hmm

chase

[imopeningup]

a kitten named penny might stay at my apartment in mid july and my roommate said our place is officially a cat hotel and im rlly not mad about it :,)

[imopeningup]

[imopeningup]

dogs name is oscar, balloons were floating away, in the park i was meeting someone i only gave coordinates too, then they agreed i kind of found the best spot. i have a friend named oscar who just moved to philly, i wonder about him a lot. ive eaten so many free fruits even with that nyc law where they don't plant fruit trees, maybe it's a sign, because i really keep seeing them. crabapple, service berry, cherry, mulberry, another cherry with a huge hornets nest that i stare at for too long, another mulberry...i'm getting obsessed with bikes and am writing a story and i might want to learn how to ride a fixie because i watched this video about someone saying how it taught them to be present.. to use vigilance for that would be quite the difference. to not shudder if a car honks .. to just weave on through

[imopeningup]

advocated for myself--called out sick tomorrow at framing job i've only been at for 3 weeks bc i have a bad toothache i need to go to dental urgent care for. im gonna wake up at the crack of dawn and get there an hour early bc i don't have an appt or insurance, its a school of dentistry and im neurotic. pray for me plssss

[imopeningup]

[imopeningup]

well...my slumlord's antics getting me down. i'm like 80% sure the roof is gonna cave in during a summer storm and i want to leave. like my body is lit up with the this orange energy, this need to FLEE before it gets bad..worse. I can't up and leave though bc I'm abt to start a job at a framing shop so lots of learning is ahead of me and I guess I'm excited. But what I'm saying is I'm trying to figure out ways to “escape” w/o uprooting everything ..is that possible? If I get really really quiet there is a part of me that's like, maybe you could move on from nyc. maybe I'm trying to change the city.. the way I experience it at least and I can't. have to live with it or leave it...

[oldpaintings]

Dream (and Reality, triptych), 1905 by Angelo Morbelli (Italian, 1853--1919)

[imopeningup]

got a tattoo today that says intention and it's swirly whirly and the artist told me their sugar daddy is abt to get a job where he'll make 60k a month and i cried laughing bc wtf this world is insane .. and they told me to get on hinge bc i let it slip that im lonely.... i feel stubborn but like no thanks lol i will not be getting on an APP

[divineoil]

hey guys!

my sister worked really hard and is finally selling her digital coloring books! they’re all super cute characters in a cafe. she designed the books to be used by adults who need coloring books to maybe help them calm down during a bad mental health day, but i think it would be great for kids too!

once you pay, you’ll get an email with the pages and you can print them out and color however you like! i think it would also be good for teachers who do coloring projects with their students :)

i guess i have to say she didn’t use ai to make it because of all the tricksters who do. but she drew these cute characters in a cafe by herself.

anyways….

if you’re interested here’s the link:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/tailoredexprssnspub/?etsrc=sdt

thanks for reading through all this. if you have any questions let me know and i can ask her :)

have a great day! 💗❣️💗❣️🪽

[imopeningup]

[imopeningup]

keep thinking about wanting to help someone zip or button up their shirt and that's how i'd say i love you lollll

[imopeningup]

i gotta stop thinking about moving all the time .. maybe it's this freedom of adulthood that i could've never imagined as child maybe it's actually me as a child never really wanting to be at home .. how lonely and ghostly it was .. so i went from friends home to friends home. i thought i liked my new place its cheap but i want to leave again.. our landlords are slumlords, it smells like mold, my roommates are loud and quite messy but they're all very kind personable people. i just wanna be in my cathedral but its hard to focus here .. theres always a floor to sweep, always someone outside my door, i want to tunnel into someplace. a friend of mine has a room opening up in their apartment in august but its 1400 a month :/ i cant even fathom affording that..and being able to buy groceries etc. but it would be sweet. live with my friends sweet dog, big kitchen, only share the bathroom w one person, everyone's in their 30s, a huge backyard with a garden, not living someplace my ex from ages ago (who i thought i really had gotten over) will randomly show up at....but also am really thinking of just saving $ this summer, applying for a 12 week furniture making intensive in maine, seeing if i can get fafsa aid for it, and maybe living alone there and just yeah working on my craft...putting all my stuff in storage and like rethinking new york. like what if i just go to risd or vcu finish my degree and get further along the path of becoming one hell of a furniture craftsman.. that really is the dream, though it scares me. moving away, being lonely, taking out loans again, what if it takes more than school or just more than i expected to be good, i want to make things for others, like really intentionally .. and living someplace i haven't ever lived that i never really contemplated living in seems scary but also intriguing. hm

[laneaches]

[imopeningup]

is the antidote to dealing with constant low level rejection--in the form of a denied request, a price too high, a note: we've chosen someone else for the position, no text or call or email back--to try to say yes to yourself in many different ways? and how do you do that? do you trust your authority, do you hear yourself saying yes to yourself? does it feel like somethings a bit more open after you say it? and how do you say yes without agreeing to numb yourself further from the hurt of accumulated low level rejections which can sometimes feel like one big rejection or seem self fulfilling ... asking for a good friend

[rxpapi]

Rita Ackermann

Black Butterflyes of the Night

1993

[imopeningup]

god send me another woodshop opportunity please please please ..

[imopeningup]

tu es un ange!

had a dream--nightmare abt getting back on instagram (took a break for lent) so now i'm like okay let's go another few months. and let's send those emails and letters chase cmon. oof also im abt to graduate woodwork school and im scared .. but also i know i wanna get good so that means lots of mistakes and learning and then lightbulb twinkly eye moments ..im thinking of going to some sort of school thats spread out over months and more intensive but hopefully ill get a job where i can learn and make mistakes and build up my skills. also having a moment where im like woah i thought i was only into dating ppl of one gender .. turns out im bisexual like everybody else hehehhh but also like i dont want to put all my energy into searching for someone .. like ive def been doing that .. almost like a missing piece myth. i wanna play soccer and get more calluses and go hiking in peekskill or caterskill and make 30 frames in 30 days w diff kinds of joinery and routing and i wanna draw up plans for my dream wooden cabin and swim laps in the cold ocean and hug my friends and eat blueberry pie