i hate how desperate I am for love. I hate how I act when I have a crush. i hate that I know this. I hate that I don’t.

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@immortalinstruments
i hate how desperate I am for love. I hate how I act when I have a crush. i hate that I know this. I hate that I don’t.
you’re in her dms, she’s reading to me until i fall asleep; we are not the same @baby-bi-bi-bisexual
ilysm @immortalinstruments
five years from now you’re going to be at peace. and if you’re not, that’s ok. I’ll help you.
you’re in her dms, I’m adding my work schedule to our shared calendar. we are not the same.
HC that Neil wants to cuddle with Andrew while he's reading
So he tries to like sit against his legs but gets bored and just stares at Andrew
And Andrew looks over the pages of his book at Neil and rolls his eyes. But he can't concentrate on his book with Neil staring at him ✨like that✨. So he tells Neil if he wants to cuddle while he's reading Neil needs to read a book too.
But Neil. He has never read a novel in his life. He never had time for books that weren't directly related to his schooling. And he just doesn't even know where to start.
He tries to pick through Andrew's collection of high fantasy novels but he can't get past page 3 in any of them without getting antsy because there is too much world building and the boy is bored.
And Andrew makes it his secret mission to covert Neil into a reader somehow. And the next time Neil finds Andrew reading there is an extra book sitting on the beanbag next to him for Neil.
It's a murder mystery and Neil gets a little further than he did with the fantasy books but only lasts like 10 minutes.
Andrew doesn't say anything to Neil about this but boy is determined to find a book Neil can sit still through.
He secretly recruits Renee to help him and she picks our a space opera. It's sitting on the bean bag the next day.
At this point Neil knows something is up but he's happy to keep trying for Andrew. The space opera is a no-go and after like 10 pages he just passes it back to Andrew, silently shaking his head.
When Andrew relays this info to Renee, they're trying to brainstorm a new genre when Allison walks in.
She gets a romance novel out and when Neil sees it he's very suspicious because he can't imagine Andrew picking this out? But ok.
He gets pretty far into the romance, actually, because it's really fast paced and he keeps picturing Andrew as the broody hero. But actually what stops him is there is so much sex? With people that don't even know each other? Like, where is the trust? Why are these people attracted to people they don't even share car keys with? Demisexual Neil cannot relate.
The rest of the Foxes end up getting involved and all give Andrew books to leave for Neil.
Kevin gives him a historical nonfiction that he literally doesn't make it past the synopsis of.
Dan and Matt think he might fair better with superhero comics but Neil thinks they're too unrealistic.
Nicky tries to give him picture books and like... Neil can get through one fine? But it only takes like 5 minutes so this doesn't really solve the problem?
And it's Aaron, who doesn't want to be involved for the longest time, that finally finds something Neil will read. It is an outdated medical text that talks about treatments for different illnesses.
And all of the other Foxes are like,,,, wtf? This, this is the one? How does this hold his attention.
So they start flipping through it when Neil isn't around to try and figure out why this, of all things, is the one book that will keep Neil still for more than 10 minutes at a time.
And that's when they realize that Aaron had crossed out all the outdated information on all the pages and wrote in really sarcastic comments about what would really happen if a patient was treated this way.
want to be clear that if i ever talk about a headcanon and then later discuss a headcanon that is directly contradictory to the first one, that’s because headcanons exist in a quantum state where they are all simultaneously true and not true up until the point where i discuss it in detail, in which case that is the one that is true in that instance. schroedinger’s headcanons
I designed this sticker of Andrew for one of my friends. 😂
the image of the foxes lined up in order of their numbers but shoulder to shoulder so their heights are clearly on full display is always going to send me because like,
let's start at the top:
there's Dan who is a significant amount shorter (7-9 inches) than Kevin, who has over a foot on Andrew, resident shortie #1
and then we have our token giant who, at an impressive 6'4 stands in between the two shortest people on the team (istg coach was fucking with them from day one).
and then that's at least a 12-14 inches jump up from Aaron to Seth and a half foot down to Allison and a somewhat more subtle jump up to Nicky
and then it once again drops to Renee and stays relatively constant with Neil.
