in-subdued-ecstasy

<3 wren - she/her - 19 - LESBIAN - ~ hypersomniac ~

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

aside from literally everything (stranger things) rn. i’m so giddy and like thrilled that regardless of your opinion on byler or mileven, EVERYONE (the GA!) is dissecting & talking abt this through the blatantly lesbian framework (who is *the tammy*, who is *the vickie* in the equation?)

like… agh it’s just so cool to see that be so accepted as part of the given conversation from all sides.

like we’re working off of the framework of lesbianism guys! it’s not The Question let alone A Question. gives a gay girl some sort of closure for the every example of *implied* shadowy lesbianism etc in media. like not only is it accepted it’s like propping up other storylines ANYWAY-

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

the ideal body type: Of Water

[snydog17]

they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

realistic vampire heartthrob = cold and dull, musty, senile dead man with an antiquated mindset and severe impotence. he just goes around mouldy, damp corners, gradually sort of pitifully decaying over everything.

surely to someone so pathetically sensitive to any strong sensation, (garlic = smell, sun = heat and UV light, Catholicism = rich religious and historical ideas.) he wouldn’t even be able to stand comprehending concepts such as raised voices, let alone technology or progressive ideologies.

imagine trying to have intimate relations. a serious of clammy smatterings of apologetically decaying flesh. just sort of schlicking over you like a senile cat’s weak tongue searching for purchase. you might mistake the lidded eyes and whispered murmuring as attractive until you realise he’s just half asleep and his vocal chords are drying up.

most vampire hunters are actually probably very sympathetic to the poor pathetic creatures, i’m sure they don’t do much as go around with arsenals of heavy machinery, but rather sit through courses on how to gently let someone out of their misery. forget holy water tipped stakes, cloak and dagger style chases, you’d just need to bring up equal rights. or sneeze very loudly.

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

“giving up” implies that i am forsaking an effort i CAN make. it puts a degree of choice upon me which i don’t have. the choice to stop trying, which is not a choice one can make when the ability to try is so low in the first place. if i had the energy to give up then i would have the effort to make a more successful effort to try. there is not enough effort for me to give up and “relinquish”. if i gave up my efforts i wouldn’t be keeping myself alive, or vaguely mentally sane. that is where my limited stores of energy are being spent.

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

i could rant about the frustrations you encounter when you develop a disability, having previously been a very fit person, for ages.

and i would.

if i had the energy.

which i don’t.

this being a key frustration in and of itself!!

especially when you know you could educate a really unhelpful person !in the moment! if you had the energy - and the entire point of the moment is that you Can’t function let alone coherently make sounds or sense

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

“giving up” implies that i am forsaking an effort i CAN make. it puts a degree of choice upon me which i don’t have. the choice to stop trying, which is not a choice one can make when the ability to try is so low in the first place. if i had the energy to give up then i would have the energy to make a more successful effort to try. there is not enough effort for me to give up and “relinquish”. if i gave up my efforts i wouldn’t be keeping myself alive, or vaguely mentally sane. that is where my limited stores of energy are being spent.

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

obsessed with wielding words with precision. not so practised in achieving concision.

society and human nature and the cats cradle.

it doesn’t feel right to pull at strings in order to create an image. but outside the minds eye, an image cannot simply exist in physicality, one is given a ball of yarn, and one must manipulate the strings in order to display the image. and that it how you must navigate expressing yourself. crudely and restrictively.

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

we’re so encouraged to go into adulthood like it’s a separate plane of existence. to leave behind childhood. you were something once. and you are something else now. i don’t like that. i want to exist as myself throughout time and ages and experiences. a changing evolving self always. but still me. i will carry through my own being and existence through the stages of life. i will have my teddy bears and my childhood books. i will have my cds and my teenage posters. i will have my essays and my education. i will have my pubs and clubs and makeup. i will have a job and a new place to live and colleagues and friends. i will have lovers. i will exist as myself throughout that. i won’t leave myself behind. close a door. leave her. forgotten. denied. changed in search of a “new beginning”. there are no new beginnings. only a continuous journey of life. carrying forward - changing evolving but still. Me. once a baby. once a child. when i was a child i was still myself. and i continue to be that much of myself, still. even now i am an adult. and when i a senior. and the world will have a memory of who i was. not an Adult nor a Teenager not a Child. but a PERSON. a creation. an evolution. a journey.

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

The man

Of virtuous soul commands not, nor obeys.

Power, like a desolating pestilence,

Pollutes what it touches; and obedience,

Bane of all genius, virtue, freedom, truth,

Makes slaves of men, and, of the human frame,

A mechanised automaton.

- Percy Shelley, ‘Queen Mab’, (174-180)

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

“And what if Romeo,

lying in that chapel in Verona,

miserable and spotty, at odds with everything,

what if he’d had a revelation from which

Juliet was absent?

What if, just before darkness settled

the arguments between most things,

through a gap in the walls he’d seen

a garden exploding,

and the pink shadow of blossom

shivering on stones?

What if,

unromantic as it seems,

her mouth, eyes, cheeks and breasts suddenly became

ornaments on a frame

common as any girl’s?

Could he still have drunk the potion had he known

without her the world still glowed

and love was not confined

in one shape alone?

From the prison the weary imagine

all living things inhabit

how could either

not have wished to escape?

Poor Romeo, poor Juliet, poor human race!”

- A Few Questions About Romeo - Brian Patten

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

being understood is a different type of drug

[kestrelsandcentipedes]

Not socialist in a “I won’t have to work” type of way but socialist in a “I’ll still be working but I won’t be worried I won’t make the rent” type of way. In a “billions won’t be hoarded by one person” type of way. In a “janitors, fast-food workers, child care workers, preschool teachers, hotel clerks, personal care and home health aides, and grocery store cashiers, will live comfortably” type of way. In a “the sick and elderly will be cared for” type of way. In a “no child should work” type of way.

[mitsmebinch]

*gestures vaguely at myself when I'm at like 15% battery and 5 seconds from a nap* this is me on speed

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

Misogyny in Excelsis by Annie Besant August 1887

“To bring arguments from facts or statistics against Mr. Bax’s variegated rhetoric would indeed be to crush with the Nasmyth hammer the gay fluttering wings of a peacock butterfly.”

I am currently OBSESSED with this article written by Annie Besant, a prominent orator and writer of feminist, socialist and educationist theory in the late 19th century. The woman herself is an inspiration, she fought for the independence of India and Ireland, she was an early advocate of birth control, etc. Generally Awesome.

But this is one of her lesser acknowledged pieces of writing, probably because it is so specific.

She writes in response to a very misogynistic article published in a previous issue of the same paper.

Her argument is highly articulate, and intellectual, and brilliantly entertaining.

Still very relevant in all points and references really.

I have found a new hero.

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

“For as I sailed upon that pictured tide, the strength and splendour of the storm was mine”

- Oscar Wilde

‘The Garden of Eros’

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

im going to literally engrave this quote, from scratch, by hand, into EVERY writing/reading/poetry/literature journal i EVER ACQUIRE,

it has ~captured~ me

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

“For as I sailed upon that pictured tide, the strength and splendour of the storm was mine”

- Oscar Wilde

‘The Garden of Eros’

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

i literally just found the deluxe edition Jeff Buckley - Grace album ON A WALK IN THE FOREST???? JUST SITTING THERE??? WAITING FOR ME WHAT.

W H A T

[in-subdued-ecstasy]

UPDATE THE CDS ACTUALLY WORK