You Don’t Know Jack: The Re-Ride Incorrect Quotes

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Welcome to Incorrect Re-Ride Quotes!

Inspirations for this blog are @incorrectjackboxquotes, @wrongydkjquotes, @shittymurderparty, and @wrongweaponsdrawn.

Characters Available for Incorrect Quotes

Conan Blankenburg

Tyler Burke

Elevator Lady

Studio Announcer/Buzz Lippman (Headcanon)

Production Assistant/Maya Gonzalez (Headcanon)

The Contestants: Olivia, Thomas, and Theresa (Headcanon)

Sam Feeley

Phil Ferguson

Kenny Oscars

Zorthrax (The Demon from 739: Haunts & Spooks)

Ex-Writer (From 451: Rebellion)

Fake Cop (From 824: The First Anglo Burmese War)

Brad Dirty (From SUPER COOL EDITION)

Clark (Owner of Clark’s Tavern)

Jenson Marks (New Producer!)

Holly Nightingale (New Hostess!)

Da Rules

I will allow dirty jokes, but nothing too NSFW.

If you share an incorrect quote, please add the source.

I won’t allow ship quotes featuring Sam as one of the shipees, he’s already married, and he’s a real person, so, yeah.

No shipping the contestants! They are minors! (All three contestants are siblings too)

YDKJ OCs are allowed.

You may cross over with the actual Jackbox.

Types of incorrect Quotes

Incorrect Quotes

Incorrect Karaoke (Songs)

Incorrect Quote with OC

Incorrect Quote with Crossover

Incorrect Quote with AU

Happy Quoting!

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(Season 3 of the Re-Ride) (Conan Blankenburg enters the Green Room wearing glasses, instead of his usual contacts.) (Tyler, Sam, Elevator Lady, and the Studio Announcer look astonished. Tyler: You wear glasses? Conan: No, I wear contacts, which I am out of! So I have to put these on, and my face is totally Phil’d!

(Source: Bob’s Burgers - Sleeping with the Frenemy)

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(Context: In the past, Jenson Marks is trying to teach a timid Holly Nightingale to come out of her shell.) (Jenson is pacing left and right) Jenson: Now! What have we learned? Holly: Lots of control… Jenson: Good. Holly: Screaming and hollering… Jenson: Yes. And most importantly… Holly: Passion! Jenson: *Stops pacing* Right! *Walks to in front of Holly* So now that you know the elements of a good cheer, let’s hear one! Holly: *sniff* Yay… Jenson: …Ugh! *Facepalms* You’re gonna cheer for me like THAT?! Louder! Holly: Yay. Jenson: LOUDER! Holly: Yay! Jenson: LOUDER!!! Holly: *Le big inhale* Yayy… Jenson: Ugh…! *Collapses* Holly: …Too loud…?

(Source: My Little Pony Friendship is Magic - Sonic Rainboom)

[incorrect-reride-quotes]

(Tyler Burke looks out his window and sees Phil Ferguson driving a cybertruck) Tyler: What… am I looking at? He just pulled up to my house- oh, nah… is that a TRAPEZOID?! (A few moments later, Phil steps out of his car and he notices Tyler) Phil: What it do, homie? Tyler: (Standing on the porch) What you doing, the Geometry Dash? What. In hell Are you driving? Phil: C’mon, dawg, this the Tesla Cybertruck! Tyler: What the f**k is your real name? What did you put in to apply for that car? Phil: I got it for free from my boi, Tippet! Tyler: You ain’t KICKIN’ IT, with Tippet. I’ll doubt that for the rest of my life. Why you pullin’ up in the Bionicle Whip? Phil: Ay, I’m bossed up, bruh, this sh** is ELECTRIC! Tyler: BOSSED UP?! You gettin noooo bitches off that sh**. Call that the NBA; No Bitches Attached!

(Source: Sethical - Tesla Cybertruck | Baku Season 5)

[incorrect-reride-quotes]

Phil: Is that ham processed? If it’s processed I don’t want it.

Tyler: Sir, that is an eleven pound whole slab of deli ham. It has no bones, fat, or connective tissue. It is an amalgamation of the meat of several pigs, emulsified, liquified, strained, and ultimately inexorably joined in an unholy meat obelisk. God had no hand in the creation of this abhorrence. The fact that this ham monolith exists proves that God is either impotent to alter His universe or ignorant to the horrors taking place in his kingdom. This prism of pork is more than deli meat. It is a physical declaration of mankind’s contempt for the natural order. It is hubris manifest… We also have a lower sodium variety if you would prefer that.

(Source-Tumblr)

^ Why does that feel like such a Tyler-thing to say 😭

[incorrect-reride-quotes]

(Context: The Re-Riders were drawing Kenny Oscars, with Conan Blankenburg describing his appearance.) Studio Announcer/Buzz: (His drawing of Kenny was Anime-Styled) I think I made one eye bigger than the other. Sam: (He drew Kenny as a TBH Creature) I was going for a feeling.. Tyler: (He drew Kenny as a biblically accurate angel) (A sweat bead runs down his face) Honestly, I can’t even draw a circle… *laughs a bit* (Conan observes Elevator Lady’s drawing. She drew a self-portrait.) Conan: Ok, Elevator Lady, you just drew yourself. Elevator Lady: Uh… I like me.

(Source: Steven Universe — Are You My Dad?)

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(Hypothetical Light Floor) Conan: Welcome to the Light Floor of The Re-Ride! For this episode, we’ve rigged up lights all over the Complex! Watch this…! *snaps fingers* (Fluorescent Lights turn on, as Conan starts having a seizure) Conan: EEP! Bad idea, bad idea…!! *Collapses* (Beep-Beep!) Tyler: (Suffering from a seizure as well) M-Maya… S-stand…by…! *Collapses* (Majority of the staff have fainted from seizures. Please stand by.)