like-
aftg hc of the day (oh how i missed typing that): it's a big joke between the monsters that neil drives like a grandma. he just drives like a normal person, but compared to nicky and andrew it doesn't seem that way. after basically being a get away driver for so long, he enjoys the simplicity of driving the others around. until one night neil is driving them to columbia, taking some weird ass backroads with lots of scenery because they had a hard game and he knows it helps andrew relax. they're all a bit pensive and tension is high because it was the first loss of the season. they're just ready to get drinks and forget about it, but neil is driving like a fucking grandma. which aaron is quick to point out when kevin starts getting restless and sticks his elbows into him and nicky. neil ignores him until the fifth complaint where he huffs and looks over at andrew. andrew just shrugs and finally neil starts going faster. but he doesn't stop. he doesn't stop until he's pushing 100 and cutting corners and hitting bumps so fast they fly out of their seats. aaron is regretting ever life decision he's made, mentally writing his will. kevin is cussing neil out, only pausing in attempts not to throw up. nicky is holding onto every handle and grip he can find, also on the brink of vomiting. andrew is calm as ever other than his hand gripping onto the door for dear life. and neil. neil is fucking smiling like an absolute maniac. not his father's smile, his smile. he's having fun. because fucking with aaron is always fun. but instead of worrying about getting a tire shot, all he has to avoid is kevin throwing up on the center console. neil gets there twenty minutes before normal (despite that the route would've added up to an extra 45 minutes), and very casually hops out of his seat to watch aaron over the door as he stumbles out onto the sidewalk. he asks aaron if he still drives like a grandma and doesn't get a response, but none of them ever criticize his driving again
i have a few!! i’m looking for fics where andrew and neil are like best friends or roommates or something, there’s one where andrew like throws a knife and neil catches it. i’m looking for another one where neil was dead but like comes back to life and finds andrew. anything that’s like longish and has a happy ending. thank you so much!!!
Hi, Anon. I hope these are the fics that you were looking for, and that you also enjoy the previous recs that fit your more general questions. Lots of great stuff here — a fandom feast! - A
best friends/roommates/neighbors
andreil roommates with pining here
BFFs Andreil with pining here
‘No Place Like Home’ and ‘Neil's Guide to Stalking Your Neighbor’ here
‘We might be hollow (but we’re brave)’ here
‘stab me yourself u coward’ here
‘under the kitchen lights (you still look like dynamite)’ here
‘definitely something’ here
‘Feels Like Wasted Youth’ here
Neil catches Andrew’s knife
12 Ways to Woo a Minyard by NikNak22 [Rated M, 69292 Words, Complete 2021]
Neil is a math nerd who, by a stroke of dumb luck, falls into a group of friends that are the closest thing to family he’s ever had. So, when he tells them about his new mysterious crush, he shouldn’t be surprised how immediately they come up with a plan to help win them over. One they insist that if Neil follows it, he’ll have them falling for him in no time. But things don’t always go to plan – or do they?
Nicky wants to set him up with someone else. Matt and Jeremy are confused but supportive. Allison and Seth offer lewd suggestions, while Dan does her best to keep everyone in line. Jean and Renee know something, Aaron doesn’t really care, and Kevin just wants Neil to join the lacrosse team.
But one thing’s for certain – whether Neil’s successful or not, everyone’s got money riding on this.
tw: sexual innuendo, tw: panic attacks, tw: bullying, tw: negative self-talk, tw: negative body image, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: homophobic slur, tw: violence, tw: blood, tw: depression
Deadly Affections by NikNak22 [Rated T, 12287 Words, Complete, 2020]
Neil Josten is not soft- has never been in fact. But when an unintended comment from one of the Foxes throws Neil for a loop, he finds himself reminding them why no one should think of him in that way. But why is Andrew suddenly so distant? And what happens when all of these reminders of his past start to catch up with him?
