Incorrect Bellamort Quotes

[incorrectbellamort]

Bellatrix: My husband said I shouldn't come here anymore.

Voldemort: And yet here you are...on my lap.

Bellatrix: I'm such a bad wife.

Voldemort, smirking: No. You're a good Death Eater.

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: Your husband glared at me again.

Bellatrix: Ignore him, he's being sensitive.

Rodolphus: I found love poems under your pillow written in Parseltongue.

Bellatrix: Sensitive.

[incorrectbellamort]

Bellatrix: Can you keep a secret?

Voldemort: Do you know anything about my life?

Bellatrix: No, I do not. Good point.

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: You know, not every problem can be solved with a knife.

Bellatrix: That's why I carry two!

[incorrectbellamort]

omg where have you been?? 😭😭😭

I am back 😎

[incorrectbellamort]

Bellatrix: So are we flirting right now?

Voldemort: I LITERALLY HAVE A CRUCIATUS ON YOU

Bellatrix: That doesn’t answer my question

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: I relate to Belle because she likes to read books.

Bellatrix: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention OR SHE DIES!

Voldemort: And they call me the dramatic one...

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: *goes to hug Bellatrix*

Bellatrix: *awkwardly hugs back* What is happening…?

Rodolphus: See? When I try that, she hits me!

Bellatrix: I do not!

Rodolphus: *goes to hug Bellatrix*

Bellatrix: *smacks Rodolphus* Don’t touch me.

Rodolphus: See?

[incorrectbellamort]

Rodolphus: Did you two sleep together?

Bellatrix and Voldemort: No.

Rodolphus: Double negative, that’s a yes.

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: Why don't you take off all that battle armor and slip into something a little more... comfortable?

Bellatrix: I am most comfortable when I am impervious to most physical forms of attack.

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: Is Lucius sleeping or dead?

Bellatrix: Hopefully dead, I hated his guts.

Barty: Yeah, so did I.

Lucius: Okay first of all, fuck you-

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Bellatrix: I’ve been asleep for the past two and a half hours.

Lucius: I got distracted about halfway through.

Snape: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

[incorrectbellamort]

Bellatrix: Hah! 69! You know what that means?

Rodolphus: What?

Voldemort: That you're a child.

Lucius: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Bellatrix: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Narcissa: In that case, we're definitely lost.

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: What did you do with Snape's body?

Bellatrix: What didn’t I do with the body?

Voldemort:

Bellatrix: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully.

[incorrectbellamort]

Voldemort: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Bellatrix: The cow???

Voldemort: What?

Lucius: Bella, W H Y?

[incorrectbellamort]

Bellatrix: My lord, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Voldemort: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Bellatrix: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Rodolphus.