Summary: Regulus’ wedding brings up old feelings, especially since it’s not to you…
Pairing: Regulus x gender neutral! Reader
Warnings: none unless you count angst lol
A/N: it’s been a while!!!!! I missed this, just haven’t gotten around my laptop as of late, it sucks lol. I’m trying to get back into it I promise, this is mostly just an old edited draft, but I love it so much, and I hope you guys do too!!!!!!
As you slowly rose to your feet, your breath caught in your throat, watching the bride enter the room with all eyes trained on her.
She wasn’t an exceptionally pretty girl, but that was just in your bitter opinion. In reality, you knew she was quite stunning. It wasn’t that you were insecure about yourself, it was more the tired anger bubbling inside you, making you wish you could deny the beauty of the woman gliding past you, enchanting the hall with her smile.
The groom, well you couldn’t bring yourself to look in his general direction either. Your head bowed as though you were saying a prayer for the happy new couple, you nearly toppled over just sitting back down.
The minister stood at the front, ordaining the ceremony with a cheerful tone but your heart was racing so loudly in your throat that you barely registered a look. The people sitting next to you occasionally glanced with narrowed eyes, reminding you just how out of place you really were.
Of course you’d begged Sirius to come with you, be your arm to hold for the day but he would rather be hung upside-down by his robes than set foot back into the House of Black, so you had been forced to take on the burden alone.
you heard a chorusing of ‘I do’s’ over the loud beating of your pulse and turned your attention to the front of the room, trying your best not to seem more anxious than you really were.
Celestina Ellesmere was really a sight for sore eyes, despite your own best efforts to see otherwise. Her dress was perfect for the wedding, completely as extravagant, elegant, traditional and proper as the Black family themselves prided themselves as. Her thick, dark red hair was curled to perfection, just as you envisioned Walburga insisting on, as there was no way possible she was allowed to decide such things on her own. The only thing that seemed out of place was the smile on her face, too bright to belong in a house so darkened with rage.
Had it been any other day than this, perhaps you may have cracked some kind of Weasley related joke, just to watch Walburgas face contort as it did when she was angry, which was most definitely often. Of course that would have earned a grin from Regulus.
And Regulus. Oh Regulus, the reason you had showed. He looked like a far more grown up version of the boy who had let you stumble over his feet at the yule ball without a word, yet chuckled every time he had to catch you by the waist. He was a less innocent version of the quiet boy who gave you a book he had already read without so much as an explanation, and then waited patiently to hear your thoughts while he ran his fingers through your hair.
He looked like a right and proper Black himself, looking just as sullen as the rest. You frowned, watching as his gentle eyes looked cold, dark.
Smoothing your ensemble over with your hands, you reminded yourself you were there to support him, despite the pain it brought. He deserved a familiar face aside from family and you knew he never had many friends.
Truthfully, Celestina seemed like a terrible match for him. She was just as quiet, and even more compliant by the way Walburga seemed to be bossing her around when you had arrived earlier.
You remembered her being from Beauxbatons when the ball had rolled around and she was a nice enough girl. But her cheerfulness and social nature was far from that of Regulus. He kept to himself always.
“You may kiss the bride.” The minister said, drawing you back from your analysis of the poor girl. Everyone seemed to be clapping so you joined in, trying not to watch as their lips finally met.
The ceremony ended as they walked out the back of the foyer and others followed, making their way to the front yard.
“Do you know the bride or the groom darling?” A young french girl asks and you automatically know she’s a friend or relative of Celestina.
“Groom. Reg and I go all the way back to Hogwarts.” You explain dryly, trying not to draw out the topic too much.
“Yes they were very close.” Teases a woman behind you and you grit your teeth, recognizing the sound of Bella’s voice instantly.
She had taunted you and Reg for year after year of your relationship, making visits to Regulus’ family all the more wearing on your nerves.
The young girl nods kindly and walks away to your dismay, leaving you with Bellatrix.
“What are you doing here?” She demands.
“I am supporting a friend.” You hiss back defensively, trying to walk away from her.
“Reggie doesn’t need your support dirty blood!” She growls back and you scoff, pushing her further away from you.
“I am not here to discuss my bloody blood status so if that is all you want to talk about, bugger off. Actually either way, leave me alone.” You tell her, storming off towards the reception.
You stand around the corner for a while once you reach outside, trying to collect your thoughts. Everything seems so messy, so wrong. Its selfish to think Regulus should have been kissing you up there instead but you just know it’s true, despite however wrong it may be.