Aka: all the times Neil proved he was a badass, and Andrew reminds him he's an idiot.
tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/non con, tw: gun violence, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: alcohol, tw: blood, tw: car accident, tw: dissociation
more Neil, master of the blade:
Neil shows off his knife skills here and here
‘Trust Fall (And Welcoming Arms)’ here
‘arrivals/departures’ here
‘TFC minifics...Ch 23 here
‘Leave the Past in the Past’ here
‘Out of the Ashes’ series here
‘Take This Heart (Put Yourself In It)’ here
‘Remind me I’m not home’ here
‘Lifeline’ here
‘Neil Josten’s Vendetta,’ ‘You Don't Even Know Me (It's Only A Feeling),’ and ‘The Nameless Monster’ here
‘Innominate’ here
‘Sunrise, Nathaniel, and Death’ here
‘Black as is the Raven, He’ll Get a Partner’ here
‘Redemption’ here
‘Amor Vincit Omnia’ here (now complete)
dead Neil comes back to life
A Phantom and a Fly by 5a5b5p5 [Rated M, 22063 Words, Complete, 2020]
On the day of Neil’s funeral, Andrew drives north until he can’t keep his eyes open, ignoring the desperate tug in his chest pulling him back. He needs to disappear. Needs to be somewhere nothing can ever hurt him like this again.
Four weeks after his own funeral, Neil Josten wakes up in Baltimore.
or: how Neil came back from the dead and traveled thousands of miles to find his way back to Andrew, and what Andrew did in between.
tw: scars, tw: temporary major character death, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: panic attack
longish fics with happy endings
NB: Most all of these have happy endings; some have angst along the way
‘progress comes in small steps’ series here; part 8, part 9 (now complete)
single parent aus here
andreil longish romcom here
long cute fake dating here
long underrated faves here
long fics with recovery process here
long soft fics here
fluffiest long post canon college fics here
post canon long domestic andreil here
long Katelyn/Aaaron here
long renison here
long kandreil here
long jerejean here and more long jerejean here
long jeremy-centric here
long fae/magic aus here
long no exy aus here
staff fave longer fics one and two
staff faves 30-40k here
staff faves 40-50k here
I'm really obsessed with Neil's fetish and I'm happy that I had the opportunity to draw something with it. It was supposed to be a simple sketch again, but I didn't have the strength to stop 🤧
AFTG is a slow burn BUT not the first time you read it only the next ones. The first time you read it it’s simply a sport fiction with found family and then BANG ‘doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you’ and you are as surprised as Neil is
Monster headcanons part I Have Problems
- Andrew hates horror games because he hates being scared by cheap jump scares, but he’s also determined to get through each one available to him. Neil thinks this is funny, and, whenever Andrew stops paying attention to the game to do something (like, scroll through his social media feed real quick) and Neil gets bored, he’ll gasp to freak Andrew out and make him pay attention again. Sometimes it works a little too well and the amount of snacks that have been thrown at him is astounding
- Aaron never takes bracelets off. He got one of the pass things because they went to the fair? It’s still on his wrist. The band he got for a fundraiser? You guessed it, still there. A friendship bracelet from the second grade? Still there. Lurking
- Andriel and shotgunning. ANDRIEL AND SHOTGUNNING-
- Andrew loves back scratches. Sometimes, on the nights when Andrew wakes from a nightmare and needs to feel Neil’s scars, needs to feel it’s Neil, Neil will drag his nails across Andrew’s shoulders, moving in such a way that Andrew can feel the scars on his arm
- Andrew gets his nails professionally done. Sometimes him and Allison run into each other, Starbucks in hand, and just exchange a single nod
- Neil is a menace. Give him a single marker (and permission) and suddenly you’ve been stuck inside a kindergarten classroom for a week. No exposed skin is safe. He’s not even really that good at it, but he’s good in a bad way (he makes a bunch of weird wood dragons out of some scribbles, once, on Andrew’s calf, and it looks like something from a mid-evil journal)
- Neil will just.. eat bread.. plain bread.. like, slices at a time..
