Incorrect Life Series

[incorrect-life-series]

Scott: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

[incorrect-life-series]

Pearl: So, you’re just going to forgive me?

Gem: Well, either that, or I wait until you’re lulled into a sense of security, maybe days, maybe months, and then when you least expect it, exact my revenge.

Pearl:....right. I’ll keep that in mind

[incorrect-life-series]

Lizzie: What do you call sabotage and arson?

Cleo: A hobby.

Lizzie: ...

Cleo: …That I do not engage in.

[incorrect-life-series]

Scott: I just got a new notebook, what should I put in it?

Joel: Put spaghetti in it.

Scott: I am taking suggestions from anyone else.

Lizzie: Put spaghetti in it.

Scott: I am taking suggestions from anyone except you two.

Martyn: Put spaghetti in it.

Scott: I am no longer taking suggestions.

[incorrect-life-series]

Kidnapper: We have your child

Impulse: I don’t have a child?

Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?

Impulse: Oh god, you have Skizz

[incorrect-life-series]

Cleo: Have children, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

Bdubs: PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!

Scar: ITS TOO BIG TO SMOTHER! GET THE ANTI-FLAMETHROWER!

Etho: It- It's called a fire extinguisher.

[sounds of glass shattering, explosions, and screaming in the distance]

Cleo: Don't listen to them. Don't.

[incorrect-life-series]

Jimmy: Which way did they go?

Tango: Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I’d guess they went left.

Jimmy: You could really figure it out from that?

Tango: No, you idiot, they sent me a text. See?

[incorrect-life-series]

Cleo: What’s wrong with you?!

Pearl: Off the top of my head, I’d say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

[incorrect-life-series]

Joel: Hey does anyone know how to play the trumpet?

Martyn: Why?

Joel: I want to wander around and play one to annoy everyone

Martyn: Technically you don't need to know how to play it to do that

Joel:

Joel: You have opened my eyes

[incorrect-life-series]

Etho: You're all just overgrown children, I swear

Grian: Yeah, but we're your overgrown children, Etho, so what does that say about how you raised us?

Etho: I met you when you were all in your late twenties, Grian

Grian: Yeah, but its been over five years, so what does that say about how you raised us?

[incorrect-life-series]

Ren: I dare you to kiss the cutest person in this room

Scar: Grian?

Grian: *blushes* Yes?

Scar: Move. I need to get to Jellie

[incorrect-life-series]

Mumbo: Well, well, well... if it isn’t my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.

[incorrect-life-series]

Scott: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Mumbo: What if it bites me and it dies?

Scott: That means you’re poisonous.

Jimmy: What if it bites itself and I die?

Scott: …That’s voodoo.

Lizzie: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Scott: That’s correlation, not causation.

Impulse: What if we bite each other and neither of us dies?

Cleo: That’s kinky.

[incorrect-life-series]

Martyn: Swear words are illegal now! If you say one you’ll be in big trouble.

Scar: Heck.

Martyn: You’re on thin fucking ice.

Martyn: …oh no

[incorrect-life-series]

Tango: What’s your biggest fear?

Bdubs: That one day I will wake up as a donut.

Tango: You’d eat yourself, wouldn’t you?

Bdubs: *whispering with a horrified look* I wouldn’t even question it

[incorrect-life-series]

Incorrect-Life-Series 1 Month Special

Lifers as John Mulaney Quotes

Grian

Scar

Gem

Pearl

Joel

Lizzie

Cleo

Scott

Jimmy

[incorrect-life-series]

Skizz: Alright, that’s it! You’re in time out! Get on top of the fridge!

Gem, scaling the refrigerator: this houSE IS A HECKING NIGHTMARE