Shitpost Simon

Simon, 25+, he/him. Currently starting over, please be patient

[charaznablescanontoyota]

words of wisdom from wikipedia this evening

[ryannorth]

much to consider

[machine-saint]

we justifiably give Biden a lot of shit but I think "at least 3" is the funniest possible response to some right wing dipshit asking you how many genders there are

[madnessofmen]

wait it gets better

[paxamericana]

[halleywars]

Best sticker

[goneturkdad-deactivated20191130]

Freakin’ awesome. We live in anaheim so our boys got to enjoy the all-access Disneyland Daily pass. Our youngest (Tanner) wanted to be an officer. Unfortunately he was too small for the restraints on splash mountain so when the coaster sped up it flung him out and he skidded about 200 feet on the asphalt. Here’s what we’re keeping him in right now:

Disney won’t let us bury on park grounds because of a potential copyright issue with the superman thing.

We miss him a lot, but there’s a cancellation fee on the Daily pass, so we’ve been making the most of it. His brother still enjoys the park and since we chose not to press charges, we’re entitled to one free mickey pancake a day

[crabwalker]

??? Reading that looked like you tried to copy abd paste 3 differint stories together to make us not realise you just copied and pasted??

First of all: splash mountain is a water log ride. There are no places where it just…speeds…up? Its a fucking water log ride???

BECAUSE its a water log ride it DOESNT HAVE RESTRAINTS….it DOES however have a minimum height requirment of 46 inches to ride the ride, so EVEN IF this kid was too small, they WOULD NOT let them ride.

There is no asphault anywhere near the track itself. The CLOSEST you could come is the big drop at rhe end but again, minimum height requirement of 46 inches tall to ride, the angle of the drop and the speed at which you go it is physically impossible to get ‘launched’.

I feel like this is obvious but theres so much obviously wrong about the second addition i suppose i need to state this.

SUPERMAN. ISNT. DISNEY. Superman is DC. The only theme parks that have licenced DC character based rides is six flags.

Six flags, another park that HAS MINIMUM HEIGHT REQUIREMENTS for rides.

That has restraints on rides in which are necesary. Which again, YOU CANNOT RIDE IF YOU DO NOT MEET THE SAFETY GUILDLINES.

Go try to shitpost and ruin the reputation of a differint park, will you? At least make sure your story is even plausable before you open your mis-informed mouth.

[goneturkdad-deactivated20191130]

@crabwalker​ Are you seriously explaining to me how Splash Mountain works? Do you think I don’t remember how my son died? Oh, and it’s “physically impossible to get launched?” Guess what, asshole? My SON got launched. This is the last photo we have of him.

You’ve said some cruel things to me, but I’m going to be the bigger person. I’ll be praying, for your sake, that nobody in your family ever gets launched.

[plank-boi]

That photo is based off of a meme of this lady looking pissed. That and I can’t find an incident based off of what you posted. Shut the fuck up.

[gorps]

Why did you photoshop tanner out of that picture?

[powerburial]

sad that there are still ignorant tanner denialists out there

[psilopterus]

This is it, the best news story (from BBC news):

[miss-edith-cushing]

Ok, so here is the croissant that started all this mess:

When asked about what kind of animal might it be, the woman said: "It's this, oh, what is it called... A lagun!"

The devil works fast, but The Krakow Animal Welfare Society works faster:

They already made a merchandise with an illustration of the lagun - they posted information about it on Facebook on Tuesday evening and by the Wednesday morning everything was already sold out.

My university professors are so delighted about this story that they are writing tons and tons of limericks, moskaliks and lepiejs (those two last genres are very popular, ridiculous and humorous types of short poems, in last decades popularized by Wisława Szymborska) and posting them on official Facebook pages of our university departments, and I am dying of laughter.

[miss-edith-cushing]

Important update on the story: owners of cafés and bakeries in Kraków realized that this wonderful idiocy that took over the country could bring them profit and help animals, and started selling croissants labeled as laguns: i.e. Massolit Café & Bakery is sending 10% of income from selling laguns to the Krakow Animal Welfare Society. Thankfully laguns are selling like hotcakes and bakeries don't plan to stop making them, so the story that started and could quickly die as just another seasonal nonsense transformed into a tool for helping small, helpless, vulnerable creatures, far less dangerous than vicious lagun.

[injuries-in-dust]

This is how cyptids get started.

[righteousangerpodfic]

It’s also *exactly* the kind of story behind the invention of new pastries. If there’s some little change on the ingredient level that can make a “lagun” distinct from an ordinary croissant, then a new pastry will have been born, complete with fanciful cookbook-ready lore.