- Aaron is the old man that turns the tv up to seventy to watch a news report
- One year Nicky convinces the monsters to dress like they’re from the purge for Halloween (I don’t care if the timeline doesn’t add up, you couldn’t pry this from my cold, dead hands)
- The upperclassmen (aside from Renee) once bet that Andrew couldn’t get Neil to laugh and literally all he did was go over, stand in front of him for a minute, and then stuck his tongue out. (Neil didn’t really do the burst-out-laughing thing, so the snicker he gave counted)
- Andrew’s sense of humor consists of those really distorted random memes and poorly taken photos of cats
- Whenever they go pro and Andreil is apart, Andrew sometimes sleeps with a body pillow (it doesn’t move and it’s not warm, so A+ on the non-threatening part, but also an F for not being Neil)
- Andrew’s favorite color is red (yes this is based on the single instance where it’s expressed that he has a red sticker on his charger)
- Renee is Neptunic. No I will not elaborate thank you and goodbye
- Andrew doesn’t really refer to people by name (usually because Neil has already said who they are talking about) but when he does have to mention a specific person he uses some obscure nickname (Neil knows he’s just doing it to be annoying, since it’s not like he can forget their names.) He once calls Matt “the truck bi”
- Nicky’s the type of person to watch scary stuff really late and only realize how late it is and that he has to sleep now after he’s finished the entire thing
- One time Allison tries to start a bet with Kevin by saying that he couldn’t go a week without exy and he flat out tells her she’s right
- Kevin and Aaron like dogs, Nicky likes both, and Andriel, of course, prefer cats
- When they get the apartment, neither Andrew or Neil wear their armbands while inside (unless they need to because they’re not doing well)
the foxes at the olympics part 2 (part 1)
in his last olympics before retirement, kevin is offered the role of flag bearer during the opening ceremony
he had a second wrist injury a few years prior and doesn’t want to risk irritating it, so he recommends both neil and andrew, assuming one of them will reject it outright
(kevin, andrew, and neil are now commonly referred to as “the big three” of the US)
neil says no right away because he just frankly isn’t interested, but surprisingly andrew feels impartial
he casually mentions it to renee and betsy over the phone, both of whom flip out, and then he talks about it with some of his younger/rookie exy teammates (all of whom he has a somewhat Wymack-esque relationship with, even if he acts like he can’t stand them)
eventually andrew decides you know what. our first match isn’t for two days after, i haven’t skipped arm day in decades, and it’ll make the walking in a circle slightly more interesting. why not.
the other american athletes wholeheartedly support this decision, and it’s officially announced andrew will be the flag bearer in his last olympics
during the opening ceremony, the other foxes and their families get to cry and yell in the stands as they watch andrew minyard of all people lead team USA into the stadium
he holds the flag steadily, with kevin and neil on either side of him, and almost smiles when he catches sight of their friends
one of aaron and katelyn’s twin girls, filming on instagram live: “look at uncle andrew go!!!!” *pans over to aaron* “and what have you accomplished, dad?”
aaron, a literal doctor: “i should’ve left you at home”
kevin has a super sweet moment doing press where he’s surprised by a group of kayleigh’s good friends (who were some of the first exy players EVER)
he’s spent a lot of time in ireland after graduating from psu and it’s absolutely delightful to observe how he naturally picks up the accent when surrounded by it
afterward he takes them all out to dinner and gets a bunch of really sweet pictures
“god, you really are the striking image of her” “i am?” “well in your face of course, but when you’re playing sometimes i think i’m watching her”
kevin might’ve cried a little when he got back to the hotel
in between training and matches, neil and andrew go on short little excursions around the city exploring and occasionally running into fans
they get recognized fairly often by passerby in general because their faces are plastered all over posters and stuff, but both of them are genuinely so unbothered by the attention at this point in their careers
at one point they stop at a little cafe for some coffee and there is most definitely a photographer hiding in the bushes
“andrew there’s a camera guy” “what’s he gonna do? catch me eating cake in the middle of the olympics?”
