“I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of how selfish you are.” Till gives Ivan a wry smile through his tears. It was so funny, Till might have even laughed if he wasn't so exhausted. To think, Ivan could do so many hurtful and selfish things to Till, but he’ll draw the line at giving Till exactly what he wants. And some people think that Ivan doesn’t have a sense of humor.
What’s less funny is how Ivan talks about himself. How he thinks he can predict what Till is going to do, like Till is a character in one of Ivan’s books, and Ivan already knows how the story ends.
Running his thumb along Ivan’s cheek, Till wipes away more of his tears before gently threading his fingers through Ivan’s hair, cupping the back of his head.
But Ivan seems to forget... Till is a dangerous and untamable thing: meant to be leashed and sedated and kept under lock and key.
The slight narrowing of Till’s eyes is all the warning Ivan gets before Till fists his hand harshly into raven hair and yanks back. He wraps his leg around the back of Ivan’s and pulls suddenly, folding Ivan’s knees out from under him and using his own weight to bring him toppling to the ground with Till on top of him, pinning him down.
The hand on the back of Ivan’s head intentionally cushions the blow when he falls, but Till keeps his tight hold on Ivan’s hair even after, forcing his head back and exposing Ivan's throat to him. Till drags his free hand down Ivan’s face to his neck, marking him with blood there as well.
Till bares his teeth against Ivan’s vulnerable throat like he really is going to eat him. Ivan looks so cute like this — under him, his wide dark eyes filled with tears and some indescribable emotion — that Till just might.
Still unable to speak in anything louder than a whisper, Till brings his face just inches from Ivan’s, close enough for their noses to almost touch. He wants to make sure Ivan can hear everything he has to say with perfect clarity.
“Either you don’t know me at all, or that little… stunt of yours really went to your head,” Till growls softly, all brutal fire and warm poison, “If you think you can make me do anything.”
Unlike during their round together, there was little danger of Till being drugged to the teeth here. Ivan was bigger, but he could never bring himself to do anything that would cage Till, maybe unconsciously so. Ivan gave up too easily — where Till was growing stronger every day, and he never gave up so long as there was still fight left in him. And with the one person who sparks that fire right here beside him? With Ivan, Till was a monstrous inferno — burning bright enough to rival the sun.
“I’m not giving you 'free rein'. I’m giving you exactly as much of myself as I want to. I don’t want you to be anywhere else but right next to me — unless it’s safe inside my heart forever. You won’t be able to carve out all of me if I keep making my heart bigger — for you, and for anyone else I want to keep. I can be pretty selfish too, Ivan.”
Till leans further in to whisper, his breath ghosting against Ivan’s lips:
He pulls away just as suddenly, and brings the broken hand that had settled on Ivan’s neck back up to cup his face. There’s a moment of hesitation and uncertainty in Till’s eyes, seeming shy for the first time in this whole conversation, before he bends down and presses his lips to Ivan’s cheek, kissing away his tears. There’s a light dusting of pink across Till’s nose as he pulls back and looks away, embarrassed.
It’s a sweet and childish gesture. Kissing your friends on the cheek had been very popular in Anakt, and although Till never had an interest in doing something like that before, or maybe he was too bashful, he hopes it’s enough to convey to Ivan a tiny sliver of how he feels, as well as selfishly allowing Till to consume a small bit of Ivan. He hopes that it will show Ivan how serious Till is about this. He wants so badly for Ivan to believe him. To be able to free Ivan from at least a little bit of his pain and suffering, like Ivan used to do for Till.
