
Father took my hands in his and pressed something metallic into my palm. He kissed my forehead, stood, and nodded to the handmaids. I barely managed to choke out the words, "I love you" before he had made it to the doorway and the women had descended on me, fussing over my looks. They stripped off my clothes, unknotted my hair, and scrubbed my skin raw in the hot bath. My insides felt cold. They dried and dressed and perfumed me. My fingers felt numb. They pinned back my hair and made up my face. My beauty felt empty. Happily, they chirped and pecked, hens preening for a rooster.
A young man knocked on the door. One of the birds let him in. "I bring word from Halfdane's men," he said, "the king has sent with them not only his daughter, but also his son, Hrothgar, as an act of good faith.
The fowl clucking began anew and the messenger boy took his leave. Eventually the flock followed suit and I sat alone, staring blankly at my reflection, unfocused. The stitches in the rich fabric of my dress felt harsh against my skin. My chest was tight with worry, questioning what my life would be like in that strange place with strange people and without choices. My stomach churned with the possibility of Hrothgar not loving me, of being trapped, of disappointing my father and my people. My skull reverberated with the tragic scream of doubt.
From somewhere behind me, I heard my door click as it opened. I didn’t bother to turn and greet the entrant nor did I care to discover their identity. "You are as beautiful as they say," the visitor spoke, "though, if you are as high-spirited as the rumors paint you, I doubt I am prone to enjoy your company." Her voice lilted like a songbird's, her words dancing just above my head. "Hrothgar, however, will be pleased." She placed a pale, delicate hand on my white-knuckled fist. I opened my hand and gold glittered in my palm. "Let me," the woman cooed, and placed the locket on my neck, clasping it in the back and smoothing it on my collar bone. The metal was warm against my flesh, static, resting above my racing heart.
I stood. "Signy, daughter of Halfdane," I said, "it is an honor to meet you. I am humbled that you would make such an extensive voyage to ensure my comfort. My father and my house thank you for your kindness and rejoice in the pending peace between our clans." I courtseyed and silently waited for her reply. She responded with mirrored shallow discourse, then continued, "Wealtheow, I know you are frightened. I would think you simple if you were not." She adjusted a strand of her white-blonde hair and pursed her lips. Her hand floated back to its place at her side, sleeves the color of ivory trailing after it. Her smooth skin was so fair, the borders between flesh and cloth blurred to indistinction. The muscles in her long, elegant neck rippled as she swallowed and opened her delicate lips to continue. "My brother Hrothgar is an honest and generous man, and if you win his heart, no other could match his loyalty. You seem well-suited for him. Simply be genuine and you are sure to captivate him."
Signy and I departed then for the great hall. The sound of music and drunken laughter echoed in our ears long before we could see the doors. My legs carried me more slowly than usual, and the locket on my chest felt heavy. I tugged at it with an unsteady hand. I had never looked more beautiful and I had never felt more alone.
My heels clicked against the stone floor of the hall as I approached the head table where my seat awaited me. I kept my eyes downcast, focused on landing each footstep, on keeping my shoulders back, on unclenching my jaw, on exhaling.
The excruciating length of the hall plied, I allowed myself to look up. I saw Hrothgar standing before me, more handsome than I imagined. His kind eyes lit up as he saw me, his future bride. I felt the color return to my blanched face. The ground was firm beneath my feet. I no longer feared. I knew then that he would bring me happiness, that I would bear him sons, and that one day he would make me Queen of Danes.
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