all fun aside, there’s a lot of pressure on them this time around after a disappointing performance at the world cup the year before (the team made some mistakes and got bronze)
kevin, neil, and andrew all deal with that kind of stress in different ways
for neil it’s carefully training more, and building up specific routines that help him feel both mentally and physically present on the court
for kevin it’s similar, but he tends to subtly seek out the company of other people because if he’s left alone for too long then he’ll start overthinking
for andrew he does whatever he usually does, and makes time for himself so he can clear his head and just breathe for a second
one thing they never have to worry about is a lack of support, because foxes and fans aside, their US teammates always have their back
they aren’t called the big three for no reason, all of them have had incredible careers and are irreplaceable pillars of the national team
their first few games are a little wobbly, but they scrape by and their confidence grows, which results in the news outlets claiming this is some of the US’ best playing ever
the match over the gold medal eventually comes down to a penalty shoot out so naturally kevin and neil, the captain and vice-captain, volunteer to take it
this one little moment goes viral of kevin standing off to the side, adjusting his helmet, stretching his arms a little, mentally prepping himself, looking very serious
while neil, standing right next to him, has one hand on his hip and the other twirling his racket around: “this is fine.”
andrew prepares to block the other team’s penalties by giving a very calm thumbs-up to his team and coach and nothing else
he mercilessly shuts down the goal and allows in only 2, and when it comes down to neil and kevin’s turn, he does this little hand flapping motion that’s basically “i did my job, now don’t fuck up”
neil ends up scoring the winning point, and as the whole stadium and team erupts, he points his racket at the foxes
wymack unashamedly weeps
their victory is celebrated as an inspiring comeback, and a fitting end to the careers of the big three
neil, kevin, and andrew officially announce their retirement at a press conference the day after
the rumors have been going around for so long it was basically already confirmed, but they stayed quiet because they didn’t want to go into the olympics with the media narrative being “do or die”
the other US players aren’t surprised, but they’re still emotional and a bit nervous because what are they supposed to do without them??
kevin has this moment where he says, in his obnoxiously matter of fact way: “i have no worries about the future, as long as you guys are in it”
and then the rest of the team tackle hugs him to the ground
andrew: “gross”
at the closing ceremony, the three of them walk side by side, taking pictures and just having a good time in general
a photographer gets this emotional photo of the three of them from the back, walking with their arms around each other and their medals around their necks
when they get to the end of the stadium, neil motions for them to step aside to let other people pass
“i just want to see it all. one last time”
on the flight home, kevin passes right out from sheer exhaustion, and neil starts nodding off pretty quickly
he isn’t sure if he’s imagining it or not, but he’s fairly certain he hears andrew say something along the lines of “i’m glad i got to do this with you”
he falls asleep with a smile
the foxes at the olympics headcanons because this is how i cope (also i know nora has a whole blurb about this but i kinda just went with what i thought of in my head, pls don’t attack me)
the olympics the year they qualify are in paris
neil passed through there several times with his mom, so it’s a weird experience, but andrew is there to silently remind him he doesn’t have to run anymore and he has every right to be here
kevin becomes a whole other level of intense so they have that to distract/annoy them
neil wants to go look at the food market in the olympic village but kevin insists they must practice on their own time
“kevin there’s no fucking room china’s in there right now”
andrew gives him a look and kevin shuts up, so they force him to break from his ridiculously structured diet and sample some international food for a night
neil really really likes the korean dumplings but he doesn’t want to ask for more so andrew just…shovels the rest onto a plate and slaps it down in front of him
kevin is too silent eating his crepe so they assume he likes it more than he can admit
i think it’s pretty widely agreed in fanon that the three of them wear their orange bandanas under their US court helmets
andrew becomes a legend when he scores a point by striking the ball back with all of his might and it lands in the upper right hand corner of the opposite goal
neil has a really aggressive mark at some point so he pulls out all the stops in the last minute to fake him out with raven footwork and speed, score, and then watch him stumble embarrassingly onto the ground
neil takes his helmet off, tucks it under one arm, and looms over him with his “try me bitch” face
it becomes a meme instantly
when kevin meets other athletes or does press he’s all polite manners and charming smiles, and these top-notch athletes are kinda enamored with him
they have heard so much about the legendary trio from a large state school in south carolina
then they see them in practice and neil bounces a ball really hard off kevin’s helmet because he’s being snobby about a drill and then kevin grabs his racket and holds it up way over his head while andrew watches in secret amusement
other olympians have heard a lot about the whole moriyama scandal and the foxes and they’re really curious about it
italy’s goalie remarks that neil’s “self-preservation skills must be-”
“nonexistent?” andrew doesn’t even look up from his food
the US court makes it to the final round for gold and kevin pulls his “i’m Kevin Day card” to get VIP family seats for all the other foxes and the three adults who kept them alive
andrew makes an insane save and while the crowds are going crazy, he sees aaron jumping up and down and screaming “that’s my brother!!”
