Incorrect Dallas Stars Quotes

"Hockey is the best sport ever invented." --Jesus, probably [Submissions are open]  [[Disclaimer: None of the following quotes have actually been spoken by the Stars. But let's be real, the sentiment of each quote has probably been expressed at one point or another]]

[incorrectdallasstars]

Jamie Benn: this is the worst day ever

Jason Dickinson: why, because we lost the Stanley Cup finals?

Jamie Benn: no, because it's a little humid -- YES, because we lost the Stanley Cup finals!!!

[incorrectdallasstars]

[after beating the Vegas Golden Knights]

Jamie Benn: it's over. we won. we are the 2020 Stanley Cup champions.

Joe Pavelski: ... what about finals against the Tampa Bay Li-

Jamie Benn: no. we won. i'm not acknowledging it. we won.

[incorrectdallasstars]

Steven Stamkos: [about his teammates] All of the boys' snacks are organic.

Jamie Benn: That's cool. I've watched my teammates eat candy off the floor.

[incorrectdallasstars]

me: *preemptively panicking about who Seattle is going to steal from my team because i love all 20+ of these men and if i lose even one of them i am Going to Die*

my friend: the seattle kraken aren't real, they can't hurt you

[incorrectdallasstars]

turns out the Seattle Kraken are real, and they CAN hurt me

[incorrectdallasstars]

Tyler Seguin: Isn’t it funny how everyone is like background characters in other people’s stories? Except for me of course because I’m sexy and important but like, all of you guys.

[incorrectdallasstars]

Jordie Benn: Next question. You’re into Seggy.

Jamie Benn: That’s... not a question.

Jordie Benn: So you agree it’s a fact.

[incorrectdallasstars]

Jason Dickinson: What's your favourite colour?

Tyler Seguin: Jamie Benn.

Tyler Seguin: Wait, what was the question again?

[incorrectdallasstars]

@VGK fans pls stop bullying me 

[incorrectdallasstars]

me: *preemptively panicking about who Seattle is going to steal from my team because i love all 20+ of these men and if i lose even one of them i am Going to Die*

my friend: the seattle kraken aren't real, they can't hurt you

[incorrectdallasstars]

the ref: Bench minor penalty -- Too Many Men on the Ice.

my brain, Every Goddamn Time: t... too much man,,,

[incorrectdallasstars]

Tyler Seguin :The cops came to my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even have bikes.

[incorrectdallasstars]

Tyler Seguin: Did it hurt?

Jamie Benn: Yes.

Tyler Seguin: You didn’t even wait for the “when you fell from heaven” part

Jamie Benn: Everything hurts.

[incorrectdallasstars]

Roope Hintz: Hey Seggy, I need relationship advice.

Tyler Seguin: Just because I'm dating Chubbs doesn't mean I know how I did it.

[incorrectdallasstars]

2013 Jamie Benn: I need someone to be my friend… please send me an angel. The nicest angel you have.

*cut to*

2013 Tyler Seguin: *drunk crying while flying to Dallas before throwing up on himself*

[incorrectdallasstars]

interviewer: what team are you most excited to see this season?

tyler seguin: what i’m most excited to see this season is jamie bennett lookin DUMB thicc.

interviewer:

[incorrectdallasstars]

Riley Tufte: How messed up would it be if you jumped into a ball pit and it was just tomatoes painted different colors?

Miro Heiskanen, shrugging: Depends.

Riley Tufte:

Riley Tufte: ON WHAT?!

[incorrectdallasstars]

Tyler Seguin: ‘Beware of dog’ they say. Of course I will be aware of the dog. I love dogs. I am aware of all dogs.