Dan Vs. But Wrong

Incorrect quotes blog for "Dan Vs." Submissions are always open!

[selfshipcornchip-deactivated202]

Because of 

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/incorrectdanvsquotes/621304360998158336

[tobytreats]

I saw this one convo on Tumblr and I had to do it

ok bye

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

WHERE'S THE AI I NEED IT

It’s right here! They’ve got Dan & a whole bunch of other characters like GLaDOS, Spongebob, the Team Fortress mercs, and the Narrator from the Stanley Parable!

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Visit Original Link

Guess who found out there’s an AI that has Dan’s voice on it & is now using it to narrate incorrect quotes?

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Elise: I know 200 ways to kill a man.

Dan: You could glue an open jar of rats to his face & then blowtorch the other side of the jar so the rats have to eat their way out through his face.

Elise: ...201.

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Dan: It's Monday, and you know what that means.

Dan: Time to train 10,000 rats for purposes of revenge.

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Dan*: You’re wearing protective goggles to destroy my car?

Dan: SAFETY FIRST!

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Dan: *is choking*

Chris: Help! I need to call 911 but the 9 button isn’t working!

Crunchy: Just turn it upside down and use the 6!

Chris: Genius!

Dan: *stops choking momentarily* What the fuck?

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Dan, talking to Chris: Level-headed mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick-punching arsonist.

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Dan*: *panicked shrieking in the background*

Dan: This is one of the best days of my life.

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Dan: What’s buzzin’?

Chris, getting chased by a swarm of bees: Not FUNNY!!

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Elise: Chris, stick with Dan. Make sure he doesn’t say anything too insane or steal anything.

Dan, holding up a bag of random stuff: Too late.

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Dan: If my dead body starts fighting back, oops.

Chris: Okay, first off, "oops" is not something you would say if your corpse becomes reanimated & starts fighting me. That’s the sort of thing that you say if you accidentally spill only berries into your cereal. "Oops! All berries!" Not, "Oops! Oh my god, my reanimated corpse is about to strangle you to death!"

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Chris: Truth or Dare?

Dan: Truth.

Chris: When’s the last time you were hugged?

Dan: ...Dare.

Chris: Let me hug you.

Dan: *screeches & runs away*

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Dan: I haven’t spoken to that person in over 10 years. What they did was unforgivable.

Elise: You don’t even remember, do you?

Dan: They know what they did.

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Dan, getting pulled over: This is obviously a misunderstanding.

Police Officer: You knocked a cyclist off his bike with a pool noodle.

Dan: No, I didn’t.

Dan*, walking up to them completely disheveled: yES YOU DID YOU ASSHOLE!

[incorrectdanvsquotes]

Dan: *taping a knife to a Roomba & setting it loose* Be free, my child.

Dan*, walking in with a cut on his ankle: Who the HELL-?!