the shit that got left on the cutting room floor

look, not everything can make it into the doc, okay?

[mossyforestfox]

Anyone want to vanish into the woods and become local cautionary folktales with me

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

chloe: this is lovely.

tanner: i thought it'd be nice for us to do something together, just the two of us, you know?

kevin popping up from behind them: chloe, tanner, you're not allowed to vape in this place! can you believe that? it's barbaric.

[grasslandgirl]

Dylan: They call me coffee cause I grind so fine.

Sam: They call me coffee cause I keep you up past 2 AM.

Peter: They call me coffee because I’m bitter and most people don’t like me without changing some aspect of what I am.

[grasslandgirl]

Dylan: Also, from now on, we’ll be using code names. You can address me as ‘Eagle One’. Mac is ‘Been There Done That’, Lucas is ‘Currently Doing That’, Spencer is ‘It Happened Once In a Dream’, Ganj is ‘If IHad To Pick A Lesbian’ and Peter is… ‘Eagle Two.’

Peter: Oh thank god.

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

mr baxter: this plan of yours, i assume it's completely legal?

peter: of course.

sam: entirely.

mr baxter: right. wasn’t here. didn’t know about it. couldn’t have stopped you.

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

dylan: is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing?

lucas: no, it’s called highjacking

ganj: guys, no, it’s weedwhacking

peter: no, it’s called disappointing your mother

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

nice

[grasslandgirl]

Grayson: blocked

Peter: unblock me I need to tell you something

Grayson: what

Peter: bitch

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

dylan, biting into a thing of cookie dough: cookie dough is worth taking the risk of salmonella

peter: dylan, pull yourself together and go get a damn spoon. it's cookie dough not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some class.

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

gabi: how could you possibly get into this much trouble in one day?

sam: it didn't take us the whole day

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

sam: (mentally) wait is he into me? quick make a bad joke and see if he laughs

sam: (out loud) did you hear the one about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party? he had no body to go with!

peter: (laughs) that's really funny!

sam: (mentally) well that's not a fair test, that joke's hilarious

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

peter: this is horrible! this is the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me!

sam: even more humiliating than-

peter: let's not do this!

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

kevin: chloe told me that instead of being sad i should "go get it, girl". so i'm going to go get it, girl.

tanner: get what?

kevin: unclear. i'll get everything, just to be safe.

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

peter: my condolences

kevin: keep them

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

kevin: i'm a saint, you know, i'm a living saint and i get absolutely nothing out of it!

chloe: well, you get a false feeling of superiority.

kevin: that is nice, but this time it's not enough!

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

gabi: talk to peter! that's what friends do.

sam: nope. i'm gonna wait 'til i'm on my deathbed, get in the last word, and then die immediately.

gabi: that's your plan for dealing with this?

sam: that's my plan for dealing with everything. i have seventy-seven arguments i'm gonna win that way.

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

peter: my best friend is an idiot.

sam: who's your best friend?

peter: you are, sam.

sam: i know, i just wanted to hear you say it.

[incorrectamericanvandalquotes]

peter: it sounds like you're asking me on a man date.

sam: peter, why are you so afraid of loving me?