Incorrect Archibald The Koala Quotes

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Miss. Julie: And remember, if I get harsh with you, it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

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Sullivan: I'm going to destroy your play.

Giovanni: But you didn't even-a see it. Um, you know, did I do-a something to offend you?

Sullivan: As a matter of fact, you did. You took up space in a theater which otherwise might've been used on something worthwhile.

Giovanni: Okay. Well, I mean, you-a don't even know if it's-a any good or-a not.

Sullivan: That's true; I haven't read a word of it or even seen a preview. But after the opening tomorrow, I'm gonna turn in the worst review anybody has ever read and I'm going close your play. Would you like to know why? Because I hate you and everyone you represent. Entitled, selfish, spoiled children. Blissfully untrained, unversed, and unprepared to even attempt real art. Handing each other awards for cartoons and pin-ups. Measuring your worth in weekends? Well, this is theater. And you don't get to come in here and pretend you can write, direct, and act in your own propaganda piece without coming through me first. So break a leg.

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Giovanni: John-a Dory, quick, reel it-a in! Can't you-a hear the music? That's a 4/4 string ostinato in-a D minor! Every sailor knows that means-a death! Reel it in before it's-a too late!

John D: *wishing he hadn't gone fishing with Giovanni* I know, I know, I'm trying!

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Souffle: You think that’s cringe? Moms around the world wait nine months just to end up naming their kid Giovanni.

Giovanni: Hey, fuck you.

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Giovanni: A circle is-a round, it has no-a end, that's how long I want to-a be your friend!

Sullivan: Shut up.

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Marie: So you think Giovanni is the one for me?

Edison: Oh, yeah. He’s tons of fun, and you’re not fun at all. He completes you.

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John D: Why would you ever want to run forty-two kilometers?

Iris: The same reason you stayed on the couch for the entire month of July.

John D: Ah, I get it. A sense of accomplishment.

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Archibald: I'm trying really hard to find a moral to this story other than "violence is good", but, uh... it's not... it's not coming.

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Iris: How long have you been sleeping with Giovanni?

Marie: That’s disgusting. And wrong. I don’t even get- Why would- I- I’ve never had sex with anyone, anywhere. It’s none of your- You have- the nerve, the audacity- Giovanni is my colleague, technically. And he is terrible, face-wise. And how- how- do I know, frankly, that you’re not sleeping with him? Maybe you are. Maybe you’re trying to throw me off? Hmm? Check and mate.

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Giovanni, about Marie: I do sort of-a like it when she’s-a mean to me. Hopefully, that’s more a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing.

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Giovanni: Wow, this-a parking is as straight as-a I am.

Miss. Julie: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

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Giovanni: What's my-a sexuality? I don't fucking know! I'm not-a straight, and that's all that-a matters. Well, maybe that's unfair to the-a straights. Some of my-a best friends are-a straight! Well, one of them. Well, I know-a him, and Archibald is a perfectly tolerable person in-a small doses!

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Edison: If I ever had a child, I imagine they would be a lot like you.

Giovanni: Aww, thanks-

Edison: Which is probably why I’ve never reproduced.

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Archibald: You’re charged with… breaking into a pet store?

Giovanni: I thought the-a animals might be-a lonely.

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Giovanni: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to-a sit on a window bench with my-a lover, our legs tangling as we-a listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go-a throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's-a very sexy of us.

Marie: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both. 

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Archibald: If I may interject...

Sullivan: Oh, awesome, Archibald was eavesdropping. 

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Jozette: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I’ve got a whole box of old positives in the town hall.

Iris: You’re a Rastepappe treasure.