A/N idk with this one, i just could't stop myself.
Warnings: Drugs, memory loss
Life hasn't been easy. We both got dealt shitty hands, abusive childhoods, absent parents, people only ever caring when the fame and money followed. But that wasn’t for years. We were both broke kids trying to figure it out, only having each other as a comfort blanket. It's so shitty to think about, we were both just kids, two kids who were never given a real chance. That's where it started. At Least that's my theory. What do you expect, kids learn from the adults that raise them, and when the adults are shitty there is no question that the kid will more than likely also turn out to be shitty. Deep down, somewhere in my soul, I knew I had good in me, but what's the point of being good and decent and nice when the world and everyone in it had only thrown it all back in your face?
I don't really remember the first time I met Frank. I remember we were kids, well teenagers, we ran in similar crowds, and he always had this smile, this cheeky smile which you just couldn’t say no to. And those eyes. Those emerald green eyes, the way the sunset shone in them when we were lying on top of a building, no cares, no one to answer to, just ourselves. Maybe the silence in knowing that we were both doomed was what comforted me. Maybe it was the fact he was tall and handsome, or maybe because he could do things to me that made my knees weak and screams echo through the city.
When he suggested, well when he told me he was moving to LA there was no doubt I would follow him. There was nothing holding me down, so why not follow a boy to LA and see how it goes. I think that's when everything truly clicked for the first time. Being homeless, couch surfing, working dodgy jobs just to buy liquor and cigarettes was how we got by. That sunset, nothing really beat the LA sunset, the warm hues and bright rays that glistened in his eyes, illuminating his face reassured me that this was all worth it.
But LA changed us. Like it does everyone else who gets sucked into the black pit which is the city. As we grew we were able to scrape together some pennies for an apartment. That's when the bug changed. My Frankie was now the sexy Nikki Sixx and I gained the nickname of Florida, or Flo. why? Well I was still as carefree as when I had arrived here. I didn't care where, when or what we did, and everyone we met said I was like a ray of sunshine, meaning I was like Florida. I was also majorly sedated most of the time which only added to the birth of the nickname. Nikki said he always saw Florida as the much more chiller younger cousin to LA, he always wanted to go to Florida, maybe it was the child in him that missed out on such a core memory that so many other kids got to have. So I became his Florida.
We had our own funny little rituals to get by. I would pray for snow and Nikki would produce the white powder that sent shivers down my spine but always brought me a great warmth. Our house was an apartment but our home was on the borderline. We would work these stupid jobs, meet our dealer, then climb on the roof. Heads frazzled in white powder but the same comforting silence that we had as tennagers still there, reassuring us that this was right.
Sometimes Nikki would hold me so close I could swear that I could hear his thoughts. His hand was always squeezing mine, comforting me, knowing we were at the same place. But bliss cant last forever.
I was happy that Nikki was finally in a band that made sense. Tommy was such a goofball and always knew the right thing to say, Mick was quiet, but we had a silent understanding, we looked after each other and then there was Vince, he was gorgeous, and always knew how to make my heart flutter and my cheeks red. They would practise and write songs as I would cut the lines. I never got involved with their business and they left me to mine. It was good. So fucking good. Until it wasn’t.
The more popular the boys got the more money i got a hold of and the more lines, spliffs, pills, tabs and alcohol i consumed. I became the girl always at the show, dancing along on the side, supporting her boys. The music used to create colours, streams of vibrant vibrations would cloud my vision as I swayed and moved to the beat. I couldn’t care about the other girls. Why would i? He always came back to me, no matter what. I was the one in the pictures who he had his arm around, i was the one he brought to the parties, i was the only who kept his supply safe.
It never stopped. I was the new guy everyone went to. You wanted something, you went and talked to Flo to get it. It was like my own dirty little secret that few people were in on. It was never my intent but it was easy. I kept the gear, he kept me satisfied. What I once thought was love I think was deeper. Nikki and I were the same person, and people knew that, you can't find Nikki? He's with Flo. Need some gear? Florida will be in Nikkis' room. A package deal, two of a kind, dare I say soulmates.
All good things must come to an end. That's what our first dealer had said to us. How did he know that all the way back then? I don't know, I don't care to know. He always did warn us though. He always said how I was stupid for following a boy because I was in love. Love was only an emotion, so why did I care so much about a silly little feeling? Maybe because, as fucked up as whatever this thing we had was, it was the only form of love either of us had ever felt.
I was a good girl. The perfect girlfriend, anything he could ever want, but i wasn't enough, i would never be enough. Florida was pretty, Florida was fun, but Florida wasn’t without its demons, it's blotches on its happy go lucky outlook on life, I truly was becoming the worst parts of it all. I took a second to think. When was the last time someone had called me by my real name? What even was my real name? ‘Hold out your hand’ someone said, easily distracting me from my thoughts. Who was that? I was alone, wasn't i? Maybe not. I felt a light pressure on the back of my head, forcing it down. So that my nose met the white powder that had been lazily sprawled across the side of my hand. I took in the sensation of the powder I had felt so many times before. Don't forget to smile Florida, this is as good as it gets.
