Create Your Own Happiness

Samantha. College student. Sleepless, Self-destructive, Poisoned mind, Scarred body.

[wwtdd]

[whyberealistic]

darth vader is just the phantom of the opera in space

[whyberealistic]

fucked up face. wears a cape. super dramatic all the time

[werewolfenstein-deactivated2018]

First of all, how dare you…

[whyberealistic]

always enters rooms to his theme music. really likes choking people. clearly owns a shit ton of strobe lights and fog machines

[whyberealistic]

the Same™

[dxscostick-deactivated20170429]

I HATE THAT YOU ARE RIGHT FUCK

[cheauxcobo]

(lays back all sexy for u on the bed) (bangs my fuckign head on the headboard)

[just-shower-thoughts]

People without glasses are really out here seeing for free

[maplesugacookie]

Oh my god I really do have to pay to see what the fuck

[despazito]

musicians only Dark Millenials will remember:

cobra starship

neon trees

metro station

3OH3

taio cruz

owl city

far east movement

ne-yo

onerepublic

boys like girls

[fuck-i-just]

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

[poselikeateam]

Why does this not have any notes?

[ice-cream-thursdae]

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

[notronaldreagan-blog]

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

[catbug]

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

[thesteppinrazor]

Pro tip: Don’t do this if you recently applied for a new job.

[coachcraigcahn]

bolded. just in case.

[rajning-deactivated20160412]

i feel like that pro tip is told from experience

[just-shower-thoughts]

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

[x-overrvted-x]

i joke about killing myself far too much for someone whos actually tried to kill themself

[taylorstiel]

reasons to watch the puppy bowl

the referee is a rescue sloth

all players are rescue puppies

an African grey parrot live tweeted the entire game

a piano playing chicken performed this year’s national anthem

[str8-for-pay]

32 Faces You’ll Recognize If You’ve Ever Had Anal Sex With A Penis

[nicolekidmansgrinchhands]

[tanookitoes]

i want a public execution of the writer of this abhorent defience of god

[moonsofmoons]

This, was a journey.

[prime89]

Is nothing sacred you heathens?

[eatmypussyliketherussianfamine]

but none of this was not a lie

[just-shower-thoughts]

Most people only get naked for two reasons: to get clean or to get dirty.

[just-shower-thoughts]

mom once said “going back to an old relationship is like reading your favorite book and expecting a different ending to happen”.. and that’s some shit everyone needs to remember

[thesnobbyartsyblog]

I notice everything. I choose to let you know which things I noticed.

[just-shower-thoughts]

If avocado is a fruit, that makes guacamole a fruit salad

[just-shower-thoughts]

If you die during an orgasm, you’re coming and going at the same time.

[malkiewicz]

Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.

[istudypirates]

My favourite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call

[antiuwuaction-deactivated201804]

It’s called connotations.

[leggyboyjohnson]

Try this one on for size:

“Forgive me, Father, I have sinned”

“Sorry, Daddy, I’ve been naughty”

[helaas--pindakaas]

great news! Language is now banned

[mangofuzz]

seasons of love will forever be cursed