hmm

chase

[imopeningup]

[imopeningup]

well...my slumlord's antics getting me down. i'm like 80% sure the roof is gonna cave in during a summer storm and i want to leave. like my body is lit up with the this orange energy, this need to FLEE before it gets bad..worse. I can't up and leave though bc I'm abt to start a job at a framing shop so lots of learning is ahead of me and I guess I'm excited. But what I'm saying is I'm trying to figure out ways to “escape” w/o uprooting everything ..is that possible? If I get really really quiet there is a part of me that's like, maybe you could move on from nyc. maybe I'm trying to change the city.. the way I experience it at least and I can't. have to live with it or leave it...

[oldpaintings]

Dream (and Reality, triptych), 1905 by Angelo Morbelli (Italian, 1853--1919)

[imopeningup]

got a tattoo today that says intention and it's swirly whirly and the artist told me their sugar daddy is abt to get a job where he'll make 60k a month and i cried laughing bc wtf this world is insane .. and they told me to get on hinge bc i let it slip that im lonely.... i feel stubborn but like no thanks lol i will not be getting on an APP

[divineoil]

hey guys!

my sister worked really hard and is finally selling her digital coloring books! they’re all super cute characters in a cafe. she designed the books to be used by adults who need coloring books to maybe help them calm down during a bad mental health day, but i think it would be great for kids too!

once you pay, you’ll get an email with the pages and you can print them out and color however you like! i think it would also be good for teachers who do coloring projects with their students :)

i guess i have to say she didn’t use ai to make it because of all the tricksters who do. but she drew these cute characters in a cafe by herself.

anyways….

if you’re interested here’s the link:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/tailoredexprssnspub/?etsrc=sdt

thanks for reading through all this. if you have any questions let me know and i can ask her :)

have a great day! 💗❣️💗❣️🪽

[imopeningup]

[imopeningup]

keep thinking about wanting to help someone zip or button up their shirt and that's how i'd say i love you lollll

[imopeningup]

i gotta stop thinking about moving all the time .. maybe it's this freedom of adulthood that i could've never imagined as child maybe it's actually me as a child never really wanting to be at home .. how lonely and ghostly it was .. so i went from friends home to friends home. i thought i liked my new place its cheap but i want to leave again.. our landlords are slumlords, it smells like mold, my roommates are loud and quite messy but they're all very kind personable people. i just wanna be in my cathedral but its hard to focus here .. theres always a floor to sweep, always someone outside my door, i want to tunnel into someplace. a friend of mine has a room opening up in their apartment in august but its 1400 a month :/ i cant even fathom affording that..and being able to buy groceries etc. but it would be sweet. live with my friends sweet dog, big kitchen, only share the bathroom w one person, everyone's in their 30s, a huge backyard with a garden, not living someplace my ex from ages ago (who i thought i really had gotten over) will randomly show up at....but also am really thinking of just saving $ this summer, applying for a 12 week furniture making intensive in maine, seeing if i can get fafsa aid for it, and maybe living alone there and just yeah working on my craft...putting all my stuff in storage and like rethinking new york. like what if i just go to risd or vcu finish my degree and get further along the path of becoming one hell of a furniture craftsman.. that really is the dream, though it scares me. moving away, being lonely, taking out loans again, what if it takes more than school or just more than i expected to be good, i want to make things for others, like really intentionally .. and living someplace i haven't ever lived that i never really contemplated living in seems scary but also intriguing. hm

[laneaches]

[imopeningup]

is the antidote to dealing with constant low level rejection--in the form of a denied request, a price too high, a note: we've chosen someone else for the position, no text or call or email back--to try to say yes to yourself in many different ways? and how do you do that? do you trust your authority, do you hear yourself saying yes to yourself? does it feel like somethings a bit more open after you say it? and how do you say yes without agreeing to numb yourself further from the hurt of accumulated low level rejections which can sometimes feel like one big rejection or seem self fulfilling ... asking for a good friend

[rxpapi]

Rita Ackermann

Black Butterflyes of the Night

1993

[imopeningup]

god send me another woodshop opportunity please please please ..

[imopeningup]

tu es un ange!

had a dream--nightmare abt getting back on instagram (took a break for lent) so now i'm like okay let's go another few months. and let's send those emails and letters chase cmon. oof also im abt to graduate woodwork school and im scared .. but also i know i wanna get good so that means lots of mistakes and learning and then lightbulb twinkly eye moments ..im thinking of going to some sort of school thats spread out over months and more intensive but hopefully ill get a job where i can learn and make mistakes and build up my skills. also having a moment where im like woah i thought i was only into dating ppl of one gender .. turns out im bisexual like everybody else hehehhh but also like i dont want to put all my energy into searching for someone .. like ive def been doing that .. almost like a missing piece myth. i wanna play soccer and get more calluses and go hiking in peekskill or caterskill and make 30 frames in 30 days w diff kinds of joinery and routing and i wanna draw up plans for my dream wooden cabin and swim laps in the cold ocean and hug my friends and eat blueberry pie

[pbs-r]

[imopeningup]

need this

[imopeningup]

i'm cranky wanky hanky panky bc woodworking school is flying by and i feel like ive not found my niche or inherent talent yet. its of group of 16 ppl and sometimes we learn a tool (today it was biscuit joint machines) and theres not enough to go around so we're just twiddling our thumbs and it makes me anxious. our main teacher is also one super jaded woodworker who is kind once u break down his walls but that takes effort and energy and we already wake up early and go to school from 8am to 4pm and aren't getting paid and im not saying it should be easy i just want more support. i do have some tax return money im saving but u might rent bench space at this woodworking studio so i can just practice as much as i can. having to learn on the job scares me like i just hate that curve where im gonna have to ask for so much help or one person will tell me one thing and another person will tell me another thing. i also thought we'd learn handtools and i think ive gotta try to do some of that myself. we did have a great class the other day about the science of trees and what makes a hard wood and a softwood and all about wood grain and i felt fucking ALIVE and committed during that class. am gonna journal about it and reread a few emails i sent some woodworkers in the past bc i wanted to learn and maybe write some new ones.. ill be your apprentice assistant pls pls pls. i gotta tap back into that energy to remember. and yeah ok working in the trades for 59 years and being self taught and martha stewart under paying you for things .. that would make me JADED af. I gotta remember everyone has a soft core ... and i'm very grateful to even have the chance to use these tools .. yesterday i got burgers w a good friend who might move to Philly and he seems so happy and like decided in that way that he's already reminiscing about new york. He said he's proud of me for doing the woodworking program and that he could rlly see me building sets and i was like wait 🥹 that's what i wanna do!!! ok ok rant over .. im so tired ive been stuck on chapter one of the bell for these past 3 weeks and i stg tonight i am getting to chapter two...or maybe i'll crack open Jackson's Dilemma bc idk it sounds sorta campier.

[imopeningup]

week two down .. wood chips in my hair..dust on my boots.. smiling deep under my mask n safety glasses ;) ... also i can't understand why im good at jigsaw and bad at bandsaw but yeah this is just the beginning v grateful even tho i come home too tired to write abt it or read or stretch bahaha maybe next week ill hit the flow zone

[robertwalserfan1999]

Moyra Davey