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the incorrect Agatha All Along quotes account nobody asked for

[incorrect-agatha]

Hello hello!

Agatha All Along has taken up every corner of my brain as of late, so I’ve made this to have somewhere to yell about my brainrot related to it in the form of incorrect quotes. I might reblog other things related to the show here too, but the main focus is goofy silly incorrect quotes of the coven. Hope you enjoy your stay! :D

[incorrect-agatha]

Agatha: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering.

Agatha: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'

[incorrect-agatha]

Agatha: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them.

Jen: Wow, I actually can agree with you for once.

[incorrect-agatha]

Billy: What’s the quickest way to a man’s heart?

Alice: Through his fourth and fifth ribs.

Billy: No, I mean how do I romance a man.

Alice: Don’t ask me, how would I know? Frankly, you probably know the most about it out of anyone in this house.

[incorrectagathaallalongquotes]

Agatha, trying to comfort: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Alice: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Teen: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Rio, appearing out of the shadows: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

[incorrect-agatha]

Billy, genuinely bewildered: You really put everything aside and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Jen: Several traffic violations.

Lilia: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Alice: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Agatha: Also that’s not our car.

[incorrect-agatha]

Lilia: He’s got a picture of his mom in his wallet.

Agatha, Wanda’s ex… best friend: Ooo, now that’s what I call a MILF! 😏

Jen: Don’t tell us what you think it stands for-

Agatha, sarcastically: My Interesting Lady Friend

Jen: -we already know it’s wrong!

[incorrect-agatha]

*Alice, Billy, and Lilia are on a walk and they come across a cube-shaped building.*

Alice: It’s like Minecraft.

Billy: It’s giving Roblox.

Lilia: …..You two need to go outside more often.

[incorrect-agatha]

Jen: I actually have a black belt.

Alice: In what, karate?

Jen: No, from Gucci.

[incorrect-agatha]

Billy: So no matter how shallow and self-absorbed you pretend to be-

Agatha: Excuse me, there’s no pretense here. I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow.

Billy: No, you’re not. Or you wouldn’t be so unhappy.

Agatha: …..

Agatha: Shut up.

[incorrect-agatha]

*Rio urgently picked up Alice with no explanation and now they’re driving*

Alice: So come on then Rio, what’s happening? And what have you got this new knife for?

Rio: Because I’m in terrible danger.

Alice: But, you could easily hurt someone!

Rio, speeding up the car to hit pedestrians: That’s the idea!!!

[incorrect-agatha]

The Coven Gift Exchange

Agatha (from Lilia) - a pack of batteries, one of those hand crank flashlights, and a generator (a joke gift because of Agatha’s quest for “power”)

Alice (from Billy) - some cozy Animal Crossing style games to chill out with when life gets too hectic and/or when she can’t go out to do the activities she wants for whatever reason (Alice and Billy sometimes play together on such games too, such as having a multiplayer Stardew Valley save, visiting each other’s towns/islands in Animal Crossing, and hanging out together in Disney Dreamlight Valley)

Billy (from Agatha) - Tommy’s green jacket that somehow ended up in her house during the events of the Hex (no one knows why it didn’t disappear with everything else and Agatha claims she only gave it to Billy because she’s trying to clean up her house)

Jen (from Rio) - some rare potions ingredients Jen wanted that she’s randomly mentioned in conversations (Rio, being the Green Witch, was easily able to find such plants, herbs, and other sorts of things that few mortals would be able to acquire)

Lilia (from Jen) - a watch that not only tells the hour and minutes, but the day, month, and year so when Lilia gets stuck in the future she can get her bearings faster by knowing when she is (while it doesn’t help when she gets stuck in the past since she didn’t have the watch then, it still gives Lilia some peace of mind that she can navigate the future a little easier now and is very touched that Jen found such a thoughtful gift)

Rio (from Alice) - a DVD of Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever since the actress who voices Grumpy Cat in the movie looks and sounds an awful lot like Rio and the rest of The Coven teases her about it to no end (Rio pretends to be annoyed, but actually loves being associated with Grumpy Cat as she finds the meme hilarious)

Bonus:

Rio finally gets Alice that pack of Advil she asked for on the Road.

[incorrect-agatha]

Jen: You're a loose cannon, Agatha.

Agatha: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Alice: I think you play by your own rules.

Lilia: No way, she thinks rules were made to be broken.

Jen: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Agatha: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Rio is a loose cannon.

Rio: *smashes a chair*

[incorrectagathaallalongquotes]

Agatha: You were supposed to do something about the raccoon under the porch.

Rio: I did! I named him Lord Moseby. He likes Fruit Loops.

[incorrect-agatha]

Alice: I have a fun Christmas idea - let’s hang some mistletoe but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever else is under it.

Agatha: Mistlefoe™️

Rio: SOMEONE’S HALLS ARE GETTING DECKED!

[incorrect-agatha]

[incorrect-agatha]

Jen: Anyone d-

Billy: Depressed?

Alice: Drained?

Lilia: Demoralized?

Agatha: Disliked?

Jen: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people...