(over the years they manage to get along and care about each other in a normal-ish way, although they’ll never be what they could’ve been had their parents been good people and they stuck together)
andrew’s so caught off guard he doesn’t even realize his teammates are swarming him until neil asks him if he’s okay and he nods silently
the focus and drive he brings to the rest of the game is beyond anything he has ever mustered up
of course they win, with kevin scoring the last point
while his teammates rush to him he removes his helmet and points his racket up at the sky for kayleigh
then kevin sprints to the stands where his friends and family are and neil jumps onto his back like a little kid
andrew stands beside them calmly but there’s the slightest smile on his face
the camera zooms in because kevin starts fumbling with his glove? on his left hand? and all the foxes are starting to freak because he might’ve injured himself-
he tugs out a small rectangle and the camera zooms in even more to show it on the big screen and if the crowds weren’t losing it already they lose it even more
it’s a photo of them crowding all around neil right after andrew smashed riko’s forearm (he’s out of frame)
you can see neil’s bent head and dan holding his face and everyone else shielding them protectively, but what no one else remembers is how kevin put himself between them and riko, his back to his former abuser like a barrier, his racket on the ground forgotten and his arms around nicky and aaron
despite the violence that ensued just seconds before, the captured moment is so sacred and loving and safe
and kevin, who is smiling the widest anyone has ever seen him in public, points at it and mouths “for us”
nicky sobs because “i knew he has feelings!!!” while erik rubs his back
neil peels off his gear to fish his own copy out of his armband and looks down at andrew expectantly
andrew’s face is flat but he pulls his out of his armband and holds it up between his fingers like it’s a cigarette
the pictures were neil’s idea (which is the only reason why andrew agreed)
a photo of the three of them holding up their snapshots makes the front page of the newspaper the next morning
eventually neil jumps down from kevin’s back and runs up to the stands, where matt and wymack haul him up so they can all hug him
neil looks at wymack to thank him but he cuts off and blurts “are you CRYING?!”
wymack’s been holding it together up until that moment but a few tears finally escape
“shut up josten you need a shower”
wymack eventually splits off and kevin pulls himself up, the cameras capture the moment wymack leans in, but his hand is cupped over kevin’s ear so they can’t read his lips
in an interview afterward reporters are talking to him about it and they’re telling him how he’s the greatest exy player ever to live and all kevin says is
“i couldn’t have done it without my dad”
Team USA hosts an after party at a fancy outdoor restaurant with a massive garden and fairy lights
kevin, of course, gets absolutely sloshed and walks around shaking people’s hands while holding an expensive ass bottle of irish whiskey
renee follows with her arm looped through his just to make sure he doesn’t do anything illegal or especially humiliating
neil and andrew are sitting together, holding hands under the table
they watch their former teammates and current teammates dance and party and neil just can’t quite believe any of it
the gold medal on his chest is heavy but in the best way and he keeps on rubbing it with his fingers because “is this really mine?”
he doesn’t just mean the medal
“no, neil, it’s actually argentina’s”
neil only smiles and lets his head rest on andrew’s shoulder because he’s tired and he’s always so solid
“700%”
AFTG is a slow burn BUT not the first time you read it only the next ones. The first time you read it it’s simply a sport fiction with found family and then BANG ‘doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you’ and you are as surprised as Neil is