This is my AU that will never go anywhere, where Agatha and Wanda are best, best friends, Viz is as usual not in the picture (no one cares about Vision), the twins are around, and it's vaguely set around Book 4 or 5 of Dungeon Crawler Carl.
The Brief Interaction of The Royal Court of Princess Donut and The Soccer Moms
A Dungeon Crawler Carl/WandaVision AU Crossover
We'd never met the Soccer Moms before. I knew Donut had trash-talked back and forth with Agnes Oco, who had hovered just outside of the top ten and appeared once or twice on the fifth floor. By all accounts, Agnes killed the hell out of massed mobs and had saved the asses of several parties, but also had serious murder hobo vibes so nobody wanted to join up with their party. The Soccer Moms had a small, dedicated following due to their backstory, though according to Donut they could get kind of maudlin with their tight-knit family vibes.
There were four of them: Agnes Oco, her best friend Wanda Max, and Wanda's two sons, Billy and Tommy Max. They had been outside when the collapse happened, about to get into Agnes's giant SUV so they could all go to Tommy's indoor soccer tournament for a traveling team. The Soccer Moms had been incredibly lucky; they had two duffel bags full of clothes and gear and a third bag full of soccer supplies sitting on the side of the car before it disappeared. Agnes had been carrying a handgun in her purse and Tommy Max had earned a Platinum Pelé box for being the first crawler to bring soccer balls into the dungeon.
However, it had been Wanda who had permanently stuck the party with the name The Soccer Moms when she'd used a soccer ball to decapitate a mob on the first floor.
Tommy, a blond kid who was about six feet tall wearing cleats, held out a fist to us. I quickly added him to my chat along with the other three. The lanky teen immediately sent me a private message while the other three stood a bit away from me and Donut.
Tommy MAX: Don't be offended if Auntie Ags gives you shit. That's just how she is.
Carl: As long as she isn't trying to murder my party or other crawlers, she can give me all the shit she wants.
Tommy MAX: Rumors of Auntie's murder hobo-ness are...well, not greatly exaggerated, but she isn't actively trying to kill crawlers. She just doesn't care if crawlers are getting in the way when she is, according to her, 'trying to save SOME idiots from dying and getting us killed.'
Donut and Agnes Oco were staring each other down, clearly talking shit to each other on a private chat. Agnes was a Level 34 Wine Aunt, Wanda was a Level 36 Chaotic Mage, Billy was a Level 29 Boy Wonder, and Tommy was a Level 30 Speedster. While I wasn't sure how I felt about the Soccer Moms yet, I approved of how everyone in the party had solid stats and levels. They wouldn't be easy for the dungeon to kill, even if I had no idea what Agnes' class meant.
Carl: What the hell is a Wine Aunt?
Mordecai: It's a weird hybrid class. Bard and fighter. She can cast spells by singing or telling stories, and those get stronger with her charisma. Also, she can throw projectiles very accurately, particularly liquid ones out of containers. The recap shows spend a lot of time talking about her Invisible Woman spell.
I remembered now. The reason Agnes Oco was the famous member of Soccer Moms was her Level 10 Invisible Woman spell, which she'd earned for being the oldest woman in the party AND the first to kill a mob two levels higher than herself. Invisible Woman let Agnes hide in plain sight - she could cast it and mobs were unable to see her even if she was standing right next to them for thirty seconds plus her intelligence times three. The neat trick to Invisible Woman was that other crawlers could see her even when mobs and NPCs couldn't, letting their healer (Billy) buff her and extend the spell. They'd made the spell even more effective using Agnes' Wine Aunt class; she'd sing a little jingle to duplicate herself and suddenly there were three visible Agnes for mobs to chase while Agnes herself sniped the oblivious mobs either with a nasty pair of sai, a set of enchantable throwing knives, or by the amusing if dangerous method of throwing liquid attacks from a bucket or cup.
Donut: CARL, SHE INSULTED MY SINGING ABILITIES.
Carl: Tommy says not to take her seriously. She's trying to rile you up.
Donut: SHE SAYS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, GIVEN MY BRAINS AND SPECIES, NOT TO ATTEMPT ANYTHING BARDIC. I LIKE THAT SHE RESPECTS MY INTELLIGENCE BUT WHO THE HELL IS SHE TO SAY ANYTHING? ALSO HER CHARISMA IS VERY HIGH FOR A MURDER HOBO.
"call me an Enigma, cus I'm FULL of fucking surprises"
Thunderbolts x male oc!!
