Captain Asshole

Welcome to my brain, enjoy the ride.

[silk101]

[sacred-portal]

[sneebum]

Should’ve known you was trouble from the first kiss

had your eyes wide open

why were they open?

[nourrice]

*is beautiful and doesn’t deserve this*

[gelatins]

hello, is this mcdonalds? ah yes, i would like to make reservations for 2

[netflixz]

driving past your old elementary school like

[dankmemeuniversity]

[strangersea]

I watched this indonesian horror movie and they did have some “bloopers” except instead of being funny outtakes, they were points in filming where they were forced to stop because the actress playing as the ghost got possessed a couple times and they had to do an exorcism

[helthehatter]

I’m sorry what?

[flacomexicano-deactivated201806]

“your eyes hella red u been smokin??” no I been crying bitch leave me alone

[barelyfittingin]

[herbwicc]

Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao

[frank-macmurphy-deactivated2020]

[mercurialmilk]

a very sexy thing:

when the subtitles tells you the name of the song that’s playing 

[mysteryho1238138798223789-deact]

[extremelycursedimages]

[red-mercer]

SPONGEBOB MY BOY I’VE BEEN HOTRAILING METH FOR A MONTH AND NOW I HAVE MORGELLON’S ARGH ARGH

[mysharona1987]

[okayysophia]

Saw this on Essence Magazine’s Snapchat and thought it would be helpful💕

[tumblunni]

Yeah seriously, sex education never told me any of this in school. Little me was panicked seeing the dark coloured bits and i had no clue that’s just the normal colour blood goes when its clotted or dried.

[juliannegriepp]

[deepspacepirate]

me: *breaks down crying in the privacy of my own home*

my brain: you’re faking your emotions for attention. you’re just doing this because you think it makes for a cool personal narrative

[labeat]

This is wayyyyy too relatable 😂