“Y/n, I told you, I don’t care if my mother doesn’t approve. She’ll get over it, but I will never get over you. You have my word.” He’d promised, kissing your knuckle with the silver band on it. Just moments prior, he slid that ring on your finger as a sort of promise, the kind you only make to your truest love.
“But Reg, you and your parents are so close. I know how much it means to you to impress them...” You argue, a worried frown on your face.
“They are not going to disown me over the person I bloody love. Besides, they need at least one golden child, and that certainly isn’t my dear older brother.” He joked, making you sigh at the implied competition.
Still, you had accepted the excuse with open arms, hugging him tightly with glee when he told you you would always be his person.
The music quietly starting across the yard lulled you slowly to a less tense state, taking deep breaths with your hand wrapped around your necklace chain instinctively.
Regulus still looked dashing as ever as the couple made their grand entrance as a married union, earning loud applause and whistles of encouragement from even the worst of the Black family. Andromeda was the loudest, yelling and whistling with a childlike glee you hadn’t seen in a long time.
Her eyes caught yours as Walburga went to scold her and she immediately b-lined to you, a storm of blue hair running towards you.
“Hello you!! You look absolutely lovely. I can’t believe you came!!!” She says, immediately embracing you in her arms.
“Hi Andromeda, it’s been a while.” You say with a light laugh, trying to keep your smile up for her sake.
“Blimey, I thought you would run for the hills with Severus before you would ever show your face here! Not that I’m not pleased to see you of course, I’m just surprised Reggie was allowed to even invite you. His mother is.... well bloody hell you know how she is, I don’t need to explain it.” She says, taking you swiftly by the arm, dragging you towards the refreshments.
“Perhaps Walburga had a change of heart? Either way, I’m not here to cause trouble. I’m here to congratulate my FRIEND Regulus. That’s it.” You say, more to assure yourself than her.
Andromeda fills a glass from the glittering crystal fountain and takes a quick sip.
“Well you look rather eye-catching doing so... a little too much for an exes wedding if you ask me.” She teases and you sigh.
“Is it so wrong for me to prefer to look my best in front of him? We haven’t spoken much since Graduation or since our... run in in Diagon Alley. I was shocked to even get an invitation, let alone a personal note with it.” You explain and her eyes widen at the new information you didn’t realize you’d given her.
It was true, you hadn’t seen him since about a year ago on a trip to Diagon Alley with your niece. You were taking her to get her first group of supplies for Hogwarts and there he was, looking closely into the window of a very recognizable storefront.
You held up a robe for Halle, raising a brow to ask if she liked it, to which she shook her head and stuck out her tongue in disgust.
“Halle you have to have plain robes for school. I know you don’t love them and they’re a little boring, but they’ll get better once you get sorted.” You promise her, giggling as she dramatically sighs, throwing her hands up in dismay.
“If you cooperate with the rest of the rules for school things, I will let you pick out the most amazing pet you can think of to join you there.” You offer, earning a large grin with an excited nod.
Just as you finish getting her items rung up with your brothers money in hand, you notice a shaggy head of raven hair loitering across the way. Your face grows a grin and you take Halle’s bag, taking her hand and leading her towards the familiar face with you.
“Aunt/uncle y/n, can I pleaseeee go look at the new brooms? There’s Annie’s family right there, she’s a friend! I’ll be good I promise!” She begs, pouting her lip at you. Annie’s mother looks up at the sound of her daughters name and gives you a smile, nodding in agreement to the idea.
“Yes I suppose. But behave please! When you’re done we’ll go get your wand, alright?” You promise, but she’s already with the group before you’re finished.
You turn back around, finding a familiar face staring back at you.
“So you’re a parent now?” Regulus says with a smile, making you practically swoon at the sight.
“No no, Halle is my brothers. I actually thought you had met but I suppose I was mistaken.” You reply, smiling back shyly.
“We have actually. I was only kidding.” He explains, smiling wider at your flustered nature.
“Right, right. How could I forget.” You giggle, a pained smile taking over as your face blushes. “So what brings you to Diagon? I mean last I checked you didn’t have any little ones of your own running around but it has been a while.” You joke, making him shake his head with a small but suddenly awkward chuckle.
“No um... I’m actually here to pick up... pick up a ring.” He explains, his adams apple bobbing as he swallows.