[gojirahkiin]

Queued up for April 15, 2024 the 3rd anniversary of the Krakowski Lagun.

[kwacpe]

4th anniversary of the Lagun

[totally-india]

HAPPY KRAKOWSKI LAGUN DAY EVERYONE

[official-kircheis]

[lycansprites]

"Danny is the Ghost King" headcanon but my only proof is the fact that the first time we see Danny, the episode after defeating Pariah Dark, he has a leaf in his hair that looks strangely crown-like

[letswonderspirit]

[letswonderspirit]

[daily-dose-of-danno]

I'd love to see Mr Lancer swearing in book titles 👁

I did a full rewatch of the entire show to find these, so I believe this is all of them! :)

[letswonderspirit]

Colored version

[dark-fri3ren]

[jazzajazzjazz]

A tribute to one of my favourite lines from my favourite character from my favourite DLC from my favourite Fallout game

[FULL VIEW]

---- Commission me or support my art through kofi

[taragrimface]

if i had three wishes they would all be to make web 2.0 utterly illegal and go back to normal html

[taragrimface]

how do we explain to children that all our tech briefly worked perfectly and over time we threw it all away for sleek menus and corporate opacity

[taragrimface]

"we could give you a link to this mp3 OR we could run it in a proprietary player app that must connect to the internet every time you hit the resume button"

[taragrimface]

when i upgraded from a flip phone to an iphone and realized i could no longer record and set a custom ringtone because apple wanted me to buy radio pop ringtones, i realized, oh cool new tech isnt made for us it's made to exploit us and we are going to let it happen

[serenity-bitty]

ouch

[thoodleoo]

the joy of working with middle school aged children is that, regardless of how long you've been doing it, they will always find novel ways to annoy and confuse you, which is okay because that's the natural state of the middle school aged child. anyway suffice it to say that for the past three weeks of school my 6th grade class has been greeting me at my door by lining up outside of it, playing the national anthem, and saluting me as i walk in.

[jouster-ari]

What they're doing to you:

[brigitte-poetry]

I was thinking about controversial it is, even in pagan settings, to worship tricksters like Loki and Sutekh, and I think that I described it pretty well with

"Tricksters are inherently transgressive figures who literally embody what it's like to live in a socially unacceptable or taboo way, which is why members of marginalized communities flock to them while more privileged people find them distasteful. They are the personifications of chaos and social unrest, which includes how much strife surrounds people who are deemed socially unacceptable; they are literally the gods of minorities and people who suffer under bigoted unjust systems.

When tricksters do something bad in a myth, marginalized groups see a complex rebellious figure with their own motives while privileged people see a bad person doing bad things. And when tricksters are punished, privileged people just see a bad guy getting their comeuppence while marginalized groups see the harsh realities of living as a socially unacceptable person.

It's no wonder then that queer people, the mentally ill and other minorities have flocked to Loki's side, since he embodies the realities of their lives, even when others can't understand it."

[b0tster]

todays a big day for longtime discord haters like myself 🫩

[moonlitmanchego]

for those who were wondering 🫩🫩🫩

[trainerdot]

hi okay we've seen some posts about this floating around and i wanna clear up what this means before any misinfo spreads too far.

if you are in a country like the UK or australia with recent age verification laws, this changes nothing. if you are NOT in any of those countries, this will work the same way their age verification does.

on discord, this DOES NOT outright block access to the app. it will prevent you from accessing channels marked as age-restricted, and it will prevent you from viewing images that the automatic image detection software deems as "adult content". which is annoying, but that software doesn't pick up on too much. also, it doesn't stop you from sharing images with third party hosting services lol

again, you DO NOT NEED TO VERIFY TO CONTINUE USING DISCORD. DMs will work fine. most servers will work fine.

do not verify. you do not need to. don't let this become normalized. just continue using the app. find ways of noncompliance. show them how worthless this is.

[lostwoodscutie]

[wasabikitcat]

Documenting what is quite possibly the best exchange I have ever seen on this website.

[cheshiregrinfu]

[vrumblr]

He will not be exiled again

[gamer-crow-deactivated20250412]

I enjoy all parts of this post. The trans leash, the confusion, the heartfelt display of affection we give to our pets. The biography, the history lesson, and the morality of keeping cats indoors are all bonuses.

[ospreyonthemoon]

Hey thats me again.

Anyway guess whos 18 now!!!

Frank

[mrsjdavis]

This post has EVERYTHING...