I’m an 18yo computer science student stumbling his way through life. This blog is pretty much just gonna be my brain shitting out whatever it feels like. I lost my last account after only having it for a week •_•
This blog is gonna function a little like a journal, sometimes it’s me nerding out about the things I love, sometimes it’s vent posts. You’ve probably seen the whole block don’t report thingy a million times. I’ll put my crazier vent posts under read more.
This intro post is getting kinda long so I’ll put my interests under this :D
Interests!!!
Generally I love Linux, gaming, metal, a little bit of punk, programming, game dev, and tabletop games
Favorite bands :D
Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Death, Slayer, Darkthrone, Emperor, Immortal
Favorite albums!!!
Under a Funeral Moon, Panzerfaust, A Blaze in the Northern Sky, that one album by Leviathan that I don’t want to name because I don’t want to put a trigger warning here :), Under a Godless Veil, Countdown to Extinction, Rust in Peace, Killing is My Business, Bleed the Future, Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk, Monotheist, Dopethrone, Kvelertak, Caught Somewhere in Time, Tarot, Symbolic, Sons of Northern Darkness, Seasons in the Abyss, Reign in Blood
DMs are always open, and I’m always looking for new friends so feel free to talk about whatever :)
Also I’m looking to branch out with my music tastes so any music suggestions would be great
Proud shatling for the 3 people who get the reference
I don’t want to be in a relationship rn so if it seems like I’m flirting or liking your posts too much it’s just cause I’m bad at talking :D. I’m clearly in a relationship with my three girlfriends (who smoke weed 😎)
DNI: people who shout when they sneeze. I don’t trust you
last song: the history of wrong guys from kinky boots the musical
last series/movie: 2 broke girls or falsettos I can’t remember
last thing I ate: rhubarb cake 🤤🤤🤤🤤
last place I went: SCHOOL, EUGH
last game: sims 4 or my time at sandrock
uhhhh who shall I tag (sorry if you’ve already been tagged in this): @t3ddyb34r2 @c4lgbrlkisser @imjayyouregay @dustybunnys @cl0wn1nth3fuckr0und @wormsinmousetraps @beetlefightsim @cat-found-in-an-allie @v1ktorian
if i didn’t add you it’s not because I hate you I just have shit memory. /nf
Been a small minute since I’ve posted. Also not the type of music I usually talk about.
This album is cool to me because while it’s so well written there’s so much about it that feels intentionally off in a way that I don’t have the musical knowledge to talk about. On days where I feel like something is wrong, when the depression hits or maybe I’ve run out of meds, this album is strangely comforting.
This guy also has like 15k streams a month on Spotify
Lore fact: It is important to remember, and to remind yourself, that others do not do the dishes incorrectly. They simply do it differently. And worse.
Lore fact: It’s literally fine to brush the crumbs off a place and reuse it. I was eating the same food again and I didn’t need to wash the plate for that :(
This is one of my all time favorite albums. If I could just talk to ONE person who loves this album half as much I’d do I think my nerdy heart would go “it doesn’t get much more peak than this” and explode. The art work, the concept, the story, the solos, the EVERYTHING. Holy fuck this album is so fucking good. I’ve definitely lost some amount of hearing to this album and I’m FINE with that. I know I probably sound like some pretentious fuck acting like the worst dogshit is the greatest thing ever, but if anything else this album was somehow tailored to my exact tastes. It gets a little cringe at times (but this is tumblr cringe is dead rawr xd whatever) and the vocalist isn’t the beeest (I feel like in a way that I’ve learned to appreciate tho). Anyway, if you can’t listen to any other part of the album, just listen to this 20 minute MASTERPIECE of a song :D
Sorry for spamming your feed moots. Writing things out helps me make sense of my emotions and I’m not touching my journal for reasons. Just ignore this ig…
Block don’t report <3
I have this recurring and overwhelming feeling that my life is over. I’m distant from everyone who once loved me, I haven’t been able to land a mildly stable job (and I’m too unstable so I get no hours), I’ve lost any scholarships I had, any fleeting chance of having a future. I don’t care about my hygiene, nothing makes me happy, everything I do feels hollow, and everything is a confusing mess. My therapist hates me, my psychiatrist hates me, my professors hated me, my classmates hated me, my friends hated me, what the hell is the point of it all? What the fuck is the point of flailing around dragging every fucking person in my life down with me because I’m such a miserable shit. Because I can’t grow the fuck up and get my shit together. Because I can’t figure out the things that are apparently fucking obvious to every other person on this fucking planet. It sickens me that people care. It sickens me that I could feel so distant from everyone but it would be such a problem if I drove into the woods and disappeared. Why the hell people get to live their fucking lives and be happy while I’m sitting here wondering if it would be better if my family did or didn’t see my fucking corpse. FUCK I’m such a miserable worthless piece of trash. I want to disappear. I want to stop existing. If everyone could forget me that would make things so much easier but THEY WONT. And this hell will never never never never never never get even CLOSE to better because I’m born with this dumb ass shit. My mom went to the psych ward, my sister went there, and so will I. My life is OVER. It’ll be a miracle if I live to 19 and even more of one if I see 2027. I don’t care if I’m being dramatic. I don’t care if this is attention seeking. Just like how I don’t care about college. Just like how I don’t care about anything else in my goddamn life. My life is over, there’s only one way out and it’s only a matter of time until I work up the courage to do it. Either that or I lobotomize myself or something. Theres gotta be a way to perform a self lobotomy right? AAAAAAA im such a fucking uninteresting boring person. I’ve always been that. I’ve always been on the outskirts of the friend groups. I never get invited to shit. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I’m such a fucking worthless awkward unfunny stupid bag of shit. Why am I such a fucking loser??? Why do I spend my life going in stupid ass circles??? Why am I like this???? FUCKKKK why don’t antidepressants work why do stimulants fry my brain. Why is it that all I can fucking think about is how I want to die? I want to think about other things. I want to play the new deltarune chapter and talk about it to people. I want to be able to play lethal company and laugh and make jokes and be funny. But NO I can’t. Why? I DONT FUCKING KNOW?! Because I’m supposed to know fucking everything about my brain apparently. I’m supposed to be mentally stable because I chose so. FUCK YOU if that’s how it worked I’d be stable. I wouldn’t cut myself. I wouldn’t daydream about killing myself. But my brain is broken and I’ll NEVER be able to fix it because fixing it requires knowing how to fix it. I don’t know that, my therapist doesnt know that, my psychiatrist doesn’t know that, most of my friends don’t care and neither does most of my family. When does everyone get tired of my shit? When does everyone see me as the lost cause that I am? Because that’s my way out, when everyone in my life sees me as a walking corpse then my death won’t be a surprise. I don’t think I’m far away from that. Then I can hope there is no stupid fucking afterlife.
No way Tornado of Souls starts playing while I feel like my life is falling apart (or ig more like it already fell apart). Like Spotify is mocking me. At least the solo is incredible. Thank you Marty Friedman.
wanna hang out [remembers it's rude to put expectations on people] it's cool if not [remembers people like to know they're wanted] but I'd really like it if you did [remembers selfishness is bad] we can do whatever you want though [remembers that handing someone a blank canvas isn't as effective as providing a suggestion to bounce ideas off of] like sucking each others fingers for example
Cringe Because I Can @imsogoodatnamingthings-ooooooo - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