“Oh! I should have known, I mean you are standing outside the jewelry store.” You respond, trying to lighten the mood and hold back a frown.
He nods, his face having since lost the smile you loved. You bite your lip, a nervous habit adopted in times of need such as this one.
“Reg?” You say after a moment when he turns to go back towards the store.
“Hm?” He responds, his eyes once again meeting yours and filling you with an equal mix of dread and glee at his quick, almost excited reaction to the nickname.
“What’s her name?” You ask, swallowing thickly as the question escapes your lips.
He looks surprised at the question, turning his full attention back to you.
Regulus takes a deep breath before giving you an answer.
“Celestina Ellesmere.” He responds, without so much as a lick of joy or love in the answer. You nod with a sad smile, not bothering with a goodbye as you turn around to find your niece, letting a few tears fall down your face as you silently hope for him to stop you, which never comes.
“We ran into each other when I was bringing my niece to the shops, that’s all.” You explain, giving her warning eyes to tell her there’s nothing more. You felt bad for lying but knew it was best it stay your own little secret.
“And what about this special invitation? You have to explain that as well!” She demands.
“It wasn’t special, it was personal, that’s all.” You try to dismiss but she’s not having it and you know it.
“Fine! Come here.” You sigh, pulling her with you to a quiet and empty corner. She eagerly follows, wanting more.
“When I got the invite I was shocked enough. I went to throw it out, rip it up, whatever I was going to do with it.” You start, taking a glass of whatever drink from a nearby tray and downing it quickly.
“Well when I ever so harshly put it back in the envelope, I found a note from Reg himself that said ‘It was good running into you, I really wish things could be different for us. Perhaps in another life, things would work like we wanted. Hope to see you, R.A.B.’ It was odd and kind of scary. We hadn’t properly spoken since graduation, as I already mentioned. And now I am here.” You say in a low voice, trying to keep your cool. Andromeda fails to keep her own, gasping at full volume.
“You have got to tell him! I can tell you still love him too, he must know!” She insists, practically jumping up and down with excitement.
“No! Bloody hell, he’s married now Andromeda. It wouldn’t do anything but ruin his happy life.” You say with a sullen tone.
“But-” She starts and you shake your head.
“But nothing! I’m not going to ruin his life, his future for my own selfish needs. Despite my own feelings, professing my undying love to the man who just professed his own to another woman would do no good. I can’t do that to him or myself no matter how much I know that will hurt when I’m old and wondering all the what ifs, but I love him far too much to ever drag him through that hurt alongside me.” You cry, tears making their way down your face. Andromeda reaches over and pulls you into a tight, warm hug.
“I’m sorry, you love who now?” A voice says behind you, warranting a loud gasp from your formerly sobbing lips.
“No one! Your-your brother! That’s who.” You exclaim, trying to brush away the tears nonchalantly.
“Y/n, my brother is in love with his best friend, I highly doubt you and him have ever had much to do with each other romantically, now please explain what you meant by everything I have just heard you say.” Regulus demands, ushering Andromeda away and taking her spot, stood directly in front of you.
“I can’t do that Regulus.” You say sternly, going to leave the spot anxiously.
He grabs your arm gently, his warm hand resting in the crook of your arm.
“You’ve not called me by my full name since the year we met. I know why you’re calling me it now, but I just... I need to hear it for myself... Please Y/n.” He pleads, his eyes full of something you can’t fully determine.
“Regulus...” You sigh, trying to get a better distance between the two of you.
“Please.” He asks again, his gaze meeting yours.
“You shouldn’t make me do this to you on your magical day. It’s rather cruel. But if I must...” You reply, watching as he nods in agreement.
“You should have never put that note in my invitation. I should have never come to begin with. You are a married man now Regulus. We’re not the same idiot teenagers we were at Hogwarts when we promised our love to each other. We’re grown adults with other responsibilities and one of yours now belongs to your wife.” You scold and he rolls his eyes, earning a swift smack on the arm. He chuckles in shock as soon as the impact meets.
“This is not funny!” You cry. “I loved you then and I love you now and I never wanted to tell you that ever because you deserve to have a good full loving marriage and I shouldn’t be selfish and risk ruining that for you-” You ramble until he steps in closer, trying to kiss your lips.
“Regulus!” You shriek, pushing him back.
“She calls me Regulus.” He says plainly, as if it’s an excuse.
“What?” You ask back, eyebrows drawn in confusion.