A/N: an unserious fic i wrote a while ago, it’s like an omegaverse dark thunderbolts, enigma oc, isekai kind of fic plus young avengers underground bunker. They are all the MCs babies. Some and light MENTIONS of serious things
kendrick had woken up, in a nest of blankets and pillows. Jesus what’s with the pillow thing again?
its times like this where he wished he had read more.
so far
all he knew was that both male and females can get pregnant
a scent kink was common.
being an omega sucks ass
shuri had throughly checked him and that was embarrassing, she was a lady….and stuff but for some reason it became even more uncomfortable with Joaquin helping him. The growls voice was getting way to excited for him and the softer voice was growling at it. Which made a fight, which made Kendrick almost pass out.
this was really gonna get annoying.
now he was laying there while he listened in on thee groups meeting.
“His nose seems to really not register the pheromones surrounding him.” Shuri explains to the others. “Whatever happened to him, altered his secondary gender. His lack of control of his own pheromones is probably the side effect, along with his lack of reaction or smell to his own and others smells. He still has working reproductive organs, tho judging by what i grabbed. His sperm count clearly shows healthy and highly fertile specimens.”
shuri explains.
kamala and Kate both shudder, they did not want to hear this about their parent figure, but they are worried so they’d have to to listen in.
meanwhile the oldest person in the room was dying from the overwhelming amount of cringe he was feeling.
Hearing your favorite and beloved characters talk about your sex organs is a new type of embarrassment that Kendrick would now like to wipe from his mind, forever.
He covered his very red face with a blanket. And lied flat on the ground like a board. why was he sniffing them so much? Wasn’t like he was gonna get anything out of it.
smells are important in this world apparently.
from what the gang explained.
smell helps
one helps others calm down.
know when someone is a threat or are threatening.
alert anyone if anyone is in heat or rut.
its also to claim too
or to demand anything from those inferior.
oh goody, instincts say take a whiff but he can’t because he is nose blind.
Wasn’t long before they had talked about other things “y’all done talking about my fertility now?” He whined out and sat up.
“yep” Kamala, Kate and Riri said lol at once, all of them equally awkward. Kendrick sighed
“this is very strange, to put it simply its like your both alpha and omega…….should be further studies tho.” Shuri asked a brow at the 3. Americans….so immature.
“call me an enigma, im full of fucking surprises” Kendrick sighed and shook his head in annoyance, he hung his head with a small huff.
“language” Joaquin huffs.
the older male looked up at him and snorts. “He just said language.” pointing at Joaquin in delight, he loved references.
“he really did” Kamala laughed.
“Mm mm mm” Riri shook her head.
“we will be very careful with our language good sir.” Kate said teasing the male. Billy only smiled softly at this.
“Come on” the man rolled his eyes
“Anyways, im gonna get this guy out of this awful patient clothes.” Billy states.
“what’s wrong with what im wearing?” Kendrick pouts.
“i can see the fabric making your skin flare up and turn red.” Billy scoffs as he drags Kendrick.”wait! Wait wait!” He exclaims “help meeee!” He yelled at the others.
“Nuh uh.” Kamala shook her head and helps billy.
“I wanna dress Charlie up too.” She giggled.
“kate? Riri? Joaquin!? SHURI!?”
They all turned a blind eye.
“TRAITORS.” he was dragged by kamalas magical glowing arm.
**********
an hour later
kendrick was given a whole make over.
very much unnecessary to be honest.
“I look ….like a fuckin bottom” he mumbles and looks at himself in the mirror.
Kate and Riri laughed loudly at this display.
“I think you look so pretty” Joaquin smiled as he delicately cleans his equipment. Rather a skilled seamstresser.
“Hey! Not my fault you still have no fashion sense” Billy huffs , putting a hand on his hip. Kamala grinned “OH you look great tho” she claps her hands rapidly. She then takes out a Polaroid “say cheese” she warns.
Kendrick stared then busted out two peace signs and a toothed grin.
“That is going in the scrap book” she huffs proudly, fanning the film.
Shuri watches them silent and smiled softly. She was like the silent guy in the chair. It’s been a while since she’s felt the joy of little moments.
Gods knows she forgot to appreciate the small moments she had with her blood family.
Riri glances at Shuri “Charlie seems to be so different….isn’t he?” she asks. She rolled her chair to the other woman and handed her a couple of chips. Shuri nods “yes …but it is only a side effect from his amnesia, it is common” she looks away taking the offer. “His inability to read our minds is what concerns me the most” she explains.
Riri felt a little conflicted and worried, she really hoped Charlie came back to being himself.
