the dozenth incorrect bsd quotes blog probably

quotes taken from various places including tv shows and other incorrect quote posts! all are put to bsd characters by yours truly, though i'm sure plenty will have been thought of by others before me as well <3

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Dazai: Are you gonna snitch? Chuuya: Damn right, I'm gonna snitch. Dazai: Okay. What do you want? Chuuya: To snitch. Dazai: No. What do you want from me? Chuuya: To be there when I snitch.

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Kunikida: Listen to the intro of my book. "Scholars have, for years, thought--"

Dazai: Kunikida, does this ever work out well for us? When you read me boring things you wrote?

Kunikida: Sometimes, in order to avoid it, you sleep with me. So yes.

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Kunikida: I know this may not seem verisimilitudinous-

Atsushi: Try again.

Kunikida: I know it may not seem realistic-

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Akutagawa: I made you your favorite soup.

Atsushi: Butternut squash?? :D

Akutagawa: …I made your second favorite soup.

Atsushi: Potato??

Akutagawa: I made you soup, okay!?

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Dazai: He was trying to sleep with you!

Atsushi: No, he wasn't!

Dazai: As a guy who's always trying to sleep with you, I know what it looks like!

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Kunikida: Yeah, when I think of trustworthiness, I immediately think of someone who constantly disguises himself like a member of Team Rocket.

Nikolai: Oh, and no one's ever done any good with dishonesty at someone else's expense. It was preeetty despicable when the Allies misled the Germans about the date and location of their D-Day landings, an operation which led to the eventual liberation of Europe from Nazi control.

Atsushi: …Alright, he can stay.

ADA: ???

Junichiro: Hahahahahaha- wait, are you serious?

Atsushi: Sounds like he's against Nazis, so… why not hear him out, y'know?

Kunikida: That cannot be where the bar is!

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Atsushi: I hate the term sexually active. I'm sexual but I'm not active with it. Atsushi: It's prejudice against pillow princesses, and I think it's time we fix our language to be more inclusive. Kunikida: The question was "what do you want for lunch?"

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Dazai: You know, they say a divorce isn't a relationship breaking up, it's that it's complete Atsushi: I just asked you to do the dishes... Dazai: Yeeeah, but I probably cheated on you at some point today Atsushi: Can one of them do the dishes?

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Dazai: Kunikida gave me an envelope with instructions not to open it until 2027 on it. Dazai: Inside was a list of reasons I can't be trusted to follow simple instructions.

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Akutagawa: Chuuya, your husband is here. Chuuya: I don't have a husband, call the police. Dazai, walking in: Your ex-husband. Chuuya: I'll call the police.

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Atsushi, opening up: Look, this isn't easy to say, but... Dazai and I in the bedroom haven't been- Kunikida: Whoa whoa whoa, I don't want to hear this! Atsushi, rolling his eyes: It's not what you think. Kunikida: ...Alright, fine. Go ahead. Atsushi: We haven't been having sex. Kunikida, breaking his pen: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT!

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Atsushi: I don't wanna say it…

Ranpo: Trust that instinct.

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Kyoka: Do you have crepes?

Waiter: No.

Kyoka, leaning in to Kunikida: I don't know what to do.

Kunikida: Why are you asking me!?

Kyoka: Atsushi always knows what to do, be my emergency Atsushi.

Kunikida: Or you could think for yourself.

Kyoka: Hmm. you're right, I'll call him.

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Atsushi: I… I think we should break up.

Akutagawa: No.

Atsushi: Wh- What do you mean 'no'?

Akutagawa: I mean we're not breaking up.

Atsushi: I don't think you get to decide that-

Akutagawa: I reject your rejection. Your breakup request is denied.

Atsushi: That's really not how this-

Akutagawa: Do you want meat or noodles for dinner?

Atsushi:

Atsushi, sighing: Noodles.

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Akutagawa: I hate the weretiger with a burning passion. He's a maggot who deserves no less than a slow, excruciating death. Next time I see him, I will pierce him through the chest until he ceases to breathe. Dazai: Atsushi's pronouns are they/them. Akutawaga: Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't know. Akutagawa: Until they cease to breathe.

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if anything besides an incorrect quote gets posted/reblogged here, it's not bc the blog is changing, it's cause im stupid and not used to having a side blog and didnt see where i was posting it. happens at least once a week, pls forgive me 🙏

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Kunikida: Time for plan G. Atsushi: Don’t you mean plan B? Kunikida: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Atsushi: What about plan D? Kunikida: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Atsushi: What about plan E? Kunikida: I’m hoping not to use it. Dazai dies in plan E. Dazai: I like plan E.