“She calls me Regulus.” He repeats with a shrug. “No Reg, no Reggie, no nicknames or terms of endearment at all really. Just my name.” He continues.
“I don’t dislike her. I just don’t love her either. I feel indifferent towards her, and she’s my wife now.” He laughs in disbelief. “Every bloody man I know tells me how lucky I am to be with a woman as beautiful as she is, as kind as she is but when they do that all I can think about is YOUR eyes, YOUR lips, YOUR smile, YOUR hair between my fingers. People rave about her but the only person I can think of is you y/n/n.” He confesses and you stay silent, biting your lip just like you used to.
“Why in merlin’s name would you marry her then for gods sake?” You ask hoarsely, tears in your eyes once again.
“Why do you think?” He responds, running a hand over his face. “My mother wants pureblood, and she always gets as she wants.” He says simply, as though it’s just a fact of life for everyone.
“Why would you invite me then? Why make me watch your suffering while going through my own?” You question, feeling especially small in such a grand room.
“Because I couldn’t do this if you weren’t in the room when it happened.” Regulus admits and before you can inquire what he means by that, he grabs you by the face and kisses you again, only this time you give in for a few moments of bliss.
“Stop, stop... Reg please.” You hum, trying your best to keep your mind straight through the haze.
“I can’t, they’ll notice I’m missing soon darling.” He hums back, pressing his lips lightly on yours again. You push him back gently, looking him in the eye, both of you flushed.
“I’m not... I can’t let you do this...” You sigh, your lip pouting naturally.
“Let me do what exactly? Be with the woman I truly do love? Trust me y/n/n, I don’t need permission to do this. I’ll gladly do it without a second thought because you and I belong together and we both know it.” He declares, running his hands over your body slowly.
“Reg, it’s more complicated than that and you know it... there’s vows attached, and they aren’t between the two of us. I may love you, but I am not your woman on the side.” You laugh, grabbing his hands and placing them at his sides.
He takes a deep breath, weighing his words in his head.
“I didn’t choose this for myself love. I don’t choose anything for myself. The only thing I’ve ever truly had for me was you. I know this isn’t an ideal situation but... please give it a chance. Let me show you we can be more than just a behind the scenes thing, because I’m not sure I can go on if you don’t darling.” He pleads, his gaze practically melting you.
“Regulus please, please stop. I can’t listen to you without turning to warm butter when you call me your pet names, I can’t even think straight. This is wrong, we both know it.” You murmur, staring down at the floor to keep from seeing his moment of defeat.
“I can’t be with her you know. I can’t- I won’t be with her when you’re still out there and I know how you feel for me.” He promises, groaning in frustration.
Suddenly, a dreaded idea occurs to you. On any normal occasion, you would have never once, even for a split moment wanted such a thing, but looking at him in his suit, practically on his knees for you while another woman stood in the other room, waiting for his company, it was the best you could come up with.
“Then don’t. You don’t have to know.” You whisper, taking his face into your hands gently, letting a tearful smile take over your face. He looks puzzled, his mind nowhere near where yours was at now.
“We’re a thing of the past Regulus. Your family would never accept this, we both have always known. It should stay untainted, two young people in love for eternity. That’s all it could ever be. Your bride deserves better, as do you.” You continue, carefully drawing your wand from your pocket with shaking fingers.
His eyes leave yours and dart down to your hands, the realization hitting him all at once.
“Y/n/n, no. You can’t- you would never-“ he begs, his eyes once again filled with sadness.
“It’s for the both of us Regulus. In due time, perhaps the story of us will take a turn… but for now it has to be this way.” You say, your voice so soft you weren’t sure he’d hear a word you said.
He holds up his hands, trying to pull your wand from your grasp but you back away swiftly and take a deep breath before uttering the word “Obliviate” with tears falling down your face.
Regulus shuts his eyes as his memories are stolen from him and you take that split second to slip out and disappear into the crowd, wiping the salty tears from your cheeks and sniffling as you hide in the back, watching as they call for the first dance.
There, you see his face reappear, joined by that of Celestina as they join hands, gliding around the floor in the way you were sure his mother had insisted they learned. He spins her around and you feel the ghost of his hand in yours again, shutting your eyes to savour the feeling.
As their dance comes to a close, you watch the small smatter of applause and make your way towards the door, not looking back. Though if you had, you’d have seen his once again cold, indifferent gaze change to a glimmer of recognition as his eyes caught your figure exiting the festivities, going alone into the starry night.
