shark vs the universe
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Xuebing Du
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@incorrect--shakespeare-quotes
Carrd Link
https://welcome-2-incorrect--shakespeare.carrd.co/#
Thanks for reading the carrd! (Most of the info under mod banq is wrong but I can't be bothered to update it)
My queue posts at 2pm central time every day!
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Current blog title is from King Lear, Act III Scene 5 Line 106
American followers. Listen to me. I don’t care who the democrats replace Joe with. We have to vote for them.
Sorry for the dropoff, I got cast in my school's play but rehearsals are really kicking my ass, I should be able to fill the queue this weekend!
*Benedick is cooking*
Claudio: Any chance that’s for me?
Benedick: It’s for Beatrice. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need her on my side.
Hero: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.
Fabian, setting down a card: Ace of spades
Sir Andrew, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Sir Toby, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you
Malvolio, trembling: What are we playing
Ariel: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?
Prospero: *turning to Caliban* How tall are you?
Prospero: I know you snuck out last night, Miranda.
Ariel: Play dumb!
Miranda: Who's Miranda?
Ariel: NOT THAT DUMB!!!
Hamlet: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.
Ophelia: Oh, you’ve been?
Hamlet: Once. In Monopoly
Kent: God, give me patience.
Fool: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Kent: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.
Horatio: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Hamlet: *chugs entire bottle*
Hamlet: It’s perfume.
Hamlet: Horatio! My face is on fire!
Horatio: Hamlet! Are you ok?!
Hamlet: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.
Horatio: But your face is on fire.
Hamlet: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.
Goneril: If you had to choose between Edgar and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?
Edmund: That depends, how much money are we taking about?
Edgar: Edmund!
Goneril: 63 cents.
Edmund: I'll take the money.
Edgar: EDMUND!!!
Orsino: has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful?
Olivia: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papà forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity
(source: tumblr) (twelfth night)
Prospero: Everyone, synchronize your watches.
Ferdinand: I don’t know how to do that.
Miranda: I don’t wear a watch.
Ariel: Time is a construct.
Benvolio: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Mercutio: Okay, but in my defense, Tybalt bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Benvolio: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!
Feste: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?
Malvolio: *turning to Sir Toby* How tall are you?
Store Worker: Would a Mr. Kent please come to the front desk?
Kent, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: *points to Edgar and Fool*
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
Edgar and Fool, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Kent: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-
