Untitled

[imreallyunfunny]

holy shit I was a kid

looked through some old google docs from school, here are some of my favortie quotes

“The didgeridoo goes oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” Me in grade 6

“*random friend* likes tractors” me in grade 8 on a doc that had nothing to do with tractors

“nobody can breathe... lions are made of metal” me in grade 7 (i don't know the context)

“*names of various politicians with addresses in a otherwise empty doc*” me in grade 7

“1 person and 2 cat dinner party..... yaaay yayayayayay.” me in grade 7

“E G G    I S   E T E R N A L.” me in grade 8

“what if i never learn to dance” me in grade 8

“He sent love letters to an underage woman, he was a very very bad person” me in grade 7

“* a sad child is eating her desk*” me in grade 8

“animal bones, tissue and cartilage all grinded up, cool beanssssss!” me in grade 8

“Know *friend name* got free from the closet and called the police. Know I’m going to jail on multiple charges. Isn’t life great. Now if you don’t mind me. It is shower time and I know something bad is going to happen. The guards said so. Have a good day.” me in grade 7

“The best topping of the toast is goodddsss.” me in grade 6

this is only part 1 i have like thousands of more documents to go through

[imreallyunfunny]

the two highlights of my week

1. getting my first ever fan art of my twitch stream

2. phil swift replying to my insta comment

[imreallyunfunny]

i am back

in sad, poor, and even more unfunny form

[imreallyunfunny]

if yall think you’re dumb, remember that my friend in the 8th grade thought that the Dominican Republic, and only the Dominican Republic no other Caribbean countries, not even Haiti, is in the North Sea, the North Sea is in Europe, next to the UK, Norway and the Netherlands 

[imreallyunfunny]

i once got a ad on tumblr that just showed some ants on a piece of cotton, no caption, just ants, i have not found it since, someone find it, do it, ill write your name on a piece of paper of you do

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I want a cursed fact. Now.

catfish in southern france have taught themselves to hunt pigeons

[imreallyunfunny]

ok and, the bumphead parrotfish exists and they get their food by ramming their head into coral, they eat over 5 tons of coral each year

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I just read your List of Sea Creatures Which Have Tried But Failed To Convince Me To Go Into The Ocean and I would like to politely inquire as to your opinion on the basket star (look up a video of them on youtube)

this is a tumbleweed

[imreallyunfunny]

don’t compare these innocent being to tumbleweed, tumbleweed has trapped many people in their houses and cars before, this thing just sits there, don’t compare them

[darcry1]

Also tumbleweeds cause huge bushfires that wipe out farms that were designed to prevent fire from spreading across. Tumbleweeds are fucking rude. 

[imreallyunfunny]

that’s it im starting a movement to cancel tumbleweeds, this kind of behavior is unacceptable

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I just read your List of Sea Creatures Which Have Tried But Failed To Convince Me To Go Into The Ocean and I would like to politely inquire as to your opinion on the basket star (look up a video of them on youtube)

this is a tumbleweed

[imreallyunfunny]

don’t compare these innocent being to tumbleweed, tumbleweed has trapped many people in their houses and cars before, this thing just sits there, don’t compare them

[imreallyunfunny]

i don’t know why everyone i talk to gets so up in arms about me not liking coffee. like i don’t like any hot drinks, why would i like coffee, and don’t try telling me about iced coffee. iced coffee is stupid and dumb and stupid. i only drink milk, thats all

[imreallyunfunny]

i go on reddit to do some animal crossing stuff, and i got a ad that started with, and i quote “ Redditors who poop “ i have seen things that would make grown men cry but this is by far the worse, this is a crime against humanity, this ad makes me want to break the geneva convention

[imreallyunfunny]

i once made a parody of the ghostbusters theme for a school assignment, the subject “ Child labour and how to stand up to it “ it is awful none of you get to see it, i shall not allow it

[imreallyunfunny]

you guys remember in february when people were selling yankee with no brims for 500$ plus and people were buying them for that much, like when i remember that i feel we deserve whatever is coming to us.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

c’mon ya’ll enough with the mpreg

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don’t mean mpreg in general, i’m indifferent to mpreg in general, specifically i mean enough with submitting mpreg cartoon fanart directly into my inbox

[imreallyunfunny]

before i didn’t know what mpreg was, but now ive been enlightened. another bountiful act by gaud, truly he is the messiah

[imreallyunfunny]

fish be like “ i shall memorize this route from the day i am born to have my young, this route shall be followed for centuries and has been carved by our ancestors. there are many traps among the way but i have memorized them all since my conception “

fish also be like “ hee hoo   W O R M 

[imreallyunfunny]

the fact the word borborygmus exists scares me, it means the gurgling in your intestines made by the moving of fluid or gas. its strange to type, strange to pronounce, even google thinks its not a word. AND THERES A PLURAL OF IT CALLED BORBORYGMI. HOW IS THERE MULTIPLE MOVING OF FLUID OR GAS. i hate this word and i want to start a petition to remove it from the dictionary

[imreallyunfunny]

as im about to pass through the security gate at an airport so me and my family can board our flight to jamaica, the tsa lady says “ sorry sir, no liquids are allowed on the flight. “ I sigh, before picking up my two year old son and wring out his body of all fluids like he’s a wet towel. I proceed to remove all his bones and internal organs and slide him into my carry on bag and continue to our gate. All is good

[imreallyunfunny]

just watching hell’s kitchen, why the heck did someone just say “ walkin around with your c**k and balls “ with no reason or context. like this show is supposed to be about cooking, gordon ramsey didn’t even say that it was one of the competitors. like wtf frank like geez man