“He sure is a helluva lot childish tho, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Charles cuss” Kate hummed
*********
Kendrick glanced over to the two science nerds then looked away silently then at himself “hmm” he felt so girly and soft in this.
“Man I look so swarny, all this height and no guns?” Kendrick hummed as he flexes. “Omegas cant really build muscle silly, but I guess since your kinda part alpha I think you should try it out” Kamala eyes sparkled.
“We can totally spar” Kate comments, she being a very ripped woman herself. She works hard to keep her figure sharp and hard for fights. Diligence is key for her.
“Cool”
“uncle UNCLE!” Kendrick chokes as he was held down by kate. The tigers staring in worry, the pheromones hazing the air enough for Kate to notice and let go.
“Ha HA!” Kendrick kicked the back of her knees and she falls back. “Ow”
************
Days went by, lil by little Kendrick figures out this world.
It’s so much grayer
Turns out
The avengers weren’t even considered heroes, more like gangs then anything. They hand picked what they wanted to save and were powerful so people followed along.
“So they….aren’t earths mightest heroes?” He whispers.
“Pfft more like earths mightest jerks” Kate scoffs as she layed down on the carpet as they watched TV.
Kamala was currently scrolling through her phone. “Hmmm trying to see what character I should add my for collage….” She whispers.
“What kind?” Kendrick looks over from eating cookies, his cheeks full.
“Uh just anime …stuff” Kamala shook her head and brushes the question off. Surely Charles didn’t want to hear about such childish things.
“Cool! Well who do you simp for the most?” He asks tilting his head curiously.
“Uh….well” Kamala stammers, obviously shocked, she didn’t know Charles knew that kind of lingo. Not even Kate
“I personally consider myself a basic bitch and go for the older hot mentors.” He states “like Gojo” he sighed softly.
Kamala blinked then snorts “that is basic” she laughed.
“Indeed it is child, indeed it is” the man grinned as he straightens out “for I am a basic bitch” and that made Kamala laugh.
‘hapoy pup, good’ the voice in his head croons, Kendrick felt satisfied as he watches her go at work. He tensed up when there was an alarm going off.
Everyone was quick to jump
“What’s going on?” Kendrick asked as he stood as well, he yelps when a blanket goes onto him. As well as a couple of pillows, then a barrier around him. Kamala jumping onto him like he were a couch, Kate readying a bow and arrow. Joaquin laying on Kendrick as well.
Kendrick grunts “you guys….heavy” he wheezed.
They were Scenting the pile as best as they could. Riri rolled her chair to the bigger screen and checked what was up, shuri also checking the other set of security cameras and see if any parts of her barrier were tampered with.
They looked at the camera. Kendrick grumbles as he slowly slips his head out to look.
It was a light, circling the area. Kendrick looked closer
It was Bob…or well Sentry.
“Looks like he’s out on patrol again” Riri sighed in concern. “Out of all people” Kamala whined.
“He’s …dangerous isn’t he” Kendrick frowned.
“No kidding, why do you think Shuri built this place 29 miles deep?” Joaquin looks over to Kendrick and nuzzles the area closest to Kendricks face.
“Even then it is wise to be cautious” Shuri mumbles.
“Pete’s been doing a good job at distracting them every so often” Kate sighed as she lowered her bow as sentry moved on.
“Wait pete? As in peter parker?” Kendrick blinked. Holy shit, his old marvel crush is involved too? Who would have known!?
What a dream.
“You remember pete?” Kamala asked, hopeful.
“Yea, spiderman …right?” Kendrick asked, a lil unsure on how things really changed here.
“Yep…he’s apart of the avengers ….well sorta. He’s kinda like a badass brooding spy, he’s like older then most of us except Joaquin” Kate informs the male.
“one of two alphas in our group” Joaquin hummed softly. “And Joaquin has the hots for” Kate whispers. “It’s like super cute, both of them are totally hopeless” Kamala giggled.
“And Johnny” Billy comments nonchalantly.
“Shut up!” Joaquin stammers and his his face in Kendricks neck.
Kendrick blinked
Mind blown
Peter is….. bisexual in this universe? Bi as in….two ways? Wait..JOHN STORM EXISTS HERE??? which one the joseph quinn one or Chris Evans? Probably Joseph quinns …….
Kendrick can die happy now.
Oh his teenage self can die happy at least
Degenerates rejoice!
“Shut up! We aren’t like that” Joaquin huffs and blushed heavily.
All of them look at him with a ‘really?’ expression.
