Things JDatE characters have definitely said.

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Amy: John! You're a genius!

Dave: Wait. How is John a genius? His plan didn't even work!

John: Come on, Dave. Let her dream.

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Robert North: You know what I've always wanted to try?

John: Coprophagia?

Robert North: Pizza! Is it as wonderful as they - coprophagia!?

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Pants are an illusion, and so is death.

John Cheese, while on the sauce

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

John: Dave, remember that plant that I thought might be weed?

Dave: You didn't.

John: I did. And it wasn't.

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Dave: I thought you thought this through!

John: I thought you told me it's okay not to think everything through!

Dave: Maybe not everything, but this is kind of important!

Tim Knoll: Hey, uh, fellas. I think your girlfriend's taking care of it

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

It's OK if you feel weird. You just killed someone for the first time. With an ax.

Robert North, to Monster Dave

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Dr. Tennet: How are you doing?

Dave: Honestly, I feel like I might be losing my mind a little bit.

Dr. Tennet: Yes.

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

I once worked with a man for 5 years, never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

John Cheese

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

I never have second thoughts. That's the luxury of having great first thoughts.

John Cheese

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Ted Knoll: I need to find my daughter. She's going to drive that Nymph man crazy.

John: Is she really annoying?

Ted Knoll: She's so annoying. She's amazing, but so annoying.

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Amy: Watch out for that pedestrian!

John: It's on the street, it knows the risks it's taking!

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Letting yourself into my house and drinking from a tiny cup doesn't make you intimidating, by the way. It's just rude.

Dave, to Falconer

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

How best to describe David? I would say he's blessedly unburdened with the complications of a university education, but give him an ax and he's second to none. Though you wouldn't want him as your barrister. Don't let him fucking see this.

Big Jim

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

You're going to travel to [Undisclosed], and find out what sort of impostor is trying to besmirch my good name. And you're going to tell him... You're going to tell him I am quite capable of besmirching my good name on my own. He should cease and desist immediately.

David

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Krissy: Oh, this magic dog can talk.

John: I've been fooled before. I've talked to some dogs who I think were actually talking, and I talked to some dogs who I think were just eating peanut butter.

Dave: Yeah, does Molly just have peanut butter in her mouth?

Krissy: No. But she does love peanut butter.

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

Marconi: Wong and Cheese. You guys still live here?

Dave: The only way they're getting rid of us is in a body bag.

John: It actually happened once, but it was a false alarm.

[incorrectjohndiesattheendquotes]

John: Attention, everyone! Say good-bye to the John Cheese you know and love, for today is the day I forever change!

Amy: Ooh, are you finally growing a moustache?

John: No, you know I can't do that, and it's cruel of you to keep bringing it up.