i hate how much you people focused on my tone in the messages that i had sent people in the beginning. i had apologized to 2 people for how angry i had sounded - one of them posted my apology publicly, the other hasn't even responded - but honestly i hate the fact that i ever apologized to anyone here. i didn't even really care about how angry i was and how angry i sounded but i had tried to apologize mostly because i thought that would help other people to relax and want to hear me out more, but obviously that didn't fucking happen. none of you fucking cared.
my angry was justified and the amount of anger that had bled through my early messages wasn't even a that much, it wasn't over-the-top, it wasn't that extreme, but even if it had been, even if i had completely flown of the fucking handles and told everybody here to kill themselves, that still wouldn't have made it fine for you all to ignore me and completely disregard everything that i said and brush me off like i was nothing.
i DID want to just yell at you all and tell you all to kill yourselves but i tried to control myself and find my words because i knew that i had to be calm enough to explain myself clearly so that you all would understand what i was talking about, but you all still ignored me and treated me like a nuisance, not just because you all didn't even understand or agree with the points that i was making in the first place, but also just because i sounded angry. i WAS angry and i had every right to be, i could've been even angrier but i still tried to get a hold of myself for my own benefit and for your guys' benefit, but you all brushed me off because i wasn't being perfect.
some people have tried to apologize to me for being harsh and brushing me off at the beginning, which is nice, but even those people still feel the need to lecture me about my tone. what was wrong with my tone? the level of anger that i had shown wasn't even extreme enough to warrant addressing, it was a reasonable and tolerable amount of anger that anyone would show when trying to talk about issues that are important to them. my tone, the amount of anger that i showed, was fine. i would've liked to be MORE polite and calm at that time, i wish everybody could be calm and polite all the time, but i'm not perfect and nobody else is either. people will ALWAYS get angry sometimes, and even when someone is trying their best to control their anger and not go off the rails the amount of anger that slips through will be different from person to person because we all have different degrees of anger, energy, and self-control.
we will never be perfect and trying force yourself/others to be perfect is useless and it takes focus away from other issues. caring more about my mildly aggressive tone took focus away from discussing the very issues that were making me upset in the first place.
the level of anger that i had shown was honestly very mild and it was just the amount that i couldn't keep in, because i can't be fucking perfect. it wasn't even a massive amount. i could've let loose and went fucking crazy but that would've prevented me from being able to clarify my points and i didn't want to bother people more then i could help, but you people didn't fucking care because i wasn't acting completely pleasant and inconvenient. you people are such pussies.
even after i had stopped messaging so many people and had started to calm down and speak even more clearly you people still didn't care. the people that have tried to apologize to me still keep bring up my tone and they still act like my very mild anger is something that i need to keep completely in check or else the discussion can't even continue. fuck of, fuck you.
even if i had let loose and screamed at you all and told you all to kill yourselves and acted 10x more aggressive then i did that still wouldn't have made it fine for you all to just ignore what i was talking about and shut down discussions of the topics that i was bringing up. it still wouldn't have been fine for you people to laugh at me and call me a troll and scoff at me, not just because it would distract from the points that i was trying to make, but also just because it made me even more angry and upset.
I've been away for a little bit and haven't talked about this stuff for a bit and now you people just moved on like nothing happened. The Angry Little Weirdo left for a bit so you all moved on and acted like nothing happened. you didn't pick up where i left off, you didn't actually focus on the content of my messages, you didn't think about what i said and continue the discussion. most of you guys ignored me completely without ever having chimed. some of you chimed in, lectured me about my tone, said "JTHM is just a joke bro. you shouldn't sympathize with serial killers anyway. just be normal bro" and then ignored me.
fuck you people and fuck the few people that i apologized to, i'm embarrassed that i even tried to say sorry. i don't want to carry this whole conversation by myself, i want you people to think about what i said and talk about it even when i'm not here, but you cunts don't care. you cunts aren't concerned about the intentions and messages of JTHM/JV. you don't care about unconventionally mentally unwell people.
there's only one person here that I've apologized to for freaking out on and actually meant it genuinely. i wasn't even angry at him specifically but he was still able to take me seriously and speak nicely to me. he made me feel better and he made me feel genuinely sorry for bothering him. shout out to him.
Not to be rude or anything, but I have no clue what's going on. I've been offline to focus on school work.
Nonetheless, I am sorry if I ever acted that way!!