(Source: None, This is a Maka-Original Quote!)

(PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS AS INSENSITIVE)

[incorrect-reride-quotes]

(Context: The Re-Riders — Consisting of Conan, Sam, Tyler, Kenny, Holly, and Jenson — are facing off against Phil Ferguson and the other one-off antagonists in a Softball match) (The Studio Announcer, also known as Buzz Lippman, and Elevator Lady are in a booth above the stadium) Studio Announcer/Buzz: Beautiful night for a game, right, Elevator Lady? Elevator Lady: *nods* Studio Announcer/Buzz: We’ve got The Re-Riders, playing against the EVIL RIDERS! (Introduction Cutscene for the Evil Riders Ensues) Phil: *does finger guns* ‘Sup, f**ers, I’m Phil Ferguson! Zorthrax: HEHEHEHE!! I’M ZORTHRAX!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Fake Cop: *points an actual gun at the camera* Officer Arnold 4000 here! Ex-Writer: H-hi, guys… *taps fingers together* I’m Lane Robbins. Binjbot: (In a small boxlike form, supposedly now a “Binjpipe AI Assistant”) Binjbot reporting for duty! Toby (From Patently Stupid): I’m Toby Schmitstinstein. *starts tweaking out* Holly: …Oh. This… oughta be… fun… Sam: Why the f**k is she (Binjbot) here?

(Source: The Amazing Digital Circus — Untitled)

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Elevator Lady: Hello, Conan. I love you. Conan, blushing: AH!! *Starts pushing Player 1/Olivia away* Let’s get out of here before Elevator Lady gets FRISKY!

(Source: The Amazing Digital Circus — PILOT)

[incorrect-reride-quotes]

Nate: (under the effects of Binjpipe reversing his personality) I’ve decided! As an apology, I’m gonna commit MURDER! *Looks left and right* are there any… Charcoal Briquettes… somewhere? Binjpipe!Conan: That’s not… committing murder… *Pulls out a frying pan* That’s committing COOKING! (Conan and Tyler laugh) Binjpipe!Tyler: That’s committing to this delicious meal. Nate: *Gets an idea* I’m gonna commit BARBEQUE! *looks in a fridge* Where’s the sauce? (Later) Nate: Anyway, I can’t stay put, I have the Leaving Disease! Goodbye! *Skedaddles* (Conan and Tyler continue to laugh) (Nate then comes back with a portable grill, hamburger patties, and a spatula) Nate: Now I have the Cooking Disease! *starts flipping the burgers on the grill* Burgers! For everyone! *suddenly starts packing the grill up* But I have the Leaving Disease too, so I have to go…! NO BURGERS! (Conan and Tyler are still laughing) Nate: THIS IS HARD!!

(Source: Game Grumps — Committing the crime of BARBECUE | Danganronpa 2 [37])

(The Binjpipe!Conan and Tyler in this scenario is inspired by @propranksterpropaganda’s COTDP-HWGA)

[incorrect-reride-quotes]

Tyler: My boyfriend is wearing a FUCKING suit to his Autism Diagnosis Appointment. Conan: (lo and behold, in a suit) It’s a special event-! Tyler: SHUT UP.

(Source: Unknown)

Inspiration:

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Sam: Now remember, kids, if you love someone, and they’re okay with it, be sure to give ‘em a kiss. But not just any kiss. I mean FULL-ON MACKIN’ IT, BABY! MAKE ‘EM GASP FOR AIR!!

Source:

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The Re-Riders’ responses to “I’d die for you.” Tyler: Then perish. Elevator Lady: You will. Studio Announcer: Please don’t. Conan: Cool. Sam: *pulls out an axe* I’D DIE FOR YOU FIRST!

Source:

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(Phil Ferguson is trotting along a sidewalk, wearing a pair of sneakers) Phil: ~I’m not taking my sneakers off!~ ~I am Sneakers O’Phil!~ (Sam Feeley and Tyler Burke approach Phil) Sam: HEY! Take those sneakers off! Phil: NO! Sam: Take ‘em off, I said! Phil: NO!! *runs away* (Sam is about to chase after Phil, but Tyler grabs his shoulder) Tyler: Ah, let him go. We’ll never catch him. Not in these shoes. (Phil continues to trot in his sneakers) Phil: ~I didn’t take my sneakers off!~ ~I’m still Sneakers O’Phil!~

(Source: Family Guy)

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Conan, wearing a blindfold: I’m blind… Elevator Lady, wearing earmuffs: I’m deaf… Tyler, with his mouth taped: *muffled noise* (I’m mute) Sam, displayed on a video screen: And I’m stuck in a simulation. All (Minus Tyler): And today, we’re trying to bake a cake.

(Source: Bunch of Friends — Blind, Deaf, Mute, and Stuck in the Arctic)

[incorrect-reride-quotes]

Conan: HA-HA-HA! ARE YOU KIDDING?! I HATE this STUPID JOB!

(Source: ENA's New Voices by Joel G)

[incorrect-reride-quotes]

(JackSwap!Conan meeting JackSwap!Phil on Floor 669: Online Dating)

JackSwap!Conan: Eh? What is this? Who are you? JackSwap!Phil: I am- JackSwap!Conan: Who are you?! JackSwap!Phil: I AM- JackSwap!Conan: WHO ARE YOU?!

(Source: Invader Zim — Door to Door)