christ on a cracker

https://www.redbubble.com/people/eviebparker/shop

[incorrectklaus]

Luther: Have you seen my shirt, Klaus?

Klaus: Oh, you mean the one that's now a fashionable crop top?

Luther: KLAUS!

Klaus: What? It's summer vibes.

[incorrectklaus]

Klaus: Has anyone seen my séance candle?

Diego: You mean the one you light to talk to the dead?

Klaus: No, the one I light to set the mood for my bath.

[incorrectklaus]

Ben: Why did you draw a mustache on my portrait?

Klaus: I thought it added character.

Ben: I'm already a ghost, how much more character do you want to add?

[incorrectklaus]

Five: Klaus, have you seen my calculations for time travel?

Klaus: I thought they were doodles, so I added a few smiley faces and unicorns.

Five: You did what?!

Klaus: Don't worry, Five. I think the unicorns really add a touch of magic to your time equations.

Five: This isn't a joke, Klaus!

Klaus: Maybe not, but now it's a magical joke :)

[incorrectklaus]

Klaus: Hey Dave, have I ever told you that you're my favorite Vietnam War veteran?

Dave: laughs That's a pretty exclusive club, Klaus.

Klaus: grins Well, you're also the only member of my heart.

Dave: *smirks* Smooth, Klaus. Very smooth.

[incorrectklaus]

Klaus: Hey Five, have you ever thought about using your time-traveling abilities to become a famous historical figure?

Five: I don't think that's a good idea, Klaus.

Klaus: Fine, we'll just use our powers for more practical things. Like winning the lottery and buying matching jet skis

[incorrectklaus]

Klaus: Hey Diego, did you know that crows can recognize human faces and hold grudges against people who wrong them?

Diego: That's interesting, Klaus. But what does that have to do with anything?

Klaus: I was just thinking that you and that one crow in the park have a lot in common.

Diego: *sighs* Why do I even bother with you?

[incorrectklaus]

Vanya: Klaus, can you help me with this crossword puzzle?

Klaus: Sure, what's the clue?

Vanya: *smirks* Okay, the clue is 'a large African mammal with a long trunk.'

Klaus: Hmm, let me think... Is it a hippo?

Vanya: No, that's not it.

Klaus: Oh, right. It's a rhinoceros.

Vanya: Klaus, that's not even close.

Five, from the other room: Stick to the colouring books, Klaus…

[incorrectklaus]

Diego: Klaus, can you please try to be serious for once? This is a serious situation.

Klaus: I am being serious, Diego. I'm dead serious. Or at least, I will be if you don't stop making me laugh.

Diego: I'm not trying to make you laugh.

Klaus: Well, maybe you should try. It would be a nice change of pace.

[incorrectklaus]

Diego: Klaus, you really need to get your act together.

Klaus: What act? I didn't even audition for this family.

[incorrectklaus]

Klaus: Hey Ben, have you ever heard the one about the two peanuts walking down the street?

Ben: No, what's the joke?

Klaus: I don't know. I always forget the punchline. But I'm sure it's hilarious.

[incorrectklaus]

Klaus: Hey Diego, have you ever considered becoming a magician?

Diego: What? Why would I become a magician?

Klaus: Because you could finally learn how to make Dad's disappointment disappear.

[incorrectklaus]

Klaus: Luther, have you ever heard the expression 'curiosity killed the cat'?

Luther: Yes, Klaus. What's your point?

Klaus: Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about adopting a cat.

[incorrectklaus]

Luther: Klaus, can you please take this seriously? We're dealing with life and death here.

Klaus: I am taking this seriously, Luther. Deadly serious. Or at least, I will be as soon as you stop wearing that ridiculous turtleneck.

Luther: What's wrong with my turtleneck?

Klaus: It's too tight. It's cutting off the circulation to your brain.

Luther: That's not even possible.

Klaus: Oh, really? Then how do you explain your terrible decision-making skills?

[incorrectklaus]

Klaus: Hey Diego, do you know what they say about idle hands?

Diego: Uh, no Klaus, what do they say?

Klaus: Well, I don't know. I was hoping you could tell me.

[incorrectklaus]

Klaus: what will I do when you're gone?

Dave: what do you normally do when I'm away?

Klaus: wait for you to come back 🥺

[incorrectklaus]

Freeze! ✧ ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ You’re under arrest for being so lovely. Copy this message to 10 other blogs that you think are beautiful and deserve it. Keep the game going and make others feel beautiful!

Thank you cutie 🥺