Rebecca (about dating Ted): Last week, I sent Ted to buy petrol. But instead, he bought novelty cookie cutters. Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. He’s amazing.

Kiana Khansmith
Claire Keane
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
wallacepolsom
dirt enthusiast

shark vs the universe
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roma★
Acquired Stardust
trying on a metaphor
d e v o n

⁂
Xuebing Du

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

izzy's playlists!

oozey mess
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
No title available
YOU ARE THE REASON
taylor price
seen from Netherlands
seen from Japan

seen from India

seen from T1

seen from Malaysia

seen from United States

seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from T1

seen from United Kingdom

seen from United Kingdom

seen from Malaysia
seen from Norway
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye

seen from United Kingdom
seen from Italy
seen from Argentina
seen from Malaysia
@incorrect-tedlasso-quotes
Rebecca (about dating Ted): Last week, I sent Ted to buy petrol. But instead, he bought novelty cookie cutters. Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. He’s amazing.
Rebecca: Life is short. But also terribly and insufferably long at the same time.
Keeley: Just tell him, “You have beautiful eyes”.
Rebecca: That’s good! Great idea!
Rebecca *to Ted*: I have beautiful eyes.
Ted: We were counting on you.
Jamie: Well, that’s your fault. I have carefully cultivated a persona that screams “You’re on your own”.
Ted: Going to Plan B?
Beard: Technically, this would be Plan G.
Keeley: How many plans do we have? Is there, like, a Plan M?
Beard: Yeah, but Jamie dies in Plan M.
Roy: I like Plan M.
Rebecca (to Rupert): With all due respect, which is none, go to hell.
*in 1x09*
Keeley: You’re avoiding your problems.
Rebecca: What? No I’m not. Can we talk about this tomorrow?
Ted: It’s a Feeling Stick. Whoever is holding the Feeling Stick has permission to say whatever they are feeling without being judged. I’ll go first: I feel like I wanna know what you’re feeling.
Ted: *passes the Feeling Stick to Roy*
Roy: *breaks the Feeling Stick*
Ted: Believe it or not, that’s not the first time someone’s broken my Feeling Stick.
Ted: *pulls out a smaller stick*
Ted: I have a travel size.
Roy: Violence is never the answer. It’s the question.
Roy: And the answer is “yes”.
Keeley: I made this friendship bracket for you.
Rebecca: I’m not really a jewelry person...
Keeley: You don’t have to wear it.
Rebecca: No, I’m going to wear it forever. Back off.
Rebecca (about Rupert): I’m going to have to kill him or something.
Keeley: Do it! Do it! Do it! Then afterwards we can hide the body. Then you and I can join the search party and look at each other and try not laugh.
Ted: Well, there’s only one thing to do when teammates won’t see eye to eye.
Sam: Hug each other until we pass out?
Roy: Fight to the death?
Isaac: Body swap?!
Rupert: in a game with no consequences, why would you pick the “good” side?
Ted: Because being mean makes me feel bad.
Beard: Congratulations, you’ve just boiled all of human philosophy down to two sentences.
Ted: Oh my God, Keeley is bi?
Ted: She’s even more powerful than I thought.
Ted: Roy, I know you think you’re helping -
Roy: I don’t think I’m helping.
Keeley: Ted, I think Sassy wanted to buy you a drink.
Ted: Really? But I already have a drink.
Ted: Do you think she’d buy me mozzarella sticks instead?
Keeley: What are you doing tomorrow night?
Rebecca *checking her phone*: Let me see. I believe I’m...yes, I’m scheduled to fall asleep in front of the TV.